I HEART UB

CHAPTER 24

(Anticipating)

When I awake the next morning, the smile is still on my face. After I visit the gym I go in search of the hospitality room. Administration always books an extra room for staff, crew and artists so that we can meet throughout the stay out of site of the public. There also we can find any announcements of changes or glitches as well as any hastily called meetings and things like that. We also quite routinely have a continental breakfast of coffee, tea, chocolate, fruit, cheeses and breads so that if we don’t want to get out for breakfast we can grab a bite there. It was here that I looked for copies of Il Divo’s schedule.

I realize that I have joined the ranks of the other Divo’s that are constantly scanning the schedule in anticipation of when they will see their loved ones. Up until now, mine had been with me.

While reviewing our schedule, something catches my eye that has previously passed me by. We will have a break in our schedule from the 23rd of May until the 14th of June, and the break starts in Florida and ends with us going up to Canada.

Prior to my reconnection with Liesel, I uh - we, Karin and I would have flown home to the UK for the break and then to Canada from the UK.

This will be the perfect opportunity for Liesel and me to have a ceremony, a short honeymoon and if she is up for it, she and the guys can accompany me until the end of the tour. Then after it ends we’ll have months to spend together. Woo Hoo! I say in my mind even though I am thoroughly tired of hearing that particular noise.

Just about that time David makes his appearance, looking chipper. He must have had a morning talk with Ann. She is so good for him. I suspect that she was also good to him because that man keeps a perpetual smile when she is near.

“So how’s the Swiss man today? You look happy.”

“What? Are you trying to tell me I usually look sad?” I ask, knowing full well what he’s getting at. He’s still trying to get his nose into my business. But I have to talk or I’ll burst. “Well Americaine," I say, pronouncing it the French way. “I have something to tell you but if you talk, I’ll kill you and take your woman for my own.”

“Fortunately for me, my woman is a one man woman; you couldn’t have her if you tried. What is it?”

We got down to business. “I went to America this last week; to the states that is.”

“Rumor has it that you left with one of Cowell’s maids.”

“Well in this instance rumor is not too far off. She came to the mansion to find me and she posed as a maid to get to me – one on one.”

“One on one, did you want to be gotten to? You are so cautious about things like that I wouldn’t have thought she’d be able to affect you, at least not in that sense.”

“She didn’t. She and I grew up together, hadn’t seen each other since we were kids. I was 17, she 16 the last time I laid eyes on her.”

“So, what did she want? Why did you leave with her?”

I am enjoying this, knowing what I am building and imagining David’s surprise.

“Well Davy my boy, she’s a mother. The mother of eighteen year old twin boys and they’re mine.”

David had gotten a really solemn look on his face. “You laid more than eyes on her then. Man this is some serious shit isn’t it? Are you sure? Sure that they’re your sons Urs? You can be kind of naïve and trusting sometimes.”

I could have disputed that assessment of myself. From my point of view I am not trusting, I just read people accurately and if their line doesn’t interfere with mine, I don’t challenge them but let them go in peace, secure in the knowledge that they are believed … if they only knew.

“They are either mine of my father’s. She just met my father so I doubt that. Want to see a picture?”

Liesel had taken a picture of the three of us Falk, Johannes and I after we returned from our ride, rumpled, in jeans and leather jackets, I’m afraid that I looked like perhaps an older triplet. They are very like me.

"Man, they’re even a little taller than you. And you didn’t know about them before now? They have to be twins they’re so much alike.”

“Well duh. She couldn’t have hidden two babies from me. She left Switzerland soon after the pregnancy and never came back.”

“You never suspected. So why now; why’d she come after you after all these years?”

“That’s hard to say. One of the boys bought our CD for her and played ‘Mama’. She saw my picture. That’s the first clue she had of me in twenty years.”

“Urs, man that’s not good. Do you think she’s after money? She must be. But you keep calling your sons boys, these aren’t boys they’re men. She can’t get too much out of you for child support can she?”

“They’re not men yet, at least they’re men only in size. In their heads they are typical eighteen year olds. ‘Course they think they know everything and they’re very protective of their mama. And David, she doesn’t need any money from me. She has a fortune. Not sure how large it is but it’s large enough to own property and other businesses all over the world.”

“That’s interesting Urs. What could she want then?”

“I honestly think she’s realized that her sons need their father. She’s done a good job with them but they’re courting now, perhaps she fears that they’ll make a mistake and get taken by some older woman, I don’t know, I think she feels that a man’s point of view will be good for them.” I thought for a moment and then added. “They still take her advice about everything but women. In that area of their lives they completely ignore her.”

“You think she wants you to advise them about women? If she only knew; you have no more sense in how to pick a woman than most bachelors. If she wants her sons to be perpetual playboys, them she should send them to you for your tutelage.”

“Thanks Dave. I do believe you are right for once.”

Clearly surprised he said, “So we are in agreement. You could stand an overhaul?”

“Yes. We are in agreement for once.”

David pretends to look around, under the table and behind him as if looking for me. “What have you done with Urs Buhler? Are you one of the body snatchers?”

That’s that old movie we were looking at last month, ‘The Invasion of the Body Snatchers’. That one was pretty good. Generally I can’t get into those far out movies. But that one was ok.

"Seriously David, finding out about Falk and Johannes gave me a kind of center to my life that has been missing. I’m trying to talk them into coming out and finishing the tour with us. Staying from the time they get out of school until we finish at the end of July.”

“Let’s get back to the overhaul. What about Karin? She’ll make life hell for them and they’ll hate you for letting her get away with it.”

“That’s why I broke off with her last night.”

“Whoa, get out of here! Are you serious? And you lived to tell it?”

“So far I’m bearing up pretty good. Perhaps I should have had you taste my coffee or eat a bite of this sweet roll before I bit into it. She might be planning on taking me out through poison.”

“Or … my guess would be by having a baby.”

“That can’t happen guy. She and I are through.”

“Then you’d better put your chastity belt on then or eat some saltpeter or whatever it is that’s supposed to act like Viagra in reverse cause, she’s sure to come on to you like never before.”

“Ah Dave, I for one know that saltpeter or more correctly salt petre doesn’t cause impotence. I hear that they used to put the stuff, which is really just potassium nitrate into the food of soldiers and prisoners and other poor saps. It makes you pee so they thought it somehow affected the penis but not so. But hey, they now know that it can bring down the blood pressure and it can also help angina… you know chest pain?” I clarified when David looked blank.

“Want to give me a tutorial on chastity belts?” He retorted.

“The only thing I can tell you is that they exist. But why anyone would want to put one on I can’t say.”

“Maybe if I ask Seb he’ll know.”

“Yes” I agree. “He’s French. He knows all about that kind of thing.”

“So the little pit bull terrier or terror I forget the spelling of that one, she’s out of your life?”

“Definitely, except for work. We have to keep working together. There’s no need to talk bad about her, she didn’t do anything that I didn’t let her do.”

“Yeah like talk about you to her friends and treat your fans like something bad on her shoe and us even worse.”

I am tired of talking about her. It is time for me to move on, we have another concert tonight, I’d better get out and get some fresh air, perhaps do a little sightseeing. It’ll be strange doing these things alone but that is the way it is now.

I’ll call Liesel before the show starts. I think she’ll be up and about by then. Right now, when I want to talk to her she is asleep, but maybe not. That thought perks me up. It is only about two here so she’ll be looking at the 10pm news or just getting ready for bed. With that purpose in mind I rush up to the room to get in a quick call to her before she hits the sack.

Yes David is right Karin Is not done with Urs yet.

Urs Beware.. :evil:


Laura

CHAPTER 25

(She has a bit of news for me too)

“Urs! How are you?” This is Liesel’s characteristic greeting just for me.

“Look, I only have a moment; we’re flying to Oberhausen today. Here’s my schedule get a pen so that you can write ok?” She is back in a moment. “We finish up on May 23rd in Budapest. After that we don’t have another engagement until June 14th and that’s in Florida.”

“Our Florida?”

“That’s the only one that I know of.”

“I know. It’s just that sometimes the European cities will be named a bit differently from what we call them here in the States. Like Firenze for instance not Florence. Oh Urs, I’m so happy. That means that I will see you in about six weeks instead of three months. That cuts it in half. “

“I know it baby, we can tie the knot then. Between May 25th and June 13th I’m all yours.”

“Yes! I’ll have something quiet here at home; have the boys and their girlfriends, and those other folk that we talked about. Are you bringing David, Sebastien and Carlos?”

“I doubt it sweetheart; they’ll want to spend some time with their families. And I’ll want to spend time with you not entertain them while they’re here. I have to run. I’ll call you tonight after the concert ok? Be good, I love you.”

**

Over the next few weeks I write to Falk and Johannes, emails of course, and they answer right away. Both of them have decided that they want to spend the six week period, the end leg of the tour with me.

I do not tell them that I am marrying their mother. I’ll leave that up to her. Who knows how they’ll react since they’ve had her to themselves all of their lives. The Oedipus complex might still be alive and well in those two. ‘We think you are great Urs, as long as you stay away from our mom.’

