*MAN OVERBOARD* BY: Urs Suberbabe (Sue)

This story is written purely for entertainment purposes and no offense or insult is intended to Il Divo. Some actual concert and tour dates have been changed for the purpose of the story. Grateful acknowledgment is given to Gertrude the Groupie my research assistant and techie Diva, Tassie Devil my mentor, and Flying Squirrel my nature expert.

Man Overboard



Chapter 1
About to Embark


She impatiently pushed the corn silk shock of hair out of her eyes as she continued to rummage through her oversized handbag. Wallet, passport, credit cards, there were the tickets but where… Large blue eyes made one last foray into the depths of her cavernous bag as her fingers felt a small sketchbook, partially hidden between a black newsboy cloche and a brilliantly hued silk scarf. Now she was ready.

“I thought maybe you’d leave your notebook home considering it’s your honeymoon and all,” Syd grinned as she maneuvered her small hybrid car between a bus and a limo at the airport curbside check-in. Think you’re going to be bored?”

Syd popped the trunk and they quickly checked for traffic and got out. “Will you please quit calling it a honeymoon? How many times do I need to tell you, it’s my Freedom Boat? And no, I certainly don’t think I’ll be bored. Heck, with your ‘help’ I’ve signed up for every daredevil excursion in the book. Dead maybe, bored never,” Annie had to laugh in spite of herself. Leave it to a best friend to give you a jumpstart on the rest of your life.

Annie grabbed her suitcase, set it on the curb, and turned to her friend. “And as for my notebook, it’s just that I never know when an idea will pop into my head, you know…” her voice trailed off.

Syd smiled; she did know. “It’s OK. I get it. I know how you love to doodle. It wouldn’t do for those little cartoons of yours showing up all over the ship’s posh tablecloths. They’d probably make you walk the plank,” she teased.

There was just enough time for a quick hug and the prerequisite promises and wishes to ‘Have fun’. Then Annie Joy slung her bag over her shoulder, grabbed her suitcase and headed toward the check-in booth. As she waited her turn, a dimple-defining smile lit up her face. She squared her shoulders and stood a little straighter. This cruise will be fun; crisp, chilly weather, beautiful fall colors and a cozy stateroom to snuggle in after a day of wild adventure. Little did she know.

Syd was also smiling as she drove off into the warm October sunshine of central Texas. It finally seemed that her friend was ready to move on after being dumped by Dr. Doom. It was high time for her to start thinking of herself first and having some fun. She deserved it, especially now that her STD had cleared up.

**********

Another airport, another flight. The four Divos waited expertly in the VIP lounge for the early morning flight to Los Angeles. This would be their final concert date with Barbra Streisand.

“A cruise? But Urs, I thought you were going to be the happy wanderer, getting in touch with nature, tripping across Canada, you know, riding through the wilderness, camping, hiking,” David’s brow wrinkled in confusion.

“Ackshully my mind was made up. Then the travel agent…”

“Female right?” David cut in and received a disgusted eye roll from Urs for his trouble.

“Oh right, sorry, I forgot why you’re going,” David winced, knowing he’d put his foot in it and attempted to remove it before it sunk any deeper. ”I mean even with this lighter schedule we all could still use a break.”

“Ja, she as good as told me to get my attitude adjusted before I came home. Me! Can you imagine that? She couldn’t find time to see us with Barbra even once,” Urs said barely able to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“So you will be having the adjustment when you return and she will see. Then together you will have the Christmas and she can have the adjusting for her to come to the new concerts, si?” Carlos said trying to sound positive and upbeat.

“New England and Canada,” Seb read from the booklet Urs held, trying to refocus Urs on what he had been saying.

“Yes, well while I was waiting I saw this brochure for cruises, and suddenly it sounded like just what I need…fresh air, a gym, a spa for a nice massage, and the best thing, no Armani and no packing and unpacking every few days. The travel agent assured me I’ll just be one of the other 2000 or so passengers; I can just be me,” Urs finished as he passed the brochure around.

High over Salt Lake City, David finished thumbing through the booklet. Urs was jerked out of his sleep as David leaned across the aisle and slapped the brochure lightly on his knee.

“Hey buddy, don’t forget to pack your dancing shoes,” he smiled as he folded his hands across his chest, closed his eyes, and waited for Urs to rise to the bait. It didn’t take long.

“You know I don’t like to dance in public,” he replied scrubbing his eyes with the back of his hand and blinking himself awake.

“Well the theme of this cruise is the Big Band Era.”

“Ja, I saw that, so what?”

“Picture an army of little old blue-haired ladies all vying for space on the dance floor causing a massive gridlock of wheels on their walkers.” When David had stopped laughing long enough to speak he continued, “My advice is to stay far away and never wear a suit unless you want to be mistaken for one of the dance hosts. I can just see them dueling it out with their canes for the privilege of being the SRG’s partner.”

“Very funny, Miller. I’m sure if I can handle the Divas, I’ll have no trouble protecting myself from the other passengers, no matter what their age, but thanks for the advice.”

“Right, just like you handled those surprise kissers,” David reminded him.

Urs commented by flipping his sunglasses down and gradually fell asleep dreaming of renting motorbikes at the different ports, just as the travel agent described.

Chapter 2
Welcome Aboard


“Oomph! Gotcha!” Annie Joy gave a jump and her fingers grabbed the strap of her life vest stowed on the top shelf of the closet in her stateroom. As the announcement began again, this time in German, she slipped the vest over her head and fumbled to tighten the straps on either side. By bending her knees she managed to pick up her stateroom key card she’d carelessly tossed on the bed. The announcement began again in French.

Resembling a cross between the Tin Man and Dolly Parton wearing a giant fluorescent orange marshmallow, she stepped into the passageway chanting the location of her Muster Station like a mantra, “Deck 5, port side, midships, station 10.” The announcement began again in Japanese.

After navigating the stairs down several decks along with the throng of other foam-encased passengers, she finally reached Deck 5. Her plaintive plea, “Port,” was answered by one of the many ship’s crew, dressed in gleaming whites, directing the flow of humanity. Annie Joy smiled her thanks, gritted her teeth and plowed on toward the doorway he indicated.Of course I know port is the left side of the ship, you silly white-uniformed person, but you need to know which way the ship is pointed.

Annie Joy pulled on the door…nothing. She pulled again.

“I think it opens out,” a melodious male voice whispered in the vicinity of her left ear, as a long blue-jeanned arm reached around her to demonstrate.

Annie Joy quickly stepped over the threshold into the breezy sunshine on Deck 5 and turned right. Station 6…Station 5… Damn! The wrong way. Suddenly stopping, she turned around and collided with what she suspected, from the amused expression on his face, was the owner of the blue-jeanned arm. On second thought perhaps collided is too genteel a word. Think of it as a congratulatory chest bump between two Dallas Cowboy linebackers who’ve just sacked the quarterback in the end zone.

“I am SO sorry. I should have looked where I was going. Are you alright?” Annie Joy asked, obviously flustered.” Why are his eyes crinkling at me? Probably because he’s overjoyed I didn’t flatten him unconscious on the deck.

“Ja, I’m fine. No harm done,“ he spread his hands as if to ward off any further attacks as he backed up a few steps and walked around her in the opposite direction.

Urs shook his head and smiled as he sauntered down to Muster Station 3, checked in with the crewmember in charge, and dutifully listened to the safety and lifeboat procedures. Gradually, the droning voice faded and his mind began to wander. He hadn’t given her a second thought, but then running into her again, literally--and those eyes, those amazing eyes, such a clear cornflower blue…

Annie Joy stole a long appreciative look at Urs’ retreating back, make that backside, and smooth hip action. Fine, no better than fine. Her smile lasted all the way to Muster Station 10. Then just about the time they got to the part about how many days food and water were on the lifeboat, Great Minnie broke in.

OK Great Minnie, wherever you are up there, I can hear you clucking your disapproval.

I’m not saying yea or nay child. You’re a grown woman and that’s a fact. Just saying that’s a horse you’d best not get back up on for awhile. Seems to me, Annie Joy, you’re still a might saddle sore from that buckin’ son of a gun that threw you off, that’s all.

No need to worry, Great Minnie. This girl’s just admiring a nice piece of horseflesh and I’m sure not in the market to buy anytime soon.

**********

Mercifully, the mandatory boat drill ended. ‘Not soon enough,’ moaned Annie Joy to herself as she was commanded to “smile” by the photography Barbie, a sweet young thing with the perkiness of three wind-up dolls.

Then finally she was free to join the throng of passengers: human salmon stripping off their brightly hued scales as they struggled upstream toward their staterooms.

She clicked the door closed with a sigh of relief and tossed the life vest onto the king-size bed. While she was out, her suitcase had been brought to her stateroom and neatly placed on a protective plastic mat on the end the bed. One suitcase, damn it! There should have been two. This big band cruise was supposed to be their honeymoon. Damn it and damn him!

From force of habit, she quickly got busy unpacking. She’d learned at an early age it’s best to decline an invitation to a pity party. The first day she and her older brother Rafe had gone to live on their grandmother’s ranch, Great Minnie had made it clear there’d be no time for sitting around moping in her house. What a wise woman she had been!

They’d gone from a snowy Minneapolis winter, no doubt a contributing cause of their parents’ fatal car accident, to the relative warmth of the Texas Hill country outside San Antonio in a matter of days. Bewildered and stunned by the loss of their parents, Great Minnie had doled out chores as freely as her huge hugs and at times pulled them out of their grief through sheer force of will. She’d refused to give them time to sit and feel sorry for themselves then or any time since.

So instead, Annie Joy vented, viciously stuffing hangers into her clothes, sliding them along the rack with unnecessary force, and loving every minute of it. Pity? Never! Anger? You bet!

Anger for being so besotted with Bradford that she’d put her nursing career on hold to support him through med school. What the heck kind of name is Bradford anyway? Anger for the STD she’d finally paid off. But most of all anger for being blindsided when he’d dumped her right after she’d paid for half of their cruise.

Annie Joy dropped an armful of shoes haphazardly into the large bottom dresser drawer and slammed it shut with her foot.

Why hadn’t she noticed him changing? The jogging and hiking they’d done together turned into study time. OK she understood that. But then it was the jobs she worked. Nag, nag, nag about working at that home improvement store. It paid the bills didn’t it?

She’d learned a lot there: wall painting techniques, how to coordinate paint with wallpaper, and even kitchen and bathroom design. Who knew she had a flair for that kind of thing? She’d loved it and she was damn good at it too. Why she even had started to gain the reputation of being the go to girl when it came to dramatic paint and wallpaper schemes, but that wasn’t good enough.

“There’s no way I’ll support you in interior design school,” he’d said dismissively. “Decorating other people’s homes; it’s beneath you. You need to find a ‘real’ career, Annie Joy,” he’d said in his superior better-than-thou voice when she’d told him she didn’t want to go back and finish her nursing degree. Oh yes, she’d come to know that voice well, the same one he’d use when she’d start some decorating project in the apartment or her ‘artsy’ friends would drop by…and he’d find some excuse to leave.

Gradually other drawers were filled with an eclectic collection of hats and scarves in a rainbow of shapes, textures, and patterns along with jewelry in fabric bags and pouches.

She sighed as she gently scooped up the last of her clothes. Her fingertips traced the delicate beading and intricate embroidery that embellished the gossamer scraps of lace. Gently tipping her hands, she let the silky creations slither into the drawer and closed it softly.

Turning back to the bed, Annie Joy snapped her suitcase closed with a decisive click. She struggled mightily with it for several minutes and finally succeeded in shoving it under the bed with a kick for good measure.

“Take that, Dr. Doom! How does it feel? Not so good? Well it made me feel absolutely marvelous!” And with that she flung herself onto the bed.

No, don’t bother, Great Minnie, I know what you’re going to say, ‘Our lives are shaped by those who love us as well as those who refuse to love us.’. It’s just so hard to take back stupid.

Child, you wouldn’t want to tote around every little thing you’d collected over the years now would you? That’s just what you’re doing with all these feelings tearing you up inside. They’re yesterday’s mistakes and hurts; get shed of them. Creating yourself, that’s what life’s all about, Annie Joy. Now get out there and do it.

Annie Joy laughed to herself. One thing for sure about Great Minnie; she never believed in a gentle nudge when a good swift kick in the backside would do just as well.

She rolled over, reached for the ship’s daily paper, and turned to the list of restaurants on the back. Hmmm maybe something exotic might just do the trick. Ah, this looks good, Teppanyaki, the Japanese Art of Cooking. She made a reservation for 9:00. Now all she had to do was decide what kind of Annie Joy she would create tonight.

**********

On the same deck, starboard side, Urs stood barefooted on his balcony, wrapped in the spa robe he’d found in the closet. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He silently congratulated himself for having taken the travel agent’s advice and booking a room with a balcony. Despite his misgivings, it was totally private and comfortable, with a small table, two chairs, and a chaise lounge. He could feel his body relax, almost swaying with the rhythmic sound of the water, as the ship cut through the waves. Yes, this cruise was just what he needed.

After the boat drill he’d wandered around the ship, getting his bearings and locating the gym and jogging track, both on the upper decks. He was pleased to see the fitness center was open 24 hours. After finding an empty spot near the railing he stayed to watch as the ship sailed past the Statue of Liberty, but opted to skip the champagne. It had been hours since he’d eaten on the plane from Los Angeles.



He’d unpacked on autopilot, pausing to snack from the fruit bowl and juice from the small refrigerator. Back again in his stateroom, after an abbreviated session in the gym, he’d easily worked out the unique shower controls and only banged his elbow twice in the close quarters.

His stomach growled…loudly. He stepped over the threshold gingerly, drew the sliding door closed and pulled the curtain shut. The welcome book in the room listed over 20 restaurants. They certainly couldn’t be faulted for their variety: everything from casual and traditional dining to Italian and even a Sushi Bar. Urs pulled a face; his finger moved father down the page…Bamboo Restaurant serving Asian Fusion. Now that sounds interesting. Just wait till I tell David.

Chapter 3
Meet Mr. Bean

Annie sidled her way to the front of the elevator as it pinged. She’d been watching through the curved glass at the rear as it descended past a myriad of restaurants toward Deck 7 and the atrium two decks below.



She walked slowly through the Bamboo Restaurant and hesitated at the doorway of the Teppanyaki Grill.

Take the first step, Annie Joy. You don’t have to see the whole road. Just take the first step.

Ok, Ok, Great Minnie. You don’t have to push!

**********

Urs strode past the Gatsby’s Bar on Deck 6. A small sign announced that the tall, slender, young man with the pale face, Roman nose, and shock of straight brown hair falling over his eyes was Fabrizio. His relaxing piano melodies followed Urs as he shrugged effortlessly up the stairs to the Bamboo Restaurant.



As he approached the reservation desk, his eyes made a casual circuit of the room. That’s when he saw her through the archway at the back of the restaurant. She was sitting alone at the counter of seats surrounding the Teppanyaki Grill. The host was most accommodating when ‘sir’ decided to sample Teppanyaki rather than Asian Fusion.

**********

The chef bid her welcome, ‘Youkoso’, and offered her a small plate of edamame, boiled green soybeans, to eat while they waited for the other guests. She had noticed the sake bar earlier but with the long day and a four-hour tour tomorrow she opted for tea. So after a quick lesson on using chopsticks or hashi as he called them, she was left alone to practice. Regular silverware was also provided for the less adventurous diners, which to Annie Joy’s way of thinking most certainly did not include anyone sailing on the Freedom Boat.

Confidently grasping her hashi Annie prepared to do battle with the slippery edamame. She managed to get the first bean to her mouth, just barely catching it between her lips. Perhaps she needed a firmer grip. As she increased the pressure on the chopsticks to hold the next bean, however, they snapped together noisily as the pale green missile was launched across the room just as Urs came through the archway.

His eyes grew wide as he did a double take, then quickly bent down and retrieved the flying legume.

“Urs” he said, introducing himself as he placed the bean next to her plate.

When caught in an embarrassing situation, many people tend to go on the defensive. Annie Joy was no exception as she realized with horror it was ‘blue jean arm’ again. This time however, black silk had replaced denim, the dark trousers were immaculately tailored, and the highly polished black boots were handmade if she was any judge. It was like a terrible play where she had the lead role of the village klutz in every scene: first the door, then the life vest, and now the flying bean.

“Of course it’s mine! Do you see anyone else sitting here?” she hissed softly, expecting the chef to return any minute.

“Y…ye…”, Urs faltered as the blood drained from his face. As Annie Joy turned to face him he saw it staring him in the face. What a horrible miscalculation he’d made. Why oh why had he thought a cruise would be a good idea? Was there no place on the planet deemed a Diva-free zone? There it was spelled out in rhinestone letters on a thin silver chain around her neck, ‘Diva’.

Urs released the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding in a long sigh of resignation. At least she was alone. He’d give her his polite smile, the one he’d practiced a thousand times it seemed, scrawl his name on the paper she would thrust at him, and excuse himself, pleading a headache. At least the headache was genuine. He could feel it starting just behind his eyes.

“Yes, of course I realize it’s yours,” he said patiently and bit the bullet. “So you’re a Diva?” he observed, as he pointed to her necklace. Again he held his breath. Please Gott don’t let her gush.

Annie Joy looked puzzled for a minute, and then grasped the chain and looked down as if she’s just remembered she was wearing it.

“Oh this you mean,” she smiled as she remembered Syd giving it to her. A reminder that you deserve the best, she’d said.

“A friend gave it to me.”

Urs’ brows knitted in confusion. So was she or was she not a Diva?


Realizing she hadn’t really answered his question, Annie Joy rushed on to explain.

“Well, actually I’m not temperamental enough to be a real Diva like Madonna or Barbra Streisand or Celine Dion,” she confessed. “I’m just plain Annie Joy, nice to meet you.” She held out her hand and looked at him expectantly.

He unraveled his eyebrows and allowed his face to relax. “Urs,” he said as his mouth turned up with a genuine smile and he politely shook her small, warm hand.

“Ers? So you were trying to tell me your name a minute ago,” she said as the penny dropped.

“Urs,” he pronounced his name again a little slower and with more emphasis on the rolled R.

She tried and failed again, “Ers. Sorry, I just don’t seem to be able to wrap my mouth around it,” she admitted, shaking her head. “Maybe I’ll just have to call you something else…like Bean Boy or Mighta Bean or…”

“Please not Have Bean. I’m too young for that,” Urs cut in as his brain scurried off in search of the absurd. It felt good, no better than that. It felt freeing and fun.

Urs put his hand on the back of the tall chair beside her. “Do you mind if I sit here?”

This time it was Annie Joy’s eyebrows that rose as she made a show of looking around the roomful of empty chairs. “This must be your lucky day, Ers. They’ve obviously overbooked but if I squeeze over a titch there should be just enough room for you,” she smiled brightly and patted the empty chair seat as she pretended to scoot over toward the edge of her chair.

As Urs slid smoothly into the chair, he felt something akin to a squeeze in the region around his heart. Was he, Urs Buhler, supposedly able to thud women at a single glance, getting a taste of his own medicine? Impossible! He didn’t even LIKE dimples.

They had just exchanged what might best be called countries of origin when the cook returned with Annie Joy’s tea and a small dish of beans for Urs. To her chagrin, Urs deftly handled his chopsticks as if he were born to it. In the interest of Swiss-American relations Annie decided to forgo hers in favor of less dangerous utensils.

“So what do you do Ers?” Annie asked spearing her final bean and popping it into her mouth.

“I’m a singer,” he replied as he carefully lined up his chopsticks and laid them across his plate.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Annie Joy said dismissively as she took a sip of tea. A singer? You’d think he could come up with something more original than that for Pete’s sake.

“No really, I am a singer. I studied at conservatory…opera, oratorios, before that heavy metal band in high school. I sing in a group. We travel and do concerts all over the world, " he hand-talked earnestly.

Annie Joy crossed her legs, removed an imaginary piece of lint from her sleeveless little black dress, smoothed the red butterfly print scarf that belted her waist, and turned to him. “Actually I work for the cruise line, head office, quality control division. I’m here on a clandestine spot check, monitoring the efficiency of the housekeeping section.” She toyed with the bean he’d picked up as she dropped her voice to a conspiratorial whisper and leaned toward him, “I trust you can be discreet.”

Chapter 4
Chopsticks 101


“Hallo, mind if we join you?” asked a tanned, casually well-dressed couple wearing friendly smiles. The man looked to be in his early 50’s, graying and slightly bald wearing gold-rimmed glasses. “John here and Mary,” he said as he pulled the chair out for the pretty dark-haired, lightly freckled woman about his age. Then he smiled as he held out his hand.

“Urs.” He stood up and absently smoothed his hair behind his ears before shaking hands.

“And I’m Annie Joy, nice to meet you," she leaned over and introduced herself with a handshake as the couple sat down next to Urs and more plates of beans appeared as if by magic.

“Is this your first cruise?” Mary asked as she effortlessly picked up a bean with her chopsticks.

Good God! Is chopstick proficiency a requirement for cruising? Am I the only klutz in the group?

Annie Joy slid her fork under the rim of her plate and picked up her chopsticks again.

Maybe if I just hold them they won’t notice.

“Ja, I’m looking forward to doing some bike riding,” Urs volunteered.

Annie Joy barely suppressed a giggle as she pictured Urs in bicycle shorts and a helmet weaving in between taxis in downtown Boston tomorrow.

“It’s my first cruise too and I’m just looking forward,” she paused, “ to meeting new people, trying new things, seeing new places…to everything!” Just as her hand gestures were about to become lethal, Urs gently, but firmly caught her left hand, removed the chopsticks, and set them down with an indulgent smile. Annie Joy gave a surprised little “Oh,” and put her hands safely in her lap.

“Are you from the States then Annie Joy?” asked John.

“I guess it shows,” she said with a rueful laugh. “Yes, I live in Texas. And you?”

“John and I are originally from Canada. We met in college, but we’ve lived the past twenty years in Jamaica.”

“And you Urs?” asked John, pronouncing his name perfectly.

See he got my name right, but then he’s Canadian. Maybe it’s an American thing, not being able to pronounce my name correctly. I remember that TV woman, what was her name? Martha Scott? No, that’s not right. Martha Stewart, that’s it. She kept calling me Ers too.

“Ackshully, I’m from Switzerland.”

Urs was prevented from elaborating by the arrival of what must have been the final couple, since the chef reappeared with menus. As he handed them out, they introduced themselves to the group and took their seats beside Annie Joy.

The table grew quiet as each person decided on three choices of beef, chicken and fish; the rest was a set menu. Urs looked up as Annie closed her menu and folded her hands. That was quick.

Mary gave her order, then Annie. “I’ll have calamari, I’ve always wanted to try that, chicken, and the last one’s just got to be sirloin. Can’t let down the great state of Texas now can I?” she winked with a wide grin.

Urs went back to his menu. She knows her own mind and isn’t afraid to try something new and those dimples…

Their soup course arrived, with a spoon Annie Joy noted thankfully, and as the chef organized piles of food the conversation picked up again. Both the other couples had been on several cruises so Urs and Annie Joy took advantage of their expertise, especially about day tours and activities during sea days.

Their chef, Motoki, sliced, diced, chopped, scooped, tossed, flipped, and caught his way through each of their selections. Those couldn’t possibly be raw eggs he was flipping and catching on his wide spatula could they? And the men gave him a standing ovation when every single shrimp tail sailed unerringly into the deep crease of his chef’s hat. What a showman he was!

In turn each person received their plate of perfectly prepared selections and he left them to enjoy their meal. Annie Joy watched as everyone took up their chopsticks and began to eat.

Did she dare try again? Maybe if she used her other hand. It seemed she was the only leftie. There couldn’t be right and left-handed chopsticks; that was ridiculous. Everyone else at the table was managing without any problem, even with the rice for goodness sakes! She switched them to her right hand and copied what Urs was doing. It worked perfectly except for the getting the food to your mouth part. After her second attempt she set the chopsticks down with a sigh and reached for her fork.

“Would you like me to teach you?” Urs asked softly.

She looked up, expecting to see amusement at her predicament but he looked sincere.

“Yes please.”

“Here, let me show you.” he pushed his chair back and stood slightly behind her. “Pick up the first chopstick and hold it the way you hold a pen to write, like this.”

As he brought his right arm around her to demonstrate, his scent stirred her senses, a mingling of man-made and natural man, fresh, woodsy. She mimicked his grip with her left hand, a mirror image.

“Now hold the second chopstick with your index finger. That’s right. That’s the one that moves to pinch the food. There, ” Urs hand reached out to lightly guide her fingers, practicing opening and closing. He marveled at the softness of her skin and the delicate bones beneath. He watched, fascinated as the tip of Annie Joy’s tongue peeked out from the corner of her mouth as she concentrated mightily.

“There’s you problem, not the right tongue action,” he teased, “like this.” Urs stuck his tongue out at her.

By this time the other couples were watching and egging Annie Joy on as she stuck her tongue out even further at Urs.

“Oh I think I’ve got it now, how’s this?” she giggled as the whole table disintegrated into laughing agreement. She certainly had something special and whatever it was, it was fun.

Had he really stuck his tongue out at her? What had gotten into him? She sure brought out the devil in him. Had he ever teased and joked with Cécile like that? She would probably have run out in embarrassment if she’d seen him tonight.

During dinner, Urs kept up his end of the conversation, but just barely, preferring to sit back and observe. He didn’t know exactly what to expect but it wasn’t what he saw.

At one point, everyone was discussing their plans for tomorrow when they docked in Boston.

