FRIENDS (Urs and Joya)

DISCLAIMER
This is a complete work of fiction, written for entertainment purposes only. Artistic license has been taken regarding timelines and just about everything else. No Divos were harmed, injured or insulted in the making of this fantasy.


FRIENDS

“The Cancer woman and the Cancer man are equally evasive, especially about their private fears and desires. Both of them fear rejection more than anything else, so opening up to each other could take a long time. Physical happiness will be the most profound and magical of experiences if the Cancer woman and the Cancer man manage to establish a relationship.”

CHAPTER 1


They were celebrating in the Butler home this evening. Joya’s mother Mimi had made a special fruit basket cake, her father Rod had gone out for Chinese and Joya sat with her parents in complete contentment that she knew would have to last her for a long time to come. This could be her last night of pleasure at home and she was very happy. She had auditioned for a spot as guitar player for the Il Divo band, fairly new to the UK, and wonders of wonders they had called her back and told her that she had the job. This was what she had worked for all of her life. Hard hours of practicing, sore fingers all to perfect her craft and skill. They had let her know that she was expected to travel, which she loved, and even if that travel took her to all of the exotic places that they had rattled off to her as the 2007 Tour schedule, she couldn’t wait. Since she was an only child, her being out of London would be hard on her parents, this she knew but they were prepared to sacrifice in order to see her happy and successful.

“So Joya”, her father had begun. She knew what was coming next. She owned a Harley, had had it for about three years and loved riding it. “Maybe you should leave it here and drive the car honey…” She knew that he said this mainly to appease her mother who was deathly afraid of most machines, motorbikes included.

“I’ll be very careful dad.” Joya had reassured him all the while speaking for her mother’s benefit. “I am going to take the side streets and I should be at the organization’s headquarters in no time. Then I’m coming straight back home. No detours, just home.”

“Oh go on, “her mother finally spoke. “You are going to do what you want to do anyway. It’s your father’s fault really.” and she looked at her husband accusingly even though she softened it with a smile. “He always wanted a boy and he has one in you. If he hadn’t let you hang out with him at the chop shop, well, none of this would have happened.”

“Mother, there’s nothing that would have made me sit and knit. You are lucky that I like to cook but I really love riding. There’s nothing like going down a highway and hearing that purr, that powerful sound and feeling at one with the world. I love it mom. And be happy for me. This is the job opportunity of a lifetime. The pay is excellent and I will be seen on TV and who knows, if this group fails, other opportunities may open up.”

Joya gathered her things to go, earlier she had ridden over to her parents house, only about a mile away to eat dinner with them before continuing on to the studio. She would get to meet the rest of the band tonight, including the singers and on the following night, the whole orchestra would rehearse for the new DVD that was in the works. After there would be almost daily rehearsal until the tour started. Very exciting times.

At 27, Joya Butler was in her prime. She had completed college a few years back and had gone to school specifically to perfect her guitar playing skills. Some would think that a half Asian woman might not have the soul to play in a Rock Band, but this too she had done for a couple of years before landing this sweet job with the IL Divo organization. She played classical guitar, Spanish guitar, as well as everything in between. She was positive that her wide range of skills had heavily influenced Paul Agnor and the rest of the men who had interviewed her. She would be the first female hired in the band. Of course the orchestra had many women who played violin and various instruments, but that was the orchestra, not the band, in the orchestra, women were many, her role, as a band member would be to stand out, often playing solo. She loved to perform. And as she neared the IL Divo United Kingdom headquarters located in London, even as she slowed the speed of her motorcycle, she felt her heart rate increase. Regardless to what she had previously thought, life was worth living.

Swiss tenor, Urs Buhler was just turning to walk into the building when he heard the unmistakable purr of the engine of a Harley. Nothing could mimic that sound. He had purchased his first motorbike at 17 and by age 20 with hard work and saving every penny that he hadn’t had to turn over to his mother to keep the family going, he had purchased his first Harley. Since then, he had expanded his inventory and had owned about thirty cycles’ of assorted varieties. Many he had bought for the sole purpose of restoring. He missed his hobby almost as much as he missed his family. And whenever he heard the distinctive sound he couldn’t avoid stopping to take a closer look.

As he turned, she rode up, slowed, braked, put on the kick stand and hopped off. He was surprised to see a very beautiful girl driving the XL 883 Sportster. He personally knew that that big boy weighed almost six hundred pounds, and she, was a little thing. No more than a sixth of its weight. His admiration for her grew as he recalled how well she had handled herself and the bike. But in spite of the girl’s prowess with the bike, he was much more interested in the technical specifications of this particular bike itself than he was in the girl. These days, since the inception of IL Divo, beautiful girls, gorgeous women and glamorous females were surrounding him quite often both when he was with the band and when he was alone a good part of the time. He took it all in stride as a part of being an entertainer. Women were naturally attracted. Not to him personally but what he represented. Leisure, romance, sex and so forth. Besides, he had a girlfriend and he thought no female more beautiful than she. He took a good look at the young woman, trying to memorize her face so that he could ask her about the bike at a more appropriate time. As he turned once more to go about his business, he noticed a group of fans calling to him and he walked over to sign a few autographs and accept gifts such as flowers and teddy bears before he went in for rehearsal.

A little more than two weeks passed before he was able to approach the young lady to ask about her marvelous motorbike. He had seen it several times, parked in the lot, always minus its rider, but he had come to know that she was understudy for their lead guitarist, Paul Agnor. Most of the time Paul had practiced with the group but occasionally he took her away from her duties as regular band member and let her play lead. She was good. Excellent for a female and for one so young...maybe as good as Paul. Urs was walking down the hall to his office when he happened to look through the glass square into the auditorium and saw her there, alone, on the stage practicing. Without giving it further thought, he stepped into the room and walked resolutely towards her, his boots going clap clap as he walked with his distinctive walk that some called sexy, in her direction. They had been introduced initially but he couldn’t remember her name since there was not, as per norm much contact between the men of the group and the female members of the organization.

He had waited patiently until she came to a natural break and then advised, “You must attack a little more aggressively and not stroke so much.” She had looked up, startled, but also fearful. He watched as she forced herself not to bound off the chair and run. Still she eyed the exit with longing; she clearly wanted to get out of there. She was not comfortable with him.

“I’m sorry.” and he put on his most congenial face. “I should have announced myself. We’ve only met once but after seeing each other almost daily in rehearsal, I thought you’d…”

“I know who you are. “She said. Her voice held no warmth in it towards him. “That is all I know about you.” She said in a voice that was large and loud for her diminutive size. Not exactly hostile, but still, not welcoming either. So he got to the point.

“I noticed you back on the first day when you drove in on that Harley. I’ve wanted to speak to you since then but couldn’t find the time.” he kept his voice pitch light. She was skittish.

“You like my Harley? That’s what you’re doing in here?” He thought her voice a little less unreceptive.

“Maybe we could talk? How you like it, how you…. Oh I don’t know, I just like bikes and you are the only one around here who seems to even know that they exist.”

She gave him a long and seemingly thorough look. “I want to get home before dark. We could meet across the street for a little while after I finish up here in about half hour.”

To talk about a bike he would wait hours if he had to. “The little coffee shop in half hour. I’ll be there. By the way I’m Urs Buhler but I don’t remember your name… “

“I know your name, mine is Joya, Joya Butler.”
He thought it a very pretty name but he knew better than to compliment her. This cautious woman might think he was coming on to her.

He made sure that he was at the small coffee shop on time and was waiting for her when she entered exactly half hour later. He had chosen a seat in plain sight through the window and when she approached he took her order for hot tea with lemon and set off the get it. When he returned, he started asking her some of the things that he had wondered about.

“How did you come to like motorbikes?”

She was comfortable talking about this with him he could hear it in her voice. “I’m an only child, and my father owned a chop shop when I was born and I just sort of grew into it. Since he didn’t have a son to talk to about his passion, I became his son.”

“Does your dad still own it? He hoped so. He would love to visit and look when he had the time. It would be nice to know the owner.

“Yes and no. He is not actively involved any longer, he’s also a barrister but he and I are currently involved in a project together. We are restoring a bike that is real sweet.”

“Really?” I have restored several and I still own most of them but unfortunately I don’t get to ride my bikes much anymore. I am away from home so much that I stored them. I have about ten.”

“You don’t have about ten,” she commented. I’ll bet you know exactly how many you have and have a name for every one of them.” She caressed her cup. She became animated just from talking about bikes.

He laughed. “You’re right. I have exactly ten and my favorite one is called “Brass Bells.”
“Brass Bells? Why ever would you name it something tame like bells?”

‘Man, you got me there‘, he thought. All right. It is called “Brass Balls“ but you being a lady, I didn’t want to offend your sensibilities.”

She wasn‘t flirtatious at all and didn‘t even give pause to his comment. “Tell me about it.”

Well it’s a Harley Davidson, 1973 model XLCH. I changed out the fenders, the tanks, the seat to leather. It now has a total custom frame and it sits low and long. And very pretty.”

“With a name like Brass Balls you can’t call it pretty, you have to call it…wicked or something tough. Let me tell you about the one that my dad and I are restoring…” And so it went until it was almost dark. Suddenly she came back to reality, they both realized like Cinderella, she had stayed out too long to make it home before full night set in.

“Look, he said to her. I can’t let you ride out into the night alone. How about if I come with you, we get the bike home safe and I’ll get a cab back?”

In an instant she was on guard again. He thought she was at war with herself. She didn’t feel safe with either alternative. He tried to soothe her.

“What are you afraid of? I’m harmless. You know that I sing in the band. You don’t trust your person alone with me? How about your bike? How about if I put you in a cab and bring your bike to you?”

He was surprised when she accepted this offer. She trustingly handed him the keys to her Harley and told him the address. What he didn’t know that she was taking no chances. She had made a split second decision to spend the night at her parent’s home. There was no way that she was going to let a man know where she lived and that she lived alone. He called a cab and waited to see her off before going back to his office to look up the driving directions to her home.

He found it without any challenge at all. A two storied townhouse, nice middle class neighborhood. Inside, her father and mother were pleased that he had seen to their daughter’s safety and that she had decided to spend the night with them and not go home to her empty flat.

He had glanced at Joya briefly and she had looked away. He supposed that a woman alone couldn’t be too cautious but he did wonder how she managed to get any dates with young men being so guarded and all.

Her father had thought, initially, that Urs was interested in his daughter even after Urs had expressed his interest in motorbikes. Urs supposed that a motorcycle could be a hook just like anything else such as that old worn out line ’what’s your sign?’ But sometime during the next half hour Joya and her mother disappeared into other regions of the home and Ron, Joya’s father, who was about ten to fifteen years Urs senior got down to the discussion that Urs had really wanted to have. They talked about tork, parts such as when it would be appropriate to add a new legend air suspension air compressor mount and when not, which rigid frames were best or which wheel best suited which rolling chassis. Ron had offered Urs a pint of ale which since he would be traveling by cab back home, he accepted. Urs had explained that he had restored several and that he had given his girlfriend a bike for their fifth anniversary.

“You have a girlfriend then?”

“Yeah, Urs had answered. And she’s a sweetie too, and just like your daughter, she can ride, but I do think your Joya is a better driver even though she’s about ten years younger that my girlfriend. That girl of yours has potential in the motorcycle world. If she is careful and doesn’t get too ****y, Urs had added.

“How’s her guitar playing coming along? Do you guys find that she can do the job professionally? Not many errors and so forth?
“Oh yes“, Urs had assured him. She’s top notch. Has the right emotion too. She plucks it with feeling. I was just telling her when I met her this afternoon that she will have to leave a little of that emotion by the wayside. Become more like a man when he plays.”

Joya had just reentered the room and overheard that last sentence. “What do you mean more like a man when I play? Isn’t that sexist? There is no difference,” she continued, “it’s the sound not the sex of the person playing.”

“Of course there’s a difference. Just like there is a difference in men’s voices and women’s voices.” Urs couldn’t believe that she didn’t know this.

“Yes, her father added, just like in riding a motorbike. Of course Joya you learned so long ago to let the finicky side of riding go, and go for it but remember I told you and showed you that women are more tentative?

Joya ignored her father and turned her eyes back to Urs. So what does riding a motorcycle have to do with my guitar playing?”

“It has to do with whether you want to do anything physically really well, or you just want to do it so-so. Men are the kings of the physical world, and women just imitate. So if you want to improve your guitar playing, you will strike some of the notes and pluck others. That will give a good variety, keep the feminine softness but show the aggression of a man.

Without further words she stepped out of the room and got one of her guitars, she had many, and came back into the room and played a short piece and then said, tell me what you mean.”

“Better than that, I will show you. And he reached for the guitar and played the same piece through just as she had played it and then once again looking at her significantly when he added emphasis. He could tell when she understood because her eyes lit up. “That’s it. I didn’t know what it was but…yes. Give it back to me.” He stopped playing and handed her the guitar and she imitated his insertions perfectly and then launched into another song modified it to suite her and then really plucked and stroked the hell out of the piece. This girl was really talented.

Ron and Urs watched her until she ended the piece and they both clapped. “I didn’t know that you played guitar Urs” she spoke a bit breathless from her exertions.

“I do, but I have a way to go before I catch you. Still, it is one of my passions too. I play violin, piano, and drums but the guitar is my passion. While Urs was waiting for the cab to arrive Ron invited Urs come out riding with them this Sunday. “If you are off, of course, and bring your girlfriend too. She might enjoy spending the day with a family. “Thanks sir, she is flying in this weekend and if she feels like it, I would love to join you. Give me a name where I can rent bikes for us.”

“Oh no need, come down to the shop between now and Saturday, I’ll give your name to my partner and he’ll be happy to hook you up won’t even charge you.” Urs thought that it was ironic that like Carlos said, now, when he could afford to pay, everything was free.

CHAPTER 2
After a long period of time when he had had one girlfriend, over the last year he had found it difficult to stick to just one. After Vanessa, his long term woman whom he had hoped to marry, there had been Anya a member of the IL Divo organization, and then Patricia his current ‘friend‘. He attributed his lack of stability to his inability to be in one place for long. It is difficult for a woman to spend so much time alone. He had thought that having Anya, one who traveled with the band would solve that problem but it had created more. She was always there day in and day out. He now knew that he was the kind of guy who absolutely needed his space. If she had had some kind of hobby or skill that didn’t involve him, perhaps they could have made it. But he became the center around whom she revolved. Even her job, seeing to their makeup and hair involved him. When they broke up, she had transferred out. Now she was with an IL Divo liaison for Sony in Scotland.

Patricia was a pretty red-head from California who now lived in Paris. He met her at one of their gigs and had liked her wide smile. Whether or not he was in love with her he couldn’t say. She came over to see him when she could and was content to let their occasional visits be enough. That was a relief from having to be at a woman’s beck and call. So when he took Patricia on the bike ride the following Sunday, he was surprised that she had not liked Joya or her mother Mimi. He had never thought that she might be dead set against Asian women but she was. Later when he confronted her about her rudeness she had answered.
“Urs, I have nothing against those two women in particular, but its women like them who take all of the eligible men, at least back home they do. I’ll bet that Mimi latched on to Ron when he was stationed in Japan. That’s what she hinted at. So…I’ll bet she just used him to get a ticket here. Why she hasn’t even bothered to learn to speak the language without an accent.”

“Last time I listened you were speaking English with an accent too; at least to my ears it sounds a little twangy. I speak English with a Swiss accent, why do you expect the woman from Japan not to have an accent? You have no trouble understanding her do you?” He had chucked her gently under the chin to soften his words.

She had shut up after that evidently having no ready answer. Urs got the distinct feeling that she was trying to cover up her true feelings seeing as how he didn’t agree with her. After that day, she would never go on an outing with that family. It was too bad too because when she was away, Urs spent many hours in their company and enjoyed every minute of it.

Sometimes the whole family would ride out, other times just Joya and Urs. Ron being a barrister too had his hands full and frequently had to prepare a case. When Ron didn’t go, Mimi didn’t either as she would only ride double or only with her husband. Joya had grown more trusting of him as she became familiar with him being around. They got along amazingly well and he counted her as one of his friends. She was, in fact, the only purely platonic relationship with a woman who was not a relative that he had ever had. He didn’t examine that too closely. He didn’t look at why he didn’t go after her. She was too nice. She had been wounded by someone and he had too much respect for her talents to come on to her. Besides, she completely ignored him in that way. She ignored him when they were at work too. He had gone up to her one day and plucked her guitar string and she gave him a look that caused him to withdraw. When he later asked her why the ugly face she had said, “Business is business and we shouldn’t get into the habit of joking and kidding around on the job. If we cause any sort of disruption, I will be the one let go, not you. So…please mind your business at work. Other than that, we can do all of the talking that you want.”

This rationale he understood. And later he voiced this query aloud.
“Hey Joya, have you even given it any thought? We seem to get along really well. You seem to understand my moods and I understand yours to. We can say almost anything to each other and yet we don’t take offense. I feel as if I‘ve known you forever.”

She had laughed and looked up at him out of the corner of her eye. “Oh don’t you know? I’ll bet we are either the same sign or of two signs that are very compatible.”

“Don’t tell me you believe that old ’what’s your sign stuff?”

“Not exactly. But, tell me when your birthday is, and I will tell you about yourself the next time we meet.”

“I was born July 19th, is the year important?”

“Not for my abilities. I am just going to go home and read what it says about you and I’ll let you listen and tell me if it is true. By the way, I am June 24th. It’s just as I thought, I am a cancer and so are you. They had been out riding. She on her Harley and he on one borrowed from the shop. She had no problem letting him ride lead; she had learned to trust his judgment for he was a better rider than she. Having grown up in a country that was a little icier than England, he knew more about riding the rough terrain and handling the icy patches that seemed to lurk in the most unsuspecting places. She found that when he led she could almost let her mind wander secure in the knowledge that she had only to slow when he slowed and follow him into a turn at the same speed and degree of lean.

Urs had noted that Joya had grown comfortable with him either alone or in company. But let another man come around, especially one whose particular purpose for being there she could not determine, or had not expected, she instantly went on alert. Urs, after spending several months in the UK while the band was getting established had made friends, or at least met several bikers since that was what he did in his free time, when he was not in the gym or practicing his guitar. So on this particular day, when he and Joya came over a crest in a hill and saw a bike camped, although he didn’t see the man, he recognized the bike. He didn’t give it a second thought but approached closer to see if all was well. He noticed that Joya stayed up on the highway and left her bike running while she waited. He had called out and found that yes, all was well and they took off again but the incident reminded him of her man phobia, or whatever it was called. So not waiting until the next time they rode out because riding was not conducive to a conversation, he asked if they could meet at the little coffee shop, so that she could tell him about their shared astrological sign.

They met right in the middle of their day. Urs or course could depend upon working longer, sometime he and the guys didn’t finish up until after ten even after starting early in the morning. Joya was excited, she had done some reading and approached him with a smile on her exotic face. She rarely wore makeup but that didn’t hide her beauty. People had a hard time categorizing her though. They could pick up on the Asian, but not exactly its source. Many thought she was from Hawaii, or even some perhaps Italian, some even pegged her as Eastern European from perhaps Serbia. None would miss her beauty and Urs was not immune to it either. He thought that he felt proud of her, rather like an older brother would feel about a sister who turned out to be a stunner.

“OK, let’s see.” and she pulled out a piece of paper and started to look over it. First of all, ‘A Cancer man‘, which you are, ‘may seem harsh and distant at times, but inside they are very gentle, kind and affectionate. Rudeness is not one of their personality traits. It just acts to cover their true vulnerable feelings.’ “That’s not true; I don’t think you are harsh and distant at all. She had said a bit indignantly.”

He had laughed at her righteous anger for his sake. “Probably true. I hate to disappoint you but, yeah. I think the other guys of IL Divo would give that a yes vote. We had a hard time getting to know each other because of that very same trait in me. I insist on quality in what we do and if we don’t achieve It, I can be a bear. Probably why my mother named me Urs which means ’bear’. Go on.”

“He is not one of those who tells everything about themselves in the first meeting itself, He is very conscious of his looks, his house, his car and everything that surrounds him. All of these things must be in perfect order, clothes of good cut, car shining. Sophistication is something that he can’t live without.’ They forgot to mention your hair Urs, its perfect too isn’t it?”

“Are you laughing at me?”

“How could I laugh at you? It’s my sign too, only I have the female version of it. But back to you, me later.” ’Cancerians have an uncanny sense of publicity, when it pleases them to be noticed. Don’t let that unassuming manner fool you. They secretly enjoy attention, and they’ll soak up any headlines they get.’ “I always knew that was true” Joya said smugly. That’s why you usually walk in last Urs, so that folk start to wonder, ‘Where is Urs, we want Urs!” I do it a little differently with my guitar, and with my bike riding but it certainly gets attention.”