Liesel and I decide that they can build up some muscles working with the take down build up crew since we have a rather elaborate stage set up. Il Divo had thought we’d need it in the first years in order to make an impression upon our audiences. I must say I have been pleased with it. And, no one has yet fallen down while we are performing. We had discussed this very possibility and decided that we would play it off if we could, pretend that it is a cousin to David’s pretend slip during ‘My Way”, and if it is too obvious a slip or fall, to just get up, brush ourselves off and continue.

Anyway I placed applications in for both boys and they were given the go ahead. I also asked them to get passports if they didn’t already have them. I knew Johannes had his since he had been to Switzerland this year. I also told them to bring lots of casual clothing, jeans and a light jacket even though it was summer. They would be working late into the night clearing out things once the other singers and I had gone to our beds and in some of the northern climes it could get rather chilly.

I did not tell Pete, the guy over that section that these were my boys. He knows that they are my kin, by the Buhler name but I suppose he thinks they’ll be nephews or cousins. It would be time enough to introduce them after the wedding. That way I’ll be able to say that their mother is my wife. This was a tidy way of cleaning up what could be uncomfortable for them; sort of like the ‘all’s well that ends well’ thing.

I will have to have a talk with them when they arrive so that they know the reason and do not take it as a slight or think that I don’t want to acknowledge them but they must know that their mother comes first and foremost in my life, even above their wishes.

Falk was really excited. He thinks that a season with Il Divo will look good on his resume, even though he did not have a singing position. I had emailed him back saying that I could get him a summer at the Opera in the Netherlands. I sent him a citation from an old program that I had lying around.

I even managed to scan and send the picture with it. My computer skills are getting better and better by the day.

It is wonderful how everything is working out for us. In spite of rough years, we are at last coming together as a family.

I am also pleased that David kept my confidence and we talked no more about my plans. I expected that he would do no less. He likes to joke around but he is a true friend.

Also, I keep strictly to myself as far as women are concerned and where Karin is concerned, that is a double edged sword. Since there are no signs of any new woman I noticed that Karin began to lose some of her anger towards me.

Once more she began to start up conversations with me. I am always cordial but I do not invite her to join me after a show as I once would have done and I never ever visit her in her room. I cannot avoid her in the hospitality room, no matter what hotel we were staying in.

It got so that I quit dropping in. I’d rather go to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. Once she found out what I was doing she started trying to join me there but that didn’t work out for her either. There was always room service and I made liberal use of it.

I wasn’t trying to be unkind. In fact, when management found out that we were no longer sharing a room, they had wanted to reassign her to the kind of accommodations that all of the crew enjoyed; that of doubling up. She would have been moved in to a room with one of the other women who were currently staying alone.


I thought that would be humiliating for her so I told them that I’d foot the bill for her to have a single room. After thinking it over, they decided that they could afford that small amenity.

Then on May 13th about ten days before we were to have our short break, when I had planned to fly to the states to be with Liesel, and the rest of Il Divo to who knows where, Karin pulls me aside right before we are to go on stage said, “Urs, you’ve got to come back to me; I’m pregnant with your baby”.

CHAPTER 26

(Now What?)

‘Damn it! David said that this would happen.’

I could literally ring her neck as she stands there, so sure that she’s bested me and I look down at her in something akin to horror. Why had I thought I could play and not pay the piper? And then hard on that thought came, ‘Not again.’

I am a man who believes in fate and Karma. I believe that in life, we are given ample opportunities to make corrections if we get on the wrong track. Was this just such an opportunity? Was I now being given a chance to raise my child, a representative of the two that I had not raised? Even though I did not abandon them per se, I abandoned their mother. I let her slip away without a care in the world, knowing full well what the consequence of our night on the hill could be.

Now that I am fully engaged with Liesel again, am I being given an opportunity to do the right thing but with Karin?

I didn’t say a thing to Karin. I think I stumbled onto the stage and performed, at least there were no complaints. I did not connect with the audience that evening. I don’t remember the pretty faces sitting in the front rows that usually I see quite clearly. And then when we sang ‘Somewhere’ I forgot to get up off my seat on the stage and had to make a last minute scramble.

Karin would not be the mother that Liesel was. Did that mean that our child needed me more because of the temperament of its mother? I suspect that stories that I’ve heard of mother’s who fling their children across the room are just such as Karin is. Kind enough but so quick to fly into a temper that she acts and then regrets it.

The next day I invite my friend and now confidant, David, to go for a walk with me. This conversation is so secret that I don’t want to take a chance in being overheard by anyone. There’s a medium sized lake that rests near the hotel so we choose to go there and although we strolled for a bit, we eventually decide to sit in chairs that provide a good view of all who might approach.

“Well David,” I finally said once we sat. “I don’t know what to do. I wasn’t fully forthcoming with you the last time we talked but now there’s more, much more.”

David had nodded encouragingly.

It sure bugs me to tell my business, seems unmanly somehow, but I honestly don’t know right from wrong anymore. I watch a bunch of ants in the grass busily working at something with lives so simple and cooperative I wonder why we humans can’t be more like them. I straighten my back and just let it all come out.

“I am going to marry Liesel, my sons’ mother. I didn’t tell you that. I’ve fallen in love with her, probably loved her all those years ago but I wanted to play so I couldn’t admit it.”

“So she’s not too old for you?”

“To old? What makes you ask that?”

“When I think of a woman who has 18 year olds, I think of someone motherly, settled, you know, kind of like – older.

“Oh. Well you can get that picture out of your mind about this woman. She’s younger than Karin, a year younger than I and she hasn’t let herself go at all. She’s the same size, and –“

“Ok, I get the picture. She hasn’t tuned into a heavyset church lady.”

“No. But, like you said she might do, Karin told me last night that she’s pregnant with my child. Now, I don’t know what to do. I have a feeling that if I wait to see if it’s really mine, even if it isn’t, I’ll lose Liesel. If it is mine I’ll lose her for sure.

"David, I can’t marry Karin. I would make both of us miserable. I would hate her. I am coming to feel some very bad vibes around her now. I – don’t know how this happened this is not who I am.”

“What will happen if you don’t marry her? You don’t have to, you know. She is counting on your conscience to kick in and force you to make the decision. If you stay around her that is exactly what might happen. “

“But with me David, it’s not about her, it is about that baby. I don’t think she wants it except as a way to get to me. She might even be lying, or it might not be mine. I wish I could walk away but I can’t.”

“Yes you can. I’ll tell you what I would do. I wouldn’t let any woman force me into doing something that I really and truly don’t want to do. You have quite a few months before you know the answers to these questions, is she really pregnant, if she is truthful and it yours; I hate to say it but it probably is you know. She’s too smart to fool around on you.”

“In that case, since I am not going to ever marry her anyway, I might as well go ahead with my plans with Liesel.”

“Yes. Marry her. That will take away most of the bomb that Karin is holding over your head. Then, if she’s telling the truth you can buy her off.”

“You don’t know Liesel, you’ve seen her in disguise at Cowell’s mansion but you don’t know her personality. She won’t like it if I desert my child. I think she thinks I’m better than that.”

“You are better than that man; look at how it’s weighing on you. But this is war. You can’t make that child’s life better if you are balled up in the same situation. You’ll be dancing to Karin’s tune for the rest of your life, and that baby and perhaps more children will always be the string that keeps you dangling.

"Think about it. You can go ahead and marry and then when the time is right tell your wife the truth, your motivations and all. It might cause a rough spot or two but she won’t divorce you. And if she threatens to get a divorce, let her be around Karin for a while. Reality has a way of making ideals go by the wayside.”


That was on the 16th of May. On the night of the 23rd, immediately after getting out of makeup and Armani, David and I board a flight for NYC. I find that with cell phone and e-mail it is not absolutely necessary for me to tell anyone my locale. I am taking no chances that somehow, someway Karin will contact Liesel to tell her the news.

You see, in the intervening week between the 16th and the 23rd, I had found out two important pieces of information. The first was when Simon called me:

“Urs, I think you should know your girlfriend has been checking up on you.”

‘Man, now Simon is in on my business.’

“How’s that Simon?”

“The housekeeper at the mansion says that one of the young ladies who visited with you guys on your vacation called to get the name of one of her maids. She wanted the name of one of the maids who was there when you were there. Mrs. Ward told me that you left with her for parts unknown. Anyway, it seems your girlfriend wants to know more about her and wanted to know where you went. I advise you to clean up your act. Sounds like you have one woman too many.”

I ignored that. Simon’s ‘act’ is no cleaner than mine. “Simon, what did Mrs. Ward tell her?”

“She told her absolutely nothing. She knows better than to get involved in young people’s business, that’s exactly what she said; besides she liked the young lady who worked for her. She’s pretty loyal in that way. Do good work and she’s your friend for life.”

“Yes well, I’m straightening things out.”

Karen also called my mother wanting to know if she knew of a Swiss woman who had come to visit me. Of course mami is mami. She doesn’t get involved in my business period. She neither denied nor confirmed she just directed Karin to talk to me.

Mami is very concerned because Karin told her about the baby she’s expecting. I tell mami the truth, that I will take responsibility for it but under no circumstances will I tie myself to her for life.
**

Liesel is waiting at the terminal when David and I arrive. I can tell by the way that David’s eyes narrow as he takes in the sight of her that he likes the way she looks. I had told him that she wasn’t old, that she wasn’t too heavy but I hadn’t told him that she is a knockout and always has been. Her blond hair she wears short in a sophisticated cut that frames her face. I swear the short cut makes her eyes blue eyes stand out even more.