“I am so excited to finally see some of the history I read about in school, like Old Ironsides,” Annie dimpled.

“The boy stood on the burning deck
His feet were hot and blistered.
He tore his pants on a rusty nail
And so he wore his sister’s,” she recited with tongue in cheek.

The boos, hisses, and laughs died down only to start up again as John and Mary countered with the British slant on those disobedient Colonies and on it went.

If he’d expected her to be the life of the party she was, but then again she wasn’t. Not in the way that demands attention like a too bright spotlight, blinding everyone except the loud, performer on stage. Annie Joy was a soft pink light, brightening every corner of the room, illuminating the unique facets of each person with interesting questions, humorous and witty comments, and an undeniable genuine-ness.

And by the end of the meal when her empty plate and full stomach attested to her rudimentary knowledge, she was tickled pink when everyone congratulated her on her passing grade in Chopsticks 101.

By then Urs had figured it out. She had a way about her, a knack, a gift, call it what you will, but when those blue eyes looked at you, there was no doubt you had her focused attention and for a little while she made each one feel like they were the life of the party. No wonder she was irresistible. Oh that Annie Joy certainly didn’t play fair!

**********

Urs and Annie Joy said goodnight to the other couples as they walked through the now closed Bamboo Restaurant and into the corridor.

“If you’re going to your stateroom, we can take the elevator together. We’re on the same floor,” Urs offered.

“How do you know that?” she asked, a little surprised.

“The Life Boat Drill,” he said smugly. As the elevator door opened he put his hand lightly on her back as she stepped in ahead of him.

He pushed ‘11’ and stepped to the back where she was looking through the glass as they quickly ascended four levels.



They stepped out onto the soft sand-colored carpet and the mirrored elevator door closed behind them. Annie Joy stuck out her hand. “Thank you for teaching me about the chopsticks and I’ll try not to run into you tomorrow. I mean…you know,” she stammered nervously.

“Good night, Annie Joy,” Urs said in his most melodious voice as he continued to hold her hand. Maybe I’ll run into you tomorrow, eh?” he chuckled.

“Well I’m this way, odd numbers you know,” she said taking back her hand and pointing to the passageway on her left.

“Um, I’m even,” he pointed to the other side.

“Goodnight then.” Annie turned and walked toward the passageway.

“Oyasuminasai, Annie Joy. I only had time to pick up a few words when we did our concerts in Japan.”

She stopped and turned around with a puzzled expression but all she saw was the back of him as he disappeared down the hallway.

**********

Annie Joy lay on her back with the covers snuggled up under her arms thinking. She had learned to use chopsticks and discovered calamari. What a perfect first night on her Freedom Boat. Oh yes, and she’d met some lovely people. Then there was that man she kept running into; the one who insists he’s a singer.

Well maybe he is and maybe he isn’t. Question is what are you going to be tomorrow Annie Joy?

[I]Good night, Great Minnie.[I]

Good night child.

Chapter 5
Hang Loose

The crisp salty air filled Annie Joy’s lungs as she took a deep breath and smiled. Could there be any better way to begin a new day?

It had been a pleasant surprise to have the jogging track almost to herself at 6:30am when she stepped out on Deck 12 and began stretching. Then it dawned on her. This was sort of a nostalgia cruise for a lot of the passengers, a trip back into the big band era of the 40’s; so the majority of the Americans on board were probably at least 65 or older. Most likely they’d be out walking a bit later.

She congratulated herself on her perfect timing. Just as she came to the end of her usual 2 miles, the sun extended its golden fingers to welcome her to a new morning, pristine and full of promise. Captivated, she stood watching a few moments and then with a satisfied sigh that all was well in her world she began her cool down stretching.

**********

Urs zipped up the jacket of his sweats as he jogged up the steps to Deck 12, no sense taking the elevator just for one floor. That would be his warm-up. He was anxious to get out on deck.

His nose was assailed by tantalizing breakfast smells drifting out from the Garden Café Restaurant every time the sliding door opened, which was often. An ever-increasing stream of people swarmed around him, mostly elderly, some with walkers and canes and all with one goal in mind: food. He flattened himself against the wall and tightened his ponytail as he waited for the group to pass and then he was free.

Making a mental note to use the aft stairs from now on, he shook out his shoulders and stretched his neck from side to side. He had just reached behind him to stretch his hamstring when he saw her; at least he thought it was her.

Even wearing gray sweats, she had the same little, curvy body, the same short, straight silky pale blonde hair. Only today it was held back with a bright red sweatband. That looked like something she’d wear, bold and sassy. But when she put her hands on the wall and leaned in to stretch her calves he knew without a doubt it was her as he read, ‘Hang Loose’ in red letters across her cute round backside. That was pure Annie Joy.

It was obvious she’d just finished running from the dark patches on her sweats. No use stopping to chat now. She’d want to get a shower and he needed to get started with his routine; the ship would be docking in Boston in 2 hours. Urs turned away and loped off in the opposite direction as his shoes beat a tattoo on the jogging track, ‘hang loose, hang loose.’

Annie Joy kept walking. When she got to the second door leading inside she finally dared to turn around. She grinned as she pulled the door towards her and stepped up over the threshold, remembering her fleeting glimpse of Urs’ back as he disappeared around the corner--fine, mighty fine.

**********

Annie Joy could feel her brain getting smarter. How could it not when she’d just toured Harvard Yard filled with what were undoubtedly brilliant students dashing to classes taught by even more brilliant professors?

She wiggled her slightly numb toes encased in red cowboy boots. Yes, she definitely needed more brains. What had possessed her to wear her newest pair of boots, even if they were her favorite color? From now on it would be her comfortable old black ones for shore excursions.

This had been the final stop on her tour and their guide had given them an hour on their own before they started back to the ship. On the street across from the campus, racks of bicycles edged the sidewalk as if to keep the bookstores and gift shops neatly in line. At the corner however, a coffee and sandwich shop overflowed its boundaries to cover the wide sweeping corner with tables and benches under a huge oak tree.

Annie Joy sat in the late afternoon sunshine of mid October with an espresso. Suddenly a shadow fell over her as a matching espresso appeared on her table and a tightly blue-jeanned leg swung over the chair opposite her.

“Annie Joy, what a coincidence running into you. Mind if I join you?” Urs smiled as he sat down and took a cautious sip of his coffee.

“Ers, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, just hanging loose, you know,” he crossed his ankle on his knee and sat back with his elbows resting casually on the arms of the chair, showing off what he hoped was an impressive display of his muscular chest through his tight tee shirt.

That brought Annie Joy to attention but his magnificent physique had nothing to do with it, “Ers! Have you been ogling my butt? You have haven’t you? I knew that was you!”

Urs’ hands flew up in from of him in mock indignation. “Me? Never! It must have been someone who looked like me.”

What could she say? There’s no one on the ship who looks like you, has curly hair like you, eyes like you, smells like you etc., etc.? Then he really would tease her. So she bit her lip, said nothing, and wondered what Great Minnie would think.

“What tour are you on then? I know you’re not with mine.”

“I’ve been doing my own tour ackshully. Caught the shuttle bus at the pier, hopped off when it looked interesting and wound up here. I like to do that when I’m in different cities, touring,” he said looking over his coffee cup to gauge her reaction.

“So you’re still a world famous singer? And here I took you for a man with more imagination than that. I thought by now you’d have come up with something a little more…creative,” Annie Joy’s eyes twinkled. “Now what kind of music was it, oh yes opera, right?”

You just love to wind me up don’t you? You’re like a dog with a bone. All right here’s some more ammunition to shoot yourself in the foot. “Ackshully we sing popular songs, but with our operatic voices. Because of that some people call our style popera,” he added, trying not to sound too pedantic.

Well I’ll give it to you, Mr. Ers, you can think on your feet, but popera? You’ve got to be kidding. “I see you’ve been touring in Texas,” she nodded at his black and red cowboy boots. “Did you play in San Antonio? By the way what’s the name of your group again?”

Damn! I wish I could see the look on your face Annie Joy when you do hear us. Why didn’t I think to put a CD in my bag? Because this is a vacation to get away from all that, you looli. Who knew you’d be out to impress the first woman you met? I’m not! She’s just… interesting and…interesting that’s all.

“Unfortunately San Antonio wasn’t on our schedule this time, but we did do concerts in Houston and Dallas,” Urs answered in a voice would have put a Swiss diplomat to shame.

“As for the boots, I started wearing them quite a while before Il Divo was formed. That’s the name of our group, Il Divo,” he explained as if it were common knowledge.

“So let me get this straight. You wear cowboy boots and stand on stage and sing opera, excuse me popera,” she snickered as she tried to picture him in a ten-gallon hat.

Urs felt a flush of anger rise from below his jaw line. Looking down his nose at her with disdain he choked out, “We, all four of us, wear hand-made Italian shoes and Armani suits on stage… always.”

Annie Joy watched, fascinated, as Urs’ color rose like a thermometer heading toward the boiling mark. “Now the Armani I can believe, Ers, and I bet you look good in it too. I mean you do haughty very well.”

She stood up and pushed her chair back, “Boy I’m suddenly hungry. I think I saw some blueberry pie in there that had my name on it. Be right back,” and just like that Urs found himself alone with his thoughts and his cowboy boots.

By the time Annie Joy returned with an over-sized wedge of pie, Urs’ emotional thermometer had returned to normal just as Annie Joy had figured. After all, Great Minnie hadn’t raised any fools.

“So how did you like it?” Urs asked, gesturing across the street to the campus where students could be seen hurrying through beautifully ornate wrought iron gates into the quadrangle of Harvard Yard.



I see we’re switching to a neutral subject, Mr. Swiss. Good idea, thought Annie Joy.

“I felt smarter just breathing the air as I walked around,” she admitted candidly, “and the beautiful old buildings, and those magnificent huge trees…we were really lucky to hit the peak of the fall colors weren’t we and…”

Urs couldn’t help but throw his head back and laugh at her enthusiastic mile-a-minute commentary. She was so bright and sparkly, he could almost picture himself wearing sunglasses indoors when she was in the same room.

“…there’s this statue of John Harvard, he founded the university in…” Annie Joy fished around in her oversized bag for her notebook, “1638,” she announced with pride.



Urs gave a little frown, “Is that what your tour guide told you?” he asked suspiciously.

“Well, actually I was busy picking up a few of the brightest colored leaves, for my notebook, I mean they were so beautiful I couldn’t resist. Anyway,” she sighed,” I got a little separated from my group so I just gave myself a little tour of what I missed and then I caught up with them again.”

“I had a little stroll around the Yard too and I’m sorry to have to tell you but John Harvard wasn’t the founder of Harvard, in fact it wasn’t founded 1638 either,” he said in a voice that didn’t sound especially sorry at all. After all it wasn’t his fault he’d happened to overhear a tour guide’s lecture as he was walking past the statue instead of running around picking up leaves.

“No I think you’re mistaken, Ers,” Annie declared firmly, but politely. “I even took a picture, see here on the plaque?” she said as she clicked back through her pictures and handed him the camera.

His smile was gentle and full of forbearance, “I’m sorry to say it’s common knowledge, in fact that isn’t even John Harvard.” He shook his head sadly as if to soften the blow.

“What do you mean it isn’t even him? I can read, I should know, after all I’m American and you’re…you’re Swiss for goodness sakes!” she sputtered.

“Annie Joy, I’m not trying to fool you. It’s the truth,” Urs pleaded, pushing at a stray lock of hair. “The sculptor didn’t know what he looked like so he used a student for a model.”

“Well what about the rest, then? Why haven’t they changed it if it’s wrong? I think you just made that up to tease me,” she challenged him crossly.

Urs blew out a long sigh of resignation and hailed a passing student carrying coffee in one hand and walking his bike with the other, “Pardon me but we’re having a discussion about John Harvard’s statue. I wonder if you could help us,” he smiled hopefully.

“Oh you mean the statue of the three lies? Sure, what do you want to know?” he asked, setting his hot coffee temporarily on their table and giving them both a friendly smile.

Annie Joy’s face and stomach fell simultaneously. Perhaps she had made a slight error in judgment here. But if Urs was telling the truth surely the university would have remedied such an error by now, wouldn’t they? It seemed not.

“Oh no, ma’am. They never bothered to change it. The university is named after him, but he was just one of several contributors; not the founder, and no matter what the plaque says Harvard was founded in 1636. I guess they figured what’s done is done. It makes for a great story though doesn’t it? We do love our traditions,” he laughed as he picked up his coffee and wheeled his bike toward the corner to cross the street.

Urs heard Annie Joy’s small voiced, “Oh,” and could have kicked himself. He hadn’t meant to be so heavy-handed, but she really did get under his skin sometimes. Why couldn’t she just believe what he told her? He knew what was coming next. She’d probably give him the silent treatment and sulk like Cécile. Still he had to try to lighten the mood.

“That blueberry pie looks delicious. You wouldn’t consider sharing would you?” he wheedled.

“I don’t think I’m supposed to share with strangers,” she answered in a solemn little girl voice but couldn’t keep it up as a smile broke through. “I don’t even know your last name.”

“Buhler, Urs Buhler,” he said ala James Bond.

“Lindstrom, Annie Joy Lindstrom. I see we’re both 007’s,” she quipped. “I guess you can be trusted.” She pushed the pastry over to him along with a plastic knife.

Urs was amazed. That was it? It was as if nothing had happened; she was like a rubber ball pushed underwater, perhaps held down temporarily but always popping to the surface full of bounce.

She pushed her chair out and stood up. “You divide it. I’ll get another fork.’’ She started to walk away and turned back, “Oh and you do know the rules for sharing food don’t you? The one who divides it gets the second piece,” and off she flounced. She was grinning to beat the band, Urs would bet money on it.

**********

Annie Joy watched as Urs crumpled his napkin onto the plate and sat back with a satisfied smile. That pie had been divine and they’d each had their fair share, he’d seen to that.
She looked at her watch. “I need to be getting back to the bus,” she said as she collected their trash.

Urs pushed in their chairs. “I’ll walk with you.”

As they stood at the corner waiting for the green light they could see the bus driver checking off passengers as they returned to the bus. They crossed the street and slowed as they neared it.
Annie Joy stopped walking but continued to look straight ahead. “Ers Buhler did you or did you not ogle my butt this morning?”

Urs looked straight ahead and continued toward the bus. “Hell, yes, you know I did.”

Still looking straight ahead, Annie Joy caught up to him. “Me too,” she grinned.

Mr. Jenks, the bus driver, turned and scratched his head. That must have been some funny story. Just look at those two laughing their fool heads off.
Urs and Annie Joy were still laughing as she stepped on the bus.

“Hang loose, Annie Joy Lindstrom,” Urs waved.

“You too, Ers Buhler,” she waved back.

Urs grinned as he crossed the street and headed back to the shuttle bus stop. At least she’d gotten the Buhler right.

Chapter 6
Meet the Newlyweds



“Good evening, miss. Welcome to the Venetian,” the waiter, in black vest and bowtie smiled pleasantly as he checked the chart for the early seating. “You’re at table 14,” he said offering his arm to Annie Joy. He led her to a round table set for six in the far corner near a wall of windows on the port side. Since she was the first one at the table, she chose a place next to the window where small white-capped wavelets could still be seen in the growing darkness. He seated her, opened the starched napkin and placed it on her lap with a flourish, filled her water glass, presented her with a large leather-covered menu and departed.

Urs stood at the top of the staircase leading down to the rapidly filling restaurant ablaze with chandeliers and decorated in a baroque style in shades of red and gold.

A drone of conversation filled the air as guests found their tables and introduced themselves to their tablemates. Urs scanned the room looking for table 6. Just as he approached it a cluster of guests moved out of his line of sight, revealing Annie Joy seated at the window. He glanced at the three sturdy looking blue-haired ladies and the slightly balding man already seated at his table, ‘No, I don’t think so.’ A discreet whisper to the waiter, a quick change of the chart, and Urs was escorted to Table 14.

Annie Joy looked up from the menu, “Why hello Ers, fancy meeting you here,” she smiled without surprise as he was seated beside her and given his napkin.

“Yes, it is a small world isn’t it? Ackshully, it’s probably the ship’s way of giving all the, let’s say, mature passengers a head start in case we have another lifeboat drill. They put us younger, more able-bodied ones back here in the corner since we can move faster,” he leaned over and confided as he nodded his thanks to the waiter and took the menu.

“God forbid! Not the orange marshmallows again!” she said, thinking of the dreaded life jacket. “Then my outfit would really clash. It’s bad enough as it is,” she said ruefully as she held out one of the long, slightly belled sleeves of her red and white knit striped dress. “I don’t exactly complement the brocade.”

Urs studied her dress for a moment, in fact he spent several moments studying the wide V-neck, and proclaimed her a welcome update to the old world décor.

He opened the wine list and looked over at her, “So you’re here on your own then?” Urs could almost feel her body tense as she talked into her menu.

“It’s a long story. I was supposed to be with someone but he changed his mind.” She turned her head and looked up at him as if she half-expected him to also get up and leave. “It was supposed to be our honeymoon,” she said softly.

Not softly enough it seemed, as two couples arrived at their table. As the pair next to Urs was seated, the friendly looking man in his mid-30’s with slightly thinning hair nodded and the pretty woman several years younger pounced on Annie Joy’s last word.

Two perfectly arched brows rose in delight as a voice seeming more appropriate in a Minnie Mouse cartoon gushed, “Honeymoon? You two are on your honeymoon? Bobo can you believe it? First we run into Paige and Alan here,” she pointed to the other couple who produced embarrassed smiles as if on cue, “and they’re newlyweds and now here we are again with…”

“Urs,” was finally delivered after a pause that was most certainly pregnant. Minnie Mouse waited patiently for the other twin to be delivered. “Annie Joy,” finally arrived, rather forcefully Urs thought, as he nervously watched her hand toy with the fish knife.

How do you manage it Annie Joy? If it weren’t for bad luck you’d have no luck at all. Sitting at a table full of newlyweds and the only thing you’ve got to slit your wrists with is a fish knife. It figures!

“Annie Joy and Urs, nice to meet you. I’m Candi, with an i,” she giggled, “and this big, handsome guy is my husband Bob. Big, handsome Bob smiled a little sheepishly and extended his hand. The shake part, however had to be postponed since Candi had wrenched his head around and was now administering the kiss of life. Not wanting his outstretched hand to go to waste, Urs turned to the other equally embarrassed couple and he and Annie Joy introduced themselves to Paige and Alan.

Candi and Bob came up for air in time to see their waiter, Juri, reappear with the rolls. “Thank God for small mercies, I thought I was going to puke!” Annie Joy whispered under her breath as Urs saw her fingers move away from the fish knife.

While the other two couples looked over the menu, Juri took Annie Joy and Urs’ orders. “I’ll have the Goat Cheese Cremini Mushroom Tortellini and the Grilled Filet Mignon, rare please,” she said decisively as she handed the menu back with a smile.

So she likes her meat rare, now why am I not surprised?

“And for your sir?”
“I’ll have the Blue Jumbo Lump Crab Cake and the Filet, also rare, and I think a bottle of this might go well,” Urs’ graceful musician’s finger pointed to his selection in the wine menu.

“Excellent choice, sir,” beamed Juri as he moved around the table to take Paige and Alan’s selections.

In the meantime Candi, sitting on Urs’ right was a bit stuck with the menu. She’d dismissed most of the gourmet choices out of hand. Finally she settled on the Roasted Chicken but there still seemed to be a problem, as she petulantly complained about the incomprehensible menu.

“What in the world is a Rag-out of Wild Mushrooms?”

“I think a ragout is a kind of stew, Candi,” Paige said softly using the correct pronunciation as surprised heads turned toward her. “I like to watch Emeril on the Food Channel,” she admitted shyly by way of explanation as the color rose in her cheeks.

“And I love coming home to your cooking, don’t I hon?” Alan patted his stomach for emphasis as he looked proudly over at his still blushing wife.

“Oh, well I don’t think I’d like a stew without any meat in it, would you Bobo? But thanks anyway, Paige,” Candi smiled appreciatively as if to say, ‘There’s one more mystery of the universe solved.’

“They certainly do seem to serve a lot of fish on cruises don’t they?” she observed. “Just look there’s one, two, three, four choices,” she counted.

Annie Joy leaned over as if to get something from her clutch bag under her chair and said sotto voce to Urs, “Would you like a little cheese with that whine?” A look of understanding passed between them as he smiled into his napkin and took a sip of water.

Bobo beamed with loving indulgence at his new wife, as Annie Joy experienced a sudden pang. The only indulgent looks she’d received from Dr. Doom were of the beleaguered rather than besotted variety. Why had she never noticed?

“Sweetie pie,” he chuckled, as he drew her to him for a hug, “look around. We are on the ocean after all.”

“I know that Bobo, it’s just that,” Candi flipped her long expertly highlighted and perfectly coiffured hair impatiently, “ I don’t understand why they can’t write the words in plain English. You’d think we were in a foreign country or something. All I want with my chicken is good old American French fries for Pete’s sake. What in the world are pommes frites anyway?”

Urs could see a muscle working in Annie Joy’s jaw. She was good; her lips barely moved, “Did she really just say that or have I actually fallen down a rabbit hole?” Urs casually moved the fish knife, just in case. He needn’t have worried; Annie Joy had things well in hand even without it.

You’d think she was in a shampoo commercial the way she flings that hair around, thought Annie Joy rather ungraciously and wondered suddenly why she was letting this woman get to her like grating fingernails on a chalkboard. She just couldn’t seem to help herself.

Annie Joy’s voice dripped with concern, “Candi, dear, I’m sure the kitchen is prepared for just about anything a guest wants to eat. I bet if you request good old American French fries, Juri will be able to get you some. After all his job is to keep the guests happy,” she smiled sweetly.

Juri waited patiently, pad and pen at the ready.

Wrapping her arm around Bobo’s bicep like a python, Candi gazed up adoringly at him. “My wife and I would like the Cobb Salad forTwo. I’ll have the Pork Rib Chop and she’d like the Roasted Chicken, but with French fries instead of these pommes frites,” he said decisively.

She beamed, he preened, and under the table Annie Joy’s hands mimed slashing her wrists. Urs bent down to retrieve the napkin he’d dropped on purpose. “You are wicked,” he whispered in her ear as he sat up.

Juri’s head snapped up as if a blowfly had buzzed him. This was a joke, yes? But no one was laughing, only that one man was whispering to his wife. “Of course, sir,” he nodded to Bob and retreated as quickly as his dignity would permit.

The next several minutes sounded more like a meeting of Candi and Bob’s mutual admiration society than a conversation and even Annie Joy’s considerable communication skills failed to break up the monopoly at times.

According to Candi, Bob was the best used-car salesman in southern California, prompting Annie Joy’s whispered, “Land of fruits and nuts,” explanation to Urs. Then Bob insisted everyone just had to hear Candi tell this Irish joke and wasn’t her accent great. Absolutely, everyone agreed, although it was doubtful even Urs had heard an accent quite like that and most certainly never in Ireland. It was plain to see they were still in their honeymoon phase, having been married only a few days, but there was also a sense of genuine affection and loyalty between them that was hard to miss.

Paige and Alan were in their mid 20’s and from Florida. He was a swimming pool salesman and rather reluctantly admitted this was a sort of belated honeymoon. Paige had been the proverbial June bride, but you couldn’t just take off for a few weeks at the height of the swimming pool season now could you? Of course not, everyone at the table agreed.

She knew it, she just knew it: the question she’d been dreading. “And how long have you and Urs been married?” asked Paige innocently.

Urs could see the blood draining from her face as Annie Joy’s white-knuckled fingers clenched her napkin on her lap, collecting her thoughts. “Uh, well actually we’re n…”

It was so uncharacteristic, so unplanned, so impulsive, so un-Urslike that even days later he couldn’t explain it. Was this a temporary aberration, a momentary lapse, like his nonsensical banter about the bean that first night he’d seen her? All he knew was some twisted irony had placed Annie Joy in this moment. He could see her pain and embarrassment and he wanted, no needed to protect her. It was absurd and it just felt right.

Suddenly Urs’ hand was covering hers, bringing it up on the table for everyone to see, patting and rubbing it in a tender, protective gesture. “Not as newlywed as you two,” he nodded toward Candi and Bob, as he continued to subtly squeeze Annie Joy’s hand, feeling inordinately happy when at last he felt her muscles relax.

Annie Joy gaped. What are you playing at Ers? Although I do have to admit I’m grateful to be spared from an embarrassing misunderstanding, especially in front of that Candi creature.

It just seemed easier to smile, so that’s what Annie Joy did. She also wondered; wondered at the tingles she felt running through her fingers and the slightly off-center feeling down low in her stomach. What did Great Minnie call it? Butterfly belly, yes that’s what it was. It would surely go away as soon as she had her hand and her wits back…wouldn’t it? In a tiny corner of her mind though, she wasn’t quite sure if she wanted it to.

Chapter 7
Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad

Saved by the bell-- disguised as Juri bearing their appetizers. Annie Joy was once again in possession of her hand, her wits, and a herd of butterflies in her stomach. ‘Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad’ she told herself as one of her favorite Meatloaf oldies played in her head.

Other than some casual background conversation the first course passed uneventfully with nary a clinch or kiss in sight. Annie Joy began to breathe a little easier. Then the dishes and silverware were cleared in preparation for the main course.

“Kisses!” Candi announced as the two lovebirds sprang together like they had magnetic mouths. They exchanged several mini-kisses while the rest of the table looked on, uncomfortably stunned.

“Where was a fish knife when you needed one?” groused Annie Joy under her breath as she stared at the empty place where the fish knife had been. Why did Juri have to be so efficient?