Let’s see” and she continued… ‘you’re a taciturn expert at circumlocution, you are not a scatterbrain and a chatterbox, you can be flirtatious and fickle but also sensitive and loyal, when you show off your sharp intuitive mind, others will be surprised because you are so quiet. They mistake the quiet as shyness but you are not shy, rather you are aloof. Unfortunately a Cancer male can be a regular wet dishrag now and then, disparaging everything and everybody, yet at other times he can be as funny as … She skipped to something more interesting. “Woo-hoo, look at this” ‘Although he may engage in light flirtations, it may be many years before he becomes seriously enamored, because it isn’t easy for him to find a woman he feels is worth of his interest. When he finds her, he’ll be beautifully sentimental, and he’ll lavish her with gifts and admiration. But his standards are high. Not every girl can meet them. “Is that true Urs? That most of your girlfriends are light flirtations?”

“I wouldn’t call them light. Exactly. At the time I feel committed, but sooner or later, I run up against something that I can’t live with. My current girlfriend, she and I have stopped seeing each other just because she is narrow minded. I cannot abide that in a woman. I am debating whether I should hang in there with her and try to change her or just let it go.”

“If you can debate with yourself like that, then I would say that it’s not love. Listen to this.” ’He is naturally shy of rushing in, but once he’s sure, he won’t be easily rebuffed. Cancerians can play the role of the romantic lover artfully. After he’s declared himself, and has some hope of winning you, his timidity will switch to tenacity overnight, and you’ll find yourself being courted by an earnest, determined man who won’t take no as answer for any proposal he has in mind. “So if you were sure, you would not be debating, you would be acting. Instead of being here with me, you’d be in Paris. Knocking on her door.”

‘You’re fairly safe in risking an unchaperoned trip to his rocky cave, because the typical lunar man is the soul of gallantry with women. He’ll usually be a gentleman until you stop being a lady.’ “That’s interesting.” A Cancerian can take the dreamiest trips to the stars on the gossamer wings of his imagination, if he learns to ignore that harping inner voice which keeps nagging him and warning him he might get lost in outer space. But until he learns to conquer his fears, they form his Achilles’ heel, and they hurt every time he starts to fly too high.’

“Wait right there,” Urs almost shouted. That’s it!”

“What’s it? Is that the reason you ride bikes and bungee jump to conquer your fear?”

“Maybe. But I’m talking about you since the same things apply to you. There’s something bothering you, deep inside. I can see it, and I’m amazed that your parents can’t.” He could almost see her visibly withdraw. “No, don’t go into your shell on me. Whatever it is, and I’m not asking for you to tell me, but get some help. If you don’t it will become larger and larger until it takes over your life. That being said, until you learn to conquer your fears, they will be your Achilles’ heel and they will hold you back.”

Joya had looked at him and looked off. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Ok, have it your way. Now tell me about the Cancer woman. I have a feeling that you are even more outrageous than I.”

She started to read again but this time she was much more subdued. ‘Have you met a Cancerian woman recently? Are you a little confused as to what she really is - chirpy or somber or distant? She is all of these and still, she is none of these. A Cancerian woman has mood swings every now and then but they are changes in mood only for her basic personality stays the same. She is sensitive, emotional, kind and caring. You will have to gently coerce a Cancerian girl to get out of that shell and come into the big bad world without it.’ “That’s telling me the same thing that you’ve just said. Get it out!” Cancerians are all mothers at heart, even the men. I don’t think I want to read any more of this tripe tonight.” She really did look turned off.

“What’s wrong?” He moved to her side of the booth seeing that she looked almost ready to cry. “Another mood swing. Remember it is only a mood, it will pass. What was it, the part about face your fears, the part about children…What?”

“Let’s get drunk tonight.” She added impulsively. Let’s go to a club and drink beer and have a blast and celebrate that we are leaving on tour in three days and won’t be back here for a long time. Let’s do it huh?”

“Ok. If you want to go to a place where we can just have fun, I know just the place. There is this little club where we can get a pint of ale or wine, dance and forget about it all. We won’t even have to change out of what we have on. It’s a really casual place.”

Urs had characterized the place perfectly. Built on the style of the old Irish pub, Joya suspect that this was a place where he hung out with Patricia when she was in town. The people were friendly and everyone seemed content to mind their own business and just have a good time. They had never danced together and she didn’t know if he liked to dance or not. She suspected that he did, with the right person, but not just to get up and do an exhibition. When they walked in he was already looking around for acquaintances and before long he spotted a couple sitting in the back who beckoned to him and he caught her are and pulled her over with him.

“Annie, Ross, how are you?”
“Urs, it’s great to see you here. What are you up to?”
“Just the usual, I want you to meet Joya, a friend of mine. Actually it was her idea that we hit the streets tonight.”

Annie gave Joya the once over and Joya knew that she knew his girlfriend and was wondering what was up. Joya just smiled but she was pleased when Urs refused the seat that they offered to them, instead he led her away and they found their own seat even further back in the background. There was a small dinky bar, with men pushed up to it or perched on a seat. A few waitresses in period costume a good sized dance floor and a band on a small stage to their right. They didn’t have to wait long before the band started playing a song that made Joya feel that she just had to get up and dance. She held out her hand to him and he said “let’s order our drinks first.”

“I want to dance off of this piece. We can order when we come back.” So he got up and followed her to the dance floor. Urs learned that she really got into the music, and she really could dance. She wasn’t a show off, just smooth with a gentle sway of the hips and butt and a dreamy smile on her face. “Hey“, he called to her to bring her out of her revelry. “You are going to turn every guy in here on with that look.”

“How am I looking? I’m just enjoying the music and the beat.”

“They don’t know that. You look like you want to go to bed. That’s what.”

That was the first time Urs had ever mentioned anything of that nature to her. She wasn’t sure that she even wanted to know that he knew anything about going to bed. That was not a part of their relationship. Just like one doesn’t talk about sex with one’s brother, she didn’t want to go there with this one either. Romance was one thing. Sex was another. So she gave him a dirty look but she kept her eyes open and in that way kept herself from getting lost in the music.

She got roaring drunk that night. A testament to her trust in him. She had finally let him know where she lived so he was able to get her home, look in her purse for her keys, enter her apartment, carry her in and put her to bed. Later when she awakened because she was parched and dying for a drink of water, she was amazed that she had been able to let her guard down so much with him. It was almost like the faith she had had in the goodness of humanity before the incident. Perhaps she was finally coming to grips with what had happened to her. But then, she thought about how she felt with men other than her father and Urs and thought, perhaps not. Maybe it was time to get counseling. She still didn’t believe that a counselor could help her but maybe she didn’t know everything. She wondered if she should tell Urs. She also wondered if she would be able to get it out. To this day she had told no one. Not her parents, not any of her friends, but they could see that she had changed; she was not the same now as she had been going into her twenties. They thought her new seriousness and dedication to excellence on her guitar was brought about by ambition and desire to excel, and perhaps that was part of it but not all. It was brought on by the need to obliterate who she had been. To forget about that naïve and trusting girl and invest her talent in a future that would be without a man in her life or children. She knew that she could never tolerate becoming close to a man again, except as a friend in the most platonic way.

CHAPTER 3
The Il Divo organization celebrated on the night before they left on the tour. The ones who were going and the ones who were staying at headquarters to keep the operation running smoothly while the others were on the road. There was a massive buffet, a lot of well wishing and general excitement. Joya was excited too. She didn’t have as much work to do to get ready as Urs. As one of the four singers he shared the responsibility of running the organization with the other three members. As such, they had hired people to look out after all of their stage clothes, all of the instruments, the hotel rooms for the whole group. Individual members had to do their own packing. Joya was taking recreational clothing, beach wear including a bikini, riding clothing including leather chaps, dancing clothes including a few dresses to party in. And heels to match. She seldom found time to dress to the nines but she thought since they would be away for at least six months and in nearly eighty cities in thirty countries, she had better be prepared.

Consequently due to Urs busy schedule, she hadn’t found any free time to talk with him before they set out. She decided that she would have to make him make the time though, they had become much more than just bike riding buddies who occasionally hung out at clubs together, he was her friend and she wanted him to know what she had been through and to advise her on what step to take next. She was tired of living her life in fear. This was what was motivating her when she stopped him as he was on his way to speak to the tour manager about some last minute detail. She was aware that she had put a stop to them communicating in the work place but she needed to speak on this one occasion.

“Urs, can you come over after this thing is over? I need to talk to you.”

“Actually, Patricia is in town and she’s come to see me off. Can it wait until we are underway, perhaps on the plane or after we arrive at Kuala Lumpur?”
She understood, really she did. This would be his last evening in the UK, his last evening to spend with his girlfriend, one that he evidently was trying to mend fences with and although she didn’t want to go there … let’s face it. To have sex with. After all she would be with him on the tour and Patricia would not. So… she should be able to confide in him later so she said. “Sure. I’ll talk to you at another time. We have six months before we come back here, so we’ll have plenty of time.

Joya didn’t stay too long after that. She left and went home to double check that everything was ready for the trip. They were to meet at the airport at six the following morning and in preparation for rising earlier than usual, she set her clock and went to sleep. She was awakened four hours later. When she peeked out she saw that Urs was at her door. When she opened it she could see that he had showered, changed clothes, and looked fresh and rested. “Urs, its two o’clock in the morning, …
“I know, I was worried about you. There was something on your face that told me that this was important to you… so I came by to see if you are Ok.”

“Come in, I didn’t mean to leave you standing out there but it is such a surprise to see you here at this time of morning. Where’s Patricia?

“I put her on a plane about a half hour ago. She decided to go back to Paris tonight.”

Joya knew that there was more to this story than he was willing to tell, but she knew him well enough not to pry. He would let it out when he was ready.

“I’ll make us some tea with lemon that you like. You want to come in the kitchen with me?”
He followed her in and sat at the table while she put the kettle on for tea. “I want your advice,” she began. You know we were talking the other day about fears and so forth and you said that I should get some help for my phobia?”

“Your fear of men? Is that what it is, or have I read it wrong?”
“No, you’re right. Its men. Most men. I start to feel hemmed in, it’s like there’s not enough air and I almost have to run from the room. That’s how bad its gotten.”

“Were you always this way? When did it start?”

She got up to turn the kettle down and pour the hot water over the leaves. She then looked into the refrigerator and took lemon wedges out of a plastic baggie. “No, I wasn’t always like this, in fact I was too trusting. Six years ago, for my twenty-first birthday, a group of us girls, all about the same age and had gone to college together, we went on a cruise up to Scotland. We were just a group of girls, out to have a good time. And we probably sent some of the wrong signals.”

Urs thought he knew what was coming but he waited for her to get it out in her own way.

“When we were out the other night dancing and you cautioned me about turning guys on with the look on my face, that is probably what I was doing on the ship. I didn’t realize the danger. I didn’t mean to send out any signals but evidently I did.”

He took a sip of his tea. It was very good. “So what happened? It evidently involved a man, or men seeing as how you’re afraid of us.”

I’m not afraid of you. I’ve learned that all men are not alike. But that took me years. You have helped me tremendously. I was on the ship, heading to my room, alone, I left early because I had a headache, had probably drank too much suddenly one of the guys, I don’t know where he came from, he followed me and forced me into his room instead.”

She looked at him as if expecting condemnation, of a judgment of some sort but he kept his face neutral. “I suppose you are going to say that he raped you. I am sorry.”

“It was my entire fault. I should have been more aware. I should not have had those drinks, I should not have been dancing. I don’t know. He told me it was my fault, said that I was one of those western sluts who tempt a man and then laugh in their face. I think he was crazy.”

“Western slut, does that mean he was an Arab?”

“I don’t know about Arab, but he kept praying to Allah even as he was trying to hold me down.”

Urs felt strange listening to her story. He didn’t know what to say and was afraid that expressions of sympathy just didn’t sound like enough. He couldn’t imagine what trauma being held down and raped could cause to a woman so he couldn’t even say that he could imagine what she went through.
“How did you get away from him?” He finally asked, since he didn’t know what else to say. On a ship, she could have been killed and thrown overboard and no one would have known the difference. He didn’t’ think he needed to mention that, she had probably already realized it by now.

“Actually, I threw up and he was some kind of neatness freak because he ran to the little bathroom and stated scrubbing himself. I made it to the door and then out on deck and then back into another entrance. That’s how I got away. I went to my room and I didn’t come out for the rest of the trip. “

“You didn’t tell anyone?”

“No, I should have told my companions at least. What if the same thing had happened to one of them? I couldn’t go to the ships authorities, I just couldn’t begin to describe what he did to me in there. I was too ashamed” She was crying now so he moved his chair closer and pulled her head to his chest.

“It's over now Joya. You are so lucky that you didn’t get some disease, or pregnant and have a reminder for the rest of your life.”

“I was never in danger of getting pregnant. Now a disease, that’s another matter. But everything was all right. I went to a strange doctor and pretended that I had been with someone, a one night stand kind of thing and wanted to make sure I hadn’t picked up something and that part was Ok.”

Something that she said was bothering him, he didn’t know if he should even bring it up. Perhaps she had been on the pill, perhaps she couldn’t have children. But he remembered the night when she read their horoscopes, she hadn’t been to interested in reading about children than. Exactly why would she not have been in danger of having a child? He decided to ask. “So you were on the pill, is that why you didn’t worry about having this guy’s child?”

That question brought on a whole new surge of tears. “No, I wasn’t on the pill or anything else. I hadn’t even been with anyone. Sex was something that I had thought about doing but just hadn’t found the right guy. So no, that wasn’t the reason. I thought I could tell you but I don’t think I can. I am too ashamed.”

“It wasn’t your fault. You have to let the guilt go. You did nothing…”

“Yes. You’re right. I do have to let the guilt go, and I think that I am. I was able to dance the other night and I even got drunk on purpose to see if I could just let go when there was no reason to fear being assaulted again. I had no problem with it and I thank you for that. But that’s not the kind of shame that I am talking about, not guilt but…you must understand, what he did to me, I didn’t even know that men did that kind of thing. I do now of course, but that was six years ago.

“Are you going to make me guess because I have no idea what you are hiding, what you are ashamed of telling. People do many things in the privacy of their room that they won’t talk about in public so…that could be anything. Maybe you should tell your mother if you can’t tell me.”

“It is called sodomy.” There she’d said it.

“Wow.” Was all that he could say. He is sick. And you never told anyone because you were ashamed to tell what happened.”

“Yes. He was so strong I couldn’t get up. He forced me to my stomach and made me sit on my knees and I couldn’t get away. I thought he was going to split me into two pieces. It was just awful and he just kept praying and calling on God.” She was sobbing again.

What could he say, ‘don’t cry,?’ everything will be all right?, it’s over now? All of that sounded like platitudes to his ears. So he just held her in his arms and rocked her back and forth like a baby until her sobs subsided to a whimper and then to sniffles.

“I think you need to talk to someone who can give you advice that will help you. This is out of my league. But since we are leaving tonight, well in a couple of hours now, and he looked at his watch, we won’t be back to here until April. That’s six months. But, your mom is from Japan. Perhaps she can find someone for you there. We’ll be in Tokyo for five days next month. Do you think that she can do that for you?”

“I’d have to lie to her. I don’t know how much the Japanese people are attuned to Psychiatry. I don’t even speak the language, well I do but just a little bit. But you’re right. I’ll stop inventing reasons why I can’t and think of reasons why I can.

“What will you tell Mimi, you say that you hate to lie to her?”

“This will be the first time that I have been out of the country, except for that accursed cruise. I’ll tell her that I am depressed because I am so far from home and all the strangeness of moving so much and so fast.”

“That will work. But hey, I just had a better idea. We all probably need a resident psychiatrist or at least a psychologist to travel with us. It is very disruptive to life to be on a six month tour. I’ll bet for two hundred thousand pounds and a chance to see the world a psychologist would leave his practice on hold. Perhaps the guys back home can take care of it and fly that person out to join us on the tour. And, you won’t have to mention it to anyone if you don’t want to.

And that was the plan and that’s what he did. He called a meeting with the other three guys and they agreed that it wouldn’t hurt to have a resident psychiatrist traveling with the group. It would save them having to work out the minor differences that arise when people have to be in each other’s company for months on end. Instead of them trying to solve the other’s problems as well as their own, they could recommend that the employee visit the ’doctor’ to see what he recommended. The staff back home started working on his request immediately and three weeks into the tour he had 20 faxed promising resumes in his room.

At that time they were then in Manila, Staying at the Star, having played Kuala Lumpur two nights before when Urs called Joya to one of the small conference rooms so that she could have a first look at all of applications. She made quick work of them and soon had whittled them down to the most promising six. Once that was done, she brushed her hands together as if to say ‘let's get to work’ and he joined her in pouring over the qualifications for each applicant. Ironically both of them kept coming back to one applicant who had outstanding qualifications from their point of view of knowing that Joya’s problem was the prime reasons that this person had been hired. He had volunteered at an abused women’s center for over two years. Joya thought that would give him some insight into how to work with her. But the drawback was that he was a man first of all and secondly, he was Middle Eastern. Joya also supposed that he was Moslem too in that his middle name was Mohammad.

Joya had sat for a long moment, a frown on her face and focused inwardly a moment later she pronounces,
“Urs, this is the one that I would choose if I am allowed to make the choice. And I choose him simply because he has the most compelling reasons as well and the most likely one to cause me to dislike him. See how fate works? It paints you into a corner and gives you a choice either to give in to your fears or rise and overcome them and grow as a person.

“Of course I will let you choose. He’s it? Sight unseen?”

“Send for him. If he’s not right we can always send him back and go to plan “B” which is to see someone when we get to Tokyo in two months.

And so, after a background check, Dr. Vahid Mohammed Rahman was sent for. Later that day Urs was notified that he had accepted and that he and his wife would be joining the group in one week.

CHAPTER 4
That particular day in Manila was a day off for IL Divo. They had no performances until the next evening. So Joya wasn’t too surprised when Urs called her on her cell phone to ask if she wanted to go to the beach with him in about an hour. As it was, she was checking the strings on her guitar, a daily routine for her. She asked him to come by her room. Something in his voice sounded strange to her and she wanted to see what it was.
He arrived in minutes.

“So what’s this about going down to the beach with you. What’s up?”

“Oh I just thought you might like to get out, get some fresh air.” This he said casually while he took a look out her twelfth story window.

“Hmmm. Who else is going?”

“Just me, and Sylvia, the woman who does our makeup. You know her.

“Yes. I do know her. I don’t think she will appreciate having me tag along, do you?”

He grinned his angelic grin that let her know that something was surely up. “Wait a minute” Joya said. “Didn’t you have an affair with your last make-up woman? If I remember correctly, I heard rumors about the two of you.”

“Damn their big mouths.” he said but without venom.

“Don’ be angry with them…whoever they are, they can’t help being interested in what their single boss does. Now if you had a wife, it would be a different story.”

“If I had a wife, I wouldn’t be dating. Are you going to come with me or not?” he asked irritably.

“Don’t blame me if you can’t fight them off. Why don’t you just tell her that you’re not interested?”

“You don’t know much about men do you? Or at least men who like to think of themselves as gentlemen. I can’t just tell her to get lost I’m not interested, I might hurt her feelings and…”

“And you never know when you might ‘need’ her in the future do you?”

“What do you mean by that crack?”

“You know what I mean. Patricia is far away in France, you might need to make a pit stop or a booty call or…”

“Don’t talk like that. I don’t like hearing vulgar language come out of your mouth”

“I know how to say the same thing and say not a word that is vulgar. However, the meaning is the same.”

“Oh all right! I don’t plan to have an affair with her. But, Patricia is proving not to be the woman that I thought she was and she is clever enough to try to fool me except I can read her like a book, even through a letter.”

“Why don ’t you just drop her and get a new girlfriend? You can have anyone that you want.”

“Don’t be too quick to have me get rid of Pat. She has her good points you know.”

“Meaning, I suppose, and now that I’m getting to know the real you, she’s good in bed.”

“That she is.” But I don’t want to talk about that with you. Now are you coming with me to run interference for me or not?”

“I need to finish up what I am doing here first. You go ahead and I’ll come down a little later and join you. That way, she won’t know that you have set it up. I’ll act surprised to see you two, ask if I may join you and then I won’t leave until you leave. How’s that?”