Liesel has nice legs but today she has them encased in long dark slacks with those very high heels that she loves to wear. Her blouse is not low at all but it doesn’t hide her slender fullness either. I realize that in my mind I am babbling but she does that to me. I rush to her and as I pull her to me I lift her off her feet. I’m tempted to swing her around but that would be too much so I gently lower her and reintroduce her to David.

“Elizabeth, you’ve met David Miller before but David I want you to meet my Liesel without the wig, and glasses.

“I’ve heard a lot about you Elizabeth and I’m looking forward to attending the wedding and to meeting your sons.” David truly had heard a lot about the situation, more than she knew.

David then loses all focus because he sees Ann coming from the direction of the ladies room. As he rushes to meet her Liesel tells me that before we landed she had recognized Ann from the Cowell mansion and went over to introduce herself and to find out if she too was waiting for a Divo. In the hour or so that they had waited, they had become quite comfortable with each other and when we parted, David and Ann to their own place and Liesel and I to ours we reaffirmed that we’d be meeting up again in two days for the seemingly long awaited wedding.

As for me, sure my conscience was bothering me but I am not about to let it truly interfere with my happiness with Liesel. I had made the decision that I would lie by omission to her and that I’d pay the piper later.

It was a bit different in her home this time. First of all the cook was back. Mrs. Guilbeaux was a transplant from southwest New Orleans. When we were introduced we chatted a bit and in that conversation she told me that she was Cajun.

I had no knowledge of what it meant to be Cajun so she enlightened me.

“Have you ever heard of Dennis Quaid, Mr. Buhler?”

“The actor?” Yes. So he is Cajun?”
“Yes. There’s also a famous democrat married to an equally famous Republican. His name is James Carville. He too is Cajun. I guess the best way to describe us is to say that we are a people who were isolated until well into the 1900’s and we developed our own culture within the larger culture of Louisiana. We have our own music, foods, dances, language but many of us are coming out into the larger world.

“Mainly we are of French origin but over the years we’ve intermarried with the British, Germans, Spanish, Native Americans so I would say we are more distinct culturally than racially.”

I thanked her for the information and said that I hoped we are to be treated to a dish from her culture and she promised me that she’d make me one of their specialties and she mentioned boudin which if I understand correctly is a catch all phrase for sausage of various kinds. I thought I would like it.

I realized that half way through the process of speaking to me she had switched to French and I hadn’t even noticed. And, yes. I understood her perfectly although her pronunciation of some words was a bit strange sounding to my ears. I would say that the language as she spoke it is perhaps a bit more casual, a few more contractions but, nothing that was too difficult. Evidently Liesel being from Switzerland and speaking French had caused Mrs. G to think that so did I.

The second difference within the house was the presence of the decorations. There were bows and ribbons and vases empty but waiting for the flower delivery which Liesel told me would be coming on the morning of the wedding. She also gave me a rundown of how things would go.

On the morning of the 25th, Aunt Trudy and Pope, David and Ann, Falk and Johannes girlfriends Karen and Luci, Liesel’s two girlfriends whom I have not met, Rosie and Angie and finally Lucretia, a business partner and her grandmother Cleopha would arrive around eleven. Liesel had made all of the arrangements for the Aunt to be picked up and the rest were making their own way here.

The women would then shoo the men out, Johannes and Falk were taking all of us men, even Mr. Pope out to lunch and then considering that we were a broad variety of ages, we would have a prearranged riding tour of the city. I am not looking forward to this, it’s too much like what we did while on our Il Divo tour but – I can deal with it, and it is worth doing a thousand riding tours to have Liesel.

While we were out the women would put up the decorations, including doing any pressing that needed to be done on the gowns, place them safely away until the next day.

Then, there would be an all girl party. Liesel had explained that it would not be a shower but something sort of like a naughty girl party where they brought her risqué gifts and perhaps kidded around a bit. I got the feeling that this would be sort of like a bachelor party in reverse although I suppose a girly party would definitely not include a male stripper.

“After you men have completed your tour and we women have our party, we’ll all get together, rehearse the wedding, have dinner and just enjoy the evening before the wedding. We will regroup by four the next day in order to all be dressed and ready for the six pm wedding” Liesel had explained.

Things started out as planned. Mr. Pope whose name we found was Alfred, David, Johannes, Falk and I started out by going to lunch at a local restaurant. We were just having fun, kidding around like guys do for instance, David mentioned that there were so few men in the wedding party compared to the number of women.

“That’s just the way you want it Dave.” I had replied. “Guys, if you ever have a girlfriend who has more male friends than female watch out and all of her male friends you had better know.”

“But dad you don’t know Mr. Pope here.” Falk egged us on intuiting where this would lead.

“You’re right!” I said. “Pope, have you been trying to steal my woman?”

Now Pope is probably somewhere between seventy-five and eighty a stutterer to boot and it took him forever to get out that a young fellow like me might need some help from him. We all found it quite funny and it loosened us up enough to where we admitted that touring was not anything that we wanted to do.

Johannes then mentioned that if we were up for it we could go hiking, we nixed that since Mr. Pope was clearly not up to that.

David mentioned going fishing and we all jumped on that. I for one did not associate New York City with fishing. David said that there were charter boats to be had at Long Island Sound.

We found that what boat we could get was limited because most of the larger boats had already gone out for the day, still, there was one smaller boat, just about right for us that we got to take us and let us do some New York bottom fishing, the kind where you anchor and just troll and hope to catch bluefish, whitefish and sea-bass. We had a good time and Mr. Pope out-fished us all, a fact that I don’t think he’ll ever let us forget.

“Too bad it takes an old man to tell you young men how to do it, yesirree.” I can’t stutter like he can but I tell you he managed to get in a good amount of teasing in spite of his halting speech.

We were not only like family by the time we came back but old friends too. I had watched the boys when I referred to their mami as ‘my woman’ but I could see no evidence that they were going to be possessive of her so I relaxed too.

The rehearsal went off well. Aunt Trudy and Pope were not to be in the actual wedding but they, along with David and Ann would be seated as ‘honored family’ and ‘honored friends’. Both couples would walk in at the very beginning and occupy front seats.

Next would enter the minister, the groom and my two best men.

Then would come the maid of honor and matron of honor.


Now I did not know that the bride does not practice walking down the aisle during rehearsal. She sends out a surrogate to practice for her. So when that part came, out comes Cleopha, Lucretia’s seventy-something year-old grandmother comes out switching her hips in a funny parody of a bride. Everyone gives way to laughter again and just watched her strut with a big grin on her face.

When she reaches me she said, “I might be old young man but don’t you ever think that I’ve forgotten.”

I say “No ma’am; and I hope you never do”.

Finally the minister reigns us all in and we proceeded with the ceremony in a more appropriately solemn manner.
**

The next day, the day of the wedding dawned bright, beautiful and warm. All of us had slept at Liesel’s large house. The girls took over four of the bedrooms and the guys, we took the other four. It’s funny how men won’t sleep in the same bed but women have no problem with it.

We awoke to the smell of coffee and I padded out into the kitchen to get a cup when Mama Cleopha as I now call her reminded me that I can’t see my bride until the wedding.

“That’s going to be hard to do with all of us here together.” I reminded this elder stateswoman of weddings.

“We can manage Ers. No problem. The men are going to take the first shift at breakfast, after that the women will eat while y’all will stay outside, on the patio, near the river, and do whatever you want to do.

"Around three o’clock the bride is going into her room with her maid and matron to dress and take pictures while you men get dressed on your side of the house and have your pictures taken. After that everyone will stay put back in your respective rooms while the guests are seated and until the music starts and we’re on."

It sounds complex but it went off like clockwork. I see neither hide nor hair of Liesel until she came to me on the long walk through the wide interior foyer to the special place prepared on the lawn for us to meet together and to be joined as one.

As the groom I got to walk out of the house first, amazed at the transformation that had taken place in only a few hours.

There with the river as a backdrop, flowers in riotous colors had been placed, flanking the covered seats, leading the way to the flowered bower that had been prepared for us to stand. When Falk and Johannes appeared, I thought they looked manly and handsome in their black tuxedos with bright royal blue vests with matching ties. They came and stood with me and it was one of the proudest moments of my life. Not even when we saw our first concert was a hit had I felt this emotion.


After that the two women Rose and Angie walked in, in gowns that matched the blue of the guys’ vests, Falk and Johannes both stepped forward in turn to assist the ladies into their places.

And then it was time. Both Falk and Johannes left me to escort their mother down the aisle. It was very moving. I felt tears threatening to come but I looked resolutely at the slow moving water and regained my composure.

I distinctly remember the minister asking, “Who gives this woman to be married?” and Johannes answered, “my brother and I do”. And then the minister said the magic words “Urs Buhler, come forward and claim your bride.”

At that moment the sun shone brighter and there was a smile on every face, including mine as together we faced the minister and the boys resumed their places perpendicular to us.


Since Liesel was an aficionada of old tunes from her Aunt Trudy’s day we each had one song that we dedicated to each other. I had given some thought to what I wanted to say to her in song and finally settled on

If I didn’t care:

If I didn't care more than words can say
If I didn't care would I feel this way?
If this isn't love then why do I thrill?
And what makes my head go 'round and 'round
While my heart stands still?