The main entrees were placed around the table, along with the usual comments: What did you order? Oh that’s looks delicious. It’s so beautiful I hate to eat it, etc. and everyone began eating.

Annie Joy felt a momentary twinge of embarrassment, followed by a stab of guilt as Candi thanked her profusely for her help in changing her order to French fries instead of those pommes frites. Her sentiments may have been over the top but they were sincere.

So what does that make you, Annie Joy?

Go ahead and say it Great Minnie. I know you’re thinking it. I admit it, I’m acting like a you know what with a capital B.

All I’m saying is I raised you better than that, child. Sour grapes, now there’s something best eaten in private. No need taking it out on her.

I know, I know, Great Minnie, but what about all that kissy, huggy, lovey stuff? EWWW!

Be that as it may, Annie Joy, there’s no need for you to go acting all high and mighty and embarrassing somebody in public especially if they don’t even realize it’s happening. That’s all I’m saying.

“Oh all right then,” Annie Joy suddenly realized she’d spoken out loud as Urs gave her a startled look.

“Bob was just asking how we met and I told him it was on a ship,” Urs repeated slowly.

“Oh right then, we actually bumped into each other, quite literally and that as they say was that,” she finished with a triumphant smile as if to prove she had been paying attention all along.

“I see you two don’t wear wedding rings. You being from Switzerland, Urs, is that one of those European custom things,” Bob asked as he absently twirled his shiny wedding band around on his finger, still trying to get used to it.

Great Minnie, if you’re listening, we could use a little help here.

Great Minnie may have been temporarily incommunicado but Urs wasn’t. “Alas, as we were dressing for dinner, my wife noticed one of the diamonds was loose. Fortunately it was one of the smaller stones, less than a carat, wasn’t it darling?” as he turned to the ‘little wife’ for confirmation.

Annie Joy hoped her look of incredulity would be mistaken for mere surprise that Urs would be so forthcoming with perfect strangers. “Yes, dear,” she agreed in her best little wife voice as she leaned over to whisper in his ear, “Bless you Urs, brilliant thinking but ‘alas’? I mean really! When was the last time that was used in polite conversation? 1650?”

“So of course we took the precaution of putting it in the ship’s safe until we get home,” he continued, warming up to his part. “Perhaps we can find a temporary replacement when we’re out and about on one of our excursions. Would you like that, liebe?” he asked, mischievously.

Annie Joy racked her brain in frustration. What was a liebe and if she was one, what was the male version called? She finally settled for, “Oh Ers, dear, that’s not necessary. You know I feel the same about you with or without a ring,” and sat back in triumph having won the prize for splitting hairs.

Urs being Urs, he had to have the last word. “Isn’t she cute? Ever since we met she’s had trouble pronouncing my name correctly but one of these days you’re going to get it right, aren’t you?” he chuckled, shaking his head and giving her a little teasing tap on the nose with his finger.

“Will you look at those desserts!” Alan exclaimed as the trolley was wheeled in. While the other couples were deciding which luscious creation to choose, Annie Joy took a page from Candi’s book, grabbed Urs’ tie and gently but firmly pulled him closer.

“Don’t make me ask for my fish knife back,” she warned softly, but couldn’t keep a straight face as he gave her a cheeky grin.

He was sure he only meant to lean down toward her ear and whisper, ‘Annie Joy you are a tease,” but those fine silky strands of gold fell across her cheek as she bent her head and he was pulled in. Into a place where all he could imagine was drawing her to him and burying his face in the warm soft caress of her hair, the smooth curve of her neck, and her delicious scent, sweet and sensuous, reminiscent of chocolate and raspberries, pure Annie Joy.

I am not a tea… What are you…? Was that a kiss? Did you just kiss my hair? So gentle, I’m not sure now, but then why are these butterflies stirring? And why does your warm breath make me feel so alive?

“OK, you two lovebirds, fly on back to earth. Your turn to pick,” Candi crooned.

Annie Joy and Urs, both looking somewhat confused, separated, and saw the rest of the table and Juri, all wearing amused expressions, patiently waiting for them to choose their dessert from the cart.

“Uh, sorry,” Annie Joy, hoping she didn’t look as flustered as she felt, glanced quickly to the trolley and pointed, “I’ll have the crème brulee, please.”

Taking a long drink of her ice water, she closed her eyes a brief second and savored the delicious coolness of the liquid as it slid down her throat. Had it become terribly warm in here or was it her? She touched her cheek with the back of her hand. Surely she wasn’t blushing, was she?

“And for me, the white chocolate toffee ice cream, thank you,” Urs said smoothly. How could he sound so normal when all he could hear was his hammering heart? He smiled wryly as he thought of all those hours spent practicing breath control and diction. If my tutors could see me now I wonder what they’d think of this performance?

“Very good sir,” Juri said as he served Annie Joy and Urs and left with the cart as everyone dug into their dessert.

Over coffee, the conversation turned to a discussion of the next day’s port, Bar Harbor, Maine. Other than the town itself, the main attraction was Acadia National Park and Cadillac Mt. rising over 1,500 ft. Most of the shore excursions involved exploring it in one way or another: hiking, motor coach, or from off shore on a schooner. Candi and Bob planned on staying in town to explore some of the quaint shops and restaurants and Paige and Alan had booked the bus tour of the park. Then came the sixty-four thousand dollar question.

“So are you two doing a tour or just going off on your own?” Paige asked as Urs passed her the cream and sugar.

This should be interesting, thought Annie Joy. Although she hadn’t signed up yet, she was planning on doing the bus tour and could just imagine Paige crossing her fingers and hoping she and Urs would be on the same bus. Truth be told, so am I, she admitted. I’m having fun with him, just being me. I don’t need to impress him by holding in my free spirit like I had to with Dr. Doom.

Urs allowed himself a full look at Annie Joy, his first since the dessert disaster. Absently, his brain filed her preference for black coffee even as his plan formed. He gave her a disarming smile, a 4.0 knee weakener on the thud scale and said, “I thought it might be nice to see the park on a bike.”

Now here’s where it gets tricky. Sometimes the physical effect and the desired effect can be miles apart. In this case they were barely on the same continent. Annie Joy thudded alright as her stomach fell to her knees which were feeling very weak as she pictured herself riding a bicycle. How many miles did Bob say it was around the park, 27? You have to be kidding! She shifted uncomfortably in her chair just thinking about it, but Urs was still talking.

“We’re fortunate that the fall colors have peaked just now. There’s no feeling quite like riding. It’s so freeing, like you’re one with nature, truly alive,” he finished with a look of pure happiness lighting up his face.

The others at the table might have seen Annie Joy’s smile as the loving agreement of a wife with similar interests as her husband but of course they would be wrong. It was a smile of triumph. Urs had almost convinced her she was wrong about him this afternoon. What a player he was making her feel guilty about not believing he was a singer. Singer indeed! He must be one of those people training for the Tour de France or wait…he’s Swiss, it’s a bicycle race across the Alps. I knew it! Everyone in Switzerland yodels don’t they? That’s why he keeps saying he’s a singer. Well Ers tomorrow you will indeed be one with nature, the only one on a bike thank you very much.

Chapter 8
I Apologize


Paige and Alan were the first to leave the table, anxious to get a seat up front for the comedy show in the Stardust Theater.

“Are you sure you two don’t feel like dancing?” Candi coaxed one last time. She smiled infectiously and made quote marks in the air, “Dance to your favorite big band and ballroom hits.” Annie Joy had to laugh in spite of herself. Who needed a cruise director when Candi was around?

“I think we’ll pass tonight, but perhaps some other time?” Looking down at Annie Joy, Urs’ smiled charmed even as his eyes asked. Did you hear what you just said? Was that some other Urs who told David he didn’t dance in public? What’s going on here?

“Yes, some other time, but thanks for asking,” Annie Joy added politely while Urs placed his hand gently on her elbow and steered her toward the Gatsby Bar as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Great Minnie, you’d better be listening because we need to talk.

Annie Joy came from the Ladies and spotted Urs talking to Fabrizio as he took a short break from his first evening set. She smiled at their unique performance of a Swiss/Italian hand jive. It was a draw as to which was moving faster their jaws or their hands.

Not wanting to interrupt, she found an empty table nearby and settled herself into one of the deep armchairs to wait. Almost without thinking she pulled out her notebook and after a minute or so of blind groping in her bag she found a pencil. Opening the book to a clean page, a faint smile curved her lips as she remembered poor Candi’s dilemma at dinner and she began to draw.

“Ja, popera, …not done before…skeptical, what can you say?” snatches of Urs’ conversation floated over to her. She looked up but he and Fabrizio were still talking animatedly. Her left eyebrow quirked as she absently ran her pencil back and forth against the edge of the notebook spirals thinking and listening to them. Then with a devilish twinkle in her eyes she quickly turned the page and began again.

“Those crowd choruses… but Erwäge … the most difficult aria he ever wrote, no?”

“Ja, I found it so. Did you know Bach replaced it… another tenor aria? I imagine… return again…wonderful vibrancy of the lute and the two viole…nothing quite like it in either of the Passions.”

“Si, …the aria…one of Bach's most beautiful... Ah, but it is time again for me to play. We will talk again soon, Urs, ciao.”
Annie Joy you stepped in it up past your ankles this time, girl. I know I said take what people tell you with a grain of salt, especially men since we both know how weak-brained you are in that area, but geez! He did give you a few hints he might be the real deal. You know what you gotta do. Best get on with it.

Urs smiled as he gracefully lowered himself into the chair, crossed his leg and undid his jacket. “Have you ordered anything?”

“No, I thought I’d wait for you,” Annie Joy

“Brandy?” he asked, as Andreas, one of the waiters, came over to them.

“Sure, fine,” she answered nervously.

“Do you have Asbach Uralt?” Urs asked hopefully. Well it was the one he preferred and if Annie Joy just happened to be impressed so be it.

“No, I am sorry sir, might I suggest Courvoisier?”

“Ja, that’s gut,” he agreed, “Room 11056.” Urs, listen to yourself. Relax for Gott’s sake or the poor girl won’t understand a word your saying.

“I’m sorry I left you alone for so long but Fabrizio and I got to talking and…” he gestured helplessly with an apologetic smile that Annie Joy suspected no woman was immune to, least of all her.

“I noticed,” she laughed mimicking their hand conversation. “I didn’t mind a bit,” she said and then grew serious. “Urs, I need to…”

She paused as Andreas placed first napkins, then their drinks on the table. As soon as he left, Annie Joy began again, looking Urs straight in the eye the way Great Minnie had always insisted on. “Urs, I need to apologize to you for not believing you when you said you were a singer. I am truly sorry, will you forgive me?” and she stuck out her hand and waited…and waited.

Finally Urs mumbled something that sounded like, “Of course, there’s no need,” and grasped her hand and held on rather like a drowning man. Drowning because his voice seemed to come from some strange underwater place, certainly not from him. Damn those blue eyes anyway!

He released her hand as Andreas set down the two brandy snifters and gave Urs the receipt to sign. By then his brain along with his voice had surfaced.

They sat, their drinks untouched, as he fielded Annie Joy’s questions about Urs the singer, giving her the post-it note version and painting his career with a broad brush.

“So that’s why you looked like you were about to wet yourself when you saw my Diva necklace. You thought I was one of your official Divas,” she laughed.

“Well they seem to turn up everywhere: waiting hours for us at sound checks, after concerts, on the street, at airports, even in restaurants.” As he looked around the bar rather nervously to illustrate his point. Annie Joy rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“And here I thought Candi was over the top,” she commented, rather disparagingly he thought.

“Honestly, there’s no telling where we’ll run into them,” he reiterated dramatically as he lowered his voice.

Annie Joy saw the opening and jumped on it with both feet.

She carefully set her drink down, leaned in just a bit and patted his hand comfortingly. Her voice began in a soft conspiratorial tone, “Then it’s a good thing you’re sitting with me because I’ll be a perfect foil to deflect the unwanted attention of rabid fans…excuse me Divas. Judging by what I saw on my morning jog, most can’t manage more than a fast walk, so I think you’ll be able to outrun them. Just to be safe, I’ll reconnoiter tomorrow morning and relay warnings to your secret decoder ring. Please tell me you brought it with you. I never leave home without mine.”

Urs realized he’d been caught out: exaggeration in the first degree, guilty as charged, but he bravely tried to get his comeback out before he dissolved in laughter along with his accuser. All he managed to sputter was, “Alas…” which sent both of them into gales of laughter until they had to wipe away tears.

Urs set his glass down and glanced curiously at her notebook laying on the table between them.

BREAK – PART 2 POSTED BELOW

“May I?” he asked as he reached for it.

“They’re just doodles. I never know when the mood will strike me, but sure go ahead,” amazed that she didn’t feel self-conscious about sharing her cartoons with an almost perfect stranger. Her mind paused a nanosecond at the word ‘perfect’ then jumped ahead to the next thought. Was this carefree openness with Urs simply a byproduct of being thrown together for a few days knowing full well she would never see him again?

He opened it up, flipping over several pages, and came to the one she’d just been working on, her interpretation of Popera.

Click here: Popera

He nodded his head in laughing appreciation of the braided buxom Viking opera singer with an electric guitar, “You’re wery good.” Then he turned back a page. He looked up at her shaking his finger as if she’d been a naughty child. It was an extremely perplexed Candi complete with furrowed brow, an impossibly tiny waist, and an even more impossible bosom. She held a plate in each hand, one labeled French fries, one labeled pommes frites and a halo of question marks surrounded her.

She knew what she had to say, what she needed to own up to. The why part she’d figure out later. All she knew was it was important that Urs know she was a good person.

She picked up her snifter of brandy by the stem; just one taste for Dutch courage. Suddenly the words she planned to say were swallowed as she sputtered and choked on the fiery liquid burning a trail down her throat. Tears sprang to her eyes as she tried to catch her breath.

Urs quickly set the book down, grabbed her drink with one hand and began rubbing and patting her back with the other, “Are you all right? Can you breathe?” he asked worriedly. Annie Joy nodded and her chest rose and fell in one last gulp of air and she stopped coughing.

“That is really strong,” she said in a voice still not sounding quite like hers as she wiped her eyes with her fingers and gave him a weak smile.

“It does take some getting used to,” he said gallantly with a knowing smile.

“Here let me show you,” and he gave her glass back to her.

“Hold it with your hands around the bowl, like this.” He moved her hands up the sides of the glass and completely covered them with his own, willing his brain to focus on the words not the warm tingles of sensation.

“Now hold the snifter in your hands for a short while, to warm it and release the aromas. There.” Reluctantly he released her hands, feeling almost bereft, and picked up his own glass.

Annie Joy held her brandy just as Urs had shown her and spoke into her glass. “You know I don’t usually act so bitchy. I don’t know what got into me tonight…with Candi,” she finally looked at him. “I suppose it’s just a girl thing,”

“I can understand that. I have a sister,” he smiled sympathetically and took a sip.

Annie Joy’s eyes searched her glass again as if for the right words, “Why did you cover-up for me at dinner? I mean it was a very kind thing to do, but why?” she asked softly. “Did you think I needed rescuing? I could have handled it you know,” she assured him, squaring her shoulders and sitting up a little straighter.

“I’m sure you could have but I know how it is when someone gets under your skin. Sometimes you just want to put them in their place, especially when you think you’re right,” he explained in an attempt to validate his behavior. He took another sip and motioned to Annie Joy to do the same.

“You’re talking about me not believing you’re a singer aren’t you?” she asked quietly, reading between the lines. Cautiously she took a small sip of brandy and set the glass down.

“Well I did come down pretty hard on you this afternoon,” he admitted with a smile that said ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I couldn’t help myself’ all at the same time.

“You had every right. I just kept digging and digging. I should have taken you at your word.” She looked down at her hands, “It’s just so hard sometimes.” She raised her head. Blue eyes looked straight into his as she admitted honestly, “You were right. I deserved it.”

“Like Candi did?”

“OK, probably not, I confess. I’m guilty of eating a few sour grapes at dinner, but trust me if I heard ‘kisses’ one more time I really would have puked!” Annie Joy rolled her eyes.

**********

“Thank you Andreas,” Annie Joy helped herself to a handful of mixed nuts from the fresh bowl and passed it to Urs who shook his head no, as he tried to remember if he’d even had any from the first bowl.

“You know this afternoon when you found me at the coffee shop…” she said, picking out the roasted almonds to eat first. Urs looked on, fascinated, as he gently swirled his brandy and took a sip.

Not to be outdone, Annie Joy picked up her glass and prepared to advance to the next level of brandy snifting. She watched, mesmerized, as the rich amber liquid swirled in the glass bowl and a sudden awareness rippled through her. She looked up to see the same warm golden-ness reflected in exotic hazel eyes. Her hand trembled.

“Easy there, you’re sloshing,” his hand shot out to steady her.

“Oops, sorry about that Ers. Here use this napkin,” she offered as he blotted at two noticeably darker spots on his dark gray silk shirt.

“I didn’t find you. I just happened to run into you,” he corrected, shifting a little in his chair as he blotted his slacks too.

“Yeah whatever,” she gave him that grin he was coming to recognize. Here comes the wind-up

“Anyway, I was a little disappointed you hadn’t been biking; you must be a sight in those tight bike shorts…” she said dreamily, letting her voice trail off, as she threw out the first ball. Strike One

BREAK – 3RD PART POSTED BELOW

Chapter 8 continued

“Why Annie Joy I believe you really do have a thing for my butt.” Urs hoped he’d caught her pitch with the perfect mixture of astonishment and pride. Ball One.

He never saw her change-up coming. “Actually I was thinking a bit lower…” Is that a look of shock I see, perhaps even a blush? My what wide eyes you have Ers. Strike Two.

“Don’t get your shorts in a wad, I wanted to check out your knobby knees,” she laughed. Strike Three.

“My knees aren’t knobby,” he vehemently protested even as he put hands on them and felt just to be sure. “And I don’t ride that kind of bike.”

“Oh!” her face fell comically. “You mean no bike shorts?” she said sadly.

“No, I ride a motorbike, or motorcycle as you Americans call them,” he said icily.

“Ohhh leather then!” she said enthusiastically, her disappointment disappearing faster than the chocolate fountain at the ship’s midnight buffet. “Leather is good!” she said tilting her head to one side and raising her brows as if to get a better view of him from behind.

He stared straight ahead and muttered, “Have you seen enough now?”

“Yes, thank you,” she replied with a mischievous sparkle, not missing a beat, “and I’m sure it’s very nice too!”

A smile twitched his lips and he grinned and said on impulse, ”Would you like to come for a ride tomorrow?”

Go ahead, child. He is who he says he is. What harm will it do? You might just enjoy it.

Oh all right, Great Minnie. Don’t push.

“Pardon?”

Damn, she had to stop talking to Great Minnie out loud like that.

“Oh, right, Ers. Yes I’d like to go on your bike,” she said smiling , “but be sure we have enough gas. I wouldn’t want to have to get out and push,” she finished, giving herself a mental slap on the back for a nice save.

Get out and push! Harrumph, thought Urs. As if that would ever happen. I am Swiss after all.

They’d barely noticed Fabrizio finishing his first set and taking a break, but now as he was back playing their conversation became more sporadic as they sat back and listened to his interpretation of show tunes, ballads, and requests. Whether it was the brandy or just being lost in the music, Urs had to repeat his question twice, “So how is your quality control inspection going?” he casually threw out.

Annie Joy gave him a ‘you asked for it’ look. “That was yesterday. Today I’m a world famous sculptor or is it sculptress?” she pondered a second. “No matter.”

Fixing him with a deadly serious gaze she continued, “The price of marble is absolute highway robbery these days; you have no idea. I may have to consider cutting back a little. I absolutely hate traveling light, those tiresome weight limits and all. You know how it is,” she explained in what she hoped was a posh voice, “otherwise I’d invite you up to my stateroom to see my award-winning busts.” Her sigh of regret quickly changed to an impish grin as Urs had a fit of coughing.

Annie Joy picked up her notebook again and rooted around in her purse, giving a frustrated, “Damn!” as she pulled out a broken pencil. “Do you have a pencil?”

“Pen?” he offered and put it in her waiting hand.

“What are you writing?” he managed to choke out now that he’d recovered from the prize-winning bust comment.

In answer to his question, she read aloud, “Memo to self: Bring small busts next cruise.”

Urs gasped and gave a throaty chuckle as he attempted to rein in his imagination. Then as if it were the most natural thing to do, he gently removed a strand of hair that had fallen over her eyes. As he smoothed it back behind her brow he could feel the warmth of her skin and the satiny softness of her hair calling his fingers to linger and he could not help himself.

Annie Joy cleared her throat nervously and held out her hand. “Thank you.”

He stared at the pen nestled in her palm. Slowly, a smile lifted the corners of his mouth, “You’re welcome, any time,” he drawled.

The skin of her palm must be overly sensitive, she thought. It reacted even to the faint brush of his fingers as he took the pen. Their eyes met.

Caught off guard, they sat back in confusion. Silence again, but it wasn’t strained or awkward, simply a time out as emotions were sifted and allowed to settle. Urs was used to silence, sought it out from time to time both on tour and off. It was as if he needed a set measure and could not manage without it. He thought of Cécile, always wanting to know what he was thinking or doing. If she were here now, there would be no pause, no reflective silence, only endless chatter; no time to think, no time to feel.

Not Annie Joy, though. How relaxed she looks, a picture of serenity warming her brandy between her palms, sipping occasionally. He had no idea what was going through her mind. That bothered him—enormously—but he was damned well not going to show it.

She turned her head, her eyes meeting his and felt a yearning so vast it made her tremble. His fresh earthy scent still swirled around her, making her senses reel. With a supreme effort she willed her features not to betray her as she took a long calming breath and raised the brandy snifter to her lips.

Chapter 9
I’m Being Eaten by a Boa Constrictor


“Brown sugar?”

“Yes, two please,” Annie Joy smiled and accepted the steaming bowl of oatmeal from the immaculately starched server. As the mound of brown sweetness began to melt, she checked her watch and headed toward the coffee dispenser. 7:10, only 10 minutes late, practically early by her standards. Now where was Ers?

She smiled as she recalled how he’d insisted on walking her to her door last night…just for appearances sake of course he’d explained. They’d agreed to meet for breakfast at 7:00 and with a quick hug he was gone. From the speed of his departure it was clear he was glad to be off ‘honeymoon’ duty.

Ah, there he was back in the corner and by the window. Perfect choice as the slivers of the Maine coast slid by, each more exquisite than the last. For a moment she stood unmoving at the slowly unfolding masterpiece of pine trees valiantly trying to peek between fluffy heads of red, gold, and orange, but the brilliant girls of autumn would not be denied.



Ah, there she was, little Miss Sunshine. Urs released his breath and what felt like a ridiculously silly grin or was he just grinning on the inside? He couldn’t say for certain. No, it was just relief that she didn’t seem different after last night. What must she have thought when he’d practically bolted down the hall? Well it was either get away fast or give in and kiss her…really kiss her. Hell Urs, admit it, even that little peck at the dinner table got to you.

His hair was tied at the nape of his neck with a leather thong but it was his eyes that drew her attention, so sensual yet mischievous, with faint quotation marks of laugh lines. He must smile often she thought and as if on command he did. A smile so loud it woke up the butterflies.

He half rose as she sat down across from him and they traded ‘good mornings’ as Annie Joy removed oatmeal, juice, black coffee, and two pieces of toast from her tray.

“Oh Savva, thank you,” she beamed as a waiter, wearing white trousers and a turquoise and white striped tee shirt, appeared bearing a laser bright grin and another tray and began setting more plates on the table.

“My pleasure, Miss Annie. You will eat here tomorrow, yes? I will look for you. Enjoy,” his parting smile included Urs but without the besotted puppy dog look he’d reserved for Miss Annie.

Gott help me, I’m beginning to know how he feels, thought Urs worriedly.

With a little rearranging, Annie Joy found a place for a fluffy omelet, steaming and fragrant, oozing peppers, bits of ham, and cheese, several pieces of bacon, and a plate of pancakes so large they threatened to overflow their glistening pools of butter and maple syrup onto the table. With a sigh of pure contentment, she dug in.

Urs was amazed, appalled, and amused, but most of all fascinated. He’d never seen a woman, any woman even contemplate, yet alone attempt to eat that amount of food. He thought back to former girlfriends and even now with Cécile, remembering small portions, inane comments about gaining mere ounces, pickiness, and a general obsession about not eating too much.

“Sorry I’m late, but Marie, she’s that pretty girl serving by the bread section over there, said they do the best cinnamon rolls and the next batch should be ready just a few minutes, so I waited but then it was getting late…”

“It’s fine, Annie Joy. I’ve only been here a few minutes. They’re not scheduled to drop anchor until 8:00 and then they need to get the tenders unloaded and launched so we have plenty of time. We’re on our own schedule today, remember?”

Gott, listen to yourself Urs! The woman was 10 minutes late, 10 minutes! It’s fine? Since when is being late, fine? We have plenty of time? What is happening to you, man? Get a grip.

“I know, but it’s such a beautiful morning and I didn’t want any of it to go to waste and the last tender leaves at 4:30. I read that in the little newspaper they leave in your room every night. Did you get one?”

“Yes, I read that too. Now eat, before your breakfast gets cold,” he ordered, “I’m going to get some more coffee.” He caught himself just in time and shook his head. He’d been about to ask her if she needed anything.

“The made-to-order omelets are to die for, Ers. Why don’t you try one?” she called to his retreating back as she closed her mouth around a forkful and closed her eyes in food bliss.