Thirty minutes later Joya, clad in her black bikini and a towel made her way down to the beach below. She had spotted them through her window high above, she could recognize Urs muscular body in a crown of hundreds. He wore swim trunks low slung on his hips and to his knees. His chest was bare but he had towel around his neck. Sylvia too was in a swimsuit, two pieced, her brown hair down around her shoulders. She was pretty enough Joya thought dispassionately. Close to Urs in age, around 35 or 36. Joys thought she had heard that she had been married and possibly had a couple of kids who were in their teens. She was glad that Urs had no intention of stringing her along and then dropping her when someone he was really interested in came along. He was basically a kind man. She was proud to call him a true friend.

“Hi you two. Getting a little sun?” Joya greeted them as she walked up towel around the waist of her bikini clad body. “Mind if I join you?”

“Of course not.” Urs said with enthusiasm that Joya could tell was fake, a little over the top for him because he was usually a little more low key. Joya wanted to mouth to him not to overdo it.

Sylvia was on Urs right, so Joya walked to his left, dropped her towel and busied herself spreading out her towel and taking a seat. She did not see Urs head whip around as he stared up at her in surprise. He was so surprised that he was left speechless for a good minute. He never had thought about Joya’s body one way or the other. He recognized that she was an attractive woman. Small, petite, but in that suit, he could clearly see that she was a knockout. Her Asian heritage had provided her with small slender waist and hips. Her Scotts Irish side had given her a firm butt and breasts that were large enough to pillow a man’s head. There was nothing that could match a girl with big tits that narrowed to a small waist and hips. Just perfect. Perfect complexion too. Lightly tanned. With a cloud of dark hair that reached her behind in a perfectly smooth fall. He had to look away.

“Sylvia, have you met Joya, our guitar player? Of course she had. This was a small troop and the number of women involved even smaller. The two acknowledged that they knew each other. Both were being quite civil but Joya detected a distinct chill in the air coming from Sylvia’s direction. Joya didn’t blame her. What potential couple needed a third wheel hanging around?

Sylvia asked the first question. “How long have you and Urs known each other Joya?”

Joya didn’t give Urs a chance to answer. “We’ve only known each other about six months. We met on the day that I first started to work for IL Divo. He saw me arrive and later he looked me up and we went out for coffee.” Factually true but her words didn’t convey the essence of their meeting which was about motorbikes. “We hit it off and since then we find that we have many things in common. Lots of things to do together.” This she said suggestively giving no hint that the things they did together had nothing to do with a man-woman relationship. Urs, who was just starting to take a swallow of his drink coughed, almost strangled at her creative response.

“Sylvia” Joya continued. “I hear that you have two children. How old are they?” Joya thought that Sylvia wouldn’t particularly want to talk about her children to this younger woman.

“Oh they’re sixteen and seventeen. Two boys who are with their father while I am on tour.”

“Are they a handful? I remember when I was seventeen, my parents wished they could send me back where I came from.” And Joya laughed gaily. And then continued. “Would you like to sent me back too Urs?”

“Never. I wouldn’t wish you on my worst enemy. Do you want some fruit?” And he reached into Sylvia’s basket and handed her a peach.

“Thanks for bringing the food Sylvia.” Joya said prettily. Then Sylvia continued just as if Joya hadn’t spoken.

“When you were seventeen? One would hardly think that you are any older than that now.” Somehow the way it was said made it sound like a negative rather than a compliment.

“Oh, thank you.” Joya said, not indicating that she had caught Sylvia’s dig whose purpose was to make her look young and silly. Perhaps she was being a bit silly, she certainly wasn’t used to acting as if she and Urs had some secret ’thing’ for each other. “No, I will turn twenty-eight this year. Which is getting pretty old don’t you think? If I am going to have any children, I had better get started on them.” And Joya took her foot and pushed it against Urs chest a couple to times, clearing sending the signal that it was entirely possible that he would be the father of those children.
Sylvia looked unbelievingly at Urs, who shrugged innocently but smiled at Joya as if to say “isn’t she cute?”

They had only been on the beach for about an hour when Sylvia decided that she had had enough. She made her excuses and left, taking her picnic basket with her. After she was out of ear shot, Urs said, “Remind me to take advantage of your services again. You were great!”

“I didn’t overdo it did I? Not too coochy coo Ursy baby?”

“Nope. Perfect. I think I’ll go down to the water for a swim.”

“Have at it. I’m going to sit here for a while before I go up to watch a movie. See Ya.”

Joya sat there alone just enjoying the waves rolling in and every now and then looking at Urs practicing his strokes. He seemed to be a strong swimmer. Then Seb and Carlos came up behind her unawares. She didn’t know they were there until Carlos’s voice asked what had happed to Urs. Evidently they recognized his shirt which he had left lying on the beach. Joya was instantly on alert. Heart pounding. She had to force herself to stay there and talk to them. As it was, she couldn’t sit while they stood over her, it made her feel too vulnerable so she stood up and watched as both men took a quick assessment of her figure. She could tell that they liked what they saw. She couldn’t have cared less. She hoped that there would never be another man on the planet who found her attractive, men were too dangerous.

At the same time, she was aware that neither man was exactly sure what type relationship she had with their singing partner. In his own words, he had never had a woman who was just a friend before. She got the feeling that even if both she and Urs had insisted to these men that their relationship was purely platonic, neither would have believed it. After all, why would a European guy want to be friends with a tiny Asian woman who was cute as a bug’s ear to boot. Little did she know it but ’cute as a bugs ear’ would not have been how Seb and Carlos characterized her. Joya was just about the size of Carlos’ wife Geraldine. Small and shapely. He thought her sexy as hell. Sebastien the perennial Frenchman had an appreciation for all women and he thought this one was prime. No wonder their buddy Urs was keeping her under wraps.

Joya made her exit as soon as she could and still seem courteous. She pointed to the water in Urs direction and made her get away. Grateful that she didn’t have to be alone in the presence of those two men any longer.

CHAPTER 5
Since it was his project, Urs made himself available to the psychiatrist on the day that he arrived. Together they hashed out his schedule. He would work only four hours each day with weekends off unless, in the case of a crisis, he was to make himself available. To Vahid this was a dream job. One that he thought would give he and his wife a five month vacation with pay and leave him excited about going back to his practice. An extra room, outfitted as an office and staffed by his wife would serve nicely. The first thing that he did was put an announcement of his presence in the daily IL Divo newsletter that went out no matter what city or hotel the group traveled.

So far since leaving the United Kingdom, they had traveled to Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia, Singapore, and they still lingered in Manila the Philippines. Next they were scheduled to sing in Hong Kong for three evenings and then off to Shanghai, then Seoul Korea and then a rest in Japan..but only after they had performed in Tokyo, Osaka and back to Tokyo. It was a rigorous schedule.

When Joya sat down with the Psychiatrist her first visit ever to discuss her situation, he had asked her a few questions. When he found out that her trauma occurred more than five years ago he was dismissive. He was under the impression that he had been hired to treat issues that arose during this tour. He thought that it would take more time than they had on the road to work with her. Disappointed that she had been dismissed, she had called Urs immediately. He had been out sightseeing on a rented motorbike but he returned to the hotel right away still wearing his grubby jeans and boots. He had talked to Dr. Rahman immediately. He was courteous, but he made it known that she was almost a member of his family, “Something like a little sister” he had characterized her. “And, don’t you think doctor, that since her challenges are effecting how she is reacting to life today, it seems that it would be wise to start treatment, even if it must continue once this tour is over.
Once it was laid out to him in those terms, and he could read behind the lines. He agreed that aggressive treatment was necessary. Absolutely, and Joya began that same day to visit him on a daily basis. One week later when Urs, curious about the treatment and what was going on had asked her about it and Joya had said;

“I don’t know if I can tell you that Urs. It’s a secret.”

“What do you mean a secret?”

“I mean that I’m not supposed to talk about it, I’m supposed to act. Put change into reality and so forth.”

“What kind of change? What’s he telling you to do?”

“Do you mean before or after I take my clothes off?”

“What the hell! …Take your clothes off?”

“Just kidding with you, calm down. You know his wife is in the next room. I go in and I even leave my shoes on while I lie on the couch and talk. Occasionally he asks a probing question about mostly he just listens. Then, he asks me what I am going to do about each issue as it arises. We have identified three concerns that I need to work on. Do you want to listen to them? Do you have time?”

“I’ll make time for you. I want you to be well.”

“You know that I have a phobia about men, that you already know. Trust issues and so forth. What you don‘t know is that I have arrested growth issues. Experience wise, I am still where I was when the attack happened. I have missed out on most of the things that today’s young women take for granted. Instead I buried myself in making my guitar playing as superb as I could and I have clung to my parents, especially my father for companionship because he is safe, instead of transferring that to a man in my life. And then stemming from the lack of trust, it is likely that if I do marry, I will have difficulty adjusting to married life unless I work through these issues before I marry.”

“And so you take these new insights and do what with them?”

“I take them and make a plan of action. Once I act on them, I analyze how they are working for me.”

“Have you started developing your plan of action?”

“Yes, I am almost ready to implement it. But I need your opinion.”

“You have to tell me what the plan is before I tell you what I think. I am probably not qualified to advise you on something this important in your life.”

“Yes you are. I know what I want to do, I Just don’t know…I don’t have a good take on the various members of our troop, and if you think about it, they are the only ones I have to test myself with.”

So, what are you testing? It seems that you are already comfortable with me, wouldn’t it be logical to just expand your comfort level to include other men and perhaps women?”

“I am comfortable with women but men, that’s a different story, especially if I feel cornered in any way. And yes, I am going to work on that. But the thing that I need your advice on is who in our group would make me a good sweetheart. You have to admit that with us traveling around so much I have to restrict my selection to our group either that or settle for a series of one night stands.”

“’Sweetheart‘? Now that’s a quaint word. What would this sweetheart have to do, do you mean court you with the intention of marriage? Or perhaps make eyes at you and talk to you in the hotel corners?” Just how far suppressed and regressed are you because most of these men in our group are way past that stage in their lives. You are talking about teen-aged behavior and young teen at that. Many of these men here married. And the rest have girlfriends. I don’t think you are going to find what you need in any of them.

“ I don’t care if they have girlfriends as long as she isn’t here on the tour with us. I’m not looking for a suitor or for anything permanent. And, not so fast, you didn’t let me tell you what I mean by ’sweetheart’ That’s just a euphemism for someone to teach me all there is to know about sex so that it doesn’t’ loom so large and fearful in my life.”


He had looked at her for a long unbelieving moment. “There’s not a soul in this organization who I would recommend for that. You would be setting yourself up for a lot of pain. Much worse than that caused by your fear.”

“Why is that? Why would I be setting myself up? I think it would be a good thing to be knowledgeable and sophisticated. There’s nothing like being well informed on any subject to take away its mystique and its ability to cause dread and alarm and even panic.

“Is that what you feel Joya, dread, and panic? I can understand that but your way is not the way you should go with this. I don’t care what your shrink thinks. It won’t work. First of all, none of these guys are particularly skilled at sex or lovemaking. They might think that they are but from listening to men’s locker room talk, they don’t have a clue. So going at it with the few that are available is likely to increase your fear, either that or replace it with distaste. Secondly, he kept going listing them on his fingers, exactly how have I introduced you to those among the troop who have seen us together? Precisely what have I said?”

“That’s easy, you always say, “This is Joya, a friend of mine.”

“Exactly. And what do you think that word ‘friend’ means to them? And what do they say when they gossip about what’s going on among the group? It means” and he continued relentlessly, “that no matter how innocent our relationship, you truly are like a little sister to me, they don’t believe that. In their minds, I am already serving in the role of your ‘sweetheart’ with all of the connotations of meanings that you have just given it.”

“They think that you are my lover?”

Yes. And we just reinforced that idea with our antics with Sylvia the other day on the beach. The talk about having babies, that has been repeated numerous times. I got you into that, I didn’t foresee that it would cause any damage. Or should I say any more damage. That just reinforced what they already believed to be true.”

“What would happen if I came on to one of the single ones. What would happen?”

“Who do you have in mind? He asked in a doubtful voice.

Carl, one of the other guitar players is single. How about him?”

“I think he’d be afraid that I’d fire him.”

“Couldn’t you go to him and tell him that you and I really are only good friends?”

He gave that some thought. “If you looked a little less appetizing, more like Rosie O’Donnell or Oprah Winfrey that might work. But… I’m afraid not. He’d just think I’d dumped you and he’d not want to be a laughing stock.” He grinned at his next suggestion. “Why don’t you just buy you a copy of a good manual, maybe the Kama Sutra also, pour over them until you understand and leave it at that?”

“Where would I find such a thing here in Manila, in English. What if after I read it from cover to cover, I have questions? She asked earnestly.

“If you have questions, can’t you call your mother and ask her? He saw that she was shaking her head no and smiling.

“My mother would be mortified. She couldn’t even give me my puberty talk. My father had to do it.”

I don’t suppose your therapist? He asked weakly, already knowing the answer to that. “Ok, you may ask me. If I know, I’ll tell you. If I don’t, I’ll try to find out the answer. And don’t worry. When we get to Hong Kong tomorrow, before the show starts, I’ll go out and find some books for you but you’ll owe me one.”

“You don’t speak Japanese do you? How will you find what I need?”

“I don’t have to speak Japanese, only find a bookstore with titles in English too. David can tell me what to look for.”

“But don’t tell David ok?”

“No. Never. He’d think I was crazy.” Urs concluded. Probably correctly.

In Hong Kong, He went out and came back loaded down with books. The complete idiots guide to sex, the complete idiots guide to pleasing your woman, the complete idiots guide to pleasing your man, the joy of sex and a copy of the Kama Sutra that was lavish enough for a coffee table. When he knocked on her hotel door she had looked at him and asked “didn’t you feel strange buying all of these how to books?

He had shrugged. “Not particularly. If more men would question their techniques by reading, a lot of women would be better off.” He hadn’t entered her suite. He almost never did she could only remember one other time and that was on the day he asked her to intercept the date that he had with Sylvia. He always had her meet him in the lobby if they were going out, and come to think of it, she didn’t even know and had never known where he stayed in any particular hotel. He never gave out his room number.

“Ok I’m off to get some rest before the show tonight. I’ll see you later.” He left with a wave and strolled off down the hallway.

After he left she had poured over a couple of the books. She found that she knew most of it ’in theory’. What she needed was experiential knowledge. She thought that even if the partner that she chose was unskilled, at least she would have the experience of what that was like. To heck with Urs. She’d find her own test subject.

CHAPTER 6
After the performance that night Urs was a bit pensive. When he returned to his hotel room there was a message for him from Patricia. He had neglected her of late, taken his time about calling her on a regular basis. He was self aware enough to admit that he had hoped that she would get tired of being strung along by an almost always absent lover and break their connection. He didn’t miss her, not really. He missed the sex, which was good. But not her. Since he had found out her very large streak of prejudicial thinking, his ardor had waned. He thought that it would have anyway because she was not introspective, and they had never really had any good thought provoking conversations.

Vanessa was the woman whom he missed the most. They had lived together for five whole years. He should have made her his wife. She and he were the same age and at age thirty five, she was very much aware that her biological clock was ticking. He knew this and had asked for another six months to work on what he needed to do with IL Divo but she would not let it be. She became a harpy and a nag. Then she gave him an ultimatum. Marry her within the month or get out of her life. He was not the type man that one could threaten into doing anything. He had accepted her ultimatum and packed his things.

But that grand play on his part had not been without penalty. He missed her terribly, probably still loved her and was still getting over her. She had been the one woman that he could talk to about anything. Van was smart, witty, cute and sexy. That was probably why he had been able to become Joya’s friend. She had many of the same qualities that Van had. Joya wasn’t a cutesy woman. He liked that. She wasn’t constantly looking in the mirror and begging for compliments. He liked talking to her and she damn near knew as much about engines as he did. Over and above that, she was musically inclined. She could play the guitar with him or without him. He liked her independence. And on the occasions when they had gotten into conversation whether it be politics, metaphysics, religion, or just current events, she had held her own, both in content and in her ability to stand firm and not back down in deference to his greater age, wisdom or opinions.
But she could not replace Van. Or could she? He let that thought die unborn. She was like a sister to him. Still, a voice deep within him spoke again ‘But she is not your sister.’

He had returned Patricia’s call and ended up calling the whole thing off. She had cried. He had felt remorse for hurting her. In the end that hadn’t stopped him from doing what needed to be done. After that unpleasant chore he had showered, dressed once more in their ’uniform’ a designer suit, and left his room to go down to the reception that was being held to welcome Il Divo into their town.

It was what he had come to think of as the usual social event. Mingling, chatting, thanking fans for their support. There had been soft music in the background and food lavishly prepared and Champaign and wine. He was glad when it ended. He had looked for Joya across the room and had not seen her so he presumed that she had turned in early. It was physically trying to perform night after night and lately Paul had allowed Joya to play more of the solo pieces that formed the transition for IL Divo from the pop focus to the opera focus when they forced the sound to explode. She was good too and had a small following of her own. When she backed the group on the song Si Tu me Amas, “If you love me” they generally gave him a special round of applause as well as another for her when she played her bridge to the explosion. Very pretty. It helped that she was the only female in the band and that she was very very attractive.

As the welcoming crowd dwindled down, he found that he still was not sleepy. It was a little before midnight and he knew from experience that his adrenaline level might not let him sleep before two or three, so he stepped out into the bracing evening air and decided to visit the club directly across the street from the hotel. As he waited for the traffic to clear, amazingly heavy for this time of night, he thought about Joya and her dilemma. Perhaps he had been too negative. There was one chap who might be suitable for her. He was about Urs own age, in his early to middle thirties, not too old, not too young and relatively aware. He hailed from Wales, still had the accent and all. He was a member of the sound crew, and as such, was important to the band to help them achieve that IL Divo sound.

Urs, most of all was an egalitarian. Some of the guys in the group thought that they, as singers, and the reason that Il Divo existed should place themselves above the run of the mill crew member. Urs didn’t think like that. As long as a man was willing to work, no matter what he did for a living as long as it was legal, he consider him his equal. He didn’t give a fig if the guy was one of the people that picked up trash after the crowd or was a first chair violin player, he treated them all courteously and with respect. This guy from Wales, Aubrey Jones, had potential. As one of the sound masters, he was very important to the group in helping them achieve their sound, which is why he and the other guys, David, Carlos, and Seb, made sure that they provided the sound guys with the best equipment, they were valued members of their team.

This thought was still in his head when he walked into the club, stood at the entryway with his hands in his pockets, allowed his eyes to adjust to the darkness, then made his way slowly into its shadowy interior. He looked around and was pleased to see that several members of their troop were hanging out, engaged in conversation here and there, mostly talking to some of the lovely Asian girls. He saw Sebastien and Carlos standing together basking in the adulation of some of their fan. He turned fairly quickly and went deeper into the interior of the club, he’d had enough of being pleasant and exhibiting pretty manners for one night. Once seated, he order a drink. Gratified to see that he had found the one isolated seat available in the club. It was positioned in a recess to the extreme right almost behind the band. Solid wall protected his back and right side and he had a good view of the dance floor situated near the front of the club, near enough for him to have a clear view yet not near enough for him to be noticed..

He ordered another drink and sat downing it while he watched the dancing going on without any real interest. His goal was to entertain himself while he unwound. If he happened to meet a woman who interested him in a certain way, he hadn’t ruled out escorting her back to his hotel room, but that was not a main goal of his tonight. His eyes wandered over the crowd of dancers and they passed a female dancer but then returned. There she was, Joya, dancing with an exuberance that characterized her with a particular brand of liveliness that he found extremely appealing. But wow! What did the chick have on? She was wearing a short skirt that reminded him that she had a pair of the prettiest legs that he’d ever seen. A halter top that left her midriff exposed and tantalized anyone who cared to look with the sight of her abundant cleavage so surprising to find on such a small female. Her long mane of dark hair dropped almost to her butt and it was alive and beat a pattern on her derriere every time she moved to the beat. She had on long dangling green earrings that looked expensive and probably were seeing as how the girl loved jewelry. He recognized the song. Something that the people could freak to, called “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” Heavens no he answered that question in his head. No he did not wish that his girlfriend was hot like that. If she was his girlfriend he’s have to sit her down.

He signaled to a passing waiter and revealed a generous tip, “Do you see that young lady dancing there? The one who keeps closing her eyes, the one with the other-world look?”


“Certainly sir, one can hardly miss her sir. Answered the handsome Asian waiter.”

“Fetch her to me if you please. She is a friend of mine. And then bring us both scotch on the rocks.”

The waiter had given a slight bow and headed off in Joya’s direction sure to comply if no more than to earn a tip that rivaled his pay for tonight.

“Urs, when did you arrive? I didn’t even know that you liked night clubs. I thought pubs were your thing if you went out. What are you doing here?” Joya bounded over to him, the waiter accompanying her.