If I didn't care would it be the same?
Would my every prayer begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn't care for you?


Her dedication to me was called


AT LAST

At last my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
At last the skies above are blue
And my heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you
I found a dream that I can speak to
A dream that I could call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
You smiled, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
And you are mine at last

It was a blur after that, the lighting of the unity candle that signified we are now one household, the prayer, the vows, and the pronouncement. We are now man and wife together and were duly presented to the audience. We both gave little waves to the camera as a hello to mami and any of the folk back home who would see us on this happiest of days.

It was only around seven o’clock, we had a few hours to mingle, receive congratulations, eat and dance before the guests would begin to leave and we could be alone … at last.

Great they made the wedding and are now Mr. & Mrs. Urs Buhler.. Great story..l



More please.



Laura  

CHAPTER 27

(Wedded Bliss)

No matter how close we are every human has a different frame of reference, singular points of view and a dissimilar general reality. How else could we experience the same thing and have completely diverse takes on it?

This morning when I woke, up later than usual on this day following my first night as Mrs. Urs Buhler, I looked out on the upstairs balcony, curtains gently swaying in the breeze through the now fully open pocket doors and I saw Urs, sitting there sipping his morning coffee, reading the paper, and I knew that we were living in two realities that are poles apart.

What else could explain how he could be so calm and look so normal when I am still marveling at the dissimilarity between making love with an older gentleman and a young man who does not have the same sentiments about chivalry, being gallant or even being well mannered.

But then, I never had a problem getting the smile off my face before either did I?

It was true luxury to stretch out in the large bed, now so rumpled and feel a strange soreness, as if every muscle in my body, especially there, had been put to good use.

Never before could I connect to accounts that I had read of the raptures that are to be had in bed with a man. I had dismissed the writers’ accounts as wistful thinking because never before had it felt like this, not the first time with Urs on that dim moonlit hill, nor with Clarence during our many voyages into the waters of lovemaking, well let’s face it, there were a lot fewer trips towards the end.

The point is that the destination is the same. How one reaches that destination makes all the difference in the world.

I had not noticed any difference right away. After our guests left we had breathed a sigh of relief, alone at last only to find that Falk had doubled back to see if we needed anything, a mischievous smile on his face that led Urs to tell him

“Yes, I do need something. I need for you to go to your dorm, go to your brother; go anyplace but here”. Then Urs had smiled and said that we’d see him this afternoon.

Falk had left with a smile on his face. And we soon found ourselves in the very large master bedroom that I never use because of its size and when alone, cozy is my preference. We showered together for the first time.


I had never seen Urs without clothes and I’ll just say this outright, I think he has a magnificent body. He seems to like mine too. I absolutely refuse to compare his body to my late husband’s. That would be extremely unfair of me. So instead from force of habit I made myself to think pure thoughts. How beautiful the wedding had been. How wonderful Aunt Trudy had looked in spite of her age.

I had learned to do this early on so as not to suffer from disappointment. Clarence and I were always at a mismatch. He suffered from a lack of excitement and I from too much. Now once I let myself face reality, I thought Urs and I would be a mismatch too but in just the opposite direction for he was becoming more and more excited, so much so until I thought he would surely burst while I, on the other hand was still at the starting line. ‘Please, please do not let it be so’ were my thoughts because I know how to slow myself down but I don’t know how to speed up.

In due time the shower ended. When I would have put on my wedding night gown he told me that I wouldn’t have need of it just yet. And he pulled the covers back, all of them. Always tidy, he folded them together neatly at the foot of the bed, well out of reach, lay down and invited me to join him. How strange, no clothing, no cover, just us, and the low light; at least he had not left it bright and thank goodness the curtains were closed to the outside, and oh I don’t know, it is just strange.

“Why are you so skittish Liesel? What’s on your mind love?”

I deny it. I’m not skittish just unused to him, I say. For a moment I wished that I had Clarence back for at least I was familiar with how he looked, while Urs seemed awfully large, not just there but all over. Powerfully built and strong and hairy and much more muscular than was revealed in either a suit or when he was dressed casually.

I then thought about Falk and Johannes. On those few occasions when I still chance to see them without their shirts they are the same way, not nearly as buff as their father but my boys had seemingly transformed from innocuous males into brawny men. That thought allowed me to relax. It was going to be all right.

He enfolds me in his arms, which is nice. I like cozy, especially since he is so solid, so warm. We kiss a few times, very shallow at first but they quickly intensify to open mouthed deep kisses that make me curl my toes and rub them up and down his well developed calves. I bring myself back to the room because he is talking to me. Reaffirming that we want more children and that we want them now and I answer yes. I have already been checked out I start to tell him but he stops me with kisses, and then murmurs “tell me later”.

When we join just a few moments later I realize that am hopelessly behind and cannot catch up but he soothes me with a hand on my hip and I realize that this is not for me but for him. I relax and enjoy the ride; or more specifically, I enjoy being ridden.

After his storm ends I am amazed that it has been so effortless for him. Also I am glad to have been spared witnessing a lot of grunting gyrations that prove fruitless in the end.

Minutes later I am startled to see that he has recovered and I am quite impressed, especially when he touches me and I feel trust that my time has finally come, after years of waiting and hoping, and of enduring so many gropings. But I am disappointed. His light touches only make me catch my breath and wish that he would linger in one spot but he explores from my head to my feet and all points in between until I am trembling in irritation that borders on anger.

He laughs at what he calls my ‘thundercloud face’. And I threaten to turn my back on him, but he doesn’t allow that. He calls me his sweetheart but I am beyond being pacified with pabulum, I want him, I want him now, and I want him to stop being so tentative.

I know that I am ready, no need to worry about keeping up, and reminiscent of so long ago I reach for him and wrestle him back into place. All the while he is laughing his head off at me, but I don’t care. I don’t think I have ever been this aroused before.

And there, when I had just about given up hope; that is exactly when the real fun began. I came to realize that what I have just experienced is Urs tuning my engine or perhaps a better analogy would be going for a test drive with me as the subject of his attentions.

Just as the first time under the wheel you’re not too sure of just how the brakes work, how tight they are, if the steering is true or a little off. The seat must be adjusted, the mirrors lowered or maybe raised, that is what he had just finished doing with me. Now that he knows how everything works, better than I do myself, it was time to takeoff for parts unknown.

And soar I did. I forgot about being shy or whether the light was high or low, it would be safe to say that I went beyond the bonds of propriety and it was quite challenging. He called on me to do things that my other husband never would have asked me to do, but somehow I was the better for having done it. And in the end he knew my body and how it worked quite well.

But there is something quite liberating to give oneself over into the keeping of another knowing that all will be well. The last thing that crossed my mind before I let my body drift into sleep was that I’d have to return the favor. I vowed that I would do for him what he had done to me tonight. I would make him mine.

And now this morning there he sits, shirtless, dressed only in jeans, calmly drinking his coffee while my world had tilted on its axis.

I don’t join him immediately. I brush my teeth, jump in the shower, and run a brush through my hair. Then dressed only in the thin negligee that is to be worn over my wedding nightie, I march confident in my newfound womanhood out onto the balcony while he watches me in amusement, his eyes crinkling attractively at the corners.

But I know Urs well. Deep inside I can see a bit of a trace of that little boy who cried at kindergarten. In spite of having become a superb sexual partner, what I think still matters to him. It’s as if he is thinking; ‘what difference does it make that I can please any female that I choose if I can’t please my own wife?’ So I give him the thumb and forefinger together sign, the thumbs up and a round of small applause.


“You nailed it Buhler. I am so glad that I’ve been married before so that I really understand the difference.”

He managed to look modestly proud but I also saw his chest lift. When I plop myself down on his lap he squeezes me to him and inhales again, even more deeply than before.

“The smell of your skin right after you’ve showered drives me wild. You smell so fresh and sexy Liesel.

That leads us back into the bedroom for another tune-up.

Eventually we surface for food. We don’t have to worry about cooking for there are generous amounts of leftovers in the refrigerator.

We are both smiling like little kids, enormously pleased that we suit each other so well.


“So, what were you trying to tell me last night about having a check up to have a baby?”

“Oh nothing much. I read that it is recommended that before getting pregnant one should prepare for it about three to six months in advance so, after we decided to have another one or two, I went into a clinic to see what is recommended.”

“And what do you have to do, eat liver or take iron?”

“Stop smoking if I smoked which I don’t. Stop drinking which I don’t very much, work out, which I do, eat a balanced diet, in other words I got the go ahead.

"Sometimes I wish we were 16 and 17 again so that we could have years and years of just the two of us without babies, I mean Falk and Johannes are nearly grown so they’re no problem but I hate to be tied down with breast feeding, and potty training. We’ll be old folk before we’re free again.”

Urs reminds me in his patient way, ”If you wanted to wait, you should have voiced it before last night. It might be too late now but we can try to prevent it if it hasn’t happened but if we wait too long, we’ll be too old.”

“You mean that I’ll be too old.”

“No. I mean both of us. They’re finding that older men who have offspring also put their babies at risk.

“So that leaves us little choice. If we want another child together we have to sacrifice our freedom to be together as a couple. That along with Il Divo will make it very hard for us.