Urs held his cup under the spigot and mused. He’d had a good breakfast: a nice bowl of muesli, some fresh fruit, two slices of excellent dark bread topped with some surprisingly good cheese and now his second cup of black coffee. Then the automatic door slid open, sending in a sudden gust of fresh air and a cloud of delicious smells wafted over him. Without thinking he found himself walking toward the made-to-order omelet station.



Urs was uncommonly pleased with himself. He was the alpha male, the provider returning from the hunt in full prowl. Unfortunately his full prowl was performed for an oblivious Annie Joy who was busy looking out the window and eating of course.

He may need to repeat his prowl at a later time but he had her instant undivided attention now as he placed his trophy in front of her: a huge cinnamon roll just out of the oven. Annie Joy wasn’t the only one with a fan. After all, those blinky wink muscles need exercise too don’t they?

“Ooohhh thanks so much! What a great surprise and I see you couldn’t resist,” she said pointing to his omelet. “It’s light as a feather. You’ll love it,” she guaranteed.

“Annie Joy, I’m beginning to think you’re a bad influence on me,” he joked as he took a bite of omelet. “Mmmm this IS delicious,” he sighed, savoring the delicately balanced cloud of flavors.

“I knew you’d like it, Ers. You just need to get out there and try something new once in awhile.”

“Annie Joy, I have had omelets before you know. Sometimes I just prefer a set routine, that’s all,” he explained rather condescendingly.

“Well then I don’t suppose you’d like to go hog wild and share my cinnamon roll,” she teased, tapping her knife softly on the edge of the plate.

“I thought you’d never ask,” he grinned as she pushed the plate toward him. “And yes I remember the rules,” he said as he began to cut the roll into two very equal pieces.

Urs finished his omelet, and popped the last bite of cinnamon roll into his mouth. “These could get positively addicting,” he thought out loud.

“I know. Isn’t it wonderful?” she bounced back.

Urs thought of all her empty plates Savva had whisked away as if my magic. He wouldn’t have believed it if he hadn’t seen it. To his mind the last thing she needed was another food addiction. Where does she put it all he wondered?

“You’re like a little human boa constrictor,” he chuckled in amazement as he leaned over to the side and pretended to check out her hips. Then he held his hands parallel in front of him as if gauging their width.

“Ers, what are you doing?” she asked, looking embarrassed.

“Just checking to see if I’ll need to get a bike with a sidecar to fit you in,” he sputtered.

Her mouth froze in mid-bite as she dropped the rest of the cinnamon roll back on the plate. “You mean there’s a size limit for passengers? No, you’re kidding. Besides, I’m not all that big. I only weigh 115 pounds.”

“That much eh?” Urs pondered.

Annie Joy looked down at her hips. They didn’t look that big.

Urs couldn’t hold his laughter in any longer. She was just so deliciously fun to tease.

“Oh, you, just wait, I’ll get you,” she assured him as they both cracked up. Later when she recalled this moment she wasn’t sure if it had been a promise or a prediction.

Chapter 10
Biking


“Watch your step Miss,” said the crewman as he held her arm and Annie Joy hopped off the tender and onto the pier.

As they walked up the ramp to the road, the fact that Urs was holding her hand barely registered in her brain as she chattered on excitedly. “I hope we get to ride the tender to shore tomorrow. That was great bouncing on the waves coming in, wasn’t it?” she said turning to have a look as a new tender docked while another one sped back to the ship for the next group waiting to go ashore.



“Watch where you’re going, Annie Joy,” Urs felt his arm jerk and tightened his grip as the toe of her black boot caught on an uneven board and she almost went down.

“Oops, guess it’s a good thing you had a hold of me, but then you already knew my middle name wasn’t Grace,” she said with a lopsided grin that left Urs wondering why he felt as if he was the one stumbling.

They turned away from the parking lot where several buses were lined up, swiftly swallowing their passengers and hastily departing as if their willing victims might escape their fate, the ubiquitous scenic tour.

Early on the cruise Urs had discovered one of the great advantages to this type of vacation: once you came ashore you were there. No waiting for luggage, no interminable drive from the airport fighting traffic all the way to get where you wanted, just step off the pier. The travel agent hadn’t been exaggerating.

Following the free map they’d been handed, it took them only a few minutes to reach the motorcycle rental shop two blocks from the pier. In less time than it took to read the sign, American Road Connection, Annie Joy’s hand had been dropped like the proverbial hot potato and replaced with various motorcycle anatomies.

She smiled indulgently at his little boy enthusiasm. “Are you renting a Harley or a Goldwing or a Shadow Ace?” she asked nonchalantly, as she read the names from the front window.

Urs’ hands stopped in mid-caress as he turned to her with a puzzled expression. “I think this Gold Wing will be fine.”

Now what is she playing at? Is she just winding me up again with the bicycle thing? Has she been on a motorcycle before?

“Great choice,” she agreed with what she hoped was a confident smile. At least it has a backrest, but my gosh it looks big.



OK Great Minnie, I hope you and Syd are proud of yourselves. See what you got me into. Get back into life; go have an adventure you said. Well this motorcycle thing certainly is that. BTW did you know they don’t even come with seatbelts?

Urs filled out the paperwork and the owner gave them their helmets and marked some must-see spots on their map. Tune in again tomorrow folks for the further adventures of Annie Joy Space Girl, she giggled to herself as Urs made sure her helmet was fastened tightly.

Taking her cue from him, she also put on her gloves. Next he helped her onto the bike and then got on himself. Annie Joy could feel the excitement bubbling up inside her and took a deep calming breath. Let the adventure begin…almost.

“Where do I hang on?” she asked leaning up toward his ear as she grabbed him.

“Up a bit higher,” he said in a strangled voice.

“Oh, up here then,” she said innocently and put her arms around his waist.

Ten minutes later, they were through the quaint town of Bar Harbor and climbing up into the park. Urs’ helmet could hardly contain his smile as he felt his whole body relax into the movement of the bike from straights to sweeping curves to tight downhill corners - all set amid stunning scenery. The riding was superb: exciting and virtually traffic-free roads, crisp morning air dappled with brilliant sun and deep shadow, and then there was the feel of Annie Joy’s arms around him. The way she instinctively leaned into the curves of the road…and of his body, now that was particularly superb.



Almost an hour later they’d reached Cadillac Mountain, the highest point on the U.S. Atlantic coast. Looking down on the town built around the comma of Frenchman Bay, the colors that spread out in front of them almost defied description; bright vivid reds, golden oranges, florescent greens, yellows and even purples. With the sun shining on the distant carpet of trees, it was as if they were lit up from inside.



Urs studied the map, “Look over there, those must be the Porcupine Islands,” he said resting his hand on her shoulder and pointing. “See our ship anchored out there?”

She nodded, “I can’t get over how beautiful the view is from up here, can you?” she turned to look around at him and their eyes caught and held as their minds explored the possibilities of her words.

Her hair blew across her face and he reached up and gently smoothed it back, allowing his fingers to linger a moment, marveling at the softness of her cheek. “Yes, quite beautiful,” he murmured.

Then the moment was gone as Annie Joy grabbed Urs’ hand, “Let’s go; there’s a trail over there,” and off they went to investigate the summit and the several wayside exhibits about the history of the area, both privately relieved to be delving into the mysteries of a granite mountain rather than their own heart.

**********

“Whew! Can we sit here for a minute, please?” she breathed, pulling him toward a large granite boulder. The sun was almost overhead now and although the air was still cool, she unzipped her jean jacket and unwound the animal print scarf from around her neck. “Now I see why they tell you to dress in layers,” she said, wishing she’d copied Urs. He’d already shed his before they started back up the trail.

“Ja, we’re experts at that, always putting on or taking off. The temperature can change quickly in the mountains.”

Was that why he seemed so comfortable, so sure-footed as he held her hand over the rough places, moving with such athletic ease over the uneven terrain? He seemed to sense when to hold on and when she didn’t need his help; not out politeness or good manners but simply an awareness of each other, as if they’d done this before, as if they were long time friends. How ever could she explain this to Great Minnie? How could a person be happy and scared at the same time?

“Is it almost time for lunch?”

Now that she’d said it, his stomach seemed to agree. Was she having an effect on him or was it merely the power of suggestion? Either way, Urs could see he’d need to spend more time in the gym with her around.

“Come on, my little boa constrictor,” he chuckled, pulling her up. “Just one more quick stop and I’ll feed you,” he promised, crossing his heart, and began striding toward the parking lot leaving Annie Joy standing there. “I wouldn’t want you to bite my head off,” he said turning around and walking backwards.

“Don’t worry, I only do that to gingerbread men,” she called, hurrying to catch up with him.

“Where to next Mr. Motorcycle Man?” she asked as she grabbed his hand.

“Thunder Hole, it’s a cleft in the rocks where the waves crash against the granite cliffs and make a huge roar. It’s on the way back,” he said as he let go of her hand and reached into his pocket. As he pulled out the map to show her, one of his gloves fell to the ground. He bent down to pick it up. A frank grin of admiration spread over Annie Joy’s face as his jeans stretched taut over his muscled thighs. His broad shoulders flexed as he reached to pick up the glove and Rod Stewart began to sing in her head.

Urs watched, fascinated, as she broke into a dimple wide grin and took off strutting and prancing toward the bike. He raised his eyebrows in surprise as her rich alto voice didn’t miss a note, “You got legs right up to your neck, you’re making me a physical wreck, I’m talking to yer, Hot Legs…”

Urs grabbed the glove and began jogging over to her, catching up just in time to join her for the “Hot Legs” part. Switching into full Divo mode, he grabbed an air mic, leaned in toward her and belted out, “But what you don’t understand I’m a working man.” The notes died in Annie Joy’s throat and her jaw dropped as he continued, “Gonna need a shot of vitamin E, by the time you’re finished with me, I’m talking to yer, Hot Legs.”

She hadn’t really thought about what he’d sound like. He’d told her he was a tenor, so she was in no way prepared for the deep throaty notes he sang. Granted his smooth voice, both natural and trained, refused to produce the raw, raspy edge a true rock singer needed, but the polished, playfully sexy onstage persona he was showing her reeked of rock god and left her heart pounding.

And there were three others like him in the group? Maybe he hadn’t been exaggerating about the Divas, she thought, picturing four handsome men onstage exuding sex appeal and charm, singing romantic songs and that wasn’t even up close and personal, like here. In close quarters she was sure any one of them would be lethal. She was almost glad when they reached the motorbike, ending the song with laughing high fives. Then she watched the offstage Urs, the real one, return and smiled with relief; she’d never stand a chance against the other one.

Urs wasn’t sure if it was the anticipation of seeing Thunder Hole, the promise of lunch, or their silly rendition of “Hot Legs” but whatever it was she seemed wery happy and that pleased him. It never crossed his mind that he might be part of the ‘it’.

“Ready?” he shouted over his shoulder as he waited for the engine to warm up.

“Any time you are, Hot Legs.” She could feel his laughter as he gunned the engine.

Chapter 11
Moose Droppings

They had picked their live lobsters from the aquarium only minutes before and now sat at a table in the open air restaurant watching their lobsters, clams, potatoes and corn-on-the-cob steam. She’d been brave enough when she’d picked her lobster out, but when it came time for the cooking, she couldn’t bear to look and had come in for some world-class teasing. Even the owner had joked it was a good thing she was sailing tonight otherwise she’d probably sneak back to return them to the wild.

“Can we try again? I think I’ve got it now. Prost, clink, slosh, bang, drink.”

“Gut, but I think you enjoy the slosh a little too much, ja?” he laughed as he shook the beer off his hand and wiped it on the paper towels that served as napkins.

As they tore and cracked their way into their lobsters the only conversation was a few exclamations of delight and a mutual agreement that this lobster was the best they’d ever tasted.

Annie Joy pushed her plate to the side and gazed out at the brightly colored lobster traps filling the water and fishing boats scouring the edges of the rocky shores searching for their catch.
“I may never eat lobster again,” she declared with a satisfied sigh, “I just want this memory to last forever.”

“Just stopped by to see how you’re doing but it looks like I’m too late,” Charlie Hotchkiss, the owner commented, looking at the mound of lobster shells heaped on the table.

“It was hardly a contest,” Annie Joy said with a twinkle, “people 2 lobsters 0.”

Urs stood up, shrugged on his jacket, and held Annie Joy’s for her. “Thank you for lunch, Ers. It really was the best,” she said turning her head around to look at him.

“You’re very welcome, Annie Joy. It was my pleasure,” he smiled, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

“Come back again,” Charlie smiled and returned their wave as they left.

“After we return the bike we should have time to look around the town a bit if you’d like,” Urs said as he put on his helmet.

Annie Joy’s face lit up, “Yes, please. I was hoping we’d get back in time for some shopping.”

**********

Another cruise ship had arrived after them and the town was alive with tourists eagerly darting in and out of the shops in hope of finding the perfect souvenir: a piece of clothing, artwork, handcraft, or jewelry to remind them of this particular place.

This is different, Urs thought. Of course he’d strolled down streets in an unfamiliar town before. Of course he’d held hands with a pretty woman and joked and laughed and looked in shop windows before. But he was hard put to remember the last time the woman had just looked. Then again the woman hadn’t been Annie Joy.

“This looks like a good place,” she said letting go of Urs’ hand. The shop had the usual display of souvenir t-shirts hung around the door and a large carousel of post cards just outside the on the pavement. A few twirls and a few pauses later she’d chosen a half dozen postcards and stepped inside to pay. Caught off guard, Urs hurriedly followed her in.

A few minutes later as they emerged into the mid-afternoon mixture of sunshine and shadows her eyes lit up. “We just have to go in that shop,” she said excitedly as she looked across the street.

Aha, probably some expensive local designer clothes or jewelry, he thought as he followed her eyes to ‘Bill and Ben’s Chocolate Emporium’. He should have known; this was Annie Joy after all.

“Poor little Boa Constrictor, no wonder you’re hungry. Why it’s been almost,” here he made a big show of checking his watch, “two whole hours since you’ve eaten,” he gushed. “Here, let me help you. I wouldn’t want you to faint from hunger,” he teased as he put his arm around her and stepped down off the curb.

“Why thank you Hot Legs, I do feel a little light-headed,” she teased back and fluttered her eyelashes. Fortunately she wasn’t feeling too light-headed to wrap her arm around his waist.

The minute they stepped inside, they were staggered by the aroma and array of homemade chocolates, fudge, and snacks, (green apple cotton candy?) but it was something cold they wanted, cold and chocolate.

Decisions, decisions, eleven different kinds of chocolate ice cream. In the end Urs roots got the better of him and he chose Black Forest, a chocolate-black raspberry with chopped almonds and black cherries. In the end Annie Joy’s free spirit got the better of her. Poor Urs!

“I’ll just wait over here out of the way while you order, OK Urs?” Annie Joy moving toward the back wall.

Urs looked around but all he saw was her back. He sighed.

“Next.”

“I’d like two cones please. One scoop of Black Forest and…

“I didn’t quite hear you. What was that second one again, sir?” inquired the fresh-faced, young thing waiting on Urs.

“uh that was one scoopofMooseDroppings, please,” Urs winced.

“There you go sir, you pay over there,” she smiled as Urs took the two cones and moved down the line.

Annie Joy appeared as if by magic just in time to hold the cones while Urs paid.

“Here’s your Black Forest,” she said handing him the ice cream once they were outside again. “It looks delicious,” she said brightly.

“And yours looks…ahem interesting.” He leaned down to get a closer look. “What are the droppings made of?”

“Crushed malted milk balls, out of this world,” her pink tongue took a big lick as if to prove her point. He watched, mesmerized. “Here do you want a taste?” she asked thrusting her ice cream toward him.

“Oh no thank you, I was just wondering,” he put up his hand. Was it to stop her or him? No, definitely no, especially after she…just no. Stop thinking Urs and eat your own ice cream.

They walked and licked their way down the sloping street toward the dock until they came to some flowerbeds ablaze with fiery mums. As if that had been their destination all along, they went over to one of the wooden benches bordering the flowers and sat down.

Urs had to smile. Annie Joy sat like a little girl, legs crossed Indian style, concentrating on collecting the drips from her ice cream. He crossed his leg on his knee and looked over at her. “Can I change my mind?”

Practically before he knew it, he was holding her ice cream cone, drips and all, and was handing his to her. “I thought you’d never ask. I was dying to taste yours but that wouldn’t have been fair. MMmmmm! Love the raspberry with the chocolate. When I get home I’m going to try mashing up raspberries in regular chocolate and see how it tastes.” Annie Joy paused for a breath.

“I think David is gonna flip when I tell him I ate moose droppings. He’s the American in the group and he’s also the joker,” Urs grinned as they traded back again and continued eating.

“Are you going to send him a postcard?” Annie Joy asked.

Urs snorted, “I wouldn’t even know where to send it. We’re all on break now. I’ll see them all soon enough.”

“What about your family?”

“We’re so busy with the concerts, traveling, publicity stuff. I call them once in awhile. They understand and the whole family gets together when we do a concert in Switzerland of course.”

“Do you have a big family?”

“Just a brother and sister, but lots of cousins and aunts and uncles. What about you?”

“One brother, Rafe. That’s who the postcard is for and a few friends where I work. I did get one for me of Thunder Hole. We were running too fast for me to take a picture,” she grinned, remembering how they’d had to make a mad dash, laughing hysterically. They would have outrun the spray too, but a sudden gust of wind had given them both a shower.



They fell silent again for a few minutes, as if mentally rewinding their day before pressing the save button in their memory.

“Great Minnie would have loved it here seeing all the natural beauty, watching the people,” Annie Joy said softly as she looked out at the blue water. Urs was about to ask the obvious question but sensed she was only pausing, not stopping. He waited.

“She’s been gone a year now. She was our grandmother. When our parents were killed, she came up to Minnesota and took Rafe and me back home to live with her. She was the wisest person I’ve ever known. Sometimes I think of her and the things she taught me and I can almost hear her in my head. Does that sound silly?” she asked turning to look at Urs.

He simply said, “It sounds like she was a wery special lady and you love her wery much.”

“And I bet she’d have ordered Moose Droppings,” Annie Joy chuckled, trying to keep the mood lighthearted.

“Like grandmother, like granddaughter,” they laughed together.

Urs eyes tracked a small fishing boat coming in for the day. “Cécile wouldn’t be sitting here like this.”

“Who’s Cécile” asked Annie Joy curiously.

“My girlfriend.”

Annie Joy hesitated briefly, but kept a bright smile nevertheless, “What would she be doing?”

Urs turned his head to look at Annie Joy. “See that shop over there?” he pointed to an exclusive looking jewelry store. “She’d be in there.”

“She must have exquisite taste then,” Annie Joy half asked, half concluded.

“Very,” Urs agreed in the voice of an expert witness, as he checked his watch and stood up.

“Yoo-hoo, Annie Joy and Urs, how great is this to run into one of our little group. Now we can all take the tender back together. Won’t that be fun?” Candi exclaimed with a huge hug.

“Wonderful idea,” exclaimed Annie Joy as Urs wondered what was going on. Then as they headed toward the dock, all talking at once, especially Annie Joy, about anything and everything, Urs wondered even more.

Why had she latched onto Candi and Bob just now as if they were a lifeline? Hadn’t she enjoyed their day together, just the two of them? She’d seemed so carefree and relaxed as they got to know each other.

And if he wondered why her hand didn’t hold his as tightly as before, he didn’t let on. All he knew was he felt disappointed and he wasn’t sure why.

Chapter 12
Let’s Be Friends


Damn him and the horse he rode in on! The thought of him with his girlfriend twisted inside her. She realized he had no obligation to her, he was being honest, but his timing sure sucked.

She flounced down on the bed, pulled off her boots and flung them disgustedly across the room, more a comment on her behavior than Urs. Why had she assumed and why did it rankle so?

A few noble deeds and a nice hot bath, yep, that’s what you need. Cures a sinkin’ spell every time.

I’m not in the mood, Great Minnie and for your information I am not having a sinking spell, I’m just a little…disappointed is all.

No need to get testy, nor to shout.

Sorry, but we had such a good time today. I really like being with him. He’s GOOD for me Great Minnie!

I know, child, but he’s better for someone else right now.

Why did he have to mention her today? He’s such a man…so clueless.

Would you rather he’d hid her from you like Dr. Doom did? or maybe told you a week from now at the end of the cruise? Friends don’t do that Annie Joy and trust me Urs is your friend: covering for you so’s you wouldn’t be embarrassed, spending time with you, making you laugh, allowing you to let the real Annie Joy out, no strings, just taking you as you come. Seems to me like he’s giving you what you need, all that you need right now. He’s offering friendship Annie Joy. Take it.

Clouds of steam filled the tiny bathroom as Annie Joy lay pondering, submerged in the hot fragrant water, bubbles up to her ears. The water was lukewarm by the time she slowly sat up and opened the drain. Like her fanciful, impractical wants, she watched the water swirl away leaving her needs: useful, sensible, and above all possible. Yes, she’d accept Urs’ friendship, but with ground rules. There would have to be ground rules. As for those noble deeds, well they’d come to her sooner or later.

**********

Annie Joy opened the door to Urs’ knock at precisely 6:00 and choked out, “I see we’re twins tonight,” as she fingered the wide, rounded lapels of her jacket done is a shimmering silver medallion pattern on graphite gray and matching her softly pleated skirt and silver pumps.

“Great minds,” he smiled and moved aside as she stepped out into the hall and firmly closed the door behind her. He held her elbow lightly as they walked down the narrow hall toward the elevator. “I really like what you’re wearing. It suits you.”

They’e reached the elevator. “Thank you, Ers,” she replied demurely, “you look good too.” She moved away a bit intending to give him a teasing once over, but wound up openly admiring the tailored perfection of his dark suit paired with a gray turtleneck. Bad idea she realized as she felt her heart bumping against her ribs. Her fingers fiddled nervously with her earring. “Well now that we’re on the same page as far as our clothes, I think we need to talk about having some ground rules,” she said in her most businesslike voice.

Urs pushed the down button. “You mean like for sharing food?” he grinned, purposely misunderstanding.

“Will you be serious? For how we’re going to play our roles so they think we’re married,” she muttered giving him a murderous look.

“Look, here’s the elevator, watch your step, liebe,” he smiled as he whisked her inside and quickly pushed the button for Deck 6.
“How did I do?”

“Fine, except for the fact that there’s no audience and I don’t know what a liebe is,” she commented dryly.

“Just practicing, dear,” he said with a wink as the door opened and two older couples got in.

Annie Joy gave them a friendly hello and stepped back to make more room. “To be continued,” she whispered to Urs as one lady turned around and smiled knowingly. She turned back around and Annie Joy rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. Urs simply stared straight ahead and tried not to smirk.

**********

“Good evening, you are stopping for a drink before dinner, yes?” Andreas asked, setting two napkins down.

“Yes, we’re a little early. The lady will have…?”

“a cream sherry, please,”

“and I’ll have a lager, Warsteiner if you have it.”

“No music,” Annie Joy looked over at the piano. “I guess it’s too early for Fabrizio. Can we come back and listen a for awhile after dinner?”

“Of course, if you want to. You really enjoy his music don’t you?” Urs looked intently at her.

“Yes, I love his style, so relaxing. When I listen to beautiful music it makes me smile on the inside.” As soon as the words were out she devoutly wished she could take them back they sounded so fanciful, but then without understanding exactly how, she knew that Urs wouldn’t tease or ridicule her ideas; they were safe with him.

He nodded in understanding and closed his eyes for a brief moment; a tiny smile played around the corners of his mouth. Sometimes the feeling is more important than the words.

“Do you think I’d like your music?”

“I certainly hope so. We’re not played on the radio and I didn’t bring any CD’s with me since I’m on vacation but I’ll send you one when I get home if you’d like?” Be careful here Urs. You’re treading on thin ice. What? I’m only sharing my music with her. And then what? Then nothing. She’s not some crazed fan; she’s Annie Joy. And you want to stay in touch with her. No…I don’t know…well yes maybe. She’s fun and when she looks at me I’m Urs, not Il Divo and I can breath.

“That would be great, thanks.”So I give you my address, you send me a CD, and that’s that. What are you playing at Urs?

Andreas returned with their drinks. Annie Joy sipped thoughtfully as she watched Urs sign the room slip

“What made you decide to go on a cruise?

“Actually I’d planned to just rent a bike in Vancouver and ride wherever the road took me. It’s been a hard year; we’ve been touring most of it and living in each other’s pockets gets old wery quickly. I needed to just take some space for myself.”

“You mean before you go home to your girlfriend?”

He looked up sharply, surprised at her insight. “Yeah, you could say that,” he smiled sardonically.

“Anyway I loved the area when we did a concert there but then the travel agent kinda convinced me, you know…” he trailed off.

“Ers, why did you jump in and save me? You came onboard to have some personal time-out and you have a girlfriend so why?”

“I honestly don’t know. It was just a spur of the moment thing, not like me at all and then after I’d said it I couldn’t wery well take it back,” he shrugged his shoulders in an elegantly expressive gesture. “And yes, you’re right I do have a girlfriend,” he said with a trace of apology in amongst the mischief. For a moment neither spoke as rich, warm hazel eyes met clear blue, “but what I want is a friend.”

Something twanged inside Annie Joy, and the hurt she’d clung to fell away and her normal buoyant bubbly spirit took its place. She smiled – a starburst of a smile – thrust out her hand and said, “That’s what I want too Ers – a friend.”