She stood over him still doing the shimmy seemingly aware that first and foremost he was man and still a young one at that. The helpful waiter brought a second chair to the table and Urs thanked him sincerely and courteously.

“I was just sitting here watching you heat up the room.”

“Oh yeah? Too bad Easton Blaylark didn’t notice.”

“Easton Blaylark” Why do you mention him? Then he thought, “So, you decided not to take my advice and move forward to pursue your sweetheart/ lover in spite of my warning?”

“I did. I have found that while most of your advice is good, I don’t know if I can trust it in the romance department. After all, you’re not doing so great yourself.”

“I can tell you this, you’ll never be able to attract Easton. He’s gay. And he’s over there talking to his mate now. So pick another Joe Blow.” She wilted like a flower and looked at him as if to say ’you’ve got to be kidding’ but she did believe that he knew all of his employees. He continued on, “But, there’s Aubrey Jones, I think he might be just the chap for your purposes. She knew Aubrey, again she looked at him as if to say ’you’ve got to be kidding.’

“What’s wrong with him?” Urs had truly thought that she’d be pleased with his choice.

“His shoulders are too narrow and I think he has bad breath.” she replied readily. Hey, I looked over some of your books this afternoon.”

“And what did you think?”

“I think that I know most of that stuff already. I just don’t know it experientially. It’s like reading about having a cold but having no idea how a runny nose feels. You said that you’d answer my questions. Can you answer that?”

“Tell you how a runny nose feels? Yes. It’s not pleasant at all.”

“And I suppose if I asked you how an orgasm feels, you’d say ‘Its pleasant.’ Very helpful. Thanks a lot.”

He did not want to talk sex with this woman. Talking about it was causing him to blur the line. Already he was more aware of her delectable body than he should be, He had learned over the years to not play with fire. He toyed with pretending to strangle on the remains of his drink so that he could avoid answering. He was saved by fate when just then another tract began to blare throughout the establishment and Joya jumped up, “I just have to dance to this one. I would ask you to dance but I know you don’t like to.” And she hurried off to place herself into the melee of shifting bodies that were moving about on the dance floor. He removed the dark jacket to his suit and hung it on the back of his chair. It was growing rather warm in here for more reasons than one. Fortunately he had worn a dark suit and even his shirt looked dark in the dim light. He was confident that he remained in relative seclusion. Just as he wanted.

When she returned, he had already pulled her chair over next to his so that they both faced outward. She came around and plunked herself down on the seat causing his nose to flair involuntarily as her scent wafted near. He took a deep breath. She smelled hot and wet like a hothouse orchid just waiting to be plucked. He didn’t stop to think. He quieted the rational side of his brain and just reacted to what he was feeling. He shifted her to his lap and ignoring her querulous voice asking “What are you doing?” He slid his hand beneath the waist of that provocatively short black skirt and then paused to see what she would say.

She didn’t say anything. She went still. He could swear that she held her breath. She was like a small bird transformed whether by fear or curiosity he could not tell. He started to slide his questing fingers slowly back, back out from under the stricture of her waist band but she caught his hand and held it in place and a heartbeat later she urged him forward and downwards and he allowed his hand to explore territory that he had never even allowed his mind to envision. She was unimaginably soft and lush. He felt as if he would burst as he hardened and rose to meet her generously proportioned behind. When he touched her center she smothered a sound low in her throat. “ Ok?” He asked her. And she nodded and swallowed. She snuggled her back against his chest and lay her head back on his shoulder in surrender to the delight.

He remembered his coat on the back of the chair and had to remove his hand to reach behind him and grab it. When he did that, she made a sound of protest until she saw what he was doing. He handed her the suit jacket and she clutched it to her as a baby does its blanket and she settled back to enjoy the ride. Now that she knew what he would do, and was reasonably protected from the prying eyes of others, she placed one of her legs outside his to give him better access. As she sat on his lap, he realized that she was much more compact than she appeared. She was a solid presence that once he began to move in slow circular movements and she grew more excited, she moved too, in essence giving him his first lap dance. At the same time, she threw her hand back behind his head and worried his queue so much so that he knew that his hair would be in greater disarray when they finished than hers would be.

Long moments passed. He looked straight ahead, staying on the alert for any approach. She writhed and gave soft moans that caused him to think that he would burst, right here in the club. He couldn’t believe that he was doing this. As she rose higher and higher he increased the speed of the circular movement and moved his other arm from its sentinel position of holding her secure in his embrace to her peaked breasts. When he touched her for the first time she exploded, pulling his hair painfully in the process. He had expected her to cry out and was prepared to lightly cover her mouth to muffle the sounds but she was silent. Instead she shook and quivered, he imagined that one having a seizure would show more stillness than his sweet little Joya at that moment. He slipped a finger inside her body and was it was immediately and pleasurably strangled by her internal contractions. Thereafter he held her, kissed her neck, bit her ear lightly and rubbed her thighs for long minutes, still looking silently ahead while she resurfaced on earth.

When she once more became aware of her surroundings, she sat up. He took the initiative and slid her back to her chair. She was as boneless and soft as a fur cape, and as silent.

“You wanted to know how an orgasm feels, that’s how it feels.” he said when his racing heart slowed enough that he could speak without panting. “Would you say pleasurable, or not?” She didn’t answer. “Joya? What’s wrong? Speak to me.”

“Don’t you need to wash your hands?” Was all that she had to say.

In response, he dipped his fingers in his glass, sucked them dry and drank the whiskey. He seldom drank hard liquor, too hard on the vocal cords and knew that tonight he would overdo it. He took her drink and drank it too in one gulp.

Still she sat but the next time he questioned her about her well being she shushed him by saying “Quiet, I’m thinking.”

She was thinking that the fit had hit the shan. How would she ever manage to live around this man and not have him for her very own? She would never be able to go back to their old relationship as just friends. But, she also knew that he wasn’t in love with her. He liked her, but she had the feeling that if she came on too strong, he’d run away. And that made her sad. Of course she had known what she was doing by asking him about sex. She thought that she wanted him but didn’t know how to let him know so she had pretended that she’d find someone else and wonder of wonder it had worked! Almost against his will he had been forced to view her in a different light.

So now how to keep his eyes on her in such a way that he wouldn’t let her go until too late and he had fallen in love? That was the question. Somehow she had the feeling that this experience, for him, had been similar to say removing a splinter from her finger. Yes, he had been effected to, she could tell that he was excited, but any lady that splayed her legs and abraded his lap would have gotten the same response from him. Finally she spoke.

“Are you going to stay here longer? I think I need to go back to my room and sleep.”

Wondering what was really on her enigmatic mind but knowing her well enough that she wasn’t going to open up to him, at least not her mind, tonight he said, wait for me at the doorway. I’ll be right behind you. I really must put on my coat first.”

CHAPTER 7

Urs called Joya to no avail several times the next morning before their flight to Shanghai. This time there was a show on the same day that they arrived so there was no time to talk before the performance. During the concert, he knew her so well that he could detect a difference in her guitar playing on this night. More soulful, more emotional but he couldn’t tell what it meant. After the concert ended she went directly up to her room choosing not to hang out at all. So he followed her and then broke his own rule and entered her room. Reputation be damned.

“And so“, he began, “If I shocked you I apologize. I don’t know what happened to me, I have never behaved like that and in a public place too.”

Joya had been thinking for more than twenty four hours too. She knew that his behavior was completely out of character for him. He was reserved, aloof, and quite conservative, or so she had always thought. She had not been able to pinpoint why he had made love to her but she knew that she was pleased. In doing so, he had taken it out of her hand. He had volunteered himself for her little experiment as surely as if he had signed on the line with a laundry marker. But how to get him to admit that that is what he had done? And so she answered,

“I wasn’t shocked.”

“Were you offended?” He asked in a whisper. “Did I take advantage of you?”

“Maybe. I didn’t answer the phone. I knew it was you. I am friends with just a few of the women in the orchestra and none of the men, I knew that there was nobody to call me constantly, every ten minutes as you did. I think I felt embarrassed, that’s more accurate than offended. To think that I hounded you into doing something that you probably was at loath to do. And that I brought it on myself, dancing, putting myself in the limelight just like I did when I was twenty-one. It’s like it happened all over again.”

He was appalled that she could find a comparison between what they had done last night with the awful indignities that that pederast had inflicted upon her. He had to set her straight on that.

“ No Joya, you had little to do with bringing either occasion on. The man on the ship was distorted in that he most likely preferred young boys. You being small and young were the perfect substitute. That’s why he never tried to look into your face, that’s why he was so fastidious that when you threw up on him, he lost it. At some level he knew that you were a woman and in his mind you had contaminated him. Add to that the hatred that he had for all women, and you just happened to be there. That was not your fault. So don’t blame yourself.” He walked to the window and looked out onto the street. I was raining outside. “Last night, was last night. I have seen you a million times before so your dancing had nothing to do with it. I wanted you in my arms and I took you there. That’s all there is to it. It had nothing to do with your behavior. Most of the women in there were dancing and having a good time, that ’s what women do. Don’t blame yourself for my lack of self control.”

Out of all that, she responded to only one phrase, “You wanted me in your arms?” He nodded and she kept on, “You acted so strangely, I couldn’t tell what you were thinking. I thought perhaps regret, disgust, that I am a slut, I didn’t know what and I was too cowardly to find out.”

He had laughed grimly at those options that had floated across her mind. “My only regret was that we were not in a room with a bed. If there was any slut present it was probably me.” He grinned. “So you forgive, we can still be friends? You are not afraid to ride out with me? I promise that this will never ever happen again”

“Oh but I want it to happen again.” She piped gleefully. I think you have proven to me that you can be my teacher, my tutor, my coach. I think that you will do nicely. We can forget about sweetheart. I don’t need that anymore, I just need you.”

“No you don’t need me. I would never take advantage of you in that way.”

“You didn’t take advantage of me. Before last night I thought that perhaps I had experienced an orgasm, you know in the shower all that hot water and stuff, but now I know that it is something that if it happens, one is always sure. It is unmistakably wonderful. How could learning something so astounding be disadvantageous to me in any way?

“Because, there’s an emotional price to be paid for fooling around like that. There’s an emotional price for both of us.”

“You think that I will fall in love with you.” She stated flatly.

“It has been known to happen. I think you‘re halfway in love with me already.”

“My psychiatrist said that I should try to catch up on the life that I haven’t lived for these past six years. I have no intention of becoming a burden on you or to complicate your life in any way. If you agree to help me ‘actualize myself fully“ those are his words not mine, even if I am ’in love’, I promise to move my affection to someone else, and you can’t help but agree that is what I would have done over the years. There would have been many love affairs that failed and I would have started all over again. And moved on. I can do it with you too.”

“I just hate to ruin a good friendship. You are the only woman that I have ever been able to maintain a pure friendship with. The only one. It seems like a poor tradeoff just for a little sex.”

“You value friendship over sex?”

“Yes I do. It’s much harder to find a true friend than it is to find a sexual partner. And believe me, I know that if we start having sex, my feelings about you will change. I will see you in an entirely different light and if you’re jealous or like to nag, our relationship won’t be pretty anymore.

“Are you saying that then I will become a slut in your eyes?”

“No, of course not, just more … expendable. I don’t have a stellar track record with women. My girlfriends are held to a different standard than my guy friends, and you, presently are considered one of my guy friends. That is how I have to compartmentalize you in order to keep from hitting on you.”

“You can leave me in that compartment then. We can remain friends, we can create a new and more rare relationship, friends yes, but friends with benefits, yes,” she warmed to the idea, “friends with limited fringe benefits.”

“What would the limitations be?”

“We would limit the time that we have the fringe thing going. Once I know all that I need to know, we go back to the platonic thing. We ride together, we play guitar together, we talk about everything in the world but we never ever have sex together once we decide that I know all that I need to know.”


He could feel his good sense warring with his lust. What she didn’t know was that a man will agree to just about any arrangement in order to have a chance to be with a woman he desires and he freely admitted to himself that since that day on the beach when he sat there and watched her drop her towel and then saw her in that suit, he had desired her. He had just pushed those feelings away because they were inappropriate in the relationship that they had. Similar to what a man has to do with women who are too young, or even married women. They just become non-entities sexually, then everything can continue to lump along smoothly and living in society is compatible and easy. But if a man forgot those rules, started going after a friend’s teenage daughter or his wife, there was hell to pay. But she fell into neither of those categories.


His lust won out. When he said, “How would we know it was time to go back to the old arrangement?“ She forced back a victory yell. She knew that she had won this round. He continued thinking aloud, “how could we ever go back? The lines would be so blurred until I don’t know if we could remember how it was before.”

She had a ready answer. “Here is what we do. We keep our friendship just as it is. It will be what we do spontaneously just as we have always done. I stay strictly out of your private life, and you stay out of mine. But the other, we arrange. We decide when we will meet and where and we don’t ever mix the two. For instance, if when we arrive in Tokyo we decide to go sightseeing either just the two of us or with the group, we do that. Then we come home and each go to our rooms. We won’t decide to meet afterwards. For the other, we plan to get together say one night a week and just do it.”

“Do it?”

“Yes. We do it. Whatever ‘it’ is. I have my books if you need a refresher course. We can look at that and decide.”

“Are you a virgin?”

“No. I told you what that guy did to me.”

“Yeah, but what you mentioned wouldn’t have taken your virginity. Do you still have a hymen?”
“I seriously doubt it, not after all the bike riding that I have done for years.”

“But you don’t remember losing it or hurting yourself or anything of that nature? Why don’t you take your finger and see if you can find it?” When she looked at him as if he was crazy he said, “You have to learn to know your own body, come here, may I?” And he waited until she had said ok but she didn’t do it before she had looked sideways, indicating her uncertainty at what he was going to do. He went into her bathroom and washed his hands and came and sat on her bed. He patted the spot next to him. “Come here to me.“ She came over and sat down. “Relax and let me touch you.”

“Like you did last night?”

He chuckled.” No, not like that. Just a finger, nothing more but more probing just to see what’s there.” Do you have lotion or…

“Yes.” and she went and placed a bit in the palm of her hand. She held her hand out to him.

“Now relax.”

Easier said than done. He reminded her of a potential buyer for a fix-er-up house assessing how much work he’d have to do to get it habitable. “Ouch, that hurts”. And she looked at him accusingly.

“How far do you want this thing to go, this coaching thing? Do you want to remain a virgin for your husband or are we going to do it all?”

“If I don’t do it all, I won’t know it all. It’ll be just like reading about it won’t it? Besides, do you think my future husband is going to save his for me?”

He laughed. “I don’t think men have any equivalent to a hymen. At least if we do, nobody has ever pointed it out to us.” Finished, he walked to the bathroom to rinse his hands. If we go through with your plan, and do it all, the first time won’t be very pleasant for you, you do understand that don’t you?”

“What you just did wasn’t pleasant at all. I suppose if I can take a hill at thirty Kilometers, I can stand a little discomfort. You’re not dealing with a delicate female here.”

“Yes. I forgot to whom I am speaking. What about birth control? Are you protected?”

“What do you think? Before we started talking about this experiment, I wasn’t sleeping with anyone. What did I need to protect myself from, the humors in the air? I remember in Jean Auel‘s book about prehistory all of the people thought that babies came from something in the air, and when a new dark skinned guy came into the community and soon many of the babies looked like him, they really thought so. It was pretty ridiculous. It took forever for them to figure out where they really came from. ”

“Yeah. I read her whole series. She had a saber tooth tiger for a pet. At least he wouldn’t bite her but he still liked to roam all over the place.”

“So should I ask the doctor for pills?” She asked, getting back to the subject.

“They’ll take a while to work. Do you want to wait a month before we start?”

“No. I was thinking about starting this week. I’ll begin taking the pill and until they start to work you’ll just have to make sure that there’s no baby. I don’t plan to have any anyway. My mother had such a time with me and then she had another, a boy that died and she almost died with it. She’s small and I’m built like her.”

“Is that why you got upset when you were reading that ’sign’ stuff about Cancer’s being the mothers of the world? I thought you were going to cry that evening.”

“Right. I was just that disappointed when I was old enough to learn what had happened to her. That was when I made up my mind that I would have to reconcile myself to being childless.”

“Your father is Scottish, and tall and big, perhaps if you can look to the Asian side of your heritage and end up with a smallish Asian man, your children won’t be too large for you to carry.”

“Japanese men are too domineering. They like to stay out all night drinking Saki and partying with the Geisha’s I wouldn’t have one of them if I won him in a lotto. But… you’re right. American Japanese men might be different. I’ll keep that in mind for future reference. But back to the subject.”

“When we get to Tokyo I’ll get us a separate room.”

“Wait a minute. We are only going to meet once a week, and we‘ll be in Tokyo for that whole week, so decide which night. There’s no need to waste that money on an empty room. In fact. Why rent a room at all. We both have our own separate rooms, why not use one of them?”

“We don’t want to ruin your reputation any more than it is already. I know where everybody is located. We don’t want to be seen coming and going so I’ll find a room that is isolated on a different floor, where no Il Divo people are near. That way, there’s little chance of us being seen.”

CHAPTER 8
Together they had gone over the Il Divo schedule carefully and decided that Wednesday night was the most propitious for their clandestine activities. On those dates when Wednesday’s was not an option, they decided on Thursdays. Or baring that, any other evening in the week that they were both free. It so happened that they flew into Tokyo on Wednesday morning and didn’t have a show until the following evening. Other than a three-hour sightseeing tour arranged by the city, there was nothing to bar them from getting together both figuratively and literally that very same night.

They both had gone on the tour. She sat with the women including Sylvia who asked her why she hadn’t sat with her ’friend’. Joya had indicated that they were still friends, but that was all and before long, Sylvia managed to move herself up to sit in the empty seat beside him. Joya ignored both of them by looking the other way. She had promised to keep their friendship separate and she would do it if it killed her.

When the tour ended, Joya headed for her room to get a nap but before she left she managed to see that Urs had maneuvered himself away from Sylvia’s clutches. He gave Joya the thumbs up sign indicating, she thought, that they were on for tonight. Heartened, she took a long nap and arose about five and left for ’their room’ and as he had explained when he called, it was carefully tucked away on the twelfth floor of the luxury hotel. Once there she bathed and dressed herself in the traditional Japanese kimono with obi to give him a little different view of her. Her hair she left long and flowing.

He arrived a few minutes before the appointed time of seven pm. He was dressed in his grubbies, jeans, jacket and boots with an old t-shirt. “If I’d known you were going to do yourself up pretty, I’d have dressed also.” He’d said by way of apology.

“I want to remember this occasion. It’s nothing extraordinary for you. The next time we get together I won’t dress up for it either. After tonight, I‘ll be a changed woman.”

“It's not too late for you to back out of this if you want to. You are already a woman. Doing this won’t change you significantly. It’s nothing really, it’s something that everybody in the world can do. So…it can’t be that difficult. You’ve accomplished much more difficult tasks with your guitar playing and your bike riding.“

“Stop trying to make me change my mind. Aren’t you going to get out of those clothes? We have a lot of work ahead of us and I don’t want to think about it or I’ll get nervous.”

So he had ceased talking and gone in to take a shower. And came out with nothing on but a towel. She was still fully dressed in her Kimono with its big sash, not tied very correctly since she had put it on all by herself. He took one look at her, still dressed and said, “I’m having a hard time here knowing if this is romance or if its lessons. And…who’s doing the directing and who’s being directed. Do you want me to romance you or just show you… What?”

“She thought for a moment. Treat me like you would one of your girlfriends. Do you romance them?”

“I do. But I also don’t follow any books either.” and he pointed to her small stack of books that she had left on the nightstand. “I don’t know how to separate it all out into steps, I only know how to do what my body and my head tells me to do.”

“Ok, then let’s do that then. What does your body and head tell you to do?”

“I think I’ll order us a bottle of wine, so that you can relax and stop being so bossy. And then we’ll see about getting you out of your costume. And then…let whatever happens after that just happen. Does that sound like a plan to you?”

“Fine. Except I don’t want to be snowed with wine when it happens, I want to remember everything.”

“I think you’ll remember.” He said dryly.

While they waited for the wine he helped her undress, told her that she wouldn’t need the expensive night gown that she’d brought in her bag and helped her slip under the covers nude. Even thought he didn’t make an issue of looking at her body, she could tell that he saw her even if it was with his peripheral vision, and he got a smile on his face, an interior smile that told her that he liked what he saw. When the wine arrived, he didn’t allow the waiter to enter the room, but dealt with him including the tip through the narrowly cracked door at the foyer into the room.

“No need to give him a thrill tonight, he definitely didn’t need to see you lying in that bed.” What?.. You told me to treat you like I would a girlfriend. He poured them both a drink and she took a sip of hers while he dimmed the light and slipped into bed leaving the towel white against the dark carpet.

