DAVID AUDITIONS (By: Marie)

DAVID AUDITIONS TO PLAY THE SUPER HEROES

“Free time—we’re going to have free time!” David sang with gusto more or less to the tune of “Born Free.” The other three looked at him with indifference, puzzlement and an eye-roll. The big American made an exuberant occasion of everything. They had just finished their last concert and he was already crowing about what was coming next. They all knew they were going to have free time—he didn’t have to go operatic about it.

The tour had been long—patience was short. The end of tour party was long—sobriety was short. Squabbles were forgotten, hilarious incidents retold, nostalgia took over and things threatened to become maudlin when Urs informed them it would only be one month until they were back in the studio to begin work on the next album—his precise logic sometimes wore a bit thin and Sebastien declared that for that ‘downer’ he had to ‘chug’ a beer. (Something no doubt learned from the American.) Seeing that the other three were prepared to enforce that edict physically, Urs chugged the beer with a semblance of good grace and didn’t mention work again.

In fact, all of them sipped, slurped, gulped or chugged several more drinks of great varieties. Drunken Divos are happy Divos (luckily none is a mean or sullen drunk) so the evening was one of camaraderie and they parted with hugs, slaps on the back and well wishes for good vacations.

Fortunately no travel plans had been made to begin vacations the next day because all were fully engaged in finding the perfect remedy for the mother of all hangovers and making vows and promises never to do that sort of thing again if only they were allowed to live past this one.

The following day all set off. They had not inquired what each other was doing because that would have been done during the shortness of patience time when each didn’t really care what the others were fri**ing planning!

David wore a Cheshire Cat smile permanently glued to his face because he was headed to Hollywood for a screen test. An agent who knew of his fascination with superheroes and who had seen his acting ability (he was actually given an Oscar by a fan for his dramatic performance in “All By Myself”) had arranged for him to test to play a superhero in a commercial. It was just a matter of matching his personality and abilities to the right hero. There would be plenty of time for filming while they were on break.

The agent had met him at the airport with a limo, taken him to the Beverly Hills Hotel and installed him in a bungalow befitting his star status. His greeting by the head of the studio further indicated to him that he was definitely being considered a ‘hot property!’ By the time Davey got to the location for the audition, he might have been becoming just a bit ‘full of himself!’

He greeted the production people with genuine courtesy but also knew he was prepared to offer ‘suggestions;’ after all, he was the superhero authority. First superhero for consideration was Superman. Now, everyone knows Clark Kent changes into that outfit in a phone booth. David had a different idea.
“Ok, there’s no way I can change in that phone booth. The Earth will be destroyed before I can get my big red S showing. What if I just whirl around really fast...?”
The staff were not impressed so decided to try a different character.

“The bat symbol on the moon again...better not be the mayor just playing with that new flashlight! Better not have to slide down that damned bat-pole for nothing!” Batman too fell by the wayside—anyone who would put words like that in Batman’s mouth just couldn’t be allowed in the hallowed costume.

“Hey, Urs, how was I to know my Captain America shield didn’t fly exactly like a Frisbee? You ducked in time, didn’t you?”
His impression of Captain America did not impress them either.

The Green Hornet fared no better. “Look, Wardrobe Lady, my costume has to be this particular shade, somehow Chartreuse Hornet just wouldn’t quite cut it.”

“No, this ring was not the prize in a Cracker Jacks box! It's my Power Ring...ha, ha, ha, ha! Dark evil cannot hide from the light of the Green Lantern...or the camera of Divo David!” Yep, definitely becoming a bit full of himself!

“You don’t want to see me angry! Why not? Well ‘cause the shirt totally disappears and lord knows one of these days those pants aren’t gonna’ hold together!” The Hulk creators never EVER wanted anyone to mention wondering why the pants didn’t rip off with the shirt!

“Look, just turn the camera on its side...it’ll look like I’m stickin’ to the wall, hangin’ from a web!” Suggesting Spidey not really climb the wall—mouths dropped open in shock!

The next costume reminded him of the color choice of one of Urs’ costumes on their first tour.
“Urs, I told you it was manly for The Phantom to wear purple...maybe if you’d stuck to the black accessories instead of those white ones....”

The next costume brought out caused David to blanch, caused him to apologize profusely to the production team, caused him to thank the agent and studio head who had been standing on the sidelines, caused him to regain his sense of propriety, caused him to get the hell out of there muttering, “I know I’m tall...but I am not playing Wonder Woman!”

David was smiling to himself as he listened to the hum of the jet engines taking him far away from Hollywood, toward his well-deserved vacation on a tropical island with his special lady. Who needed Hollywood anyway—he already had an Oscar—thanks to Mary. He closed his eyes and drifted to sleep thinking of the fans and realized he was very much looking forward to seeing them again next year! He was Divo through and through and he loved it!