He took it, but the feeling of her hand resting in his didn’t fill him with thoughts of best buddies. One didn’t have thoughts about one’s friend’s soft lips and brilliant eyes like that. He coughed awkwardly and removed his hand hastily. He looked up, relieved to see her smile had not faltered.

So as Mary and John passed by the Gatsby Bar on their way to Prego, the Italian Restaurant, they saw them shaking hands.
“I hope you were betting on a sure thing,” John’s cheerful voice cautioned them.

“Ackshully, it’s no contest,” Urs stood up to shake hands with John and kiss Mary’s cheek.

“That’s right, we’re both winners,” Annie Joy added catching Urs’ eye and smiling, as she gave Mary a hug and received a kiss on the cheek from John.

The men man-handled two extra bucket chairs from nearby for Mary and John.
“We just have time for a quick drink,” Mary apologized as John caught Andreas eye and gave him their order.
“We’re trying Prego tonight,” she said gesturing with her arm to the dimly lit restaurant directly behind them.
“See John I told you we should have come down sooner, then we’d have had more time to visit with Annie Joy and Urs,” Mary fussed.

John gave his wife a bemused look,” And just whose idea was it to watch the romantic sunset from our balcony, my dear? And then…”

“John! You talk too much, now shush!” Mary giggled as she playfully tried to put her hand over his mouth.

He grabbed her hand and gently kissed her fingers. “Yes, dear,” came his dutiful reply as he gave Annie Joy and Urs a mischievous wink.

“We’ll need to be leaving for the Venetian soon too,” commented Urs bending his head to check his watch and wipe the smile off his face. Annie Joy didn’t even attempt to hide hers.

Mary raised her eyebrows at John and he nodded. “How do you feel about Italian? We’d love to have you join us at Prego, that is if John can get the reservation changed,” Mary asked hopefully looking first at Annie Joy and then Urs.

Chapter 13
Egrets from Annie Joy


“You have had the wonderful day?” Andreas’ smile read Urs and Annie Joy’s mood perfectly as they nodded in agreement.

She’d barely had time to settle down into the deep chair and slide her purse next to her hip when two brandy snifters had appeared as if by magic.

“You and Andreas must have some secret signal all worked out.”

“Yes, wery secret,” Urs chuckled as he held up two fingers. “I hope you didn’t mind. If you’d like something else…”

Annie Joy reached out impulsively and put her hand on his arm, “No, it’s perfect. I’m just amazed by the service. Everywhere you go they seem to anticipate your every need. I mean I know it’s their job, but they genuinely seem to like people. That’s hard to fake.” Suddenly overcome with shyness she quickly returned her hand to the safety of her lap.

Annie Joy watched Urs swirl the brandy in the glass bowl, like words turning in his head. “You’re right there,” he said finally, choosing his words deliberately. “It’s a joy to meet someone who is indeed genuine…like you.” His raised his eyes and dared her to look away. Then in the space of a few breaths they broke their gaze and the mood shifted as the penny dropped for Annie Joy. “Oh you,” she swatted his arm as they both enjoyed a good laugh over Urs’ clever play on her name.

“I was genuinely impressed with John tonight. Who knew he was a wine connoisseur?”

“It has a fresh fruit taste with a hint of oakiness on the finish,” Urs mimicked in John’s Canadian British accent.

“Did you see the wine steward almost dropped his corkscrew?” giggled Annie Joy.

“I noticed you were on your best behavior tonight. Not once did I have to remove the fish knife from your white-knuckled hand.”

“That’s because I didn’t hear, ’kisses’ even once all night. They are a fun couple aren’t they? It seems so easy and natural to talk to them. Do you think it’s because they’re older?”

“That probably has something to do with it, but also they’re not newlyweds,” Urs said pointedly.

Annie Joy gave a disgusted sigh, “I think liked you better when you were imitating John instead of parading around with your logic and common sense. No one likes a show-off, you know. Are you sure you aren’t channeling Great Minnie?”

Urs helped himself to a handful of nuts, chewed thoughtfully, and refused to be baited.

“Oh alright then, I’ll try to be on my best behavior with the newlies, but if I hear more than three ‘kisses’ all bets are off. Now would you please pass the nuts?”

Urs could easily have spent the rest of the evening letting the soothing notes of Fabrizio’s music wash over him but then she did it again and he couldn’t help himself. “Almonds must be your favorites, I’ve noticed how you always eat them first.” Would she feel self-conscious or flattered that he’d noticed? In his experience women appreciated when he was attentive, but then he’d never experienced anyone quite like Annie Joy.

The last almond from the small pile on her napkin disappeared between her straight white teeth. “I’m afraid you’ll have to blame that on Great Minnie,” she said breezily, effectively passing the buck and even more effectively confusing him.

“She taught you to eat almonds first?” Urs brow wrinkled in bewilderment.

“Actually I don’t like almonds at all but Great Minnie always said you should get the things you don’t like over with first. Then you know everything else will get better.”

“But why eat them at all?” Urs reasoned.

“Great Minnie says they’re part of the mix, just like real life. Think of it like your music. You can’t just pick and choose to sing the high, happy notes without the contrast of the lower notes and the minor keys to create the harmonies and make the song interesting.”

Urs gave a quick glance up toward the ceiling, “Great Minnie where were you when we needed you?” and looked at Annie Joy. “You should have seen us, four soloists, from different countries who’d known each other all of about ten minutes trying to divy up pop songs into parts for our classical voices.”

“But see you did the hardest part first and now it’s all gotten easier hasn’t it?” Her infectiously positive outlook made it seem more like a statement rather than a question.

Unexpectedly Urs pictured himself trying to outrun an Il Divo snowball of Christmas appearances, book promotions, and a Christmas break with Cécile. Just when did he start seeing her as an obligation? No wonder she’d insisted on him taking a break before he came home.

A voice was interrupting his contemplation, “Ers, did you hear me? What are some of the pop songs you sing?”

Lighten up, Urs. You’ll be back on the Il Divo bandwagon soon enough. Remember why you’re here. Relax for Gott’s sake and if you have to mention Il Divo keep it light.

He stood up and flexed his shoulders, feeling the tension fall away, “I’ll see if Fabrizio will play a few. I’ll be right back.”

Urs returned, Andreas refreshed their drinks, and Annie Joy refreshed herself. She was surprised when Urs had produced a bright newly sharpened pencil almost before she’d started to hunt for one in her purse. The thought that he might enjoy watching her doodle kicked her happiness level up a notch but then she quickly dropped it back down as she thought about the one she’d done this afternoon, the one now taped to her bathroom mirror. Done in a fit of temper, she’d torn it out of the notebook and thrown it in the trash. Later as reason prevailed over resentment she’d retrieved it as a not so gentle reminder of her foolishness.

Unchained Melody was ending with little to inspire her except a chain with wings carrying it away. Then came My Way.

Urs couldn’t get over what fun it was to watch Annie Joy create. At times there would be steady, determined progress as she concentrated, the tip of her pink tongue venturing out as if to test the idea, pencil making sure deft strokes, not stopping till she was finished. Other times it would be fits and starts, a few tiny details and then looking off to an imaginary place, eyes squinched, focusing, then another idea would burst onto the page.

She passed it over to him and he gave a deep laugh, “Perfect, how did you know that was my line? Of course from now on whenever I sing it I’ll have this image in my head. If I lose my concentration I’ll have to blame you,” he said looking at the alligator singing to the audience, ‘Egrets I’ve had a few…’.

Click here: Egrets

“Would you like to have it?”

“An original Annie Joy, I’d love it. Would you mind signing it?” he teased, hiding his happiness under the guise of humor.

“Of course. ‘To Ers from Annie Joy.’ How’s that? I bet that’s the first autograph you’ve received since you joined Il Divo,” she observed shrewdly.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Is that a nervous tic?”

“It’s a blinky wink.”

“You mean you did it on purpose?” she laughed hysterically.

“I just thought I’d try it out on you.”

“You’re practicing? You’re thinking of doing it onstage? In front of everybody?”

“Nooo not exactly. It’s already part of the act, like Seb dancing and David pretending to fall and Carlos and the knickers.”

At this point she put her fingers in her ears, “Lalalalalalala entirely too much information….”

“This is a test right? Yes that must be it. Look Ers, What more can I say? I apologized already. I do believe you’re a singer, cross my heart, but if you’re trying to pull my leg with this preposterous twaddle just to get even I’m going to thump you, friend or no friend.”

Urs held his hands out in a gesture of appeal as a diversionary tactic hoping she wouldn’t see the twinkle in his eyes. “Honestly, this really happens.”

“So you’re telling me that people pay good money to see four operatically trained men…”

“Seb is a self-taught pop singer,” Urs dead-panned, biting back a smile.

“… three operatically trained men and one pop singer dressed in Armani dancing, tripping, and blinking, …”

“…don’t forget catching knickers,” Urs reminded her helpfully with a grin that grew wider as he wound her up another notch.

“We do manage to fit a few songs in at the same time you know. After all we are professionals.”

“Professional what? Blinkers?”

“It makes the Ubers practically lose control when I do it,” he confessed rather proudly, then heaved a sigh as if it were a tiresome burden thrust upon him that no one else could possibly perform.

“Do I want to know what an Uber is?”

“Probably not.”

“I think I need some fresh air. Are you coming?” she asked as she picked up her purse and her brandy and headed toward the stairs.

Chapter 14
Rules


They stood close together at the rail, the only ones hearty or was that fool-hearty enough to be outside on the Lido deck this chilly October night.

“Have you ever seen so many stars in your life?” Annie Joy exclaimed turning around slowly in wonder at the stars, scattered like a million twinkling freckles over the velvet face of the sky. She could just as easily have substituted butterflies for stars as she tried in vain to quell the fluttering in her stomach.

Those damn butterflies. Didn’t they know any better? Urs was just being a gentleman when he’d gotten that lap blanket from the cupboard on deck and wrapped it snugly around her. And if he’d let his strong warm hands run lightly up and down her arms, so what? He was just helping her circulation. And of course the poor man was cold, so standing close behind her and wrapping his arms around her was the sensible thing to do. How else was he going to stay warm? Don’t even think it Great Minnie And how was he to know she’d tilt her head that way to look at the stars and her hair would accidentally skim over his lips causing them to brush the side of her neck. Annie Joy and her butterflies fluttered.

“You’re shivering, let’s get inside out of the wind,” Urs said gently, steering them back toward the pool.

What are you doing Buhler? You’re acting like a love struck teenager. How old were you the last time you stood around freezing your buns off looking at stars just so you could get your arms around a girl? Sixteen?

The automatic sliding door led back into the main part of the Lido deck, the open-air pool area. Tall poles with softly lit globes illuminated the two heated pools in the center and the raised Jacuzzis at either end. A partial roof outlined the area, ending in walls of glass and providing shelter from the wind.



Annie Joy and Urs sat together at one of the café tables scattered along the slanted glass windows gratefully finishing the last sips of their brandy.

“You know in Switzerland in the 1500’s, if couples were spotted having a drink together in public they could be considered married!” he smiled as he raised his glass to her.

“That must be kind of like handfasting.”

“You’ve heard of that?” his eyebrows rose in amazement.

“I came across it when I was planning our…the wedding,” she said more disgusted than embarrassed, Urs noticed. A good sign. “Isn’t it where they agree to a trial marriage for a year and a day and then they could decide if they wanted to walk away or get married? Oh and there’s something about getting married during the new moon as a symbol of new beginnings. I did like that part,” she said wistfully.

“Ackshully, Switzerland was one of the last countries to stop recognizing it as a legal marriage. It was used a lot in the remote villages because priests and ministers didn’t get there very often.”

“You know we’re kind of handfasting aren’t we by pretending we’re married, except it’s only for seven more days,” Annie said in a sudden aha moment, “and we’re just friends,” she added quickly.

“Of course, just friends,” Urs agreed trying to look serious as he bit his lip to keep from smiling and prepared to have some fun. “Perhaps this would be a good time to lay out the rules for our,” he paused, “friendly handfasting. I mean just what do you expect, on my part that is.” If they’d given prizes for innocent, soulful, heartfelt looks his exotic hazel eyes would have received the Bambi Award.

Annie Joy cleared her throat, too bad it didn’t clear her thoughts that were floating around weightless in her brain right now. What she did expect? Suddenly this was getting a bit too technical. “Let’s see. First of all we have to be on our guard around the ship and even in port. There’s no telling where Candi and Bob will turn up.”

“Or Paige and Alan for that matter.”

“Right, good thinking. We’ll need to have some planned kissing.”

“You mean I have to tell you first? I don’t think that will fool anyone,” he argued, tongue in cheek.

“No, of course not,” she said, beginning to get annoyed. “Just don’t sneak up on me, like you did the other night.”

“Right, no sneaking kisses. What else?”

“None of those Candi and Bob tonsillectomy kisses.”

“Gotcha. No deep kisses. As a point of interest I still have my tonsils.”

“Amazing. I’m so happy for you and your tonsils. May you have a long life together. Now where were we?”

“I suppose long and wet is out of the question too?” Urs asked, his voice completely businesslike.

“Pardon me?” Annie Joy gulped.

“No long, deep, wet kisses, right?” he repeated.

“Uh..absolutely. Absolutely no I mean. Will you stop taking the Mickey out of me?” she hissed.

“That’s good, Annie Joy, but I think maybe you might want to tone it down a bit. It might be hard to convince people we’re newlyweds if we keep arguing like an old married couple. What do you think?”

If looks could kill, thought Urs. Thank Gott she doesn’t have a fish knife.

It was in this instant that Annie Joy truly and forevermore came to understand the phrase, ‘weeping and gnashing of teeth’, well at least the gnashing part. But as usual her unsinkable spirit rose to the surface and she expelled a calming breath and continued. “Now as I was saying Ers, we can hold hands like we’ve been doing today and have a few nice hugs once in awhile.”

“What about some not so nice hugs?” he grinned and waggled his eyebrows in a poor imitation of Carlos.

“Will you be serious? Just follow the rules and pretend you’re married,” she growled in exasperation.

“Can’t, I don’t believe in marriage…but for you I’ll use my imagination. How’s that?” he offered.

“Fair enough,” she agreed with a sigh of relief that they were finally both on the same page.

**********

“So what are we doing tomorrow?” Urs asked as he checked out the display of men’s watches in the window of the jewelry boutique.

“Not wearing these shoes for starters. C’mon Ers, you’ve looked enough. It’s getting late and these killer shoes are living up to their name.”

Annie Joy had mistakenly assumed they would have a short handholding drill as Urs walked her to her stateroom one deck below and that would be that. Not so. She felt they were quite proficient at holding hands; they seemed to fit perfectly together. In fact she could do it with her eyes closed. Oops, bad idea there.

On the other hand, Urs must have felt more practice was necessary since he’d sent the elevator to Deck 6. Here along the marble-floored Arcade, boutique shops tempted and beckoned with exquisite displays of fashions, jewelry, and perfumes. What were they supposed to practice here? Window shopping? If she didn’t know better she’d have thought he didn’t want to say goodnight yet. How silly was that!



Urs turned around to say something else to her but Annie Joy was gone. He found her sitting with her feet up in one of the window seats that lined the corridor. She was shoeless.

He bent down and scooped up her shoes, then held out a hand, pulled her up and they started walking slowly down the long carpeted corridor toward the elevators.

“So besides going barefoot tomorrow what’s the plan for the day?” An unexpected surge of protectiveness shot through him as he looked down at her; she looked so much smaller without her shoes. He drew her into him with a quick hug, then released her but kept his arm loosely around her shoulders. He noticed she didn’t seem to mind.

“In the morning I’m going on the red double-decker bus. They’re just like the ones in London; I saw a picture in the brochure. I’ve never been on one and I’m sitting right up top. You just hop off and see something and then hop on when the next bus comes.” Annie Joy’s blue eyes were wide with excitement and her hand shot up into the air to show just how high she’d be.

“If you want to come with that would be great,” she smiled in invitation, “but I think another one of our rules should be we don’t always need to do things together,” she added sensibly. “It isn’t realistic, even really married people need their space. Come to think of it they probably need it more than single people,” she reflected.

Look at her, over the moon about a silly bus. How many have I seen in London? Hundreds probably, but I’ve never even been on one. It’s always a car will come for you, or a cab, or it’s my bike, or walking. He tried to picture Cecile hopping on and hopping off anything, let alone a bus. No she was definitely a cab person. She didn’t even enjoy walking… unless they were shopping. Then she seemed tireless. Urs’ lips tightened at the comparison, but when he looked up at Annie, his smile was unforced.

“I feel the same way, about taking our own space that is. I’ve never been on a double-decker either so that sounds like a great plan.”

The elevator pinged softly. Being a well-trained employee, the man from housekeeping showed no surprise to see a barefoot lady and her companion step out. He gave them a face-splitting smile and continued polishing the brass railings on the double staircase opposite the bank of elevators. They returned his smile and continued slowly down the hallway.

At the door, Annie Joy slid in the card and pushed the handle down. She turned back toward Urs, took her shoes he offered dangling on two fingers and tossed them just inside her room. She swallowed hard to ease the dryness in her throat. His long fingers gently came under her chin, lifting it so that her face came up to meet his. Rules, rules she repeated to herself as she waited long seconds for the kiss she knew would come.

He bent his head and then his mouth was on hers in a kiss that was not fierce, nor greedy, nor filled with wild passion. It was slow and soft and heartbreakingly tender and oh so against the rules.

“How was that?” he whispered in a voice as dark and rich as the night sky they’d gazed at together.

“Um, yes, that’ll do. Gotta go now. ‘Night,” and just like that Annie Joy was gone…almost. Urs’ hand stopped the door just as it was closing.

“In case you were wondering, there was a new moon tonight,” he said, or at least he thought he said. It was rather hard to judge how loud he was speaking with that thudding in his chest.The door clicked shut. When Annie Joy opened it to look down the hall he was gone.

And so on one side of the now gleaming staircase the man breathed a sigh of relief that the strange whirring sensation in his stomach was subsiding and congratulated himself on a job well done, perhaps a little too well done.

While the woman on the opposite side marveled at the body’s ability to remain upright despite bones that had obviously turned to jelly and idly wondered what the world record was for the longest kiss.

Chapter 15
Hop On, Hop Off


“Yes, thank you,” Annie smiled as Shavva offered her more coffee.

“It is a beautiful day yes? You are going on the tour this morning?” he smiled back in his soft sing-song voice.

“Yes it’s a gorgeous day. I’m going to hop on and off the double-decker bus,” she grinned as the words seemed to bubble out happily from her mouth.

‘Have a nice time then,” he said clearing away the array of empty dishes in front of her.

Annie Joy was early today and had just finshed eating when she saw Urs come in. Marie must have been on Urs watch because she’d had a piping hot cinnamon roll ready and waiting as he’d come through the line. She’d blushed shyly as he’d leaned over and said something to her.

“Work it Ers, work it,” Annie Joy teased as he set down his tray on the table. There was the ever-present musli, but he’d been to the omelet station she noted with a satisfied feeling. She must be having a good effect on him.

“Hush, you’ll embarrass her,” Urs whispered as he leaned over, kissed her cheek and sat down.

To her credit Annie Joy didn’t blush, at least not on the outside, although she knew exactly how Marie felt. That man certainly knew how to wake up the butterflies…and render you speechless.

Hehe, looks like that man’s got his hush-your-mouth moves down pat, Annie Joy, cuz it sure worked on you.

Oh hu… be quiet Great Minnie. He just caught me off guard that’s all.

“Am I late?” A confused expression crossed Urs’ face as he checked his watch.

“You? Perish the thought! No, I thought I’d get here early to make up for yesterday. You know, when I was late.”

“I hardly even noticed,” he said suddenly needing to focus all his attention on dividing the cinnamon roll.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire. I saw that little squinchy thing your eyebrows did just for a second. You were ticked off; admit it. Same thing happened at Harvard when I was winding you up.”

I don’t squinch up my eyebrows, do I? I can’t believe she read me that well. How does she do that?

“I just like things to run smoothly and that doesn’t happen if people aren’t on time. We Swiss are like that, trains, buses, meetings, it’s just more efficient that way,” he explained animatedly.

“Ers, please put your knife down, I’m getting dizzy. You may be Swiss but I don’t recall reading in any dictionary where efficient was synonymous with fun. Didn’t you say something about coming on this cruise to unwind and relax, no meetings, no schedules, no performances? So just unbend a little, you might even like it.” Annie Joy hopped off her soapbox. “Oh, and be careful of the musli. I had a friend who drowned in a bowl of it once. A strong currant pulled him in,” she deadpanned and began to butter her cinnamon roll.

For the life of him Urs couldn’t think of a clever retort. So after opening and closing his mouth a few times rather like a goldfish he gave up, threw his head back and laughed. This time the only thing squinching was his eyes.

Did you listen to yourself, Urs? You sound like a pompous Dummkopf. You may as well go with the flow because she isn’t going to cut you any slack that’s for sure. First she gets after you like Mami and then she sends in that musli zinger. Face it, she’s got your number but good.

Across the table, Annie Joy didn’t even look up as she studied the city map and smiled smugly in between bites of her half of the cinnamon roll.

**********

By 12:30 both Urs and Annie Joy had no more hop left in them. First they’d walked through historic streets learning about pirates and privateers and visited the Victorian Public Gardens.

Next was a stop at the north end of the city, forever changed by the collision of two ammunition ships in the harbor. “I was there on my tour, to Boston Common where they put the tree!” Annie Joy whispered excitedly to Urs as their guide told them how Nova Scotia donates a giant evergreen each year to the people of Boston as a thank you for their assistance following the 1917 Halifax Explosion.

Then they had climbed up to the Citadel, one of four fortresses guarding the city since the 1700’s. By the time they returned to street level their appetites were even more formidable than the fortresses. Fortunately it didn’t take them long to find a small café where they were introduced to the delights of a lobster roll,
chunks of fresh cooked lobster mixed with mayonnaise, diced celery and onion and served on a baguette.



Their last stop was the Maritime Museum of the Atlantic representing the marine history of Nova Scotia, including artifacts from the Titanic. The Small Craft Gallery and the Explosion exhibits were downstairs and then after they’d seen those they walked slowly together to the second floor.

Downstairs, they’d wandered independently, looking at the displays; upstairs however, as they began to view the Titanic artifacts they seemed loathe to stray far from one another. Instinctively they needed to know they could reach out to a warm living being, to reaffirm their own life force, as the horror of this tragedy suddenly became almost too much to bear.

The artifacts had been pulled from the water within weeks of the sinking by ships from Halifax searching for Titanic victims. There were touching reminders of the ship's lost luxury: balustrade moulding, lounge paneling, and the centerpiece of the exhibit, a deck chair.



Annie Joy and Urs had commented occasionally in soft, somber voices, heads close together as they viewed these wooden pieces. Then the exhibits became more personal. Urs was drawn to a cribbage board and Annie Joy to some crockery with the White Star Lines imprint. As he read the information in the glass case he glanced over at her and sucked in a breath. She had moved on and was blinking back tears as she stared at a woman’s comb. He made a start to go to her then stopped and balled his hands up in frustration. What could he say that wouldn’t sound trite or dismissive?

He was looking at the wireless log with the Titanic’s distress calls when he heard her sniffle and saw the photographs scattered in the case: husbands, wives, families, old and young, stared back at her as she shook her head in mute denial. He felt his own eyes fill up as much in sympathy for her as the victims and pressed his fingers to the corners to stopper them.

He walked slowly toward her. Annie Joy laced her fingers through Urs’; loosely at first but by the time they got to the last glass case she was holding on for dear life.

‘Shoes of the unknown Titanic child’ she read silently through tear bright eyes…’the only baby recovered…boy about two years old.’ She turned away from the two little brown leather shoes as tears silently slid down her cheek. Without thinking, Urs pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms loosely around her, patting and rubbing her back, “Shhh liebe, I know, I know,” he crooned softly into her ear as he shifted his weight back and forth, rocking, soothing.

Finally she gave a shudder, sniffed and scrubbed at her eyes with the back of her hands as she tried to give him a watery smile but failed. “It’s just…”

“Think of all the brave men who risked their lives to bring the victims back here, to give them a proper burial. They’re at peace now Annie Joy, remember them like that. She nodded and slipped her arm around his waist as they turned and walked down the stairs out into the bright afternoon sunshine of Halifax.

They could see their ship in the far distance as they walked slowly back along the wide wooden boardwalk, neither ready for words. Gradually Urs could feel Annie Joy’s arm relaxing around him, then dropping down to hold his hand until finally she broke her grip entirely and sat down on a nearby bench. There was a kilted bagpiper playing nearby. After a minute or two she stood up and walked quickly to his tip box and tossed in some money. Then she scurried back and plopped down again on the bench as if she were playing musical chairs and the music had suddenly stopped.

She listened to the musical lament with her hands resting lightly on her knees. Urs was tempted to sit with her, but somehow knew she needed this time to regroup.

“There! I feel better now,” she said more to herself as the music ended. She looked up and smiled, and he saw that her eyes were as clear and bright as the brilliantly blue sky above. ‘Thank you Urs!’

Annie’s lips curved in a secret smile, made sweet because she knew that walking along the boardwalk with this man, yet not saying a word, had been one of the best conversations she’d ever had – or not had.

Urs’ return smile was tentative at first. He’d been worried that he had forced her away, but then he realized that her distancing herself had merely signaled the return of her buoyant spirit, her balance, her strength, and her confidence. His smile then lit up his face as he was filled with the sure knowledge that he had helped make her happy again…and had he heard her correctly? She’d called him Urs.