“I suppose we can start with you getting used to touching me.” and he placed one of her hands on his chest. She loved it. Warm, a little hair and firm and yet soft at the same time. His muscles rippled as he moved to his side to face her.

“Wait a minute she said finally, I thought this was supposed to be about me, not about you. You’re supposed to make me feel what it’s like not the other way around.”

“How are you going to make love to a man if you don’t know how to arouse him? We don’t just go around with making love constantly on our minds.”

“You don’t?” She said in a small voice. “Then why are you ready already? I can see, and I could feel the other night that you were. I thought it just happened.”

“It does, but only because I don’t have a woman and haven’t had one since we left over two months ago. But, aside from that situation, when it happens regularly, I don’t go around ready. So … put your hand on my body. Pretend that I’m not already ready. Can you do that?”

“I can. But I want to do it the way that I want it. Turn over. On your stomach please.”

He looked at her uncertainly. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to pretend that you aren’t already aroused and arouse you the way that I want to arouse you. That way I will also feel stimulated too and not as if I am going through an exercise like practicing my guitar or something.”

By all means then, I wouldn’t want you to get bored. With him lying on his stomach, she started at the small of his back and kissed upwards with soft kisses, damp kisses, wet kisses, sloppy kisses until she reached his neck where his hair lay in disarray. She pulled it up to reveal his nape and kissed him there before starting back down. She found that she could really get into this.

“Kissing by neck excites you?” he asked, probably becoming impatient for some action.

“Oh boy, yes. Just like kissing mine excites you.”

“How do you know that?”

“That’s what you did in the club. I remember everything.” She reached the small of his back again and said, “Ok, I’m excited. What do you want me to touch next?”

He flipped over on his back and said, “You can do the same thing now but don’t stop at my waist keep going.”

She sat on her heels and looked at him. That’s on page twenty-two in my book but it doesn’t tell me just how to do that.”

“I’ll tell you how, just do it.”

She could barely see his eyes in the dim light but she kissed them closed and ventured on to his lips. This was the first time that they had kissed. His lips were soft and responsive and she took possession of them and kissed him with her tongue and her teeth. Softly, softly until he groaned. She passed quickly down his chest. Pausing to kiss each of his reddish brown nipples, dark in the dimness, moved on to his waist and past it to the pulsing center of his desire. She instinctively knew that this would send him off the bed, and probably into a climax.

“You want me to keep going?” she wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t forget about her once his desire was satisfied.

“God, yes. Don’t stop now Joya.” His voice was ragged.

“What about me?”

“Just do it! Now! And stop talking and analyzing everything. I’ll be able to take care of you if you just wait a minute.”

“Ok, if you’re sure. “ and she sheathed him in her mouth and just as she had imagined, he was transported in less than a minute with her concerted efforts and her dedication to the task. When he whispered “Get the towel” she did so with alacrity and speed remembering from the other night how fast the urgency came on one once it started. She then placed the towel over him but she didn’t stop. She kept using her small but strong hands to bring him to completion. She watched his face contort and when he returned to sensibility, she clapped her hands merrily like a small child. “That was magnificent! You were wonderful!” She giggled. Excitement mingled with surprise at how easy that had been. “Wow. You were easy Urs. Piece of cake. The other night it took much longer for me didn’t it?”

He let her prattle on while he recovered his breath and equilibrium. He had to smile at her enthusiasm. He hoped she didn’t lose it when it came time for her to lose her virginity. When he got up to go to the bathroom without the towel she looked at him saying “You’ve really nice buns, did you know that? I knew it all along because of the way you look in your jeans.”

“You’ve been watching me? Why don’t you get up and let me do some watching of you since I’ve never looked at you in that light before.”

“Liar“, she accused but bounded from the bed willingly causing her breasts to jiggle.

“When I walked up to you on the beach last week, you looked at me that way. A woman can tell.”

“Maybe so…but that was the first time. I swear.” She wasn’t at all shy. She stood while he looked and then turned so that he could see her backside. “You are so pretty Joya.” he exclaimed “Not just pretty, you’re beautiful.”

“Well, whatever I am, I can tell that its turning you on again. Why don’t you go on and do what you have to do and come back and let me have some fun with you. I’d like a repeat of that nightclub act that you pulled, please.”

When he returned, he gathered her in his arms and kissed her as if she were precious to him. Then he plunged the room into darkness and she snuggled him as he ran his warm hands over her body completely. He didn’t leave a spot untouched from the tip of her head to her feet. When he touched her intimately he was surprised that she had been accurate. She was turned on by his body and had the moisture to prove it. When he kissed her breasts, which he had not done before, she was quite vocal in her enjoyment of this new sensation. When he began the now familiar motion of circling her nether lips she laughed and said “this is going to be good, I can hardly wait.” Moments later when she once more began to shake he figured that this was just her unique way of expressing herself.

When she quieted he asked, needlessly, “Was that good to you sweetheart?”

“What do you want Urs. To hear that you are the best lover in town? I’ll tell you, yes. You’re the best.”

“Men aren’t good lovers. We are only as good as the woman with whom we try to please.”

“Are you saying that I am good too?”

“That you are. But even more important, you let me know what you like. If you are silent, with women being so different from each other, I don’t have a clue if I am doing it right or not.”

“I need to communicate with you when we do this? What do I call it? It’s not making love because we aren’t in love?”

“We can call it making love, we are very fond of each other aren’t we?”

“Yes. We can call it expressing our fondness, or practicing our lessons or…” then she had a new thought. I don’t know what to say to you when we communicate. Do you want me to talk dirty like the book suggests?”

“No. Just say what comes naturally for you to say. There’s nothing more off-putting than a woman saying words that she normally doesn’t say in order to sound sexy. It’s not sexy at all its degrading. Just say whatever you‘re comfortable saying.”

“Are we finished then?”


“Not exactly.” He said matter-of-factly. “There’s one more thing that we must do tonight so that next week we can have it out of the way. Provided that you‘re still sure that you don‘t want to keep it.”

“I told you no. It is of no use to me. So let’s get this over with, please.”

And they whispered and laughed there in the dark until he began to kiss her and praise her and the more he built her up the more she knew more that she would not like this. She didn’t want him to build her up, just get it over with and this she conveyed to him by slapping him on the butt and saying “get to it and stop trying to soften the blow. I‘m beginning to feel like Marie Antoinette waiting for the bald to drop or a prisoner being given his last meal.”

She was so wet that he sank into her body almost with no effort, until he came to the barrier. She took a deep breath and he pushed through. She made not a sound. He looked down into her face to see if she was alright and saw that she was looking up at him. She said in her characteristic way, “What are you breathing hard for? When I’m the one who is in pain.”

“I’m breathing hard because it feels like heaven to me“. He muttered. “Let’s rest a minute so I don’t lose it and then see if we can find heaven for you too.”

She was silent as the grave for the first four or five pumps of his body into hers and then she observed, “It’s awfully tight in there Urs.” To which he answered, even more breathlessly than before , “Tell me about it.” and continued. Finally she said, “Its beginning to feel good.” Then, “It’s wonderful.” and finally the shaking began, this time with him inside and it threatened to jolt him off the bed.

While they rested, he mentioned that she would be sore tomorrow and since she normally sat on a stool while she performed, he suggested that she bring a pillow to the stage.

“Won’t they know why I’m sitting there playing on a pillow? Won’t that look a bit strange?

“I don’t think for a woman it will look strange. Now if I or one of the guys did that, it would be hilarious. Too Nambe Pamby“

“I‘ll see. Do we go back to our rooms now?”

“What’s the hurry” he asked. “Let's sleep together for a little while. And then shower and dress and get home before dawn. If you‘re hungry I can order up some food.” And that’s what they did. He ordered a feast which they delivered while she soaked in the tub. After they ate they watched a movie and went to sleep around eleven. They even slept in each other’s arms which was a really novel experience for them both. About four that morning they dressed and made their way back to her room where he escorted her in and continued on to his.

CHAPTER 9

The next day Joya acted as if last night had never occurred. On stage she was her usual impersonal self, delivering the best sound but not trying to make eye contact with him or to bring herself to his attention at all. Neither had she done so before the performance. Back stage it was always chaotic, the routine was that everyone came in their street clothing and brought along their stage costumes. For the orchestra it was dress black with the maestro in black tux with tails. Of course the Il Divo guys, the singers always wore the designer suits that gave them their distinctive sophisticated look. But the band, that small group of about ten folk who made us the guitar players, and the drums, they wore what they chose to wear. Since their musical director was also their chief drummer, he was comfortable in sometimes a t-shirt, sometime another casual shirt with the tail out. He justified this by saying that they were hidden by their instruments. Joya, being the only female in this group of instrumentalists the group who always occupied the right side of the stage and left the orchestra to the left, was a little more formal. She characteristically wore dark pants, dark shirt and flat shoes.

This evening, the first after her deflowerment as she thought of it in old fashioned terms and had to grin at that, even though she didn’t make any contact with Urs, she chose to announce in her own private way that there had been a change. She wore black heels, a slim skirt and a blouse that was low cut enough to reveal just the right amount of cleavage. So… even though her playing didn’t attract attention, her looks brought her a certain amount of interest and notice from the fans. She was an extremely attractive woman and it didn’t go unnoticed. They showed it in various ways. She now had about three songs in which she took over the lead as well as played the solo bridge that was only allowed when one reached a certain level of expertise. Accord was shown to the lead by the group by having the sole focus of the spotlight, by having the four guys who were Il Divo turn their heads from their position at the front of the stage to look at the lead which caused the audience to look also, and by having her take a step forward, a further act of recognition of her expertise. These actions were rewarded by the audience by applause when the bridge finished. All of this she received graciously and as she stepped back into her regular stance, Urs noticed that she flicked a glance at him for the first time. In response he raised his hands and gave her a solitary hand which caused Seb to look at him sideways with a question in his eye. After the show Seb had commented to Urs, “I get the feeling that we were helping you two by participating in some private festivity that we don’t even know what we’re celebrating. Am I right?”

Urs had given Seb his most innocent look, which in itself was a tip off that Seb was right because Urs at his most innocent was when he was up to his worst.

“You are completely not right.” There’s absolutely nothing going on that you don’t know about. I would never make a move without letting you know first. In fact, I would always ask your permission first.”

Both men had smiled and moved on.

But Urs was amazed to find that he had been wrong about his feelings for Joya. He had thought that sleeping with her would change his feelings for her. He found out that they didn’t change. She was the first woman that he had had an intimate relationship with without claiming her as his own, that he didn’t feel lessened by. He found that his respect for her increased almost daily because instead of becoming possessive and bossy as most every other woman had, she stayed the same. She was his friend, she was friendly, she was not snoopy, but she didn’t hide from him either. If he was seen talking to another woman she didn’t flinch and go the other way as some would do, she would walk up and talk to him, if she wanted to, just like she would have done in the old days. He didn’t understand her at all.

Still, their nights together were the joy of his life. She was fun and witty and funny. Completely uninhibited, would try anything once and tell him if she thought it wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. Currently, they were trying out the various positions that were demonstrated in the Kama Sutra. For this, even he needed her book.

“Anne Hooper’s Kama Sutra. Classic Lovemaking Techniques Reinterpreted for Today’s Lovers

They had started by reading the introduction together, and had been reminded that the concept of Kama involved the ‘enjoyment of appropriate object by the five sense of hearing, feeling, seeing, tasting, and smelling assisted by the mind together with the soul.’
It continued by saying that it is possible for humans to interact sexually with many people, but unless we have also cultivated some love and warmth toward the person who is arousing us, we won’t get near the real goal of Kama.

“I think this is going to be soooo interesting Urs. And not too sappy. We only have to have warmth for each other not undying love. That’s good to know.”

Urs had thought that this book was mainly about sexual positions but it contained a lot of stuff. Things about sensual massage, mouth play which included all kinds of kisses, pain as it relates to arousal, (of no interest to him) even creating the mood through flowers, drink and food. Oils and lotions. Or scenting the room. Or mutual grooming.

As they read on, it became more and more intimate. And with pictures too. He thought he blushed before she did not because he was inhibited but this woman loved to talk and expound on each new idea. What happened to just plain old looking for the sake of looking? Finally to his relief, they came at last to the chapter on positions. They had decided to try at least three each week when they met because any slower they would not have navigated through all the possibilities. He had had what he thought was a brilliant suggestion, that once a week wasn’t nearly often enough and that they begin meeting more than once weekly.


She had nixed this idea right away “Once a week is all that I can handle. Any more often and I think I would be in danger of falling in love with you. Nope, there’s nothing more sappy than a lovesick woman.”

‘Or man.’ he thought.

And so they continued as they had started. Playing by the rules that they had created. No one was the wiser except perhaps for perceptive Sebastien but he’d never tell a soul, Urs was confident of that. They left the Far East and went on to Sidney Australia, Mexico City Mexico, Canada and then finally, finally, back to London. Home at last.

The first thing that Joya did was to go to see her parents. Her father was the first to detect that she had changed, and not just a little bit. He felt that there had been a fundamental change in is daughter. More confident, more poised and that made her more attractive.

“So what happened to you? Did you meet someone and fall in love?”

“Nope.” She hadn’t lied. She hadn’t met anyone, she had already known him. “But, I have been thinking dad, ” she continued. “Now that the tour is over I think I will travel to America, just to see what it is like. I have my passport and there‘s nothing keeping me here.”

Both Mimi and Ron had been surprised but if one had an independent daughter they had to expect her to express her freedom.

And so, at the huge welcome home party staged by the Il Divo organization for the whole group, Joya let Paul Agnor, her immediate boss know that she would be leaving the band for a while to go to America, but it was possible that she would be available for the next round of appearances and to contact her parents for her address if they were interested in having her again.

He had expressed his disappointment but he knew that most of the work for the four guys would be in the studio and while they would need accompaniment, he, Paul could do it along with the others and with the mixers and other instrumentation. He mentioned that he had better let the four guys know but she cut him off saying that she would tell them tonight and then he could follow-up later if he wished.

She felt that she owed it to Urs to hear it from the horse’s mouth so to speak. She found him eating and chatting with one of their publicist, a pretty blond named Christine. As was her way she walked up to them and spoke politely and indicated to Urs that she needed to speak with him. He had excused himself right away. She loved it when he did that. He acted as if no other conversation was as important as hers. She realized that he had done that from the first and it hadn’t changed since they had started playing with each other’s bodies.

“I just told Paul,” she began, and saw him frown as if he knew something unpleasant was coming. “I’m moving to America for a while.”

“You’re kidding.” He had said flatly.

“Not kidding. I will miss you so much my friend but it’s time for me to start living my own life.”

“And you are not living you life now, with me?” What more do you want?”

She had wanted to answer, “I want you to love me. I want a husband. I want to be out in the open with you. She knew better than to say that. Instead she had shrugged and said, “I don’t know what I want. I want to explore, to experience new things.”

“And new men? Is that a part of what you want to explore?”

“No. You’ve been a coach without equal. I have no more sexual curiosity. I feel that I know it all now. But, about life, and peoples motives, that I don’t know. I need to experience some hard knocks and learn a bit more about life.”

He had not been pleased but in the end he had not protested. Joya had, in the deepest recesses of her heart and mind, and if she would admit this even to herself, had hoped that he would fall on his knees and ask her to stay with him. She would have refused him, but she had wanted him to at least fight for her to stay. She would have stayed if he had asked her to be his wife, of course she would have, but he wasn’t the marrying kind. He had lived with Vanessa for five years and not once, according to him, had he asked her to marry him. Joya was determined not to let that trap happen to her. She could just see herself in thirties and forties, and even fifties consorting with him only to have him throw her over when he was sixty for a twenty year old. That was the way men with big egos were and entertainers were known for their selfishness. But she had thought long and hard about this move to deliberately go away from him, out of his sight, hearing and touch. She had given him twenty weeks of herself. Twenty nights, enough for him to really get to know her in the way that men are most interested in knowing a woman. Before that he had already known that she could be his friend but he hadn’t yet learned to know her intimately. Now he did. So it was time to take his candy away from him and hopefully he would remember and come to value what they had had.

She had cried when she packed up her guitars and left the Il Divo building for what could be the last time. She had reluctantly packed her things from home and let her apartment that she loved so much go. She had lived with her parents for a week while she straightened out all of her affairs so that she could leave. Urs didn’t show. She heard from a mutual acquaintance that was in the orchestra portion of the org. that he was in Switzerland visiting his folk and talking a long needed rest. This she heard as a part of a larger report on what each member planned to do on their vacation.

It was on a sunny day in July that she left the United Kingdom for her flight to the United States. She arrived, didn’t know a soul and realized that for the first time in her life she was completely on her own. She wondered if she was up to the task that lay ahead of her. The task was to mark time to see if Urs would come to his senses and ask her to come back. The way she felt at this moment was that she would come back in any capacity that he chose. She only needed him to want her back enough to ask.

CHAPTER 10

Joya had only planned to mark time until Urs came to realize that she was gone and had come to miss her. She was prepared to wait for perhaps a year at most. If after that time, he didn’t come around, she would have to reevaluate the situation and perhaps concede that he was not the man for her. That would be hard to do because they seemed so perfect together.

Even though she had planned only to mark time, she found that almost as soon as she landed in San Francisco, a new spirit of adventure entered her consciousness. She had saved enough money working for the well-paying and prestigious Il Divo Organization so that she knew there was really no need to find a job right away. Nevertheless, she didn’t put it off. On the ride over she had decided that she wanted to work for a college, perhaps teaching music or perhaps in their Cultural Anthropology department. She thought that her degree with a major in music and minor in anthropology plus her recent travels to the Far East would stand her in good stead to fill either of those positions. She applied at the University of San Francisco, San Francisco State, Stanford in San Jose and also University of California Berkeley.

As it turned out, Berkeley called her on Monday and UCSF on Tuesday. She set up interviews for both places and was chosen by UC Berkley on the spot at her panel interview. She thought that it was a combination of her English accent, her facile use of several languages and the fact that she was biracial and as such represented an instructor that could relate to the Asia students who by far made up the majority of their student population. She was pleased to have that settled and she next set out to find an apartment near the campus. She knew that a woman alone couldn’t be too careful in a city unaccompanied so she inquired at the staff assistance office for recommendations of places to stay and she made use of cab service to look at three sites. She chose leased a gated condominium that was well appointed and best of all within walking distance to the university.

For the first time since college she was in an environment of learning and she had to admit that in some way the college kids in America were a lot less disciplined than their English counterparts and that was not a good thing. For the first time she met other young women who were around her age and even older, but they certainly didn’t act old. She joined a book club and a card playing club and in the process she learned that she wasn’t too different from other young women her age. She learned that Urs had taught her well. There were no subjects that they could bring up that involved sexuality that she had not experienced either first hand at his hands or that they had talked about and turned down. She also learned that women liked to talk about sex almost as much as she imagined men did.

As far as men were concerned, in her position as instructor she saw many many men on campus and they weren‘t all young. Some were there only to pick up a class here and there while they worked full time. As a teacher she was not free to interact with them on a personal level but she did observe how they acted, what they talked about, what they were interested in, and their overall general appeal as potential husband material for her.

She was not at all surprised that even though genetically she was half Asian, culturally she was English. These men of America held little appeal to her. And there were lots of men at Berkeley who looked similar to her, meaning they were Asian. Culturally, she did not fit with them either.

She learned that if they were Asian and born in America, whether their ancestors were from Japan, China, Vietnam or other Asian country, they were American’s culturally for sure and had that juvenile playful attitude that was taken on by the American men at large which to her meant that they’d rather play video games than study, they always ready to have chug-a-lug parties to see who could drink the most beer, who could get ****-faced first. They were interested in finding the girls who were hot, never mind her morals. Which just said to her that they weren’t interested in any kind of woman for the future, it was ’What can I get right now?’ mentality.

She learned that David Miller, the humorous Divo was that way because culturally, American men tended to find everything funny, always joking around and playing the rooster. David could be considered staid in comparison to these men.

As for the men who were born in Asia, and had come to Berkeley on a visa, it was a case of a self-fulfilling prophecy. They were too domineering just as she suspected they would be. Additionally even though it was a small and perhaps trite thing, she thought they had no game to their walk. They just used their legs to get themselves from one place to another. Yep, no game at all to their walk. What was wrong was something that she couldn’t identify but could observe, and they just weren’t sexy in her eyes.

So she concluded that the only thing Asian men had for her that was beneficial was being rather shorter and more slight than men of European ancestry. And the Asians born in America were fast catching up in the size thing. So much for choosing one of them just for the sake of having a small baby. A baby was a must. That was the only reason why she would end up with any man but Urs, that and the fact that Urs would have had to tell her plainly and make her believe that he would never have her as a wife.