“Il Divo is limited. It might last a long time but the tours won’t. We’ll be able to spend most of the year together soon and when time for a short tour comes, you’ll be glad to have me out from under your feet for a while. So what did the boys say when you told them that we were getting married?”

“Perhaps you don’t want to hear the answer to that one.”

CHAPTER 28

(Serial What?)

That got his attention; I know it had gotten mine when Johannes and Falk came to have their ‘serious’ talk with me. I suppose I had been living in my little bubble of happiness, and had not considered that things might not be what they seem.

The day after Urs left me to go to Sweden, I had called Falk and Johannes and we did a three way over the phone during which I told them that their father and I were getting married soon. At that time I thought it would not be possible for us to marry before a three month period had passed.

“Mom," one of them had interjected, "I knew you were half way in love with the guy but we never thought that you’d marry him. We love him too. What’s not to love? He came here and it’s like we’ve found another part of ourselves. But – mom, it’s going to be different for you.”

“Well, I am aware of that.” I had answered, a bit miffed that they would have any objections pertaining to me. Perhaps they would have felt objections about themselves; that I could understand but what was wrong with me finding happiness after so long?

“I know that he won’t feel about me the same as he feels about you. You are his flesh and blood, but I tell you I know him pretty well and he doesn’t have a mean bone in his body.”

Johannes had spoken again. “We know he won’t be mean mom. It’s just that I read this article and it makes a lot of sense. It said that when a man gets to be 35 or more without getting married, he probably is not very good marriage material.”


I wasn’t concerned. There are always surveys, polls and opinions that tell you what you already know. “That’s because most guys that age are confirmed bachelors. You father is not. He asked me. I did not ask him.”
**

“And Urs, that was when Johannes said that most likely you are a serial monogamist.”

“What’s a serial monogamist Liesel?”

“This article that he read; I know, one doesn’t build a life on an article, but it made sense to me. Anyway, the article said that a serial monogamist is one who has one girlfriend after another, being faithful to her while they are in the relationship but then gets bored with her after a period of two months to a year and then moves on to another one.


“Johannes and Falk told me to go back to some of your interviews, the ones where you always say that you are attached? Then Falk asked me if I knew if the person that you are always saying that you are attached to is the same person, or are you, as they believe switching them off every year or so. So I ask you Urs, is this what you do? Can I count on you to be there long enough for the child that we are thinking about having to reach kindergarten?”

If I had hit him over the head with a Swiss alphorn he couldn’t have looked more dumbfounded. Urs had been smiling, pretty sure that he was on the good side of the guys, and he was, but what he had not anticipated was that their loyalty and concern for me would always outweigh their attachment to him and that would not have changed even if he had been with us from the beginning. I am their mother. They are men and are fast learning how men can and do hurt women as an everyday occurrence.

He turned to me; I have never seen a more serious look on his face than now. “Liesel, what they think doesn’t matter. What do you think? Do you think that I am some kind of user of women? To what purpose would I stoop to dropping women and picking up new ones routinely, just to be cruel?”

“Of course you wouldn’t Urs. If the thing about being a serial monogamist is true, I don’t think that it is deliberate at all.”

“If not deliberate then why would a man do this?”

“Well, I am not accusing you of anything understand. I am merely voicing our sons’ concerns. The reason that these bachelors do this is because they have become infatuated with falling in love. They love the rush that one gets from being newly involved, the new conversation, the new sex. You know yourself that what we had last night and this morning was wonderful but it won’t last, not with the same intensity and exhilaration. We’ll become an old married couple, we will still enjoy it but let’s face it, that newness is very compelling to men. That is why so many husbands stray, just to have their curiosity satisfied.”

“It would have been better Liesel if we had talked this out before we said our vows, before we became linked once more and possibly created a new life, before you attached yourself to me again in a way that is not so easily separated.

“I can tell that, even though your sources are Johannes and Falk, and that article, of course. But this is of concern to you and I have a feeling that only time will prove that in my case, the article is wrong.”

Urs is no longer happy, he is now moody and a bit gloomy. I am sorry to do this to him on the morning after our wedding. I ask myself why hadn’t I said something about this to him before now. The answer came to me quite clearly.

Saying something would have made me act on the information that’s why. Truth to tell, if he is a serial monogamist, I will take him for just the year. If we have a full and rich life for one year it will have been worth it.

I know that no matter what, if he gets infatuated with another woman and even women I will always be the mother of his children, I will always be his friend. But he is speaking to me once more.

“When I look at the small picture I think it was Il Divo, Liesel that kept me from marriage. This opportunity came into my life at just the time when I was seriously thinking of marriage to a woman whom I loved a lot. She would have been perfect for the life that I was then living. I came home every night and if I had to perform, well, it was only for the evening. There was not much travelling. The life we led was just like being married without tying the knot.“

“My move to the UK sounded the death knell to our relationship. It was a case of me really wanting this opportunity and she really wanting our old life. We tried to sustain it but the traveling increased, and she didn’t like to travel. She’s a homebody and wouldn’t change. I knew it but I waited until she realized it and then we broke it off.

“The big picture presents an entirely different picture. The opportunity of Il Divo, the break up before I could marry, I see all of that as leading me back to you. How long would you have taken to track me down if you had not seen that CD cover? Everything that has happened to us has been designed to get us back together and at just the right time in our lives when we are both ready and able to make a commitment to each other.

“And I will say this, just for the record there’s nothing wrong with newness but for a lazy man like me, every new relationship is like a testing period which is fine if you like examinations and tests. I don’t.”

“And last night was an examination for you?”

“Well to be perfectly frank, yes. You realized it yourself when you said this morning, I forgot just how you worded it but you told me that I had passed. I don’t particularly like wondering if I will pass, I like knowing that I pass because it has ceased being a test. When you and I are as comfortable with each other as a pair of old shoes, shoes that fit perfectly, I will be in perfectly bliss. Love should be like that. It shouldn’t be difficult and full of drama. I will be able to tell you my deepest darkest secrets and you will tell me yours and we will be of one accord.”

It sounds heavenly to me hearing him say that. I am reassured that we will have a long and happy future together but just before I drop my head to begin my impromptu breakfast I see a flash of something on his face. I know Urs well. I swear that something just occurred to him at the exact moment when he mentioned deep dark secret. I refuse to try to finagle whatever it is out of him. Perhaps he will tell me when he is ready.

CHAPTER 29

(Must I Fess Up?)

It has been established that when things happen as they should, vigilance ceases. It becomes quite easy to become complacent. None of these things were on Simon Cowell’s mind tonight. He had just finished taping a session of a popular American TV show and knew that as soon as he could get out of makeup, he was headed to bed – alone.

His thoughts were probably centered on how tiring the flights across the Atlantic were becoming. And how long he was willing to continue at the pace he was going.

He certainly had no thoughts of Il Divo or worries about them either.
He had not needed to worry about them for quite a while now. He was well aware that it could have been quite different. He had been unusually fortunate to cast four mature (in the best sense) and well behaved men into the role of what had become Il Divo.

Early on they had decided to showcase one of their one natural attributes so as to make each singer stand out each in his own way. David became the happy–go-lucky American, Sebastien the brooding and moody Frenchman, Urs the sober Swiss, and Carlos the rogue playboy-Latin Lover.

They would not have been able to pull it off if each man had not had some of their showcased characteristic in him but they were so much more than that and more than could be seen up front, from the stage.

All were good businessmen and they gave him a run for his money during contract time. But it was nowhere near contract time and the guys were on holiday between tour dates. Getting drunk and acting rowdy was one thing that Simon did not have to worry about where they were concerned.

That’s why Simon was so surprised when his phone rang, and it was Il Divo administration back in the UK.

“What’s up guys?” Simon liked to adopt American colloquialism when in the states.

“Do you know how we can get in touch with Urs? He’s got a bit of trouble back here.”

Wondering what that could be Simon quickly reported that he hadn’t the slightest idea where to find him, but he wanted to know what was going on.

“This is a secure line so I’ll tell you a bit then but after that I really need to keep searching for him. His girlfriend has tried to commit suicide.”

“What!” Simon was properly shocked as the guy on the other end had known he would be. “She wasn’t successful was she? How is she?”

“Nah she wasn’t successful. The doctors say that she’ll be fine. Privately Dr. Knight told me that this was just a halfhearted attempt and that she had no intention of dying. I don’t think the doctor has told her family of that just yet.”

“So she just did what?”

“She took pills, but not nearly enough. Just enough to say ‘see what you made me do’?”

“And you think she is sending a message to Urs about this behavior?”

“I do and her doctor does too. And Simon, she’s pregnant. About two months gone.”

“Shit! Jeff you know what to do. Do as much damage control as you can to keep the press out of this.”

“It’s already done boss. She’s at a private hospital in a private room and her nurse is bonded so she can’t talk. Karin is doing fine but they want to watch her because of the baby.”

“Look, I’ll call his private number and see where he is. He’ll have to get his ass back here to take care of this mess before the tour starts again.”

“Right, uh boss? I already called Carlos, he’s down in Spain and has no idea where Urs is, says he left on the night their break started and he left with David Miller. I tried to get both Urs and David but neither of them answers his cell phone. I left a message for either of them to call me.”

“You did the right thing Jeff. Good job. Let me know if anything comes up, if her condition changes. I’ll want to talk to Urs too when he surfaces.”

“Right.”