Chapter 16
Beavertails, Bumps, and Buns


By the time they were about halfway back to the ship Urs couldn’t stand it any longer. Their conversation had grown increasingly lighter and teasing as they’d walked and he’d contributed his fair share but now he had to know.

“You called me Urs, didn’t you?” he declared as he stopped walking and turned to face Annie Joy.

“I did? Wow, must have been a sudden drop in my blood sugar. Don’t you just hate when that happens? I promise I won’t do it again…”

“No, I like it,” he interrupted.

You like it? What has gotten into you? So what if she can say your name correctly; she’s just winding you up. In a week she’ll be gone. Why does it matter so much, unless… What? No, don’t be stupid, she’s just a friend and friends should say each other’s names correctly that’s all.

“And I’d like one of those,” she grinned, deftly changing the subject as she pulled him over toward a small kiosk. The deliciously sweet scent of pastry floated out across the boardwalk from a stove in the back.

Urs looked up at the huge sign and groaned. He knew what was coming next as he was reluctantly pulled the last few feet to the stand selling Beavertails. “Alright little boa constrictor, what kind do you want?” he asked, suddenly cheered by the thought that it could have been worse…it could have been Moose Droppings.



“I knew you’d get the one with chocolate,” Annie Joy bragged, “you’re so predictable sometimes Ers.”

“So are you Annie Joy,” Urs grinned back noticing he was Ers again.

They sat side by side on a bench, each concentrating mightily on eating their beavertail, a huge piece of fried whole wheat dough stretched to the shape of a beaver’s tail. Urs’ larger hands made it much easier to hold the rather floppy pastry so by the time they’d finished eating he was wearing less of his chocolate hazelnut topping than Annie Joy was of her apple cinnamon.

“Here your fingers are less gooey than mine, there’s some hand wipes in here,” Annie Joy indicated her shoulder bag with her elbow.

Gingerly Urs reached in and brought out a small plastic zip bag. He opened it, gave her one and took one himself.

“You’d better give me another one; I’m a mess. I can’t believe how sticky those things were but oh so worth it. That was yummy, thank you Ers,” Annie Joy said as she wiped her hands and checked her jacket for spills.

“You’ve very welcome. I must say you wear your food well,” he chuckled as his lips dove in for a touch and go at the corner of her surprised mouth, then landed full on for a brief touch down and took off.

“You missed a bit,” he touched the corner of his own mouth as an explanation and although his lips didn’t smile, his eyes beamed.

She opened her mouth, he guessed it might have been to protest, but then closed it again as her eyes lit up mischievously.

His brain registered her expression about the same time as her lips caught the curve of his jaw with a fleeting, nibbling kiss. Or was it two? He was a bit fuzzy about the details because now her hands were resting lightly on his shoulders and her soft warm lips were covering his in a kiss that was as puzzling as it was wonderful. It felt so real, so genuine, so against the rules.

He blinked, she spoke, “I thought I should practice for tonight. The Captain’s Dinner, remember?” she added. It must have completely skipped his mind; he seems so distracted she thought.

“Oh yes right, and the champagne reception first. I wasn’t thinking.”
At least not about that you looli. Remember this is just play acting. She told you she’s practicing didn’t she? Now where’s she going?

“Hey Annie Joy wait up!” Surely she heard him. Yes she turned around. What?

“Last one to the ship is a beaver butt!” she shouted, then turned around and took off running flat out down the quay.

Urs couldn’t help but chuckle as he took off after her; her vivacious personality just drew him in. What a character!

“You’d better run Annie Joy, you are so dead,” he called out and pumped his legs faster.

Joggers or people walking their dogs may have turned around to look at them for a second, but no one really paid much attention. If anyone had been sitting on a bench soaking up the warming rays of the afternoon sun tempered by the fresh tang of the salt air they wouldn’t have noticed anything out of the ordinary either.

It was only a man with dark curly hair, broad-shoulders, and obviously in good shape, spiritedly giving chase to a small smiling woman with blue eyes and straight pale blond hair. As he caught her in a laughing hug she gave his behind a playful pat, then they joined hands and continued on toward the ship tied up at the dock. Just an ordinary couple made special by the very fact of their ordinary-ness.

**********

“Guess what I’m doing this afternoon,” Annie Joy prompted as the security officer scanned their key cards and they turned down the corridor toward the elevators.

“Getting a tattoo?” Urs guessed, half-jokingly, as he remembered her fascination at the kiosk near the atrium that advertised airbrushed tattoos, guaranteed to last 7 days. Fortunately it had been closed at the time or he was sure she’d have gotten one and probably dragged him along to help her choose. Sometimes she was just too free-spirited for her own good.

“No you silly Swiss, I don’t have time now…but maybe later,” she paused, thoroughly enjoying his double take.

“I didn’t realize you were into self-mutilation,” only a slight exaggeration in his opinion.

“Now don’t go getting on your high horse, Ers, so are you,” Annie Joy pointed out, pulling on her left earlobe and smiling smugly when he grabbed his own sheepishly.

“That’s different,” he muttered.

“Why?”

“Because it’s not noticeable. It was a long time ago when I played in a heavy metal band. I told you about that,” was his brusque explanation.

“Oh now I remember, when you were a teenage rock god.”

If eye-rolling were an Olympic event, Urs would be wearing a gold medal.

“Still leaves you with an extra hole in your head,” she threw out as bait.

“Are you making fun of my head, Miss Beaver Behind?” Urs took the bait and ran with it.

“Read my lips, Ers, Beaver BUTT. If you’re going to call me names please get it right. For your information I do not have a Beaver Behind and to make certain I’m in tip-top shape for the Captain’s Dinner tonight I’m treating myself to the spa. I’m getting the works, even a sculpting massage, whatever that is.”

“Do you go often?” Not as often as Cécile I bet. Sure she was a knock-out at the Paris concert but why did she have to spend half a day of our precious weekend time at the spa? She seemed almost as happy to be going there as to see me perform.

“No way! Who’d have time and money to do that all the time? I’m what you might call a Spa Virgin, first time for everything I guess. I’m getting painted, plucked, and sculpted compliments of Dr. Doom.”

“Your ex?” Urs looked confused.

“One in the same. I couldn’t really see the need for a whole suite when he…when my plans changed so I downgraded my cabin. I’ve decided to spend every last cent of the refund before I return to the real world,” she declared firmly.

No one can keep you down for long can they, Annie Joy? You’re like one of those plastic dolls that pop right back up again when you push them down. That’s what makes you special, your beautiful spirit.

As the elevator opened Urs automatically turned toward Annie Joy’s hallway and if she noticed she didn’t say a word.

“If you’re going to the spa then I’d better spend some time in the gym. I wouldn’t want you to be the only one in shape.”

“Yeah right, Ers,” Annie Joy observed drily as she thoughtfully appraised his behind.

“Fifty, right?”

“Fifty what?” he asked as his brow wrinkled in bewilderment.

“The number of squats you do a day to maintain your,” she stole another look, “assets,” she said emphasizing the first syllable. Her mouth split in a wide grin. “Do tickets at the back of the stage go for more money?”

Laughing, he asked, “Why? Would you buy one?”

“Hell no. Not when I can see those buns of steel for free,” she declared giving them a pat. She opened the door and then as if she’d just remembered something she turned back, “Oh, in case you don’t recognize me at the Captain’s Dinner tonight, I’ll be the sculpted one,” she said breezily, giving him a blinky wink.

“Maybe I’d better pick you up then to be sure. I’ll come by at 6:00,” he blinky-winked back with a devilish grin.

Chapter 17
The Promised Land


Annie Joy felt like an exotic, pampered mermaid thanks to her seaweed wrap and massage. Now she floated bonelessly in a fragrant cloud as she sank into the pedicure chair and closed her eyes.

“Annie Joy is that you?” said a soft voice to her right and she opened her eyes to see Paige in the chair beside her.

“Sorry Paige, I’m not her. I’m her beautiful scuplted twin. I have officially changed my name to Ariel after my seaweed treatment. Love your hair, by the way,” she smiled, noticing her new hair style.

“Do you really? I hope Alan notices,” she replied apprehensively gnawing her lower lip.

“Of course he’ll adore it. With your hair up like that you’ll really look elegant tonight. I’d kill to have your long neck and those little curly wisps she did at the back are gorgeous . I love to wear scarves but I need to be careful or it looks like I have no neck at all, like those hulking football players, you know.”

Paige giggled and seemed to visibly relax, “Oh Annie Joy you say such funny things. Wherever do you come up with them? We missed you and Urs at dinner last night. You weren’t seasick were you?” she asked as her brow wrinkled in concern.

Hmmm let’s see. Ers and I don’t show up for dinner, supposedly we’re honeymooners and she thinks we’re seasick? If it were anyone but Paige, I could be certain they were ribbing me but Paige is serious, as serious as Candi was about those stupid pommes frites. Surely she isn’t that naïve. What is going on here?

“Oh no, we’re fine. We just ran into a couple we met at the Japanese restaurant our first night on board. They invited us to Prego. Their eggplant parmigiana is to die for. You and Alan should try it one of these nights, especially since you enjoy cooking. I’m sure Candi and Bob wouldn’t mind. Heck most of the time they act like no one else is there anyway,” Annie Joy chuckled.

“They do like to kiss a lot, “ Paige agreed with a smile that to Annie Joy’s eye looked a little wistful. “You can tell they really are crazy about each other.”

“Yes, I think you’re right there, Paige. I just wish they’d keep their hands off each other at least until the dessert course. All those romantic clinches kind of put me off my food if you know what I mean.”

“Annie Joy, you are bad,” Paige scolded with a knowing laugh, then became serious as she fiddled nervously with her hands in her lap. “You know, sometimes, just once in awhile, I wish that Alan looked at me like Bob looks at Candi and I’ve noticed how Urs can’t take his eyes off of you. I guess we’re getting to be an old married couple,” she added with a little sigh.

Annie Joy’s eyebrows shot up along with her soaking feet. “Oops, sorry,” she apologized to the nail technician for the sudden splash and quickly plunged her feet back into the fragrant swirling water.

“Good golly Miss Molly! You’ve only been married six months, Paige. You’re on your belated honeymoon for gosh sakes. Stop talking nonsense,” she chided giving Paige’s arm a little shake.

Was the rest of what she said nonsense too I wonder. Of course you silly woman. Urs is only playing his part. You saw his sexy ‘Hot Legs’ stage persona. He’s probably a master at giving those smouldering looks when he’s performing. Sure he’s good at making eye contact; he can’t very well get up on stage and sing to his feet can he?

**********

“So what did you did today Paige?” Annie Joy asked as their feet were dried and carefully dipped into warm paraffin.

“We did a two hour bus tour and when we came back I went shopping for a dress for tonight. The woman in the shop suggested white to show off my tan and some silver high heeled sandals. What do you think?”

“Perfect choice, Paige. With that golden skin you want to wear a lot of light or bright colors. Show off your assets so to speak,” Annie Joy suggested, thrilled that someone had given her some good fashion advice at last. “You’ll be a knock out,” she smiled encouragingly.

“Oooohhhh isn’t this delicious?” Paige crooned as their feet were wrapped in plastic baggies and slipped into cloth booties.

Annie Joy agreed as she surveyed her two wrapped feet, “Now I want you guys to remember this later tonight when I squeeze you into those black suede killer heels. There will be no whining and complaining. Is that understood?”

“Just relax now ladies and we’ll see you in 15 minutes,” the two girls said as they brought them fresh coffee, handed them the remote control for their massage chairs and left.

Naturally Annie Joy was the first one to experiment as her fingers pressed various combinations of massage settings. “Try pressing the one that says fingers and #3, Paige. You’ll love it.”

After some trial and error Paige found a little more gentle setting and both women relaxed back into the soft black leather chairs and closed their eyes in bliss.

“So what does Alan think of your new dress? I’ll bet he can hardly wait to see you in it,” Annie Joy asked drowsily, too relaxed to even open her eyes.

Paige giggled mischeivously, “He hasn’t seen it yet. I’m sending him out while I get ready and then I’m going to meet him at the champagne reception. I want to surprise him. And you know what else? Last night after dinner when Candi and I went to the ladies we had such a nice little talk, Annie Joy. She even gave me some helpful tips, you know, about looking good.”

“I’ll try to get there early then so I can see all the heads turn when you make your grand entrance,” Annie Joy promised with lighthearted exaggeration.

“The only head I’m interested in turning is Alan’s. I’m sure he’s never seen so many glamorous women in one place before and I just want to show him I can be glamorous too, you know like Candi.”

Annie Joy opened her eyes, sat up, and gave her a stern look. “You’re the one Alan fell in love with, that hasn’t changed. He’s just a bit dazzled by the fancy packaging that’s all. Besides, if you try to be like Candi, who will be like you?” she asked pointedly in her best Great Minnie voice.

Can you believe this Great Minnie? Annie Joy aka the Great Impostor handing out pearls of wisdom to newlyweds. I mean could anything be more ludicrous?

Now child, don’t be so hard on yourself. Seems to me you’d be the perfect one seeing as how you about twisted yourself in knots trying to please that ungrateful wretch thinking it was you that needed the changing. At least Paige won’t have to wait as long as you did to realize if it’s the right man he’ll love you as you are.

“Trust me, with your new hairdo and clothes we’ll have to change your name to Glamorous Paige the Spa Goddess,” Annie Joy predicted to her blushing, giggling friend.

“And don’t forget her helpful friend, Annie, oops, I mean Ariel the Seaweed Queen,” she added leaning over to give Annie Joy an enthusiastic high five.

As the attendants returned and began unwrapping their feet, both women sighed and settled back again into the relaxing caress of their chair. As her unpolished toes were painted with Tasmanian Devil Made Me Do It, a tempting shade of red orange, Paige languorously turned her head to look at Annie Joy but her eyes were closed, a faint smile played over her mouth. No need to disturb her, thought Paige. She’ll see me in my new make-up soon enough. I wonder if she’ll notice.




The clock read 5:45, fifteen minutes early. She congratulated herself in the mirror as she critically eyed her outfit. Yes, the sleek black pencil skirt showed off her ‘sculpted’ curves, the dark sequined silk tank added a nice sparkly layer underneath the silver sequined tuxedo jacket yet it managed to avoid seeming over-the-top. She smiled at the sudden jangle of the phone, ready to accept Ers teasing about being sculpted but it was Paige and her voice sounded anything but teasing.

“Annie Joy are you dressed yet?” Paige asked breathlessly.

“Of course Paige. It’s almost time to go. Urs will be h…

OMG I almost slipped up. I feel like such a fraud pretending we’re married. I really like her. I know she wouldn’t tell anyone. No, Annie Joy you can’t. What’s the point?

…hurrying me out the door any minute. Even though it’s a come-and-go thing he likes to get there right at the start,” she explained with fingers crossed that Paige hadn’t noticed the bobble in her voice.

“Can you ask him to go on without you?” Her words began to pick up speed in her anxiety. “Maybe he could find Alan and stay with him until you get there.” As she pleaded, her voice rose, “Please Annie Joy, I need you here,” and ended in a wail, “my zipper’s stuck!”
“OK, Paige, don’t panic. I’ll be right there. What’s your stateroom number?”

“11003,” she said with a whimper.

Annie gulped. Paige and Alan were on the same deck. It figured.
“I’m just down the hall. I’ll be there in a sec and don’t you dare start bawling you understand? If I see even one tear I’m leaving… zipped or unzipped.”

Great Minnie, I need some divine intervention here because if she isn’t wearing waterproof mascara all bets are off, you hear me?

Right, now think Annie Joy. Leave Ers a note on the door. No! you birdbrain what if someone sees it. Like who? With your luck Candi and dear Bobo are just down the hall too. OK just run down…make that walk quickly, oh just take off the damn knock-me-down-and-do-me shoes and get going. Ers will find you eventually.

Paige must have been listening at the door because Annie Joy had barely touched it when it swung open. Paige stood there looking at her as if she was Moses and Annie Joy was the Promised Land.

Paige heaved a sigh of relief and although her lower lip trembled and there were tracks, make those ravines, in her make-up where tears had flowed, no actual tears could be seen now. Annie Joy gazed at Elvira, Mistress of the Night, triaged the damage and decided to treat the dress disaster first. The make-up was non-life threatening unless Paige was allergic to horror movies.

Annie Joy closed the door and turned her around to survey the stuck zipper. It was well and truly stuck but with the help of tweezers she performed minor surgery to prise the fabric free from the zipper teeth. The dress however was in desperate need of a first aid dressing. It was a white figure-hugging sleeveless sheath with an Empire waist and scoop neck, which was good. It was perfectly plain, which was not.

“We need to add a little bling, Paige. You know, make Alan sit up and take notice. I think I have something that just might do the trick. I’ll be right back. No tears, now,” she cautioned with a finger wag and dashed out the door.

Urs rounded the corner of the hallway and headed toward Annie Joy’s stateroom when he saw someone at the far end, running toward him. A woman, in her bare feet, Annie Joy? He grinned and shook his head wondering what her explanation would be. Whatever it was, it would be a good one. She was certainly unique.

Her stocking feet skidded to a stop as she practically bowled Urs over, grabbing at his arms to steady herself as she caught her breath.

Scheisse! Did I flex my biceps in time? I’ll bet her Dr. Doom was too busy at the hospital to work out. Urs, shut up you’re being an ass…again.

“Ers, I’m so glad I ran into you,” she gave a little laugh and shook her head at her inadvertent pun and rushed on, “you have to get to the champagne reception and find Alan and keep him occupied till Paige and I get there. Tell him we’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Sure, but…?”

She slipped her key card in the lock and turned back quickly, “We have a fashion emergency. Don’t tell Alan and please when you see Paige tell her she looks nice…no matter what OK? I’ll see you there”…she stopped and looked over her shoulder, “ and it’s because I can run faster.”

Urs looked at her shoeless feet. “How did she know?”

The door clicked shut as he turned and headed toward the elevator. He could hardly wait to hear the rest of this story.

**********

Back in the fashion emergency room the treatment was nearly over.

First the dress had been given a healthy dose of bling. The embellishment on the tulle tank of Annie Joy’s was perfect. The sequins suspended on the sheer fabric outlined the neck of Paige’s dress, to resemble a large necklace and smaller sequins were scattered randomly over the remainder of the top.

Next the excess make-up had been excised.

“I guess I got a little carried away,” Paige grinned sheepishly as Annie Joy sat her down on the stool in front of the dressing table.

“You think?” Annie Joy quipped as they both laughed.

Taking a damp make-up sponge she began to remove the excess foundation with gentle downward strokes.
“You did a good job matching your skin tone, you just have too much of a good thing. It’s a common mistake. Remember you want to look as if you’re not wearing any make-up.”

Fortunately the boundless blush came off along with the foundation.

“There, that’s much more natural. When it comes to blush more is definitely not better, unless you’re Clippo that is.”

Paige turned her head to look up. “Who’s Clippo?”

“He’s a clown marionette I had when I was little. Maybe you’re a distant cousin.” Paige couldn’t help smiling at Annie Joy’s teasing. Her humorous honesty took the sting of embarrassment away because you knew she was helping without judging.

“Now one more thing and you’re ready for your grand entrance. That blunder of blue on your eyes will have to go unless it’s Halloween or 1960. How about some sexy smoky eyes instead?”

“Yes, please,” murmured Paige, as the happy face beaming in the mirror reflected her gratitude more eloquently than any words.

At exactly 6:20 Paige the Glamour Queen and Annie Joy of the Killer Heels entered the empty elevator that would take them to the Starlight Lounge on Deck 6.

“I need a name to call Alan?” Deck 10.

“You mean a bad name or a good one?” asked Annie Joy wondering if she had perhaps let the genie out of the bottle a little too prematurely.

“Oh, Annie Joy, you are too much. A nice, lovey kind of name. Bob calls Candi Sweetie Pie and Urs calls you Liebe.” Deck 9.

“Darling?” Deck 8.

“Sweetheart?” Deck 7.

“Honey?”

“Yes!” Deck 6.

"Hi honey,” Alan felt a tap on his shoulder and he and Urs turned simultaneously. Urs beamed and Alan’s jaw dropped…

Chapter 18
The Blind Leading the Blind


Urs arrived a few minutes before 6:00 at the Stardust Lounge and accepted a glass of champagne from the waiter, trying to seem cool and collected as he scanned the crowd for Alan.

He felt keyed up, a strange combination of excitement and anxiety. Annie Joy did not seem to be prone to Drama Queen attacks and if truth be told he was more than a little proud to be counted on to help. He had been given an assignment and he wouldn’t let her down. Although he had no idea what Annie Joy’s idea of a ‘fashion emergency’ was, he had absolute faith that she would resolve it.

He spied Alan off to one side awkwardly trying to balance his glass, eat a canapé, and people watch all at the same time. Without seeming to hurry Urs threaded his way over to him.

“There you are Alan. I’ve been looking for you,” he said, squeezing past two well-dressed elderly ladies and returning their appreciative smiles as he excused himself.

“Hi there Urs. You haven’t seen Paige by any chance have you? It’s getting pretty crowded,” Alan said as he balled up the now empty napkin, looked for a place to put it and finally stuffed it into his jacket pocket.

“She and Annie Joy are together, putting on their final touches I expect. You know how these women are, it’s better to get out of their way and let them make their grand entrance. She shooed me out so I thought I’d keep you company while we wait for them. Have I missed anything?” Urs asked, smoothing the front of his tux jacket and making sure he hair was tucked back.

“Not that I’ve seen. I overhead someone say they’ll be introducing the Captain and the ship’s officers about 6:30 but it’s not a close up and personal thing. Something about the Captain not shaking hands and germs. Say have you had a chance to try some of those appetizers the waiters are passing around? The bacon wrapped shrimp are great.”

As if on cue a waiter appeared bearing a tempting array of tidbits. Urs turned slightly and in one fluid motion set his empty glass on the tray of another passing waiter, picked up a napkin and helped himself to some canapés. “Mmmm you were right about these shrimp, Alan. Nothing like a few hors d'oeuvres to whet your appetite.”

“So how are you and Paige enjoying the cruise?” Urs asked conversationally as he discreetly surveyed the crowd for any sign of the women.

“We’re having a great time, but nothing to compare with you and your wife. I can tell you’re still in the honeymoon phase,” he said with what seemed to Urs to be a trace of envy in his voice. “She seems to hang on your every word. You wouldn't want to share your secret would you?” he asked wryly.

She does have that way of looking right at me when I’m talking that makes me feel like we’re the only ones in the room. Don't kid yourself, Buhler. She’s a people person; she’s interested in everybody. She hangs on your every word all right so she can tease the living daylights out of you. Well at least she’s paying attention to me. That’s good. Good what, Urs? Good role-playing or for real? You know the answer so stop being stupid, put your oversized ego back in the box, and get on with this charade.

Urs gave an enigmatic smile, “I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you and knowing Annie Joy she’d kill me when she found out… and you know they always find out.

“What kinds of things do you and Paige talk about?”

“Well, mostly I tell her about how things went at work and if I landed a sale I tell her about that. You know important things that happen with my business. It's a big responsibility being in business for yourself you know,” Alan declared importantly.

“I'm certain it is,” Urs replied thoughtfully with more than a trace of irony.

Urs signaled no thank you with his hand, Alan helped himself to more offered hors d'oeuvres and continued, “But sometimes I think Paige isn't even listening let alone paying attention to me. You weren't there but just last night at dinner I had to ask her twice what tour we would be on in Quebec City.”

“Yet you give her your undivided attention when she's talking. I understand why you're upset,” Urs said earnestly as he bit his cheek to keep from smiling.

“Well, I have to admit once in a while I do get distracted. I mean it's our first cruise and everything's just so...I can't explain it but it's like being in the middle of some Hollywood set. The posh service, everyone dressed to the nines for dinner, and the jewelry and dresses on some of these women would about blind you!”

“Especially at our table,” Urs remarked drily.

Alan had the good sense to look embarrassed. "Yeah, I admit it's hard not to be dazzled by Candi, but it's not what you think, Urs. Honest. Paige doesn't have to worry. I love her and she's the only one for me, I just wish sometimes she could dress a little more glamorous, you know.”

“And you've told her all this I suppose,” Urs commented, wondering after the fact how he’s managed to become devil’s advocate.

“Not exactly, but she knows I love her and I would never look at...” Alan's words died on his lips as he realized what he'd just said. Even he was smart enough to realize he was in deep Tushumba.

Urs shook his head in disbelief and wonder. How had Alan managed to be married this long without being concussed by one of Paige's gourmet frying pans? She was indeed a woman of great restraint.

Alan interrupted Urs’ reverie in an attempt to extricate at least one foot from the sticky mess he was in. "She did go shopping for a new dress for tonight and even went to the spa. She's never done that before," he said optimistically.

That makes two of them, thought Urs. The blind leading the blind. Then he pictured the spa virgins, heads together, bonding, planning. He thought of Annie Joy attending to Paige's 'fashion emergency' and his heart quailed. He doubted the world was prepared for an Annie Joy clone and he knew for certain Alan wasn’t. Gott help us all.

“Trust me Alan. Never assume a woman has figured out what we're thinking. Either they get it right and we're in trouble or they get it wrong and we're still in trouble. They have to hear the words. You can never tell them enough that you love them.”

“Right, good idea. Anything else?” Alan asked, a little desperately Urs thought.

Mein Gott! Urs Buhler marriage counselor. This cruise just gets more bizarre by the minute. What this man doesn't know about women would fill one of his damn swimming pools. Urs glanced around, no sign of Annie Joy and Paige so he reluctantly began his crash course in Courting for Newlyweds 101.