When she wasn’t involved in teaching guitar, she was at home or at one of her club meetings that were held weekly at each other of her new friends’ apartments. She had chosen not to buy a car just yet. She wanted to get used to the feel of driving on the wrong side of the road before she invested money in something that she might not ever take to. Besides, it was so easy to hire transportation, or have a girl friend pick her up. She didn’t miss not having permanent transportation. Of all the women that she met, she had taken to one, her name was Chloe Thomas and she was a hoot. Newly divorced she was determined not to mope and become a dullard. She and Joya went to the opera and to plays at the Orpheum Theater across the bay in San Francisco on a regular basis.

Even with all of this going on, Joya kept in touch with her parents. She talked to her mother every other day and perhaps a little less frequently to her father because he was often at work when she called. She had gotten in the habit of calling before she left for work, around eight in the morning and because London was several hours ahead of California’s west coast, it would be around four her mother’s time. And, when her father came home usually around six in the evening Joya was usually in class.

Her condo sat on one hill and was ultra modern with all stainless steel appliances, solid walls of windows that overlooked another beautiful hill on one side and the Bay Bridge on the other. At night when the bridge was in lights, it was beautiful. She had two bedrooms, one of which she turned into her library, and a living room to die for. She furnished it in soft but rich beiges and whites and used bright blues to accent the playpen sofa. She also bought creative pillows that incorporated all the colors in the spectrum of blues and sent them flying in planned disarray on her cream sofa.

She had floor to ceiling coverings installed at the windows so that she could close herself up nice and tight at night once she went to bed, Although she just loved to view the bridge at night, she didn’t feel too comfortable knowing that the inside of her apartment was open for the public’s view. She was tempted to hang posters of Il Divo on her walls more specifically of Urs, but she refrained from doing so. First and foremost she didn’t want to raise questions about the group with her newfound friends. She felt that she couldn’t lie to them by pretending that she didn’t know them personally. God forbid that she would ever disclose that she had a humongous crush on one of the singers. She thought it better if the subject never came up. As it was, she couldn’t avoid that subject because some of her friends were Il Divo fans. In fact, it was through these women that she found out that Il Divo would be in town for only three days to participate in a special fundraiser.

“I know your voice.” then silence.

“What’s wrong Urs? Don’t you want to talk to me?”

“Are you coming back to me?” He had the nerve to be angry.

“Back to you? I didn’t leave you. I had to…”

“You didn’t have to do anything you could have stayed here and done whatever you are doing over there. Teaching I hear. At a University. We have Universities here.”

She had imagined this conversation with him in her mind for hours before she called. She had never once anticipated that he might be angry. He had never been angry with her before. An angry Urs was a man that she didn’t know.

“Well, all I can say is that I needed to go off and have experiences on my own so that I could learn to be independent and self reliant. You know what happened to me. I stayed a child too long, I needed to go away so that I could finally grow up. You know that, I told you before I left why I was going.”

“How much experience have you managed to have in the six months that you’ve been gone? Have you learned a lot?”

She could still hear the anger in his voice. She tried to look behind his words and determine what he was really asking her. “Yes, I learned that I am a good teacher. That even though I am young the students still listen to me and follow my instructions. I’ve learned that girlfriends can be fun. After that cruise so many years I didn’t want to be around a bunch of women because it reminded me of what happened.”

“What do you want from me Joya if you’re not coming home?”

“Look if this is a bad time for you, you sound grumpy, if you want me to call you at another time I can.”

“What do you want?”

“I heard that there is a charitable event here in a few days, I wanted tickets… for my friends. They are fans of Il Divo and I thought that I could get you to send me a few… that’s all… If you don’t want to be bothered I understand.” She ended in a small voice, this was a man that she didn’t know and she hated to admit that he was a little bit intimidating.

“What friends? Girlfriends?”

“Of course.”

“How many?”

Let’s see. My best friend is Chloe and she’ll probably bring Wendy and Carol and .. About six Urs. Can you do that?” I knew that that’s the only way that these gals could ever get into the ballroom, it’s a pretty upscale event.”

“Are you coming?”

“No. There’s no need for me to come. Once you’ve worked on the inside, and seen so many performances… not that the group isn’t good but there’s really no need for me to attend.”

“I see. Have them come to will-call for the tickets. I’ll have the producers set aside some good seats. I’ll include an extra ticket for you in case you change your mind.”

“Thanks Urs… Ah.. goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

Before she could reflect on the fact that he hadn’t asked her anything about where she lived or anything she called her mother to ask if Urs had been in touch with them. He had not. Mimi thought that perhaps he had spent a lot of time up in Switzerland or perhaps even in France. She had no idea. After she rang off with her parent she called Chloe and told her that tickets would be available for them at the will call box office.

Chloe was ecstatic. “You’re kidding. How did you arrange that?”

“Oh” Joya had answered casually, I’m from the UK and that’s IL Divo’s musical home. I know a few people over there. I’m not without friends.” She had laughed and Chloe had accepted that.

On the day of the concert, Joya had been out for Christmas vacation or second quarter break, depending on how one looked at it, and she was looking forward to getting back into the swing of things with a new batch of students in less than a week. She had been tempted to attend the event just to get a glimpse of Urs, instead she had spent her time taking down Christmas decorations and cleaning up her apartment which in one way was quite gratifying. She loved to see it all sparkling and bright and gleaming. She had finished up about eleven that morning and was glad to have that over because when her stomach began to cramp, she knew that she was in for one of her ‘straight from hell’ monthlies as she called it. It only happened this way about twice a year and this was the first one that she had had since being in the States, but she had learned that the best way to handle it was to stay in bed and let it run its course. She knew that the worse of the pain would subside in a couple of days and she treated it similarly to how one would a migraine.

A couple of hours later only minutes it seemed since she had drifted off to sleep, she was awakened by the doorbell ringing. She ignored it hoping that whoever it was would go away. When it pealed again and then again still, she crawled from her cocoon of covers and padded her way to the door. She couldn’t believe her eyes. There, standing on her landing was Urs. And she looked like the devil warmed over. Oh well. She opened the door and stood there trying to stand straight but feeling like she could just crumple to the floor.

“Joya? What’s wrong baby?” He came across her threshold just as if it had not been six months since he had seen her.

She leaned on him and pointed him back to her bedroom where once there he assisted her into bed. It felt good to have him show concern for her once more. His large hands on her body felt soooo good. This she had really missed. She told him what was wrong and that she’d be ok in a day or so, not to worry.

“How did you get in past the gate?”

“I parked outside and waited until someone else came through and I walked right in.”

“How did you find me? My parents wouldn’t have given my address to anybody without asking me first.”

“Once I had a phone number, it was quite easy to get your address.”

“But you don’t know your way around the city, or how to drive on the left, how did you find me?”

“I rented a car with a GPS system, and you forget, I grew up in Switzerland driving on the left. Its only in the UK and Australia that I’ve had to learn to drive on the right. What do you think I am, some backwards geek who just got on the turnip truck?”

She had managed to smile at that. “Actually, its ’Just got off the turnip truck. Make us a cup of tea will you, the kitchen is that way, just find your way around. I’ve been dying for some but haven’t felt like getting up, kept waiting for these awful pains to pass, you remember how I can be.

He took off his coat and Joya watched as he walked into her kitchen, his heeled boots clapping across her tile, what a welcome sound that was. Unable to sit up any longer she slid down in the bed and closed her eyes trying to tune the pain out. Soon he was back with the tea, a cup for each of them with lemon as they liked it but also some soup for her. He brought a jar with hot water in it wrapped in one of her new terry dish towels.

“Here.” he placed the hot water on her abdomen and let elastic in her pajama bottoms hold it in place. “This is what my sisters did. See if it helps you.” He then fed her the soup and when she would have stopped to lie back into the coverers he coaxed her to eat all of it. She thought that it was the ‘nurturing mother’ aspect of him that supposedly lurked in all Cancer males.

Before long, surprisingly she did start to feel better. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought it would be a shame to get so close to you and not see you. Since you weren’t coming to the show tonight, I had to come to you… and to scare off any boyfriends that I found lurking around. You mentioned your girlfriends, but you failed to tell me about guys. Why is that I wonder?”

CHAPTER 11

“Is that your way of asking who I’m seeing?” She tried to mask her happy smile but failed miserably because inside her a little person was jumping up and down saying, Yes!!!

“Well, yes. You come to the states to get ’experience’. To a man that can only mean one thing, especially after you used me to gain ’experience’.

“And very good experience you gave me too. I don‘t think you left out a single thing. At least I haven’t found it if you did.”

“How many guys did it take for you to learn that, or did you manage to find just one or two willing subjects?” He was becoming angry with her again.

“How many women did it take for you to learn all that you taught me? Did it come from a lot of different women or just one or two willing subjects? And what new ‘stuff’ have you learned since I left? Did your Chinese girlfriend teach you some new exotic oriental secrets? And then what about Christine? Are you still passing on your vast knowledge to her? Don‘t you dare come here calling me to task for sleeping around when that‘s all you do.” She had a temper too after all she too was a Cancer just like him, slow to anger but that anger once aroused could burn just as brightly as his.

Amazingly when she lashed back at him he relaxed a little bit. She thought he was gratified to see that she cared enough to be angry over him. “How many?”

“****…you’re like a bulldog! Unlike you, not everything is about sex with me you know.” She said with just the right amount on indignation.

“You could have fooled me. What was all of that friends with fringe benefits about if not sex? Tell me that?”

She wanted to shout ‘It was about making you fall in love with me duh… and you wanting to be with me for the rest of your life.’ She knew if she said that, he’d leave. He’d get the hell out of her condo and go out and find a girlfriend as much like her as he could find, but she wouldn’t be one that he respected like he did her, and he wouldn’t be in danger of falling love with the new girl as he was with her. That she could see clearly. So, instead she answered., patiently she thought in spite of the pain that she was in, “You say that ‘experience’ means only one thing for a man, don’t forget that I am not a man. Experience for me means several different things. I learned about intimacy from you. I needed to learn about professional confidence from a job that wouldn’t let me fall back on my parents if I failed. That is why I had to leave the town in which they lived. I also had to learn about interpersonal relations with women to not see them as weaklings and inconsequential beings, as I had come to think of them as being because I was with women when I was raped. I’ve managed to do that in just six months and I am quite proud of it. Not everything that a person does has to do with the opposite sex.”

“So you really didn’t come here looking for a male friend?”

“Of course not, but if I had, would you have blamed me? I‘m twenty-eight now, and I will need a man sooner or later, that is if I hope to have a family of my own.”

“You have a few years left to play. Now that you’ve learned… what is it ‘professional confidence, and interpersonal relationships with women, and what was the third thing? Oh yes, how to live without relying upon your parents. Now that you’ve done all that, why don’t you come back and play guitar for us and join the next tour that’s coming up in about three months. Come back now and you‘ll be up to speed with the new songs and ready to go.”

“Can’t do that. I have a contract that lasts for the next six months. I signed on for a year.”

“Look, I have to go“. He changed the subject by looking at his watch. “The fund raiser starts in about an hour. But it should be over by ten o’clock. May I come back here to spend the night?”

“Yes, you may. But know that there’s a no sex rule, not because I am indisposed but because I’m not ready to go there with you.”

“You don’t have a special ‘guy’ friend?”

“No.”

“I’ll be back.”

After he left she had drifted off to sleep and hadn’t awakened until around ten, hungry as a bear. She ran herself a hot bubble bath and soaked in it, and while she was doing that she called him and left a message asking him to bring some food with him.

At the fund raiser Urs had eyed the ladies sitting in the seats with the tickets that he’d had held in Joya’s name. They were an eclectic group. Ranging in age from Joya’s age up to around sixty they were a sophisticated bunch that included a black woman and an Asian. He tried to pick out her friend Chloe but found that he couldn’t. Since he had gotten them seats in the first row, he was able to sing directly to them. They reacted with smiles. One even was brought to tears when they sang Mama. He in response to their enthusiasm had smiled at them and given them a winky blink that fans seemed to love to receive. Since this was not a regular concert they did not do the ‘Somewhere’ number where they sat on the stage and fans came up to get autographs and leave small gifts, so he hoped they would stick around afterwards so that he could have a word with them. He wanted to know Joya from their point of view.

After the show he found the small group of women waiting in one corner of the room seeming to be trying to decide if they should leave or hang around to try to get a word in with him or one of the other guys. They were very very surprised when he walked out from backstage and made his way through the island of seats to them. He speculated in his mind that Joya had not mentioned to this group that she was his very good friend. He had not expected them to know about the fringe benefits of course, but he was surprised that she hadn’t mentioned their good times together bike riding and so forth.

Since he was still a little bit shy about approaching a group of women even though he appeared before crowds every night, this was a different situation. He didn’t let on that he was a bit intimidated by them.

“Ladies,” he had broached the subject with an opening greeting. “I am so glad that you made it here to see us tonight. How did you enjoy the show?”

There was not much that they could say when asked directly. They had simpered and laughed nervously and all began to talk at the same time about the usual nonsense, how handsome they all were, made more so by being in person and all four together. He thought he might even take them back stage to meet the other three guys but first he needed to know if Joya had told her friends about him.

“So Joya couldn’t make it tonight?”

“You know Joya? Did she get the tickets through you?”

“Are you Chloe?” he asked the small blond one who was cute and perky.

She gave a little squeak and broke out in to a big grin. “Joya told you my name? She knew that I was dying to meet you. I love you.” She said fervently and the others nodded their attestation to the truth of her words.

He ignored that. That’s what being a fan was all about. In love with you one month and with someone else the next month.

“Joya didn’t tell you that she and I are friends? Shame on her.”

“She said that she knew someone in the UK who got us the tickets. Thank you so much Urs.”

“You’re welcome. It was my pleasure” He was the consummate gentleman. And tell your friend Joya that I hope she is well and that I am sorry that I missed her at this event.” He gave a little bow, and left them quickly deciding to leave them be. There was no need to let Seb know that he had gotten Joya tickets, that guy would likely put two and two together. As it was, he enjoyed her message on his cell phone asking him to bring dinner. There was something about that woman that made his heart beat faster and satisfied him and made him want to do things for her even if they weren’t involved in more than a friendship just now. She was waiting up for him when he got back to her place. This time he had had to phone her from the gate and she had buzzed him through. She looked much better and told him that the worst of the pain had passed. She was almost her old sparkling self tonight. They enjoyed the dinner that he had brought, drank hot tea and amazingly she said yes when he asked if he could sleep with her in her bed.


“Since I only have one bedroom, it would either be with me or on the sofa bed and its uncomfortable. So yeah. Come on in, but…I warn you,”

“Yes. I know the rules. He found that knowing the rules and abiding by them were two different things. But he tried, even though he had the devil of a time getting to sleep, but he had flown in that day from London and was tired and before long he was asleep with her wrapped warmly in his arms. What a sweet little bundle she was.

The second day was a repeat of the first. They spent the day talking, catching up on news of what had gone on in her absence. He made them breakfast, or rather brunch because they didn’t get up until around ten in the morning. They were just sitting down to eat, he was dressed, Joya still in robe and gown when Chloe rang. Joya had gone to the door after looking at him questioningly as if to say ’Do you mind if my friends know that you’re here?’ He had shrugged and said “open it.” And Chloe had walked in, full of enthusiasm telling Jordan all about how they had met…Urs! “You’re here!”

“Yes. Hello Chloe. Have something to eat. I can cook… a little bit can’t I Joya? “.

“Yes Chloe, go on into the kitchen and get something. He made us a feast. We have bacon and eggs and fried potatoes and there’s yogurt and fruit and milk…” Too late she remembered that the bedroom was visible and hadn’t been made up. Would she be able to tell that they both had slept in there? What did it matter anyway.”

The three of them had a good time actually. Once Chloe got over who he was and accepted him as Joya’s special friend, and quit flirting, they had a good time talking about Berkeley, San Francisco and the bay area in general. He told them about Switzerland and how much he loved it and missed it. Chloe, you should come and visit me sometime and bring your friend Joya with you.”

“I should think that she wouldn’t need me to bring her. If you had invited me, I certainly would have shown up on your doorstep.” Chloe had said, looking at Joya as she talked.

“No you wouldn’t,” Joya had answered with alacrity. “You don’t know this guy here like I know him. He’s nice, but he also goes through women like they’re water. You need either a tough skin or blinders if you want to be with him.”

That off the cuff comment gave Urs reason to pause. And it gave him some insight into her personality. He had a flash on insight. She did want him, but was afraid that he would hurt her. Perhaps the crap about finding herself was all a ruse to throw him off track. He brightened at the thought but had made no response to her remark.

“Surely not Joya, “ Chloe said a little frown on her face because Joya’s characterization of Urs did not fit with her witness to his gentlemanly demeanor. “If Urs here is such a bad boy why would you send away all of the men who’ve even halfway expressed an interest in you? Surely you would have…”

Joya gave Chloe a look that shut her up. But she stopped her friend from talking too late.

“Do you gals want some more coffee or tea or anything?” Urs asked suddenly quite cheerfully as he rose to go into the kitchen to get himself more. They both waved him on but not before he heard Chloe, who was a language instructor say in French, “Joya, why shut me up, you light up like a candle when he’s around.”

He heard Joya answer her friend. He’ll hear you. He speaks French!

“I forgot.”

After that both were silent on the subject of Joya’s feelings for him but he had heard enough to make his heart very happy.

He left early to go to join David, Seb and Carlos for a business discussion and Chloe stayed on. He had no sooner left when the two women really got down to talking about what Joya called ’her dilemma’.

“I don’t know what to do. I love him so much. When I saw him at my door, even thought I was sick enough to die, it was like seeing fresh breeze moving through a field of grain. It was just that beautiful and refreshing. It was as if I had forgotten how appealing he is to me. And when I saw him, only one look it all came flooding back. I really have it bad.”

“But surely if you let him know he would…something. I don’t know,,, say that he loves you too?”
“I wouldn’t count on it. I mean, he might say that he loves me, and mean it. He would probably become my steady lover, he might even suggest that we move in together but I want more, I want a husband and I know if I say that, he’ll run. He broke off with his five year girlfriend because she asked for marriage, that’s what I hear. He has said that marriage is done just to satisfy the church and he doesn’t need that.”

“So…why don’t you take what he offers. He’ll be good to you. He’s really nice and wouldn’t you rather have him in a relationship than to have marriage with someone that you aren’t attracted to and don’t love. I mean, if you take him now… and later you break up, you can always find someone to marry.”

“I’ve been thinking along those lines, but, and here’s the catch. I want a baby before I’m too old.”

“You’ve got another ten of fifteen years before you start talking like that. Even longer than that if you adopt. I would go for the gusto if I were you.”

“You don’t understand, it is not about gusto, I love him.”

“But he probably loves you too. Didn’t you say he came by here directly from the airport? You need to be around him so that he realizes that he loves you too.”

“I was around him, and he didn’t realize it. But,” and Joya brightened, he did tell me once that he loved Vanessa, the woman with whom he lived the longest, can you imagine, for five whole years but in the end she tried to jam him in some way, I’m not clear about what, so he dropped her. Says that he later wished he hadn’t but by then she had already married another man and had a baby on the way. “

“See. It just takes time. If you are willing to invest five years in your future, perhaps, who knows what can happen in all of that time. Besides, he’ll be five years older and perhaps ready to settle down. He‘s probably a very cautious man.”

Joya then remembered something else. “Yes, that horoscope that I read about him says that he is cautious. It said that he would be like a lizard, or something, chameleon maybe, I don’t remember exactly what but that he would try to get away until he found the right one and then he would do a one hundred eighty degree and be a very tenacious and affectionate lover. I guess that’s it then. Perhaps I will consider going back home and see what happens.”

When Urs came home after the show, they both realized that this would be their last night together. She having made up her mind to look into returning home was fairly content but he, not knowing her mind, and she wasn’t going to mention it to him until after she was sure, was more interested in trying to talk her into coming back to the Il Divo band.

“If you go in now, at the beginning of the quarter, you can perhaps be ready to join us in four months. Of course it will mean that you don’t complete the whole year, but at least it will give them ample time to replace you. What do you think?” They were eating Chinese tonight and he stopped to take a bite.

I can do that and see what the deans have to say, but even if I come back in April, I won’t know the songs or the routines.”

“That’s easy. I can send you the songs, in a package, and video tapes of us rehearsing both of the band alone and with us singing with them. Paul will also let you know which songs he wants you to take the lead in. Now you have no more excuses. What do you say?”