After Simon got off the phone he was no longer sleepy. He had no idea that Urs, now preparing for bed too, was only a few miles away.
Simon thought he knew what had happened. The woman had tried to pressure Buhler into marrying her and the attempted suicide was one way to coerce.

Simon knew Karin of course and thought her one determined young woman. It only remained to see if her determination was enough to bring Urs to the altar. ‘He is damn well free to conduct his private business however he chooses. He’d better not bring a lot of stupid publicity down on Il Divo though.’
**

(URS)
As we dry off from our shower I’m remembering that the rest our day was good, once we got that ‘serial monogamist’ talk out of the way. It was very pleasant just staying around the house, walking down to the river, getting to know each other even better than we already do. It reminds me of the old days when we used to walk around on campus chatting about this or that. I feel so fulfilled.

But even so, I am still disturbed about Karin. Especially after finding out that Liesel is a bit insecure about my motivations for asking her to marry me. Liesel might feel that I left Karin just because Liesel is a newer and shiner object so to speak.

David says that if I want my marriage to work, I’ll have to learn not to keep secrets. That’s very easy for him to say. He’s babbles on like an open book. Me, it’s a little harder to bare all of my thoughts, especially to tell the why behind the thought. That’s the hard part.

But I think I should tell Liesel. She’s giving me that look again as if she suspects something but just doesn’t know what it is.

Liesel’s land line phone rings and we look at each other, wondering who would be calling at this time of night. After all eleven o’clock isn’t exactly the social hour in suburban New York.

She rushes right over to answer her phone. I mean with two young men out there we can’t ignore it can we?

“It’s David Miller Urs. “ And she hands the phone to me.

“This had better be good David” I begin but he cuts me off with a rather terse message that Simon is waiting for me to call him.”

“What’s he want David? Have there been changes in our schedule?”

“Not that Swiss. There’s no message for me he only wants to speak with you, says he has some bad news.”

I feel a little frisson of fear, maybe its mami; or someone else at home. I don’t remember saying goodbye to David only of dialing Simon’s mobile and hearing him answer.

“Where are you Urs? Are you sitting down?”

“Just tell me what it is man.” I say to Simon while Liesel looks on. Her sexy eyes of before now replaced with the round eyes of fear. She hears the seriousness in my voice and is taking her cues from me.

“Your girlfriend, Karin Cain is in hospital, she tried to kill herself today by taking an overdose of pills. We think that she’s going to survive though.”

That took the wind out of my sails. I sit on the bed and Simon continues. “She’s pregnant, about two months and they’re holding her to see how the baby is going to fare. Is that baby yours Urs?”

I register what Simon is asking me but I don’t feel any compunction to answer that. That is my own personal business. Instead I reply that I’ll be coming back to the UK as soon as I can get a flight.

“How far away are you?”

“I’m in New York.”

“So am I. Do you need me to accompany you? Is there anything that I can do?”
Simon asks and I feel grateful that he is being supportive rather than trying to act like he’s my boss or worse, my father.

“No Simon. But I reserve the offer. I’ll call on you if I do need anything. I just want to get back and see what’s on Karin’s mind.”

“I can tell you that marriage is probably what she has in mind, considering the baby and all.”

“That’s out of the question.”

“Still a confirmed bachelor huh?”

“Oh to the contrary, I married yesterday. My wife and I will be traveling together back to London as soon as we can get a flight.”

I hear that Simon is still talking, asking questions but I hang the phone up softly. I now must face Liesel who standing there has intuited most of what Simon had to say. The choice of whether to tell her or not is now out of my hands.

CHAPTER 30

(Two Tigers)

I am reminded that thoughts travel much faster than the speed of light. In the short second between hanging up with Simon and turning to look at Liesel I realize that nothing has really changed. From Liesel’s point of view I have just found out about Karin’s pregnancy. She does not have to know that I knew before I married her and went ahead with the wedding anyway.

Deep in my heart of hearts I have become an animal in which self-preservation is one of its strongest instincts. True, my life is not in danger, but my way of life is being threatened. If Liesel ever found out that I had abandoned a potential mother of my child, she would not continue to think well of me. She might even leave me.


I cannot allow the thought to surface. Somewhere deep inside I am sorry that Karin wasn’t successful at what she attempted to do. Oh I don’t want her dead, not really, I just don’t want her in my life for the remainder of my life manipulating as she has just tried to do and God forbid, holding that baby over my head. I don’t want her to cause Liesel to leave me.

So I make a hasty and unwise decision. I give Liesel a version of the truth that exonerates me for the most part. After all, how could I have abandoned the child when I didn’t know about it?

Deep in my heart of hearts I am so glad that Liesel and I are married, that we too might have started a baby. I am so relieved that public pressure and self blame cannot guilt me into marrying Karin. Liesel is not only the love of my life but she has become my protection too.

“Liesel I’m not sure how much of Simon’s conversation that you heard but Karin has tried to kill herself and she is pregnant. She’s about two months along.”

Liesel sits on the bed opposite me and places her hands automatically on her stomach. I don’t know if she is thinking what will become of our baby if there is one, or how humiliating it will be to be one of two women walking around pregnant at the same time by the same man. Since I am unsure of her thoughts, I don’t even go there. She surprises me by asking about Karin’s welfare.

“How is she Urs? Oh the emotions that she must be feeling to attempt to take her own life! You broke off with her, you didn’t by any chance tell her that you were getting married did you?”

I am sorry that Liesel can’t see that this suicide attempt might also be an effort to control me. And she just might think I am cynical (which I am) if I tell her what I think. Nevertheless I must.

“You know Liesel, that this suicide might have been an attempt to make me marry her don’t you?”



“It might be if she had told you about the baby and you ignored her. She might have figured that if the baby is not enough she would need to up the ante. Did she tell you about the pregnancy Urs?”

There is it. She is looking in my eyes and I suspect that she has seen the flash of truth in my answering look. I must come clean.

“I knew, but I ignored it Liesel. I hoped that she was lying. She and I had not decided to have a child together, I thought I could trust her not to go ahead and make the decision without me but she didn’t wait.” I babble on, knowing that I am sounding like a whining boy but it is all so unfair.

Liesel scoots across the bed and takes me in her arms. She is smoothing my hair back while she talks.

“Urs, none of us is perfect. It is understandable how you would feel that you should go ahead with our marriage. I can imagine how I would feel if Clarence suddenly made an appearance; that somehow his death was all a mistake. Do you think that I would welcome that?

"I cared for him but what I feel for you is so much more than just caring. And you know what? I’m glad that we went ahead, now I won’t have to do the magnanimous thing and urge you to marry her and be in your baby’s life. Now I feel perfectly content to let us work it out some other way, perhaps with money, or who knows. Something will come up and you will be able to be in this child’s life and with us and our children too.”

There, that says it all. I should have trusted her. I vow that I will try to change my basic nature and learn to be more open.

We call Falk and Johannes to let them know that we are taking a short honeymoon to London and they are to do well on their finals and be ready to join me. Falk will travel down with me on the 14th of June to Florida and Johannes a little later after he finishes a school project.

Simon did fly with us, not to try to see Karin but to make sure that this is kept quiet. I am quite sure that the news of my marriage has raised another public relations issue and I have yet to tell him about my sons.

Me, I am unconcerned about this side of things. I see no reason to keep any of our relationships hidden from the public. Now - allowing our public to get involved in our personal business is an entirely different matter.

Liesel and I land and go straight to Simon’s mansion where Karin has been moved now that both she and the pregnancy are out of danger.
It might have been better had I gone in alone, without Liesel I mean, but she says that Karin must be convinced that there is no hope in the avenue that she has chosen to pursue. That additional attempts at manipulation just won’t work; moreover the three of us will have to work together if any progress is to be made.

That sounds good to me so we both go in and after a brief reunion of Liesel, sans wig with Mrs. Chiff ... er ... Ward, we are ushered upstairs into the room that Karin and I once occupied for a brief few days.

Karin takes one look at me and bursts into tears. My first instinct is to run screaming into the night but Liesel gives me this look that I can read without her saying a word. ‘Don’t you dare run from her; you helped make this mess, you can at least stay and lend a hand to clean it up.’

So I straighten my shoulders and walk over to Karin’s chair and pull up another one for me. Liesel sits near the window in a flowered side chair.

Karin and I stare at each other and I almost smile because I am reminded of two tigers facing each other trying to decide the best method of attack, whether to go after the other with teeth or with claws.

Karin throws the first volley. “You see Urs; I knew you had more involvement with your Swiss woman that you would admit to. This is the same woman just without the wig. I can tell. Why is she here today? This is between you and me.”

I refuse to just say it baldly, to just come out with the bold statement, ‘This Swiss woman is my wife’. Instead I lead into it. “Karen, when you told me that you were umh expecting a child, it was already too late. We had already made our plans. We were married a few days ago.”

Karin’s eyes narrow, she is not pleased. “You’re lying!” She jumps up and goes after my face. She is small but strong. I stand too in order to subdue her without causing her harm.

“Not lying. I have no reason to lie. You cannot force me to do what I don’t want to do. That’s what this suicide attempt is all about and getting pregnant too isn’t it? Admit it. It has backfired. You’ll have to move on to plan B.” I am shouting and I feel Liesel touch me from behind a reminder I think to not let my temper take over.