6:20, Urs checked his watch nervously.

They'd covered several topics:
1. Why "Sure was a good meal, Babe," was not the only compliment needed in your repertoire.
2. Why a new hose caddy for her flower garden did not rate as an acceptable gift.
3. Why taking your wife out to eat meant at a restaurant with a tablecloth and no, plastic or butcher paper did not count.
4. The possibility of other terms of endearment being more appropriate than 'Babe' when Paige appears in her new dress.

Alan was practicing his mantra: flowers, jewelry, tablecloths, ‘Darling’ as Urs accepted his second glass of champagne from the waiter and inwardly rolled his eyes. Who knew being an agony uncle was such thirsty work?

**********

"Hi honey,” Alan felt a tap on his shoulder and he and Urs turned simultaneously. Urs beamed and Alan’s jaw dropped…

Until now Annie Joy never quite understood the word pole-axed. That changed as she looked at Alan’s face.

Now do the twirl Paige just like we practiced, atta a girl. Big smile. You got him now.

Alan’s mouth worked like a gold fish in a bowl, while his eyes slowly scanned his wife from head to heels and back again. Then his face opened up into a lottery-winning smile.

Were her eyes always that liquidy chocolate brown, smoky and sensuous? Was it her stylish new hairdo with those tiny wispy curls at the nape of her neck that made her look so elegant? Why had he never noticed? Against her short white skirt her legs seemed to go on forever. She was his golden-legged goddess, more sexy and provocative in her simple dress than any bikini and she had done this for him!

In the meantime, the agony uncle was truly in agony. It seemed he was Gepetto in reverse. His live puppet had suddenly turned into wood.

Say something man! Don’t just stand there grinning like a fool. C’mon you can do it. ‘Darling, you look so beautiful.’ Say it you looli. C’mon damn it! Kiss her, hug her, do something!

“P..Paige you’re beautiful…….da..darling,” Alan finally managed to spit out as he opened his arms and hugged her tenderly as if she might break.

Suddenly Urs remembered the rest of his assignment. “Paige you look lovely tonight.”

She barely had time to mouth a thank you over Alan’s shoulder as he bent his head to kiss his beautiful wife while the fairy godparents beamed their approval and exchanged high fives with their eyes.

“That went wery well… considering,” commented Urs as he took Annie Joy’s elbow and guided her to a less crowded spot in the corner of the room.

“Considering what?”

“He bought her garden equipment for her birthday and some place called The Crab Shack is his idea of a dinner date,” Urs revealed with distaste.

“Ouch! But if it’s any consolation, she’s almost as clueless about clothes and make-up. That is until I arrived to teach her the error of her ways,” Annie Joy bragged. “How’d you like her twirl?” she asked beaming with satisfaction.

“Wery impressive,” Urs nodded in agreement. “Did you notice the ‘Darling’? That’s me. And I gave him a few other tips to get him going too,” he boasted smugly.

“I just bet you did, Ers,” a smile played at the corner of her mouth, the perfect place for a kiss Urs decided as he stepped toward her.

When he was close enough to smell the perfume of her skin, his head dipped in a gentle, fleeting kiss. “I love your sparkle, Annie Joy. No one could outshine you tonight,” he whispered.

Annie Joy had a sassy quip all ready to deliver, but the words died on her lips when her heart said ‘Hush. How could you spoil this moment?’ So she remained silent, lost in the touch of his fingers as they skimmed down her cheek and came to rest on her shoulder…and that smile that seemed to be only for her… Oh that Urs Buhler most certainly didn’t play fair.

Chapter 19
Teach Me Tonight


The line of immaculately attired waiters stood at attention waiting their turn to escort the women to their table as the men dutifully followed behind.

The frisson of excitement and expectation was almost palpable across the dining room as the rainbow of beautifully dressed and bejeweled women and their debonair black-tuxedoed partners created a living checkerboard at their tables. The first formal night had begun.

With all the rush and excitement of Paige’s fashion intervention, and the crowds of the reception, Annie Joy hadn’t had much time to contemplate Urs in high Armani. That was a good thing, she decided, as Urs studied the menu and Annie Joy studied Urs.

How could she have performed Paige’s make-over when she couldn’t even breathe properly? His immaculately tailored tux, dazzlingly white shirt and white tie worn with such careless grace combined with those knife-edge cheekbones and Restoration curls were a near lethal combination. Urs Buhler was dressed to kill and he knew it. You could take that to the bank.

Urs closed his menu, fastidiously adjusted his cuffs to show perfectly below his jacket, and fixed Annie Joy with the Buhler glance. She blinked and dove behind the safety of her menu as Urs’ mouth quirked.

Gotcha! I could just feel you checking me out. I thought you’d never notice. Was it the cuffs or the stare? I wonder if she’ll say anything. Maybe “You look handsome tonight,” or “Thank you for dressing up.” Urs don’t kid yourself. With Annie Joy you’ll be glad to get a “Nice suit,” besides what do you care? This is about as real as you on stage in your Urs’ suit.

Annie Joy closed her menu and smiled, a picture of outward calm, as she slid her hands down to prevent any captives escaping her butterfly belly.

“Good evening. Ladies you look especially lovely this evening,” Juri complimented and began to take the women’s orders beginning with Candi.

“I’ll have the garden greens with balsamic dressing and the lobster with melted wasabi butter, please,” she said smoothly, without the slightest hesitation or least hint of complaint.

Annie Joy looked at Paige, wondering if she noticed, and received a conspiratorial wink. Annie Joy nodded in acknowledgement. Perhaps more than make-up secrets had been traded in the ladies room last night after dinner.

**********

During the next hour the table worked their way through caviar with buckwheat blinis, double oxtail consommé, Beef Wellington, and Veal with Saffron Beurre Blanc. Annie Joy’s well-timed query about the veal dish had given Paige a chance to show her expertise and if by chance Annie Joy’s ignorance showed Candi she wasn’t the only one to be confused with French cooking terms so be it. She hoped both Candi and Great Minnie had been listening.

After that the conversation had centered on activities offered on their sea day tomorrow. Decisions, decisions… lectures, movies, cards, the library with not only books to lend but board games and DVD’s as well, the gym, trivia quizzes, game competitions, and nightly entertainment and dancing.

Annie Joy noted in amazement Candi only had one major gush and that was excusable since it was about how gorgeous Paige looked. Paige had blushed prettily and her “Thank you,” lingered on both Candi and Annie Joy.

There were a few kisses but perhaps in deference to the formality of the evening they were brief and not announced publicly by either Bob or Candi. Urs could hardly disguise his elation at the undivided attention Alan was Paige. His pupil had indeed been paying attention. Oops, perhaps too much attention, kissing had never been part of the curriculum but it was too late now. Alan was writing his own lesson plan, that from the look of it included a few kisses, circumspect to be sure but kisses all the same.


Now how would it look for the teacher to be outdone by the pupil?

“Alan and Paige are watching,” Urs leaned over and whispered in Annie Joy’s ear by way of explanation as his fingers gently turned her face toward his waiting mouth. Her brain thought, ‘They are?’ even as her lips softly greeted his ‘hello’.

His lips trailed slowly down to trace the line of her jaw, “What do you think?” his breath felt warm and shivery in her ear, waking those napping butterflies again.

Think? About what? Oh, about how he’s doing as an actor.

“Very convincing,” she breathed as her teeth gently teased his earlobe. “Oh, by the way, you clean up pretty good.”

Urs sat back. What was going on here? It seemed everyone was trying to be the teacher tonight and that last lesson was a doozy. He smiled as he thought of her back-handed compliment and then the room was plunged into darkness.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we give you the Parade of Baked Alaskas.”

The room was flooded with the stirring strains of Strauss’ Radetsky March as waiters in a single line carried platters of flaming baked Alaska around the dining room.

An exuberant Annie Joy bounced in her chair as her fingers ‘conducted’ the music. She barely knew where to look first as her head turned to follow the parade with wide-eyed wonder, laughing in delight. Urs sat mesmerized watching her, totally enchanted by her energetic enthusiasm.

Just look how she’s loving the music just for its sake alone. What would she think of me if she saw an Il Divo concert? Would she realize I’m not interested in performing to be looked at like a piece of meat on display in a shop, as if that's the only way I could be certain I actually exist? Would she understand that’s not what I’m about? It’s the music that’s important: sharing it with the audience whether there’s one person or one million. Ok Buhler, climb down off your soapbox. What difference does it make? I don’t know, but it just does. She’s different; she’s Annie Joy.

**********

“Are you sure you don’t want your picture taken? It would be a wonderful souvenir to show your grandchildren some day,” Paige cajoled. Urs and Annie Joy both declined firmly yet graciously.

“We’re going for a stroll on deck,” Urs announced, catching Annie Joy off guard.

“We’ll meet you later at the Stardust, though,” Annie Joy promised as they left the other two couples standing in line to have their Formal Night immortalized by the ship’s photographer.

“See you there then. Save us a seat if you get there first,” Candi called out after them.

Urs looked a bit dubious. “Don’t worry Ers, we don’t have to stay long, one drink and then we can leave. I just thought it would seem kind of suspicious to refuse every invitation they give us, especially tonight in view of how hard we’ve both worked to help Paige and Alan,” Annie Joy rationalized.

“You’re right of course,” he said gallantly as he opened the door to the Promenade Deck. “Now I want to hear all about this fashion emergency of yours,” he said, amusement quivering in his voice.
The next thing Annie Joy knew a deck blanket along with Urs’ arm had been thrown over her shoulders and they were walking in step recounting the details of their recent successes.

“You know this is a bit scary, Ers, a man who doesn’t believe in marriage and a woman who’s been dumped almost at the altar giving advice to newlyweds.”

“And we’re doing a damn good job so far. Doesn’t say much for the great institution of marriage does it?” Urs commented cynically.

“Whoa there, Ers. Speak for yourself. I’m still in love with love and marriage and children and the white picket fence thing. I can’t sign up for it right now. I need to give myself a chance to see what I can do, just me.”

“Fair enough, Annie Joy, but you can’t deny we did well tonight.”

“That us, Urs and Annie Joy, marriage counselors extrodinaire, experience not necessary,” she giggled as he pulled her closer and kissed her hair.

The moon dazzled. It was to blame, that and the confusion he so easily aroused in her. That was why when his mouth touched hers she gave in to the surge of pleasure he evoked. Her lips parted, soft and yearning as his arms tightened around her. It made no sense, nothing did, only the strength of his body, protective yet demanding.

But as the stars twinkled above, the breeze shifted and they heard Candi’s voice calling to them, “Annie Joy, Urs, you’ll never guess what I’ve just done for you.

Urs raised his head slowly and took a deep shuddering breath. “It had better be a promise in writing to let me throw her overboard.”

“Thinking of murder then are we?” she murmured. Her lips felt astoundingly sensitive, almost as though they no longer belonged to her.

“I’m not thinking at all,” he said and stepped back.

Urs shot a quick look up at the night sky on the off chance that Great Minnie might be hovering there, accepted that she was not, and put on his concert smile.

“Alright, Candi, let’s hear about this wonderful thing you’ve done for us,” Urs sighed as he his arm guided Annie Joy toward the woman silhouetted in the doorway.

Chapter 20
Games People Play


They followed Candi into the semi-darkness of the Starlight Lounge. Paige moved over to make room for Annie Joy and Urs to slide into one of the high-backed curved booths near the back of the room. On the next level, a few steps below them, bucket chairs and small tables were scattered around the dance floor. From the band on stage behind the dance floor strains of “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” enveloped several couples in a cloud of nostalgia as they attempted to fox trot with varying degrees of success.



“First things first. What are you drinking?” Bob asked as a waiter appeared.

“Courvoisier, please, two,” Urs answered without a pause as Annie Joy’s eyes beamed her thanks not only for remembering what she liked to drink after dinner but also for adding points to their credibility as a couple.

She surmised from the other two glasses on the table the men were drinking scotch but the women’s choices were anyone’s guess. At least they didn’t have umbrellas in them. Perhaps like the real thing, the drink umbrellas were reserved for daylight hours, she thought.

Candi had a death grip on a tall curvy glass filled with a bright blue liquid that looked suspiciously like toilet bowl cleaner. “Blue Hawaii,” she said in answer to Annie Joy’s puzzled look. “Rum Runner,” Paige giggled as she saluted with an equally tall glass adorned with a skewer of fruits and topped with a cherry.

“Now be good,” Urs cautioned softly, turning his head toward her and pretending to look around the room, as the waiter handed her the brandy snifter. “And no sloshing,” he added seeing her white knuckles.

“About the contest,” Candi began.

“Contest?” echoed Urs and Annie Joy weakly. They each took a rather large sip of brandy. Perhaps a little sloshing would not be amiss, they thought, setting their glasses on the table rather forcefully.

“Oh it will be loads of fun, Annie Joy. As soon as we heard about it we just knew you’d say yes, so we signed you up too,” Paige bubbled.

“Do what, exactly,” Urs bit out, a little more sharply than he’d intended as he straightened up and looked warily at Paige.

“We’re all going to be in the Newlywed Game, right here, tomorrow night at 8:30. Won’t that be fun?” Candi announced excitedly as if she’d just given them the winning lottery numbers. Annie Joy and Urs shared a deer in the headlights look and drained their glasses. This was way beyond sloshing.

Damn, what will she think when I tell her? I feel like such a looli!

Urs, in what he hoped looked like a romantic gesture, tightened his arm around Annie Joy and pulled her closer. “I’m sorry but I’ve never heard of this game,” he whispered in her ear, brushing her cheek with his lips as he felt her body tense.

Just turn me over and call me done! Great Minnie what are we going to do? We won’t get even a single question right and everyone will know we’re faking it, especially Paige and Candi!

Now take a big breath and calm yourself down, girl. If you treat every situation as a life-and-death matter, you’ll die a lot of times. ‘Sides you got all day tomorrow to get to know each other. I didn’t raise you or your brother to be quitters.

“Oh come on, Annie Joy, don’t be a spoiled sport,” Paige begged.

“Yeah, Urs, you have as much chance to win as we do,” encouraged Bob.

“Maybe even more,” Alan added, recalling Urs’ earlier help.

Gott Urs! You’ve stepped in it now. You know what they say, ‘No good deed goes unpunished.’ I was just trying to help Annie Joy and Alan. How did I know it would come back to bite me? There’s no graceful way out now so just put on your Urs’ suit and deal with it.

So that’s what he did. “Here’s to success then…for one of us,” Urs toasted, calling on every ounce of his stage bravado, as he raised his glass and looked around the table.

Annie Joy took a breath, closed her eyes for an instant and followed Urs’ lead. If he could do it, she damn well had to. “To success,” she echoed, thankful no one saw her grab Urs’ hand under the table and hold on for dear life.

Urs paid for the next round of drinks and soon after that he and Annie Joy excused themselves, pleading a long day.

They weren’t lying, Annie Joy thought as they walked slowly down the corridor toward her room. It seemed light years since breakfast and their hop on, hop off sightseeing.

“Now about this Newlywed Game…” Urs began.

“You really don’t have a clue?” Annie Joy asked, refusing to douse a little flicker of hope that he’d just been teasing her.

“Well that’s one way of putting it, but I am a quick study,” he added with his most disarmingly cheeky grin…at least he hoped it was. He hoped right.

Annie Joy smiled in spite of herself. “We’d both better be,” she sighed, “because it’s a quiz game where newly-married couples answer questions to find out how well they know each other so we already have two strikes against us.” She looked up at him and squeezed his arm, “I’m sorry I got you into this Ers,” she said apologetically.

The corners of Urs’ mouth turned up in an almost smile as he shook his head is disbelief. How had a simple impulsive act of kindness snowballed into an avalanche that now threatened to destroy this parody of marriage? No matter the outcome, he was responsible.

“It wasn’t your fault, I volunteered, remember?” he paused as they got to her door and turned to face her, but she suddenly found the toes of her shoes fascinating.

“Look at me Annie Joy,” he coaxed as his fingers gently raised her chin to look at him. Tears pricked her eyes. She blinked rapidly and dissolved into him with a sigh. Urs’ arms wrapped around her tightly as his voice softly reassured, “We’ll do fine, you’ll see. It will be fine.”

With her arms still around him, Annie Joy lifted her head, “Do you really think so?”

“I know so,” he said confidently, kissing the top of her head and gently turning her toward her door. “We’ll be the best ones there, you’ll see.”

“But how…?”

“A wery wise lady once told me: Whatever you are, be a good one…and we will, trust me,” he nodded with a smile. “Get some rest now. No need to get up early. I’ll call you about 10 so we can get together to practice, alright?”

He waited until she returned his nod, “Goodnight,” and headed toward his hallway.

“Urs,” he stopped and turned around.

“Do you have a Great Minnie?”

“Ya, she’s my Mami.” Urs turned, smiling as he thought of her and continued down the hall, mentally calculating if it was too early to call Switzerland.

**********

“There, you are,” Annie Joy reached down to grab her missing shoe from last night. “Now how did you get all the way back here?” she asked as it joined its mate on the floor of the closet.

She answered the phone on the second ring.

“Good morning, Annie Joy. This is your 10:00 wake-up call.”

“HL. It’s about time you lazy loafer. What have you been doing all morning? Wait let me guess, you’ve been blinking cinnamon buns out of Marie, right? And I bet you didn’t even save me one,” she gave an outraged moan.

Urs laughed throatily, “Who me? Alas…,”

“Don’t you alas me, time’s a wasting. We have a lot to learn about each other. How about meeting at the Neptune Pool?”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, too public. Candi or Paige might see us. I was thinking your room or mine.”

Did you hear yourself? Did you??? Oh how the mighty have fallen, Urs. You realize this may rank in the Hall of Fame of Platonic Relationships: inviting a beautiful woman to your room to get to know her so you can play the Newlywed Game…without the honeymoon. Sexy Swiss Rock God? I don’t think so.

For Annie Joy it was a no-brainer. They would meet in Urs’ room.

It wasn’t that she was messy exactly, in fact she would consider herself a fairly well organized person. How else could she have juggled a full time job plus some outside decorating projects along with taking care of the bills, the house, and Brad’s ever growing ego through his med school, internship and beginning residency?

She glanced at the almost neat piles of clothes and accessories arranged in her logical if creative system of organization and knew instinctively Urs would be way out of his comfort level here. No need to practice being uncomfortable right now; there’d be plenty of time for that later tonight.

“Yours would be better I think. What’s your room number?”

“11056. I’ll give you ten minutes. After that I won’t be responsible for this cinnamon roll,” he hung up the phone and chuckled, picturing her dashing madly for the door.

Three minutes later she plopped herself down in the chair opposite him and grinned as he teasingly checked his watch and wordlessly slid a cup of black coffee and a plate with one of Marie’s cinnamon rolls across the table to her.

Annie Joy swallowed her first bite of cinnamon roll, washed it down with a sip of her espresso and leaned back in bliss as she surveyed Urs’ suite. “You are the man Ers! How did you know I hadn’t eaten? I didn’t think to put my room service card out last night. I love all the space you have and this extra round table is so much better to work on. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t eat breakfast in my room. My little dinky table would hardly hold a cup of coffee. And is that a whole extra closet?”

Great Minnie couldn’t stand it any longer.

Annie Joy, shut you mouth. You heard me girl, just do it. You know how you flap your jaws when you’re nervous. You’ve done it ever since you were a little mite but I always hoped you’d grow out of it. Seems I was wrong.

As she panned the room she came to the conclusion that it wasn’t so much the extra few square feet of space that made it seem larger as the neatness. Oh yes, Urs would definitely not feel at ease in her room. That wasn’t to say there were no traces of him at all in the room, just very neat ones. There was an iPod on the nightstand near the bed, cord wound around it carefully, but underneath was a motorcycle magazine, that actually looked rather dog-earred. Maybe there was a chance to save him from Terminal Tidiness after all.

His black leather motorcycle jacket hung carefully over the back of the desk chair and two Toblerone bars lay neatly lined up beside each other on the desk. Wait, was that a bit of silver paper peeking out of his jacket pocket? Yes, part of another Toblerone bar and finally his key card seemed to be, no it definitely was randomly placed on the desk. There was still hope for the man!

“Do you have something to write on?” she asked, fishing out her ever-present notebook.

“Right here,” Urs said almost on cue as he reached over and picked up some sheets of ship stationary, a pen, and wordlessly handed her two mechanical pencils.

“Thanks,” she said with a grin as she took them. “If one of the questions is ‘What does your wife keep losing?’ at least we’ll get that one right.”

“Let’s get started then.” Urs watched in fascination as she turned her notebook over and then upside down. “So I can keep this separate from my sketches,” she explained when she saw his eyes crinkling in amusement.

“Don’t you want to finish eating first?”

Annie Joy wrote Ers in capital letters at the top of her page with a number 1 underneath. “Now what are the names of your brother and sister?” She took another bite of her roll and began to write as Urs spoke.

**********

Annie Joy sat Indian-style in the middle of Urs’ bed with all his pillows fluffed up behind her. They each had written several pages worth of information. All he remembered was her asking if he minded her getting ‘comfy’. Before he could answer she’d flipped off her flip-flops and pounced on the bed leaving him suddenly preoccupied with his notes as he licked his lips that had gone quite dry.

Urs spoke so softly that Annie Joy wasn’t quite sure if the voice was his or the one in her head. She looked up sharply at him, “Would you tell me about Dr. Doom?” Not hearing a response he screwed up his courage and plunged on, surprised by how curious he was to know about him. “I mean what if they ask the name of your last boyfriend. I can’t wery well say Dr. Doom,” he explained giving her a little smile by way of apology for opening up this particular can of worms.

What could she say? He was right. They could ask that. She knew Cecile’s name. It was only fair for him to know. “Bradford Young …Brad,” she said, surprised at how calm her voice sounded. Her head moved as she focused on the clouds through the sliding glass doors of the balcony. “I always used to tease him that when I married him I’d always be young. I guess he didn’t appreciate my sense of humor,” she admitted with a wry smile and turned to look back at Urs.

“Fact is he didn’t appreciate much of anything I did,” she admitted ruefully. “Basically I was a dumb woman who put her life on hold to support the man she thought she loved so he could become a doctor. They they’d marry and it would be her time to have a career,” she nodded and held out her cup at Urs’ silent offer of more coffee.

“I should have seen it coming when he kept wanting me to get a ‘proper’ job. He might have complained about me selling paint and wallpaper and fabric and showing people how to decorate but it paid the bills,” she paused to take a sip, then wrapped her hands around the cup and spoke from behind it. “It's easy to fool someone who trusts you completely. It's the moral equivalent of taking candy from a baby. That’s the most unfair thing. I guess I didn’t want to see what was happening in our relationship because seeing creates responsibility,” she said thoughtfully.

Suddenly she put her cup down, swung her legs off the bed, sprang up and sat down in the chair opposite Urs. He gave a sigh of relief and felt his body relax. Had he really become that tense as he was listening?

“So I should be thankful Miss Clarice Cloverhill, or was it Clovenhoof,” she grinned, “came along when she did. She’s welcome to him, STD’s and all. I’m glad to be rid of mine; it took long enough, that’s for sure.”

Chapter 21
Practice Makes Perfect


Annie Joy could swear she could hear Urs’ cervical vertabrae crack as his head came up and he snapped to attention. He stared at her as if she had just sprouted two heads, neither of them human.

OMG He thinks… oh that is too funny. Syd and her little jokes. She’ll crack up when I tell her…right before I kill her.

“Wait, time out, Ers,” Annie Joy said as she held up her hands in a T. “I’m sorry I wasn’t clear. It’s not that kind of STD. It stands for Sexually… Transmitted… Debts…,” she said, letting each word sink in. “My girlfriend Syd used to tease me about working to support Brad through school. When I paid the bills she’d call them Sexually Transmitted Debts.”

Although Urs tried, his face was just too honest and expressive to hide his emotions. Like a wave rolling up onto the beach Annie Joy watched his body visibly relax. The furrowed brow of the downward trough rose to form the upward crest as Urs’ grin of comprehension broke over Annie Joy.

“We’ve been sitting a long time and I need to stretch. How about a break?’ she suggested as she stood up, took a deep breath and rolled her head and shoulders.

“Good idea,” Urs agreed as he slid back the balcony door and the tang of fresh salt air filled the room.

**********

Wordlessly they traded iPods. Classical and heavy metal may be a strange combination but they were organized to the Nth degree, no surprises here, thought Annie Joy. Then there was Annie Joy’s.

“How can you ever find anything?” he complained as he thumbed hopelessly through some of her play lists. “Fun? Bright? Retro? Masculine? Hot & Spicy?”

“It’s very simple. I organize them by my moods. Sometimes I need a little salsa music, maybe some Spanish guitar or old dance bands or some he-man Wagner or some romantic opera. It also helps me decorate. When customers come in to the store I ask them what kind of music they like. It helps me understand what colors they like or what decorating style they’d be most comfortable with.”

Urs gave up and switched to ‘genres’. “Nice classical stuff, except for the Rigaletto, if David found out I’d never hear the end of it. He’d probably claim her as a bonafide Diva. Wonder what she’d think of him in his tights? Better not go there. He’d only razz me about my tight jeans. . Jazz, reggae, flamenco…Oh Carlos would love you! folk, country?” he looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“I am a Texan, after all. Well actually I wasn’t born there but as the saying goes, ‘I got there as fast as I could’, but then you’ve already heard that story.”

“Alright, alright, you’re forgiven for that one. Let’s see what else, old and I do mean old rock but my Gott woman, no heavy metal, no Yngwie Malmsteen, ” he lamented in mock horror.