“I said that I would think about it. I’ll think really hard and as soon as I make up my mind, I’ll let you know. Thanks for giving me a chance to come back to the band. it’s a good job and I love doing it.”

Even though he wasn’t really sleepy yet, due to having performed earlier, he wanted to be close to her so rather than sitting up watching TV he came to bed too. Joya found that once there even thought the discomfort from her monthly had stopped, it hadn’t and she wanted him so badly that she couldn’t go to sleep. The desire was worse tonight than it had ever been maybe because it had been so long since they had made love, or perhaps this was her last chance before another long wait. He lay behind her with his hand splayed over her abdomen, which didn’t help her at all, in fact it increased her desire. Finally she turned to him and wordlessly she began to kiss him at first softly and tenderly but they soon changed so that she was all over him. Between drugging kisses she whispered to him,
“You can’t love me but I can love you can’t I?” and she surprised herself by starting to cry.
He thought it was because she was virtually alone in the city and homesick. And so he answered seriously. “You need to come home Joya and be with your parents, and me, you’ve done a great job baby of growing up and finding your own way but do you have to do it forever? I’ll take you with me tomorrow. Just say the word.” And then to his amazement, her sobs turned to laughter. He didn’t think that he’d ever understand this girl.

“I’m not homesick. I like it here. If I do come back it will be just because you asked me back.”

“Oh. Then why the tears?”

“I’m horny and it’s frustrating.”

“Oh. So why,…you have to tell me what you want. Two days ago you were about to die, I can’t read your mind.”

“I’m not dying any longer but It’s not all ok either, do you understand?”

“Yes. What about what we did in the club that night. Will that be all right with you?”

“Perfect. Perfect. I just didn’t know how to ask for it.”

And that is what they did, over and over again until she thought that she’d turn to mush. And she returned the favor. Just before going to sleep she thanked him for being so understanding. And he replied. “It was my pleasure.”

The next morning would be the last day that they would have to spend together. They rented one bike and rode tandem to Golden Gate park in San Francisco where they spent the day looking around in spite of the wintry day. San Francisco was never too cold, neither was it ever too warm. When he left to go to the show he asked her to come to the airport to see him off at midnight. “I’ll send a car for you and it will also see you home.

She had promised that she would be there. And at midnight, she and an excited Chloe walked into the busy international Airport to find the guys already there in their jeans and jackets ready to make the trip back to the UK. Joya had warned Chloe that none of them knew that she and Urs were more than friends in the strictest sense and had made Chloe promise on threat of death not to forget and let it out either in word or deed. David Miller’s girlfriend who was an opera singer in her own right was there too. She was flying back to New York on a flight that was leaving soon and she and David were saying their goodbyes across the room out of earshot. Sebastien and Carlos and Urs approached the two women and turned their backs to discourage any overeager fan from interrupting them. There Joya told them how she was doing in San Francisco and how pleased she was to see them again. Sebastien asked Chloe to come and sit with him and she was only too happy to do so. Then he called Carlos and he joined them happy for an opportunity to flirt, leaving Urs and Joya alone facing each other.

“I’ll be sending you the music as soon as I get back, then I’ll send you tapes whenever we practice. I’ll call you too as soon as we land and let you know we’re back and all that.”

“In spite of herself her eyes filled with tears. The absolute soonest that she would see him would be in four months time, a lifetime when one is in love.

“Don’t cry baby. And he took her into his arms and kissed her on the lips lightly. She clung to him briefly and then released him saying, “I’ll see you soon.” After that she called to Chloe. She’d break sown if she had to wait to see them fly off into the night. They left soon after and she gave all of them a wave and they made it back home in the rented limousine without any problem. She cried all night.

CHAPTER 12

On the flight home Urs had several hours to think. He had hated to leave Joya, but they had a recording session that he could not miss. But he made the decision that in two weeks, after they finished this leg of the session, he would come back. At that time he would have almost ten days off before he had to be back in the studio. In the meantime, he would see if Joya went ahead with the plans that they had made. He thought that she was on board, she had agreed to turn in her resignation but one never knew. She was a quirky girl and he freely admitted that he didn’t always understand her. Sometimes he thought, no … he believed that she was really into him, other times, she seemed cool. Perhaps now that he was gone, she would run cool again. He decided not to let her know that he would return, he would surprise her and try to see if she was pleased or not. He thought that she would be pleased. When he landed in the United Kingdom he was happy because he had a plan. He would not have to wait four months to see her again. He would see her in two weeks Once on the ground the first thing he did was to let her know that he had made it safely, she could hear the happiness in his voice but didn’t know the source. She thought that maybe he was glad to be back in the UK.


As soon as she returned for the third quarter she had gone ahead and talked to the dean about leaving. She did this even though she had not heard another word from Urs since the call he gave her when he landed on UK soil. She was tempted to call him but figured that he was busy. She even went to the Il DIVO.com web site and looked for any new pictures. Surprise! There was one of him there taken only one day before sporting a beard that he had grown out in just a little over a week. He was had been walking on a Stockholm Sweden street and there a couple of fans had spotted him and recognized him even with the beard and had asked him to take a picture with both of them. He had graciously done so and they were soooooo pleased that they had to write it up. At least she knew that he was well and getting on with the business of Il Divo.

A week later when she came home from work, he was waiting for her on the steps to her condo. She almost dropped the small bag of groceries that she had been carrying. As it was, she sat them down on the grass and ran to him to give him a big hug and a kiss. Then she hit him on the chest for surprising her. They had gone in to her home, cool until she turned up the heat to warm it up and the first thing he asked was if she had turned in her resignation.

“Yes, of course. I promised you that I would didn’t I?”

“If I remember correctly you said that you’d consider it, or think about it. You definitely did not give me a exact answer.” He was so pleased that she had though.

“For your information, I will be leaving when the third quarter ends at the end of April. Did you bring the music with you?”

“Of course. I came all of this way to deliver it to you. I won’t be able to convince you to leave and come back with me now will I?”

“In a few days? Oh Urs. I would love to. I missed you so much after you left. I guess having you here gave me memories of you that I didn’t have before. I had never seen you in my kitchen making tea, and now I could remember you there. Or lying in bed sleeping. It just made me more lonely. But… I have committed myself to staying until the end of this quarter and I am going to do so no matter what.”

And so she busied herself making him dinner, knowing that he would be tired after the long flight and would want to go to bed early. She too wanted to go to bed early but for a different reason. She wanted to feel him inside her, which was something that she had had to forego a couple of weeks ago when he was here. She tried cooking a new dish, braised cabbage with pancetta, and Italian dish and with it she had left over meatloaf and potatoes. He had commented that this certainly wasn’t hotel food, which he really no longer appreciated. He had said that he sometimes thought that he would die for a home cooked meal.

After dinner they had sat by the fireplace just glad to be in each other’s presence. They were doing well until he asked,

“Where do you want us to live when we get back to the UK?”

“What do you mean where will we live?”

“You are going to move in with me aren’t you? I would love to have you with me day and night Joya.”

Her heart gave a little leap. Should she? Instead she said, “Why would I want to move in with you? How will it benefit me?”

“Wouldn’t being with me be benefit enough for you?” He sounded a little hurt. “It would be enough for me.” He had added.

“Come on Urs. Let’s be reasonable here. Let’s look at the pros and cons.” And she got up to retrieve a sheet of paper and moved over to sit beside him on the large leather ottoman. Whenever Urs would write a pro, Joya would write the con to it.


PRO
No Loneliness/We get along well
Similar Ideas about finances
Compatible IB (in bed)

CON
We both need down time (a lot)
He makes much more money than I
Faithfulness?
Children?
Small Build


“Wait a minute. Where is all of this coming from? What is this children, biological clock, small build stuff coming from?”

“These are all the things that I must consider before making a decision to move in with you. Why would I give up having a child or even considering it, and even then, if I do give it up there is no guarantee that I will even be able to safely deliver one so I have to weigh my chances and the probabilities. That’s all.”

“Sounds like a statistics class to me. What‘s this about faithfulness?”

“That’s another chancy thing. Do we plan to consider this living together a commitment to each other or only until a better person for either one of us comes along? I am just trying to insure that there are no surprises. That we go into it with our eyes open and give it a better chance of working. I am asking “What do I mean to you Urs? We‘ve been just friends, we‘ve been friends with fringe benefits and now you are creating a whole other level of being for us. And I want to know what significance this step has for you.”

He had looked at her for a long while and then looked into the fire. “Are you asking me to marry you Joya? Is that what you really want, to be a wife?”

So be it. If he ran he’d just have to run. “No I don’t want to be a wife Urs. I want to be your wife.” she sighed. “I want us to have a child, at least one I want us to announce to the world that we are more than just friends. I want you to love me and to be faithful to me. Can you do that? Do you have it in you?”

“And if I don’t, what will you do. Are you saying that you won’t continue with me if I don’t marry you?”

She didn’t fall into that old trap of the ultimatum. Instead she diverted his attention from it. “What do you have against marriage?”

“I don’t know. I .. The words are just all so meaningless. People vow every day and then they get divorced anyway and they end up hating each other fighting over their property and money and their children. What’s the use? My father left us when I was a teenager. Why have children if you‘re going to go off and leave them?”

“I would never leave you Urs. I vow that I wouldn’t.”

“How do I know that you won’t make me leave you? By harping, and nagging and becoming jealous of every woman in sight?”

“I can guarantee you that I will be jealous and nag and harp if you go after women. I won’t stand by a let you treat me like I’m nothing to you, but then, I wouldn’t do that even if we just lived together. But…the difference is this if we just lived together, we could both walk away. You free, while I would have paid a price for your freedom. I will have forfeited the opportunity to try to have a child. My youth will most likely be gone. You know that it’s true that men can get a woman until they die, women can’t. I will have loved you and you will have broken my heart.“ She looked at him long and hard. “I am asking you to sacrifice some of yourself for me. I need the security of marriage. I need you to tell the world that I am special to you, over and above all of the other women with whom you have lain, lived with, courted or even looked at. Don’t look at it as an ultimatum. Look at it as giving me the gift of your love.”

‘Man, how did a simple conversation turn into something this serious so quickly?’ he wondered dazed. Can we talk about this in the morning? I need to think. This is a surprise to me, you have never been so forth coming with your feelings. Just on the plane ride here I was wondering if you would even be glad to see me. I thought that you would but I wasn’t sure. And now I learn that you want to marry. Too much of a leap Joya.”

He went in to shower but he couldn’t help but wonder if she had changed so much of if he never had known her at all. He thought back to the days when they used to ride together. It was all straight forward then, overnight, when they started sleeping together, at her instigation he remembered, things had changed. He wondered if this had been her goal all along. Had she played him like she played her guitar? Had she been pulling his strings plucking him here, stroking him there and he responding just as she planned?

He had planned for them to enjoy each other this week and in April move in together and learn if they could manage together. His mind did not contain the idea of marrying a woman without living with her first. What if they couldn’t they couldn’t stand each other’s idiosyncrasies? He was very organized and liked to be on time. He always picked up after himself. He tended to be more of a spectator to life, more logical with an interest in metaphysics. He needed time alone. Did she talk too much? Would he tire of hearing her voice? He realized that physical beauty only went so far. In three to five years she would still be beautiful but if her habits were not compatible with his, If she was sloppy or …. he would no longer notice her beauty. Instead they would argue day and night just as his father and mother had done in those end says.

He thought about children. No matter what they said about Cancer’s and children. He wasn’t sure that he was ready to have a bunch of little brats hanging on to his pant leg. He could see himself being on stage performing with throw-up on his lapel. He was a selfish man. There he’d said it. Was he ready to sacrifice himself, as she so aptly put it, for her love? That was the question.

He dried off, shaved to get rid of the evening shadow and clad only in the towel marched out into the bed room. He had planned to make love with her tonight but that too was probably off. So to keep from being rejected, he wouldn’t ask. He slid into bed, taking care not to touch her. She was on her side, her back to him. Probably sulking because he hadn’t agreed to get married right away, but then, he hadn’t said no either. She should appreciate that.

On her side of the bed Joya was far from asleep. She felt him turn away from her, onto his side with his back to her and her first thought was ‘screw him‘. She’d dared make the effort. She’d given it a try. She wasn’t prepared, no matter what Chloe thought about giving him time and so forth, to live and hope that one day he would come to recognize her worth.

She would never have forgiven herself if she had settled for less than what she really wanted without even voicing her needs. She continued thinking to herself, ‘and speaking of needs, she needed him now. He had voiced his concern that she had boyfriends here in the States, she had assured him that she didn’t, and he had indicated that he wanted her to keep it that way so, unlike him who could assuage his needs with any number of women, she had just him, so he had better got on his job. Just because he was pouting didn’t mean that he couldn’t satisfy her. He could ‘do it’ as well angry as he could when he wasn’t couldn’t he? A horn dog such as he should be able to get it up under any conditions shouldn’t he?’ She had heard her students using that term ’horn dog’ and liked it. But… she knew that she couldn’t let him hear her saying it. But her thoughts were her own. She’d think anything that she damn well pleased.

Before she could censor her actions and justify staying with her back turned to him because she was angry, she flipped over and wrapped her arms and her legs around him. Although she thought he was pretending to be asleep, she didn’t think that he could fall asleep in thirty seconds. Some men could but not Cancer’s. They had to think through everything before they allowed themselves to drop off. She was that way and suspected that so was he.

She was right. He was no more asleep than she was. When she had grabbed him from behind and he had discovered that she wasn’t attacking him out of anger, he had responded by instantly flipping her onto her back while they kissed wildly all the while. He was already nude and he had her out of her PJ’s, which she had put on as a defense mechanism because she was pissed, he had them off in a second and had entered her hard and fast and up to the hilt. Just what she needed. Their joining was rough and tumbled. Pent up emotions were allowed free reign. His only words were panted
“Don’t let me hurt you Joya.”
To which she had replied, “Keep doing what you’re doing.”

Long moments of silence followed as they enjoyed each other’s bodies she sometime on top, he at other times. Finally she shook him to get his attention. “You don’t have on a condom do you?” To which he replied. “To hell with it. We are going to be married anyway aren’t we?” She felt no victory, but she did prove that joy could cause her spiral as well as sensual sensations. She didn’t whisper ‘I love you’ but she thought it. She didn’t want him to associate his capitulation to her wishes with her triumph. But she could not help but exult, she was getting him, in whatever way he would give of himself.

Later they talked far into the night. First and foremost she wanted to know why he had changed his mind.
“I didn’t change my mind Joya. I said that I needed to think, and I did think. I don’t want to live without you and it is time, that’s all. Most of what you said makes sense, so I had to let go of my fears and reservations. I love you. There’s not another woman on the planet that I will love more than you. Do you love me?”

“I do.” This she said without hesitation.

And so they began to plan their future. From their wedding to where they would live. They started our talking about Carlos wedding to his wife at Disneyland about three hundred miles south in southern California, Urs had been present for that and thought that it was perfect for them first of all because Geneva had always been fascinated with the Disney characters. They thought about what represented ‘rightness’ for them. After thinking about going someplace to be married, someplace like Vegas or Reno, or even renting a large hotel venue and celebrating that way they decided that for them, two Cancer’s there was no better place than home.

He had called David and asked him to let Joya’s parent’s know that they would be married in five days and if they could get away, they hoped that they could fly over. They had made the determination not to fly to the UK where there were a host of folk who would wish them well because Joya was determined to do the best for the University that she could and she would have had to take more time from her classes than she was comfortable with.

Chloe, overjoyed at the occasion and feeling that she had been a part of it, was pleased to be bridesmaid. They would have an evening wedding and use the beautiful lighted bay bridge from Joya’s wall of windows as a backdrop. All that week they shopped, prepared things to go back to the UK, Urs was determined to take all of her guitars leaving her only one for practice, he seemed to connect taking the guitars with him with insuring that she would follow in turn. Many of the other memorabilia she packed and he sent Fed Ex, knowing that she could exist without them for the four month duration, actually three months and one half week time that they would be parted.



When the day of their evening wedding dawned. He had to let her know what plans he had made, He had wanted to surprise her but he learned that she, thinking that he was not a native of the States, would not know how to plan the wedding reception. He knew that even though it would be small, just a small party of her girlfriends and a couple of other instructors from the University, she would want it to be elegant. Actually, he had reserved ones honeymoon suite at the famous “Mark Hopkins Hotel at 1 Nob hill in San Francisco. It was known worldwide for its luxury and elegance.

He chose the same site for their reception but he reserved the “Top of the Mark” situated on the 19th floor with a beautiful panoramic 360 degree view of San Francisco. It had a reputation as the most romantic lounge in San Francisco

Her condo he flooded with flowers and about between four and six, their guests began arriving. The minister came first. He was meticulous in his preparations and wanted to see where he would stand and where they would position themselves. Once that was known he relaxed and waited for the hour of six to come.

Her parents arrived next. Joya cried, it had been forever since she had seen them and they were equally pleased to see her. Mimi, mother had been surprised that she was going to marry her friend Urs. Her father had not been surprised at all. He knew how much his daughter resembled her mother a woman who he found irresistible.

Then came the girlfriends, dressed to the nines. And all was ready to go. They even toyed with starting early but Joya wanted it dark outside so that the light on the bridge would show up large and luminous. Surprise! The guys from Il Divo arrived and sent the whole house into temporary chaos. Carlos loud and laughing. Sebastien looking over the girlfriends and basking in their adoration and David and his girlfriend engrossed in each other.

They were joined with traditional vows. They were toasted and roasted about friends falling in love. Three Limousines provided the short transportation to the Hotel where they dined and danced until the wee hours of the morning. The parents went back to Joya’s condo to sleep there, the girlfriends departed to their homes, the I Divo guys David, Carlos, and Seb went about their business. Urs did not have to see to them they were international travelers and they knew how look out for themselves. He had other more pressing duties and that was to make his new bride comfortable and see to her every need.

They slept in the next day. Around noon they dressed and went over to spend the rest of the day with Ron and Mimi, Joya’s parents. They were leaving to fly back to the UK later that evening and were both so happy that they wouldn’t have to wait too long to see their daughter again. After seeing the parents off, Joya and Urs spent the evening just talking, planning. He would go ahead and rent them a flat in the UK. Later they definitely wanted to buy a home in Switzerland, but that would have to wait until Joya could have a say in its interior. She decided that she still wanted to tour with the band and was looking forward to it. For now she asked him to get a flat with an attached garage so that they could store their bikes with them which would enable them to ride out often and get as much riding in between tours.

This time they would be starting in the South Eastern part of the United States, so all that would be left for Joya to do was to join them in Tampa, Florida on the agreed upon date. Then, providing she had learned the new songs adequately, then would from thenceforth be a part of the group again.

CHAPTER 13
The next morning they decided to return home to her condo. Hotel living was luxurious but it lacked warmth. They both wanted to be cozy and comfortable and feel that they were ‘home’. They lay in bed cuddling, she running her finger down his forehead over his beak of a nose that gave him his famous profile, he absent mindedly stroking her hair.

“You know Joya,” he had said lazily. “We should probably get you in to your Gyn. You’ve made so much of having a baby that you’ve started me doubting. We need to make sure that it’s ok for you to be pregnant before it happens and if we keep on like we’ve been, it’s gonna happen, maybe it already has.”

And that was the first thing they had done after returning to the condo. Luckily there had been an appointment open for that afternoon, and the doctor, who had never met Joya but who had been assigned to her as a part of her company coverage, listened to her concern regarding being small, very small and her ability to carry to full term especially since she was partially of a different race. The doctor had asked her if she wanted her husband present for the examination and Joya had looked at Urs and decided no. He didn’t need to be in on her private consultation. He left the room while Joya underwent the measurements that were needed to determine if her fears were justified.

About a half hour later Urs was ushered back into the Doctor’s private office and Joya soon joined him looking pleased. “Your wife has informed me that she is only half Japanese, that her father is Scottish. That is serving her well now. Even though she is of small build, she is quite capable of carrying to term and should not even need a Caesarian. She also tells me that most likely you two will be back in the United Kingdom when your baby is born, feel free to have your new Obstetrician send for my records that will include the measurements and so forth. And congratulations. What are you hoping for a boy or a girl?”

“Urs had looked at him uncertainly not clear what he was being told. “We haven’t given it much thought. I suppose someday we will have one and it won’t matter to me in the least what its sex is.”

“Ah.. I see. You don’t know yet. Well, Mr. Buhler, that someday will be here in a little less than nine months. She is only a few days pregnant but already the tests are positive.”

He wanted to run. But he also wanted to smile. He looked at Joya and she seemed so pleased until he could not help but be happy for her. He had hoped that they would have a few years with just the two of them. Just to get used to being a couple and to …Now that was not to be. He remembered that he needed to plaster a smile on his face as they made their way out of the office.