“Karin”, Liesel moves to the forefront making me back off a bit. "Urs is right. We are married. There is a strong possibility that I too am pregnant. It’s too soon to know but we have not tried to prevent it.”

“Bitch, you mealy mouthed bitch. You came here out of nowhere and just took him from me and he followed you like a dog in heat.”

“If you calm down, I’ll tell you how it really is, it has nothing to do with heat but with ties that are much older that you have no idea exist.”

“Liesel,” I caution. Not at all sure that I want this woman to know about Falk and Johannes and I suspect this is the story that Liesel is preparing to tell.

She overrules my caution and goes ahead she even makes the story more palatable to Karin’s ears. Bless her.

“Karin when you saw me that day in the garden outside you were right, I was telling Urs that he and I had two sons that he has never known about. They are twins that were born when we were nothing but kids. His first reaction was to see them and that is why he left so quickly with me.

"Once he met them he fell in love with them in a way that no man will ever do over a woman. He wanted them in his life; and he also wants their children in his life. He wanted what he had back in Switzerland and he wanted what his father and grandfather before him had. Only I could give him that for himself. That is your true competition, not me.

“If you had been in my place and been with him all of those years ago and had given him sons, he would now be with you. He realizes that although they are eighteen, they need him too.

“Perhaps both you and I will have babies by this man in not too many months. We must decide, you and I, how we will get along. We can have a perpetual catfight one that neither of us will win; but our children will lose. We can decide to try to get along. We don’t have to be friends. I don’t want to be your friend. But we can be cordial to each other.

"But Karin know this. I will not allow you to try to undermine my position as his wife. If you call him to come to you because of your baby, know that I am coming with him. When your child is born, know that I will be in the hospital with Urs. The opportunities for you to resume your former relationship together will be few and far between, even should you wish it.”

“Get out! Both of you get the hell out of my room.”

Liesel and I don’t say another word. We leave but we don’t go far. I have a feeling that once Karin rethinks her position she’ll have some absolutes of her own.

CHAPTER 31

(Two Million)

I am right. Within the hour she calls us back. In the note that she sends she asks for both Liesel and me.

“I’ve been thinking. If you can take care of those others, those twins, you can take care of this one.”

“I don’t think that has ever been in doubt. Of course I’ll take care of it” I tell her.

“How much are you willing to pay me?”

It is beginning to sink into my brain that she is not talking about legal court-appointed child support. She is talking about a payoff.

Liesel cuts in and I let her. She and I both know that this it is crucial that we get some concessions from Karin before we just hand over money to her.


“If we give you anything; right now it is still an ‘if’ and will be only after Urs and I make some decisions.”

“Urs," Karin calls to me plaintively, "why are you letting this woman speak for you? Are you afraid of her?”

I don’t answer Karin right away because the answer is ‘yes’, I am afraid of Liesel and will be for as long as she has my heart and I want the marriage as much as she does. Perhaps neither woman realizes how much power a woman gains through marrying a man who loves her. Even if it is referent power, it is power nevertheless. The individual will basically do anything the person with power says because the attraction is so strong. Both of us want our marriage to continue so that makes both of us work together, in this case against an outside threat.

But then Liesel speaks again. “The quicker you accept that Urs and I are now a team, the better off we all will be. It is no longer a case of you and me competing for him. He has made his decision; the struggle between the two of us is over.

“Don’t you realize that he allows me to speak because he doesn’t know what I am willing to do to appease you? If I accept the terms; that lets him know that I will go along with them. So tell us, what do you want, and we will tell you our demands.”

“Two million pounds will do nicely.”

“And what will you give us for the two million?”

“Well, I am not going to let you have my baby Urs. So forget that.”

“We don’t want your baby.” Liesel speaks with confidence although I’m not at all sure that she believes that I wouldn’t want this baby. She knows as I know that if we say we want it Karin would have something else to hold over us.


“I don’t know then.” she answers sullenly. I don’t think she likes the idea of being stuck with a baby either.

“For two million US dollars not pounds, we want this from you, and you will give it to us by signing a contract. If we don’t get it, you will be sued and we’ll take the money back and then we can go to court and you can sue for child support.

Liesel then ticks off a set of demands using her fingers to keep track of them.
• You must live a healthy lifestyle. You’ve already taken pills. Hopefully the baby isn’t damaged. Eat right, take your vitamins, visit the doctor regularly; get enough rest.
• No publicity. You can’t tell anyone whose baby this is, or the conditions of the contract. Not the press, not your family. As far as anyone is concerned you have had an immaculate conception. They may guess but you are not to verify it in any way.
• Do not return to work. We will support you in addition to the two million. Once the child is born, you may work again but never for the Il Divo Org, SYCO or Sony BMG.
• Keep us informed of your whereabouts once the child is born.
• Regular parental visits.
• Presence at the birth.

“We’ll be back tomorrow with the contract.” I add when Liesel has finished. Liesel and I have offered all that we can think of for the time being.

After we leave Karin, we call Simon and tell him what is in the works. We also use Simon’s legal staff to work up a contract for me and Karin to sign. We have included most of the necessary stipulations but Nancy, one of the women working with us suggested that we withhold paying out any cash until after the child is born and we have had parental DNA tests done.


Although I don’t doubt that the child is mine, I still think it is a good idea. We decide that I will give Karin a monthly stipend for her maintenance until the baby is born and until I fork over the larger amount that she has asked for.

After the contract is complete, I sign and leave the paperwork there for the legal staff to secure Karin’s signature knowing that they will send me the certified copies. There being nothing further holding us in the UK, we make arrangements to return to NYC.

During the whirlwind of the last few days romance between Liesel and I has gone out the window. We have just a week and a half left before we resume the tour. I vow to let nothing else come between us. It is one thing to take care of necessary business but quite another to allow one’s new marriage to falter before it can get going.

On the long plane ride home we hold hands and even cuddle a bit. Although I dislike PDA, the first class section is small and the flight attendant leaves us alone after we assure her that we’ll call her if we need her.

“I think we did the right thing Urs. It was the only thing that we could do. Karin is paying a high price for her willfulness but it’s not like she’s a young girl who didn’t know how to protect herself. She deliberately tried to set a trap and it sprang without catching the game. I just hope that she appreciates and loves that baby.”

My feelings have changed towards Karin so much in the last three months until I am sick of thinking about her and talking about her. I am just sorry that we are connected to her in a way that neither of us can deny, probably for the rest of our lives.

We haven’t discussed how my outside child will fit into our little family. I have had to expand my vision of having Christmas and other holidays with the boys and their children and Liesel and our other children all celebrating together. I know that we’ll have to include another little one. If Karin is not willing to share it willingly with me, I will get partial custody.

I also have had to rethink my opinion of myself too. I never would have thought that I would be involved in any kind of baby-mama-drama, as it is commonly called in the states. I thought myself too tidy in conducting my business for that.

These are some of the things that Liesel and I discuss on the flight back home and when we land, we are in complete accord. Liesel is practical and she is not particularly jealous hearted. We will make room in our lives for my baby with Karin.

We arrive home, back at Liesel’s place with only a limited number of days before I must fly off to Florida. Liesel has let me know that although she will join me, she can’t make it in just a few days. She has business with a senior citizens apartment that she is finishing up with and she is so enthusiastic about it until it is one of the few things business things that we do together in the short while that we have left.

I am blown away with the thoughtfulness that she has put into every aspect of the construction, especially when she tells me that the waiting list is composed of frustrated artists, those who either love to participate or watch but all of them are people who are full of life and not just waiting to go quietly into the night. They want to go out singing, or painting, or acting or even dancing.

We walk around the renovated apartments and I meet some of the tenants, a few that I remember from our wedding. I had not realized it at the time but I had been surprised not only at the number of older folk in attendance but in the diversity too. Lucretia is African-American and that explained how Cleopha, Lucretia’s grandmother (and my stand in bride) came to be there But there was no explanation for the Hernandez’ an elderly Hispanic couple, or the Garza’s who were Portuguese, or Estrella Castinetta who said that she was originally from the Philippines. We had had a literal salad bowl of humanity at our wedding, now I know why. These are not only my wife’s tenant’s, they are also her friends.

“I think we should have more of these apartments Liesel. Switzerland is never far from my mind and if, no when we move there, perhaps you could lend your hand to a similar project.”

Liesel’s eyes sparkle. I love her blue eyes. She is quite attractive to me in a very literal sense. I am suddenly sorry that I must leave her so soon.

Another project that we want to do together is to build a boat house and dock on the river that flows in back of her mansion. I busied myself getting the permits started and working on the plans while Liesel goes into her office to do a bit of work, getting things delegated so that she can take the month of July off to be with me.

As the time for me to leave her draws near, she soothes me by saying that in about a week, she and Johannes will join Falk and me on tour.

On our last night together we go to bed really early. And there cocooned in our bed in complete darkness we pledge our love to each other over and over again. I personally think that at thirty-four, Liesel is at the height of her sexuality and I love it. She leaves no doubt in my mind that she loves me and that she likes what we do together. After being manipulated and jerked around for just a little sex by ‘she who will remain nameless’, I feel so free. I can conquer the world with this woman by my side.