“There’s nothing wrong with Rod Stewart and Meatloaf, they’re classics,” she bristled, “and I’m not into that heavy stuff or that singer you named.”

“Guitarist, he’s a guitarist, the best in fact,” he said playing his air guitar. “I can see your musical education has been woefully lacking. It’s a good thing I came along to straighten you out,” he said with maddening self- assurance, as Annie Joy murmured worriedly, ‘or tie me in knots’ under her breath.

**********

They were almost finished going over their notes for the second time. It was Annie Joy’s turn as she and Urs sat across from each other at the table and ping-ponged questions back and forth, showing off what they knew.

“My favorite color.”

“Red,” Urs shot back without a glance at his notes, smiling at her red sweats scrunched up to her knees.

“Where did I go to school?”

Annie Joy glanced at her phonetically written notes, “Kantonsschule Willisau,” she pronounced perfectly as Urs’ eyebrows rose in surprise.

“OK here’s one for you. What was your first reaction when you saw me?” he asked cheekily.

“Do I really have to say?… Oh alright,” she sighed, “What great buns! And stop hiding behind your notes. I saw that smirk.”

Urs slowly lowered the papers, “What? That’s just a smile.”

“Sure it is. So what about me? What did you think when you saw me?”

Urs put his hand over his heart and pretended to faint. “What beautiful eyes!”

Annie Joy leaned forward, “Did you really?”

“Ja, I did.” Urs answered candidly.

It was supposed to sound like you were joking. Couldn’t you think of some smart comeback? Do you want her to know? Know what? That she has nice eyes? Yeah right. Don’t play dumb with me. I suppose you’ve never heard there are things of deadly earnest that can only be safely mentioned under cover of a joke.


Annie Joy leaned back in her chair. “OK,” she said a little too quickly and began shuffling through her notes.

“Um…my best friend?”

“Syd, you went to school with her.”

“Right. Yours is Ralph. No wait that’s not right,” she mumbled as she flipped back in her notebook. “Rolf, you played in a rock band together.”

“You’d think I could remember Rolf but I keep messing up. Rolf…Rolf…Rolf. Ok I’ve got it now, ”Annie Joy assured Urs.

“My brother and sister are…” Urs prompted.

“Ina, younger sister, Mario older brother, named after your Italian grandfather. My brother is….”

“Rafe. He’s older and is a vet. That’s quite a coincidence don’t you think Rafe and Rolf?”

“More like a tongue twister. We’ll be OK though. We just have to remember to think before we answer,” Annie Joy cautioned.

“What about pets?” Urs asked, making a notation on his paper.

“Don’t have any unless you count Rafe’s dog, Buddy. He’s just a stray that came ‘round and they kind of adopted each other. He has these big floppy ears like a bunny,” Annie Joy’s hands became ears, “all pink inside and these long skinny legs and huge feet. It’s kind of like he’s made up of spare parts. I swear he’s the strangest dog you’ve ever seen, friendly though.”

Urs laughed as he tried to picture Buddy the bunny-eared dog. “My sister has a cat now that she’s married, but she used to be allergic to them. I guess she outgrew it.”

“So then we agree no pets for either of us,” Annie Joy said scribbling quickly in her notebook.

Her eyes twinkled devilishly as she threw out one last question. “What can’t I get enough of?”

“Hmmm,” Urs stroked his chin to hide his amusement and studied Annie Joy. “Scarves”, he said suddenly as he reached over to tug gently on one end of the long gauzy one wound around her neck.

“Toblerone,” her teasing dimples shot back as he followed Annie Joy’s eyes to the desk and his neatly arranged candy bars.

“I see we know each other’s weaknesses,” he threw his head back and laughed as a silent caveat echoed around the room, ‘At least the ones you can see.’

“We’re going to knock ‘em dead tonight, Ers. Look at all the facts we know. I’m sure Paige and Candi haven’t studied as hard as we have,” Annie Joy exclaimed enthusiastically, tucking her notebook in the pocket of her sweats.

“That’s true. At least we’ve done our homework and we’ll give it our best shot. We make a good team, don’t we?” Urs asked as he straightened his notes into a neat pile.

“You bet, like bread and butter, ham and eggs, catsup and fries, musli and….”

“OK, OK I get the hint. It’s time for lunch, little boa constrictor,” he chuckled as he stood up and offered her a hand up.

Annie Joy got as far as the door and turned around, “By the way what does go with musli?”

Urs’ room card halted temporarily on its way into the back pocket of his jeans, then continued the journey. In one smooth motion, firm hands turned her toward the door and followed with a gentle pat on her bottom lest she lose her sense of direction.

The eye rolling, head shaking, and muttering in tongues ended well before they got to the elevator. The dimpling however continued well into lunch confirming what they both knew all along: they did indeed make a good team.

**********

“I swear I’m so excited I can hardly swallow a bite,” Candi exclaimed as she put another roll on her plate and passed the basket to Urs.

“I don’t know if I can stand much more excitement either,” he muttered under his breath to Annie Joy as he lifted the cloth to show her the empty basket.

She smothered a giggle and passed the basket to Juri as he placed her shrimp salad on her charger.

“So is everyone ready for tonight?” Paige chirped as she looked around the table. Urs and Annie Joy nodded to each other approvingly. As far as appearances were concerned, she’d obviously learned her lesson from last night’s heavy-handed make-up fiasco. With her now subtly enhanced features and her flattering red crepe shirtdress she seemed to have Alan resting securely in the palm of her hand.

“As ready as we’ll ever be, right Bobo?” Candi said giving him a kiss on the cheek and then carefully removing the red smudge with her napkin.

“That’s right, sweetie. When you’ve known someone over two years you kind of get on the same wave length. About all we needed to go over was a few little details like relatives names, you know stuff like that,” Bob bragged confidently.

“Sounds about like Paige and me,” Alan added. “We met just a year out of high school. I can almost set my watch by Paige’s routines around the house,” he boasted proudly, wrapping his arm around her in a hug as she gave him an almost shy smile.

“You both certainly have us beat,” Urs admitted gallantly. “I guess that’s why we needed a little extra practice, ja liebe,” he smiled. Before Annie Joy realized what he was planning, he’d raised her hand to his lips for a lingering kiss and a smile that she was sure rated a 10 on the Swoonmeter. She could almost hear a collective sigh go up from Paige and Candi…or was that her?

Urs my boy, you may be on vacation, but the old Buhler charm isn’t. Too bad the cruise director’s not a woman. You’d win hands or should I say lips down. Don’t be crass. It’s only a game. But you know how you hate to lose.

Chapter 22
The Game is On


Urs felt both relieved and apprehensive as he checked his watch: the sooner this started the sooner it would be over. Jimmy, the cruise director, had just bounded up onto the stage in the Starlight Lounge. It was exactly 8:30.

In his immaculate white uniform, his clean-cut good looks and friendly smile cut a swath through the waiting audience. He joked, winked, and teased everyone in his path, young couples, old dears, men or women, it didn’t matter. He was an equal opportunity smoothie.

“What a great crowd we’ve got here tonight so let’s get started with our shipboard version of The Newlywed Game! Put your hands together please for our three brave couples,” he smarmed.

The three brave couples looked at each other as if to say, “No you go first,’ and slowly began to stand.

“Yes, that’s right, come on up,” Jimmy motioned for them to join him onstage in the three sets of waiting chairs. “Here they come. Now don’t be shy.”

Once she heard the applause, Candi, with Bob in tow, was a woman on a mission as she snaked her way through the maze of tables to get to the stage first.

As Annie Joy began to follow her, Urs grabbed her arm to let Paige and Alan go next. “Um, I’d rather be on the right.” Then catching her puzzled look he added, “I usually stand on that side of the stage.”

“You mean you’re not just avoiding the inevitable?” she asked.

“No, not at all!” he said as if trying to convince himself as much as her. “I just feel more confident looking at the audience from that angle.”

“Of course you do,” she laughed. “Well, we need all the help we can get.”

“Let’s meet our first victim….oops couple,” Jimmy joked as the audience laughed and whooped. “Candi and Bob, right?”

“Yes,” Candi answered with a smile and a little wave to the audience.

“And where you do live Bob?”

“California,” he said nervously. “I’m a car deal…”

“That’s really great!” cut in Jimmy, clearly not having listened to a word he’d said. “Well we’re glad to have you both with us. Couple Number One, Ladies and Gentlemen. I give you…Candi and Bob!”
“Next we have couple Number Two, Paige and Alan. I understand you’re an excellent cook Paige?”

“According to Alan,” Paige said modestly, leaning down to the mic.

“And what do you do for a living Alan?”

“I’m in swimming pools…eh, ahem I mean I sell pools,” he clarified, obviously flustered, as a few titters popped up around the room.

“Well, we’re happy you’re with us all the way from the Sunshine State. Give our Florida Orange Blossoms a round of applause folks!” and the crowd duly applauded.

“Last we have couple Number Three, Annie Joy and Urs.”

“Urs, it says here you’re a musician.”

“Yes,” Urs answered-not prepared to offer any more. Jimmy waited for a half beat too long, before he moved on to Annie Joy.

“And you like to decorate, is that right Annie Joy?” His tone was patronizing. “What a great hobby, isn’t it folks?” he said, trying to encourage some applause.

“Actually I also do it for a living,” she replied in a strong voice. Thanks, Great Minnie. I owe you one for all those times you kept harping at me to ‘speak up’.

“So you both work. That must be handy when you’re between gigs, Urs,” he said with a wink and a nudge.

Urs flinched to avoid Jimmy’s crass elbow.

You can handle him with one hand tied behind your back, Urs. You’ve done this before. He’s so busy thinking ahead to the next question he’s not even listening to the answers. Just don’t let him rile you!

Annie Joy marveled at Urs’ outward composure. Although his back was rigid with anger he remained the consummate professional. “Of course,” he conceded with a deceptively charming smile. ”Although I’m working fairly regularly these days,” he said modestly.


“Now that we’ve met our couples, let’s get the first round started. Ladies we’re going to take you to another room while we ask your husbands some questions. Then we’ll bring you back to see how well you agree with their answers. Off you go now.”

“Hang loose,” Urs whispered as Jimmy’s assistant led them out. “You too, HL,” Annie Joy replied softly, but not soft enough. Those damn butterflies had heard.

“Before we begin, I’d like to introduce my lovely assistant Sandy who will be recording the couples answers on cards and keeping score for us.” The applause for the pretty young thing was polite but understandingly brief. It was time to play the game.

“Gentlemen, here’s you first question. If you could change two things about your wife, what would you make smaller and what would you make bigger?”

“Bob, let’s start with you. Something smaller, something bigger,” he repeated as Bob scratched his forehead and frowned.

“Well, she’s going to kill me but I’d have to say a smaller butt,” he grinned sheepishly at the audience. “And bigger lips I guess. She’s always talking about getting her lips plumped up.”

“Right, butt and lips.” Jimmy moved over to Alan.

“I’d have to say her knees.” Alan smiled and his voice softened, “She has these cute dimples on her knees but she’s always saying how she hates them. So smaller dimples on her knees… and a bigger voice.” Jimmy looked puzzled but didn’t interrupt for a change. “Sometimes her voice is so soft that I have trouble hearing her when she’s talking,” Alan explained.

She doesn’t need a bigger voice you Dummkopf; you’re too busy listening to yourself. Urs was about to roll his eyes in despair but now Jimmy was talking to him.

“OK Urs, it’s up to you,” he declared as if he was the coach sending him in to score the winning goal with two seconds left in the game. He was ready…he hoped.

“Probably bigger in height and a smaller appetite,” he replied, mentally congratulating himself on dodging the bullet in this round. Even a fake husband knew not to criticize his wife’s knees or butt in public.

**********

“Here’s our next question. Which movie title will your wife say best describes your sex life? Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang? Gone with the Wind, Gone is Sixty Seconds, or Superman?”

Silly question! The three egos were all Supermen.

**********

“You all seemed to find that one easy. Let’s see how you do with the next one. We need you to finish this sentence: You haven’t seen ugly till you’ve seen my wife’s….”

If expressions could speak the faces of the three men were shouting, ‘Shoot me now and get it over with.’

Alan was first on the executioner’s block. After hearing the question read again by Jimmy and with much prompting he finally confessed to, “hair in curlers.” He hoped Paige would classify it as a misdemeanor.

Urs almost missed Alan’s answer as he tried to think what he could say…and let him live to tell the tale. Wait. That was it! His answer didn’t have to be about Annie Joy personally. He shook his head, “No,” as Jimmy offered to repeat the question. He remembered the prompt perfectly. “You haven’t seen ugly till you’ve seen my wife’s brother’s dog, Buddy.” Surely the case against him would be dismissed for lack of evidence.

Then came Bob. In his opinion Candi was a gorgeous woman. Granted some of her attributes were more alluring than others but none could be remotely classed as ugly. He was always proud to be seen with her, loved the way she dressed, even around the house. Well there was that bathrobe. With those stripes and the hood and long loose sleeves it always reminded him of a Bedouin. Of course he’d never told her…until now. “…striped robe.”

**********

“Let’s see how you do with this last one,” Jimmy simpered. “You’ve just checked into your hotel in New York. It’s the day before the cruise and your wife discovers she forgot to pack her bra. She sends you out to buy one in her favorite color. What size and what color will you get?”
Bob was ready and waiting. “No problem with this one,” he smiled toward Alan and Urs. “34D, black, Victoria’s Secret.”

“Show off,” Alan teased. Urs groaned inwardly, ‘Too much information.’

“I think it’s 38B, white,” Alan answered.

“You’re sure now? Don’t want to change your mind?” Jimmy asked, trying to shake Alan’s confidence.

Alan thought for a minute, ”No I’ll stick with that,” he decided, wiping his damp hands on his slacks.

Jimmy smirked; Urs cursed.

He closed his eyes briefly as his mind raced through the fruit market: sizing, considering, rejecting, comparing. His fingers moved in response to his mental guesses. Cécile was…Annie Joy was….or was she? At least he knew the color. “34D, red,” he finally decided.

*****

“Sandy would you bring the ladies back in please?”

While she was gone, Jimmy passed out the large white cards with the men’s answers.

As the women sat down beside their partners, Jimmy greeted them with his own brand of misplaced humor, “Welcome ladies. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Chapter 23
According to the Men


“Now then, Candi, Bob was a little worried about this first question but you’ve known each other awhile right?” Bob squirmed on his chair and smiled nervously, as he felt the hole he’d already dug for himself grow even deeper.

“Oh my yes, we’ve been together over two years, haven’t we honey?” Candi smiled adoringly as Bob stared down at his answer card on his lap.

“Good for you,” Jimmy said in a tone that conveyed just the opposite. “Now Candi, if Bob could change two things about you what would he make smaller and what would he make bigger?”

Candi eyes did a quick survey of her body and then looked off to the side while she thought. Smaller….hmmmmm. Obviously it wasn’t her boobs, both she and Bob agreed on that one. Her waist could do with another inch less she supposed. “My waist could be smaller?” she guessed.

“I’m sorry, Candi. No points there. Bob said your butt.’ “ Jimmy’s attempt at sympathy fell far short of the mark as Bob held up his card and the audience roared and clapped.

Bob felt Candi’s shoulders stiffen as he gave her an apologetic hug, “I’m sorry, honey.” For a second he thought she was going to wrench her shoulder away from his embrace but instead she gave a tight smile and whispered through clenched teeth, “We’ll talk about this later.” He kissed her cheek and sighed; suddenly wishing she wasn’t so calm. It would be a very long night.

“And what would Bob make bigger?” Jimmy asked quickly. He’d discovered it was best to keep the pace fast and not allow the contestants time to brood over embarrassing answers.

“I’m always saying I want fuller lips so it would be lips.”

“Right Bob said lips. That’s 5 points for Candi and Bob. That deserves a kiss don’t you think?” Jimmy prompted as the audience applauded and Candi and Bob kissed briefly, very briefly. Clearly the butt thing would not die an easy death.

“So Paige, what needs to be smaller?”

“I hope he’ll say my dimples,” she said softly as she tried to tug her skirt down over her knees.

“Yes, he said dimples on your knees. Nice job staying out of the doghouse on that one Alan,” Jimmy said with a slap and a wink.

Alan agreed as he proudly held up his sign, received a congratulatory kiss and 5 points.

“Here’s the toughie, Paige. What did Alan wish was bigger, eh?” Jimmy asked suggestively.

Paige blushed and followed Jimmy’s lead right down the garden path as Alan cringed, waiting for the wrong answer he knew was coming. “My chest,” she answered hopefully.

“Ohooo I’m afraid not, Paige. Let’s see what Alan wrote….your voice. No points there, sorry.”

Paige stared at him in disbelief, “My voice?”

“I…I just meant that sometimes I have trouble hearing you when you talk, that’s all,” Alan tried to explain lamely.

“Maybe you need bigger ears then, Alan,” Paige said sharply, and then sat back amazed by the fact that she’d spoken up for herself and even more at how DARN good it felt!

‘Yes!’ Annie Joy gave a mental cheer and Urs filed Listening to Spouse in his reteach file.

Jimmy moved on down the line.

“Annie Joy, what needs to be bigger?” he asked brightly.

Annie Joy pondered…boobs or butt. Hang loose, she grinned crookedly. It had to be her butt. Apparently that was the wrong answer.

“My height? I’m too short?” she spluttered incredulously as she read Urs’ card.

Slowly he leaned down to set his card on the floor and said with a low voice, “I was just thinking about how short you seemed without your killer heels. I didn’t want to say something embarrassing.”

“Oh. So my butt’s OK then?”

There he goes again doing that…that eye thing. Great Minnie did you see that? I hope to God no one else did. Talk about embarrassing!

“Still a chance to earn some points here guys. What did Urs say needs to be smaller?”

“It’s my appetite isn’t it?” Annie Joy’s reached out her hand to help him turn over the card. “All right!” she celebrated the match with an air punch. “He says I’m a human boa constrictor,” she playfully confided to the audience as she pointed her thumb at Urs. “She is,” he chuckled, not sure if he was laughing at Annie Joy or himself.

“Well done, there, 5 points and by the way thanks for the warning, Urs. We’ll have to be on the lookout for her in the Lido won’t we, folks?” Jimmy teased as the audience ate it up.

Annie Joy felt the warm tingle of embarrassment slowly rise up her neck then just as suddenly it took a turn downward and became a tingle of a very different kind.

Urs hands were covering her shoulders, turning her toward him for a kiss. “Come here my little boa constrictor.”

**********

“It seems like our newlyweds are pretty evenly matched…so far,” Jimmy paused for effect. “Question 2 ladies: Which movie title best describes your sex life? Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang? Gone with the Wind, Gone is Sixty Seconds, or Superman?”

“Paige, you’re first,” Jimmy said eagerly, hoping at least one of the women would disagree with her Superman. His hopes were not in vain.

“Ahem…” Paige cleared her throat and looked intently over at Annie Joy on her left.

Oh no, oh hell no! thought Annie Joy. ‘Not now! Not now!’ her brain telegraphed to Paige but it was too late. The minute parent cells of backbone and feistiness that had shocked Paige into action a few minutes earlier were now dividing into daughter cells creating an endless cell cycle. Paige was becoming her own woman.

“Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang,” she said candidly but her voice held no censure. The women and the men in the audience loved it of course, though for different reasons.

Alan looked at the card he held and opened his mouth as if to argue the point, “But…”, then remembering where they were, he
closed it again. Annie Joy held her breath and watched anxiously, gradually breathing again as his stunned expression became more thoughtful. Had Urs noticed? Her eyes asked and he answered with a subtle nod.

“Here’s you chance to move up in the game, Annie Joy. How does Urs rate in the romance department?” Jimmy’s oily voice managed to make the euphemism sound offensive.

Just smile sweetly, Annie Joy. Don’t over think this. Keep it light. Friends, just friends.

“Superman.”

Annie Joy had to laugh to herself. Could Urs’ smile get any bigger or his eyes squinch more? If she’d had her notebook handy there would be light bulbs coming out of his mouth and starry sprinkles at the corners of his eyes.

“Thanks for the compliment,” he grinned as they were awarded 5 points. Their kiss, as in lips touching, may have been predictable but Urs’ tongue was decidedly spontaneous, thought Annie Joy as she frantically tried to think of a clever comeback.

”No problem, Ers,” she whispered when Jimmy was out of earshot. “Actually I was thinking, ‘faster than a speeding bullet’,” she deadpanned with her most innocent expression and pulled back to wait for his reaction.

His expression changed from smug to surprise to satisfaction. He slowly and carefully brushed away an invisible piece of lint from his trousers stretched tautly over his thigh. “Actually I was thinking, ‘man of steel.’”

She should have known! He just had to have the last word didn’t he? Now see what he’s done! He’s woken those damn butterflies… again.

Meanwhile Jimmy had moved on to Candi who, to no one’s surprise, had confirmed Bobo’s prowess as a lover. They were tied for first place with Annie Joy and Urs.

**********

“I must admit your husbands had a bit of trouble with this next question. I just want you to remember how much they love you and well, this is just a game,” Jimmy said trying to sound friendly but coming off fawning.

“Ladies, how would your husband complete this sentence? You haven’t seen ugly till you’ve seen my wife’s….”

“Candi, you’re first up this time.”

“Hmmm, that’s a hard one, Jimmy. Let me think. My toenails when I have them done with a dark color? He just doesn’t like some of those high fashion colors but I mean you can’t be pink and pastel all year round, now can you ladies?” she asked, appealing to the women in the audience for support. The smattering of applause seemed to make her case.

“Good point there, Candi, but I’m afraid Bob here was thinking about your…” he helped Bob turn over his card, “striped bathrobe. Sorry.”

Candi gave Bob a mystified look as he shrugged his shoulders, silently confessing to stupidity in the first degree. Jimmy served as judge, jury, and possible executioner: “Bob said with the stripes and hood it reminded him of…what was it Bob…a Bedouin.”

Bob rolled his eyes heavenward. Oh yes, it would definitely be a long night.

“All right, Paige. Your chance to make up some lost ground here. What did Alan say?”

“He always teases me when I have my hair in curlers. Is that the right answer darling?” she asked as she stole a peek at the card.

Alan barely had time to wave the card at the audience before Paige was kissing him. “Thank Gott,” muttered Urs. “Amen to that,” seconded Annie Joy.

“Last but not least, Annie Joy. Did Urs get it right or not?”

Would he put it together? His thinking was pretty logical. Here goes. “You haven’t seen ugly till you’ve seen my brother’s dog.”

“Good job there, Urs,” Jimmy commented as he flipped over the matching card.

“I told you we make a good team,” Urs said as their lips met for the prerequisite kiss and if it seemed slightly longer and more enthusiastic than the other couples, well so be it. After three rounds they were tied with the really weds.

**************************************

“For our final question, we’re going to get up close and personal, ladies,” Jimmy explained with a smile that looked decidedly twisted to Annie Joy.

MORE personal? Someone’s sex life wasn’t up close and personal? At least Jimmy wasn’t starting with her. Great Minnie, HELP!

“You’ve just checked into your hotel in New York. It’s the day before the cruise and you realize you forgot to pack any bras. You send your husband out to buy one in your favorite color. What size and color will he get?”

“Candi, here’s your chance to move into first place. What do you think Bob said?”

“He knows this one by heart don’t you Bobo?” she giggled lovingly at her husband who smiled back confidently. “34D, black, Victoria’s Secret.”

“Correct! With 5 points for the size and 5 for the color that puts you in the lead by 5 points.”

“Now Paige, let’s hope Alan got this one right. This could bring you into a tie for first place. What do you say?”

“34C, white,” she said hopefully with crossed fingers.

“Awww,” groaned the crowd, sympathizing with the underdog as Alan held up his card, 38B.

Paige didn’t know if she should feel angry or just disappointed. Did Alan really not know what size clothes she wore? Was that why his gifts to her were so impersonal?

“5 points for the color,” someone shouted from the audience and encouraging applause broke out. They kissed as if on cue.

“Annie Joy it’s up to you.”

Jimmy held the mic in front of Annie Joy’s mouth expectantly. She shot Urs a desperate glance but he was totally engrossed in making certain the edges of the two remaining answer cards were perfectly aligned. She’d kill him. She’d absolutely kill him.

Well at least he’ll get the color right…if he remembers what we practiced, but then with some men you never could tell. Just get
them thinking about bras and…well you know, suddenly they have a brain melt. “34C, red.”

Urs reluctantly turned over his card, 34D, red. The audience hooted and clapped. “Only half right there, I’m afraid Urs. 5 points.”

Urs face fell. Was he let down about her diminished bra size or about losing the points? Suddenly it seemed important to know.

“And here I thought you were a butt man,” she half-teased. “Sorry to disappoint you but you know what they say; more than a handful’s just a waste.”

She watched as his eyes slowly surveyed her chest and then looked down pointedly at his hands as they rested gracefully on his knees, tapered fingers slightly apart.

“Everything about you is right, Annie Joy…just right,” his voice caressed. Annie Joy felt as if she were falling overboard, drowning. Her hands gripped the chair and she held on for dear life, willing herself not to think…not to imagine…not to feel.
She failed miserably.

“That’s the end of the first game. In a minute we’ll see how well the ladies know their husbands but first here’s the score. In second place we have Paige and Alan with 15 points and in first place we have Candi and Bob and Annie Joy and Urs tied with 20 points each.

As the men left the stage Annie Joy’s butterflies began singing “Two Out of Three ‘Ain’t Bad.”