“Oh my God Urs, “Joya said once they were out of earshot. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen so soon. Are you upset?”

“I think I am dazed. We’ll have to think about it, plan. Does this change our plans? does it?”

“I’ll still be able to go on tour. It will be months before I start to show.”

“Yeah but the tour doesn’t start until the first part of May. By then it will be almost three months along. And then the tour is going to go on for another four months. That’s seven months. Are you sure that you’ll be able to do that? I mean all of the traveling and so forth?”

“I don’t know why I wouldn’t. If I stay here and continue to teach I certainly could teach until well past my seventh month, but what about you? Will it be difficult for you being on stage romancing your fans while I am behind you wobbling around? She had smiled at that because at this early stage she just could not imagine herself unsteady on her feet, but everyone she had ever seen came to that before it was over so she supposed that she would too.

“God no. I’m being truthful when I say that it is all about the music with me. I could sing to an empty house, I just love what I do and the fans will love you too. You are my wife.”

Over the next three months, after he returned to the UK she learned what it meant to him that she was ’his wife’. She could not imagine a more attentive husband. He called her every day at least twice. He sent her little presents. She liked jewelry so he sent her rings or earrings. He knew that she wasn’t particularly fond of necklaces so these he didn’t send. Soon she had quite a collection of semi-precious and precious jewels from amethysts to rubies to emeralds, and diamonds. It was ironic that her own birthstone which was pearl, she didn’t care for but his birthstone, ruby, she thought lovely. She in turn wrote him long letters. This was done mainly to fill up her own time so she didn’t know how he felt about receiving them as he never wrote, he always called her. One week she was busy grading tests on some finer point of guitar playing and she didn’t get to write. She found out that he missed it because as he said, ’your letters give me all the news that phone calls leave out’.

During her last week there she vacated her apartment so that it could be readied for another couple to move in and she lived with Chloe. She was leaving for Tampa on the day after her last class ended. Chloe was amazed that Joya was actually going to play in the band. “Why didn’t you tell us that you were famous Joya?” We thought you were just a teacher at the University.” Chloe had said.

“That’s because I am not famous.” Joya had added. “But I do enjoy what I do. Anytime you want to come and visit me, where ever I am, just call me and I’ll be so pleased to see you and we can run around all over whatever city I happen to be in. That’s what I love about the tour, we get to see so much. But on the other hand, when I get too large or don’t have the energy to run around, I can laze about in my rooms and just wait for the night’s performance. And If I really don’t feel well, Paul is fully capable of carrying the whole show without me. I don’t have to go on stage rain or shine, sick or well like Urs does. I can always take some time off.”

Finally, just when it seemed as if it would never get here. Said goodbye to UC Berkeley and to her friends in the city at large and she flew to Tampa to meet up with the group and she would see her husband for the first time in three months. The tour was just kicking off and he was in the middle of an afternoon performance when she arrived. She had assured him that she could handle the simple task of getting a cab from the airport to the hotel. When he registered he had also placed her name on the registration and she had only to stop at the desk and get her key card.

When she reached their suite, very well appointed as she had known it would be, she unpacked her small bag, knowing that her other luggage would be delivered later that day. She was going to practice with the band the following morning and wasn’t at all apprehensive about that, she had learned all of the new songs from the sheet music that Urs had left with her and took note of the nuances and changes that were being made from the tapes that he had the office send her weekly. So she felt that she was ready. She decided to take a short nap before ordering up a bite to eat and she walked over to the bed to get in when she noticed the letter. There it lay, perfumed, heavily perfumed on thick velum paper. The letter was from Van, his last true girlfriend and probably the women he had come closest to marrying.

Finding the letter took away all thought of sleep. Had they been corresponding all along? She picked it up, examined it smelled it again and wondered if she should read it. She took it and placed it in a drawer in his bureau. She wouldn’t jump to conclusions but would wait for him to tell her, if he didn’t then she’d address the issue. She then lay down and was fast asleep when the ringing phone woke her, it was Urs. Surprisingly since finding the letter she hesitated to even answer the phone but she had shaken herself metaphorically, if it had been Vanessa, she would just have to face it.


“Urs, is the performance over already?” She wondered how long it would take for him to get back to the hotel as they were performing at an arena about ten miles away.

“Hi, glad you made it. No, we’re having a short break to change clothes so I only have a minute. Did you find the letter?”

“You left it for me to find?” She was surprised. She had thought that he had been reading it and left it on the bed accidentally. Actually, Urs had thought long and hard about letting Joya even know about Van’s letter. There were some pretty… private things in there that he’d just as soon keep to himself knowing they just might cause Joya some upset and he didn’t want her distressed especially when she was pregnant. In the end, he had decided to leave it for her to read instead of destroying it he knew from experience that these things had a way of coming back and causing an even larger repercussion.

“Yeah. I thought it best. What did you think?”

“I didn’t read it. I didn’t know if you had accidentally left it so I placed it in your bureau. But believe me I was going to ask you if the two of you have been corresponding.”

“No. Go ahead and read it. And don’t be upset ok? I haven’t seen her or even talked to her in over a year. As far as I knew, she was happily married with a baby on the way.”

They had signed off after that, he to return to the show and she to read the perfumed letter in his bureau.
Dear Urs,
How could you? I can’t believe that after all we meant to each other, you went and married, married mind you a woman that you had to have known less than a year. We were so close, I just know in my heart that you didn’t know her while we were together.
I am sorry that I ran you away. I should never have given you the ultimatum that you marry me. But you must know that five years is too long to go on without the hope or marriage and children. You know that I was too old to wait until you were ready, at least I thought you were not ready and what do you do? Marry someone else. Did you do that because I married Peter? Were you trying to get back at me for that? If you were, you’ll be pleased to know that he and I have broken it off and are getting a divorce. I also know that you came looking for me and that was when you found out that I had married. I can’t help but think had I not married, you would have taken me back. Say that you would have.
If you want me I am yours. We had a love like no other. Do you remember how close we were? I know you inside and out as you know me. When you sing all of those love songs in your show, I just know that you are singing them to me. Regressa a Mi (come back to me) is that what you are asking? It is true that I now have a child but that won’t matter to our love, you can be his father and the father to the others that we will have together.
Ask your wife to let you go. You cannot love her as much as you love me. We have five years of history and with her it can only be months. I know that you love me. You will always have my heart.
Van
Wow! Joya wondered if she should have read this letter. Her heart had dropped when she read that Urs had come looking for Van but instead found that she had married. Would he have taken her back if she were free? Maybe… but she hadn’t been free, but she was now. Did he want to get back together with Van now? If he didn’t wouldn’t he just have hidden the letter and gone on as if it didn’t exist? Was this his way of asking out?”

She was near to crying by the time he entered their room. She had gone from shock, to alarm in less than a hour. She was stronger than this she kept telling herself, yet she couldn’t seem to keep fighting the tears. He was surprised to see her so… torn up. He couldn’t remember a time that he had seen his brave girl cry.

“What’s up. I thought you’d be angry, or maybe think it’s funny but why are you sad? Don‘t tell me you feel sorry for Van?”

“Was this your way of telling me that you want out?”

“Out?” He honestly had never thought of that interpretation. “Why would I want out? I love you.”

“But if she hadn’t married, you would have gone back to her. Admit it.”

“I don’t know. I was at loose ends and maybe I would have but then I met you and you became my friend and I found that I didn’t need her anymore. And that was when we were only friends Joya. No sex. That’s saying something if you listened. You meant more to me as just a friend than any other woman did with everything. Why else would I have stopped even looking for a girlfriend not long after we met? Sure, I looked for sex, but I wasn’t looking for someone to fill Van’s shoes, I had you. I didn’t even know how important you had grown to me until I thought that I might lose you. Given almost the exact same circumstances, I chose to make you my wife. And no… I didn’t do it because I had lost Van. I love you.”

“Have you answered her letter?”

“No. And I’m not going to. It would be just like her to become angry and release any answer that I gave in a letter to the press. She‘s right about one thing. I do know her and she can be a bit spiteful.”

“Well, perhaps you should meet with her and make her understand.”

“Nope, she’ll understand more by my not responding and she’ll come to understand more when she learns that we are having a baby.”

“But what if she tried to hurt our baby? You say that she can be vindictive. And I wouldn’t even know how she looks.”

“She’s not that vindictive. But yeah, you’re right. I’d better meet with her and convince her that there’s no going back. I don’t want her to even think that there’s a chance. I’ll go up to France as soon as we get back to Europe and meet with her.”

“Where. Not in the house that you once lived with her I hope.”

He had smiled at that. “Wouldn’t matter. I’m not going to fool around with her or anybody. We’re married and I want us to stay that way. But if it will make you feel better, I will take you along with me.”

She thought that she should have said ’no, I trust you’. but instead she found herself agreeing to go along.

The next day he went to practice with her. She found that both the band and the orchestra knew that she was pregnant, uncharacteristically, Urs had been bragging, but they were surprised that at three months that couldn’t see any change in her. She found that she fit right in as if she had never been away. Don the music director had changed the routine a bit and wanted to change it more. She being the only girl in the band, he had the bright idea of having her dance with David when they did ‘La Vida Sin Amor’. providing she could dance and play guitar at the same time, which she could and looked quite pretty at it too. Everyone liked it but her husband. He said “no. I’m not having my wife cavorting on stage with another man. If she dances with anyone, she’ll have to dance with me.

Carl had explained that on stage she was not his wife. She was a band member and he would have to get over his jealousy.

“I’m not jealous. She’s pregnant and It’s not appropriate for her to be doing all of that that’s all. Once she’ s had the baby she can dance if she wants to.”

She had talked to Don later and asked him to let her talk to Urs that evening and see if he would change his mind. She was able to get him to agree to let her dance until she started to show and then no. That sounded reasonable to her, so that is what she did and that part of the show became a big hit.

One thing she could not get him to budge on was riding the motorcycle. He said absolutely not. But then, he didn’t stop riding. She told him he was selfish to which he replied, “I’m not selfish, I’m just not the one who is pregnant.”

“Then you should stop riding in sympathy with me.”

“Nope.”

“And the selfish pig kept riding. “Joya would later tell their children and grand children. But he did slow it down. I thing he just rode to show me that I was not his boss.” whenever she told this story she would look over at him and he would grin.

On the first night of the show that she appeared Urs gave her a separate introduction as his beloved wife. And she took her bows. Later when the fellows did “Somewhere” the song in which the fans came up to give the guys gifts get their autographs and take pictures with them before they were married she had always noticed that even though the guys tried to protect themselves from prying hands, the fans still managed to flop on their legs and would get between them as the guys sat on the edge of the stage if they could. Now because Urs wife was present, the fans had a new respect for her. They didn’t stop trying to touch her husband but they always looked at her and smiled as if to say, “You understand, I just can’t help myself.” Her usually response was to smile back and shrug. He was on his own. She wasn’t going to run interference for him.

Long ago she had learned that his stage persona was not at all like his everyday personality. On stage he winked, smiled and looked at his audience as if he loved each and every one of them. In truth he was neutral towards them. He didn’t want to insult but he couldn’t care less about the connection to his fans. They liked to see him perform and he liked to perform. After that, all interaction ended as far as he was concerned. She was forever telling him to be nice and to smile when they ran in to eager fans in the airport, on the streets and so forth.

They got along marvelously well. They were very similar. She liked down time alone and she was very adept at entertaining herself. He was too but yet, when they came together both were very contented to be with each other. They did a lot of sightseeing in each city that they performed in and both marveled at all America had to offer. If not for the tax structure they both thought they might consider living here. But no country could beat Switzerland for taxes and additionally, Urs loved his home.

One evening while they were watching TV in their hotel room, they were in Chicago at the time she told him that she wanted to try something. He was laid out on the lounge end of a large sectional couch, seemingly half asleep or at least contented to be lethargic. There were no performances that night and both were glad to be off.

“What is it you want to try Joya? You taking up a new hobby?” he has asked lazily.

“No. it’s a new sexual thing that I read about.” That got his attention just like she had known it would.

“Hurray for books. What is it?” He had sat up on the sofa awake now and fully engaged in what she had to say.

“Here read this. Do you know about this?

He started reading and then frowned as he decided to read aloud. “You have heard of a clitoral orgasm and you’ve heard of the G-spot kind, “ he turned the book to its cover as if to see where this stuff was coming from and then continued. “Now imagine if you blended the two types for one phenomenal fireworks-like finale. Yes, you can actually do that. It takes some specific techniques - which we will teach you below - and a bit of practice, but experts say it’s a skill you can master.” He was skeptical. “I’ve heard of these kinds of articles, ‘100 ways to please your man‘. “All written by a woman. If they’d
ask a man he’d tell you that only three things are necessary to please a man , sex, food, and not too much talking unless it’s what he wants to talk about. “

She had just looked at him. He was probably right. He patted the lounge and said “come over here and let’s get started.”

“You don’t want to go into the bedroom?”

“Not necessarily, it looks as if you will have to be on your knees anyway so this thing here is just about right.”
If she felt that he was approaching this experiment in a matter of fact way she was right. She had learned that sex was not always romantic and not all romance included sex. Sometimes it was funny and hilarious and at other times sedate and serious. Sometimes when she was not particularly in the mood it could be business like. On those occasions, which were few, she felt that he just went at it with the sole purpose of satisfaction and it was almost mechanical. He knew how to satisfy himself and she provided the means for him to do so. She didn’t mind this at all. There is nothing that she would have hated more than having to pretend that she was excited about something when all she wanted to do was go to sleep. On those occasions, she’d pat him on the head when he finished and he’d laugh.

Tonight she became the teacher. She had read the article and practiced the instructions and he admitted that he had never known or thought about where her G-spot was located. He said that if anyone had asked him, he would have said deep inside, never would he have thought it was near the front and up high. That was a novel idea for him. So, she showed him. She had to get on her knees for this and she kept laughing because he kept missing and it is really hard to come to climax when one is laughing her head off. So… for the first few times, they were unsuccessful but wow! When they finally succeeded. It was everything that it was touted to be. For a whole week she smiled whenever their eyes met.

And so it went. Months passed and the tour ended. This time Joya was very glad that it was over. It was time that they were able to set up their own home. All of that hotel living had gotten very old and she missed not being able to cook a good meal. They ended in Canada and flew back to the UK on the day after. Joya was seven months pregnant and still not very large. She watched what she ate meticulously. She did not want to have a C section.

They planned to go up to Switzerland to find a home to purchase. It was late August and just the right time to do it before winter came. But before that, they were going to see Vanessa. For the first time since she had known Urs she felt…unsure of herself. Normally she was a very confident woman made more so by her therapy, or perhaps not the therapy so much as the recommended practices she had adopted. For the first time she had suggested that she not go to this meeting as she wasn’t really involved in their relationship. He had insisted that he really wanted her to go because he felt that they were a team and that Van needed to see that. He said that their marriage was an entity unto itself and to keep it going they had to care for it. He mentioned the movie ‘The Constant Gardner’, and said that they had to be constantly working together to keep it in tip top shape just as one does a garden. This kind of talk was so unusual for him, being a man and all and everyone knows how they are until after that she had said ok, but then she insisted that they not meet in Van’s home first and foremost because this was the house that he had lived in with her for all those years. And secondly, by the very nature of them having lived there together, she would be the outsider even if neither he nor Van wished it to be so. He arranged for them to meet in a small café in the small town of Lille and on the appointed day, he and Joya showed up a little early.

Joya had worn a very smart outfit with heels but it was maternity wear. On one level no matter how beautiful his old flame was, Joya was not by nature a jealous woman. She could see the bigger picture and the capacity to take the overview had been developed during the time when she and Urs had been just friends and friends only.

She had gotten used to him seeing other women and had not been too concerned. She knew that no matter the sexual relationship, the friendship would win out. Consequently, she thought that when she met Van, she would be more interested in their camaraderie, how they interacted together on a deep personal level rather than any fantasy she might have entertained about their sexual compatibility. Sex alone for a man was short term. Friendship lasted longer and when friendship was combined with sex, that was the best possible combination.

She and Urs were seated at a table in the back of the small restaurant by the window when Urs rose from his seat and stepped forward to greet Van.


Even though he had come to make the final break with her, he was still the gentleman. Joya had a chance to observe the two of them together before Van saw her. Vanessa seemed nervous, Urs was resolute. Joya was surprised to see that Van seemed closer to her own mother in age than to herself. Mimi, Joya’s mother had given birth to her at eighteen, and Joya was still twenty-seven making her mother forty five. Van was Urs age, thirty six, this she knew but she looked older. Perhaps women didn’t weather as well as men. She was attractive, a little overweight but no raving beauty. She was just a very common looking blond woman, not flashy or even sophisticated. But Joya knew that she was smart and well read. Urs would never have fallen for her had she not been.

He led her to the table and introduced Joya to Van saying “this is my wife.” Joya had given her a smile that was genuine. She didn’t want to be friends with this woman but she held no animosity in her heart for her either. She was very conscious of the moment when Van saw that she was pregnant because she flinched a bit and almost turned her head away. Joya allowed Urs and Van to carry on the conversation. She thought that it would be most inappropriate for her to pipe in with her view of things and would probably make the older woman angry. Joya knew had she been in Van’s position, she would not want the new kid on the block speaking as though she owned any part of her man. She realized early on that Van still considered Urs hers. It would take time for the new realization to take hold. Joya hoped that by the time they left here today, it would have fully taken hold that Urs had moved on.

Joya realized that her husband was being as up front with Van as he could be. He was explaining that, yes, he had loved her very much but there had been others, of which she was not aware who had helped him get over the pain of them breaking up. He was now fully recovered and while he wished her the best, it was over. Joya knew that Van hated that his new woman was sitting here overhearing this very personal conversation but Joya kept her eyes down and didn’t look to gloat in any way. She had to bring herself back to attention when she realized that Van had addressed a question to her.

“When is the baby due?”

“October“… Joya had answered, “In just two months.”

“It must have been conceived immediately after you married, or you married straight away after you knew.”

“Yes. We found out a few days after we married.”

“Van started to cry. “You know that baby should have been mine.”

Joya thought it should have been this woman’s too she is the one who had put in five long years of her life waiting for this man to declare himself and he never had. She could not disagree so she said nothing. It was the most awkward moment of her life. Even Urs was squirming a bit. Had Van screamed or argued he could have become defensive but she put up no resistance.

Finally she said brightly, too brightly, “I have a son. He’s the cutest thing. Perhaps I’ll go back to Peter so that he can help me raise him. I’m afraid that I haven’t been willing to accept that it’s over. Now I can. Urs, I will love you for a long time. Maybe forever.” And she rose gracefully from the table and walked out the door.

After she left, Joya and Urs sat having tea talking about this very strange meeting. “Do you think that I was too hard on her Joya?”

“I think it was a hard job and there’s no right way to do it. The only thing that would have made t right for her was for you to leave with her and move back in. Then she’d be happy.”

“I know that and it makes me sad.” He had whispered.

They were subdued for the rest of the day and as if in reflection of their mood, the sky became cloudy and it started to rain. Still, they had planned to drive up to Switzerland and as they continued on their journey things, including the weather began to clear. They didn’t mention Van anymore and instead concentrated on the baby, happily rolling and cavorting inside Joya’s belly.

“I hope this isn’t too much for you Joya. You must let me know if you start to feel tired or…. Well, we can always stop for the rest of the day.”

“It’s less than five hours. I am doing fine. Just not used to having all of this movement inside me that’s all.

They were productive over the next three months. Knowing that one has only six months off to buy and home, remodel and furnish it and have a baby is a motivator to make the best use of time. They purchased a large rambling fortress like building that was built on the lake and sat in isolated splendor. They hired a company to gut it, leaving only the features that were unique and original and modernizing the rest. Meanwhile they lived with Urs mother.

They were living in her home when Joya went into labor and ten hours later had a little girl. Beautiful just like her mother.
They named her Chloe.

Three months later they were back, hard at work in the UK, after having devised a workable solution. They hired a live-in nanny who was free to travel with them when they went on tour and lived with them when they weren’t. It was not a solution that they would have wanted had they not had the baby, but once she was here, it was amazingly easy to change their lifestyles to accommodate.

Their first performance of the season was always anticipated and special. During this performance they always sang their new songs for the first time in public, and revisited some of the old. When Urs sang his solo portion of “Si Tu Me Amas” (If you love me) for the first time of the season, with Joya’s beautiful guitar backing him he realized the perfection that was unfolding right before his eyes in their daily lives and for the first time on stage he teared up. His heart was overflowing. He chanced a glance back at his wife and saw too that she was as moved as he. He wondered what he had done to deserve this wonderful girl, his Joya and joy of his life.

THE END