The next morning I arise before first light. Falk arrives right on time; he inherited his sense of timing from me. We had to change our plans just a bit. Instead of Liesel driving us to the airport as she likes to do, we take a cab. My poor Liesel is all tuckered out and stays abed barely mumbling her goodbye.

I thought it was because she is tired that she stayed in bed but now I am not so sure. I think she was just waiting until we walk out the door because I swear that I hear retching as we close the door to walk out to the cab. Has something she ate made her ill? It is absolutely too soon for us to know if she’s pregnant. It’s probably just my imagination. She would have told me if something was wrong.

CHAPTER 32

(Two Children)


Thank God he’s gone. This morning I feel like something that the dog stepped in. As soon as I hear Urs close the front door I give in to it and rush to the bathroom to let it all out.
I never get sick, at least not sick to my stomach. Oh I have an occasional cold but my immune system is strong. The only time I felt like this, even though it is a far distant memory, was when I was pregnant with the boys so I can only presume that it has happened again. I know that we agreed that we wanted another one or perhaps two and that’s all well and good, but that was before I knew about the little one that he is having with Karen.

I drive over to the drugstore and buy a couple of pregnancy kits and find that I didn’t really need two to tell me what I already know. Yes, we are pregnant. That puts me in a foggy mood; once more I crawl back to bed and take a long nap. I realize that what-will-be-will be. We’ll work it all out somehow.

When Urs calls just about dusk to let me know that he and Falk have arrived and are checked into their rooms, he is in a good mood. I decided not to tell him about the baby right away.

He tells me that they had a good flight down. There was a bit of a luggage mix up that delayed them a bit and then once at the hotel he and Falk had a small incident that he thought was hilarious, now that it was over.

It seemed that Urs and the kid had walked up to the counter to ask for a room for Falk, near Urs room only to find that there were no rooms left. Then he had found that Administration knowing that Falk would be joining them today had already taken care of it. Urs had remarked to Falk, “Well this means that you won’t be spending the night with me tonight.”

The desk clerk had heard but misunderstood. “If you like, I can get young sir a room with a king sized bed sir.”
Urs told me that for a few seconds he was in the dark, why would Falk need a king-sized bed? Then Falk had enlightened him. “Dad, he thinks we’re together, you know to-geth-er.”

“I tell you Liesel I almost gave that desk clerk a piece of my mind, the very idea, thinking that my son and I are lovers. Couldn’t he see the resemblance?”

“Well my heart, I hope you cut the guy some slack. After all, he was just trying to be accommodating.”

“Yes. We both explained that to the clerk, at the same time I’m afraid, that we are father and son and we weren’t each other’s type. We all got a laugh out of that until the clerk asked me if he was my type.”

“Well, what did you say?”

“I treated it like a part of the joke. And then I said to Falk loud enough to be overheard, 'I’d better go and call your mother, my wife', and I left it at that.”

After a moment of silence I spoke. “Well, I have a bit of news for you too. We are going to be parent’s again. My pregnancy test is positive.”

“Do you wish we had waited, in light of what has happened?” Urs voice was subdued.

“No. I don’t wish it even a little bit. Two babies, the press, the drama, none of that makes me regret it one bit. I want your child Urs. I hope you feel the same.”

“Yes. I am quite happy to hear it. I just don’t want you to ever feel second best because Karin’s child is older or anything like that. It was just timing that’s all. If I had known about you twenty years ago we would have been together all of these years. That I believe.”

I don’t believe that but I don’t burst his little bubble of happiness. I think things turned out just as they were supposed to turn out. We came together only after we were mature enough to hold this thing called marriage together.

And so it seems that our trials are over. After years of waiting our search has ended. We are back together again and life is as it was meant to be.

I fly to catch up with the tour; by the first of July they are in Canada. Johannes and Falk work in the tear down and put up crew for the month that is left. It is just about the right amount of time for me, although the boys could have done it much longer and in fact, vowed that if the opportunity ever came up again, and their schooling allowed, they would travel with their father ‘cause it gives them such a good opportunity to get to know him and to see the world.

The primary reason that a month is enough for me is that I am newly pregnant. Morning sickness follows me as it had not when I was sixteen. It works out pretty good though. Urs likes to get up early and run or work out or both and I can sleep in until I feel better. I keep crackers and ginger ale at my bedside and by ten I usually feel presentable.

Then we go about town, whatever town we found ourselves in, only to be back by four for the sound check, then up to the suite for a short rest before show time that evening.

I love to hear the guys perform. I never tired of that. I always have a seat near the front and when the other guys’ ladies came for a week here or a day or two there I always enjoy talking with them. We became each other greatest cheerleaders. They never ask me about Karin and if they did, I’d not divulge the truth. That is for Urs to talk about.

The tour ends when I was two months pregnant, not yet showing. We return home to New York to finish our projects, the boat dock came along nicely in our absence and Urs goes out and starts scouting out boats. He wants a small one, no longer than 22 to 25 feet so that he and the boys can water ski, and I will ski too but not while pregnant.

After he narrowed it down to the three that he liked most, he asked me to come along and give him my opinion which I readily did because I always have an opinion. The next day he took the boys to look and they told him what they liked. They came home with big grins on their faces; he had gotten my favorite, a sleek 25 footer, inboard motor with an eight hundred horsepower Mercury engine.

Nothing would do us but to all four pile into the boat and take it out for a few hours that very day.

When we returned, windblown and suntanned, the guys went into the kitchen to heat a casserole that cook had made and to make a salad. I pulled Urs aside.

“When are we going to tell them about the babies?” Note I said babies. We had both decided that we had better not try to keep their sibling from Karin a secret. Urs had thought we’d better wait until after the DNA but he gave in to me when I told him that wouldn’t be done until after the birth and that was too late to spring it on them. Better to tell them now and then, if by some chance it was not his, he could always tell them then. After all, they were nineteen and almost men now.

He decided that he would take them out the next day, perhaps just on the property and let them know about Karin’s baby. Then we could tell them together about ours. He was resistant to the idea that he say something like, “Oh by the way guys, your mother and I are expecting a baby, and incidentally, you remember me telling you about Karin, my girlfriend, well she’s having my baby too.”

So I never knew what he said to the boys. Since they were staying with us until school restarted in early September, and it was now the first of August, he and they went on several motor cycle trips together and occasionally out boating while I stayed at home. I presume that it was on one of these trips that they talked it out.

When I asked Urs if they knew he said yes. When I asked how they took it he had stood with the refrigerator door open, half way through getting a drink of orange juice and said, “I think they now know that their father has clay feet.”

It is not so much what he says but the way in which he says it, the tone of his voice. I know that is how he sees himself.

I laugh a bit to lighten the mood. “Urs, in psychological terms you are having a kind a reaction formation in which the feelings that you have about yourself you are projecting that others feel that way about you. Johannes and Falk don’t think you have clay feet, they always knew that you did and they know that I do too. I taught them that just because we’re adults doesn’t mean that we’re perfect.

“I tell you the old women in our town, my mother included made us young girls feel like they were saints and we younger women were going to hell in a hand basket. But you see, we found out that they were doing the same thing that we were doing.

"My mother was in bed with her boyfriend while I was on the hill with you. That was such an eye opener to me that I taught the boys to look at the substance of the act not the outer edges of it.

“The important thing to Falk and Johannes is that you have the courage to tell the truth to them. How often I wished that my mother had just been truthful with me and told me that I was competition for her that she couldn’t stand to have around. At least I would have known that it was not all my fault. I would have known that she was weak but better that than thinking she didn’t love me.

"So now the guys know that you lived the life that single men live and that you have to pay the price? That’s not clay feet, that’s just justice. So get over it. If you will let your pride go you’ll feel differently about what has happened.”

Urs looked at me and finished pouring his drink. “Perhaps you’re right. They didn’t have a lot to say, didn’t treat it like it’s a big deal so – I guess I am making more of this than I should.


"But how am I ever going to tell them about our baby Liesel? They know that I knew about my baby with Karin, I had to tell them the truth about that. They know that I knew when I married you. I think they will hate me because they’ll think that I mistreated you. They’ll think that I should have told you so that you’d have a choice as to whether we became involved with each other.”

“Then I will have to tell them both about our baby and about how I feel about Karin and you. I’ll have to let them know that I am not hurt and neither am I a fool. But this is the last time I will let those two get into our business. From now on, it will be just the two of us.

“As they grow older and run into some things and hardships that they too wish had not happened but can’t do anything about, they’ll have a greater understanding of you and me. And we’ll be there to advise them on their troubles too.”

Poor Urs he is worried his sons will think him weak and unfit with having known about Karin and her baby, before he married Liesel..


Don't worry Urs it will all work out they will see how much you love Liesel..


More Yvette


Laura

CHAPTER 33

(Another Bike Ride)

Liesel thinks that I should tell Johannes and Falk about Karin’s baby. I am thinking that it will be better to wait for the DNA test but I realize that I am only trying to stall. I’m pretty sure that the kid is mine. I mean, she wanted marriage, she knew that I’d demand a test and what good will another man’s child do in helping her towards that goal?”

So, I decide to take Liesel’s advice and before the guys have to go back to school, I arrange another motor bike trip for us; we certainly enjoyed the last one.

This time I don’t tell Liesel of my plans. I just quietly rent my bike and make sure that the guys’ bikes are in good working order out in the storage room. I have them pack the lunch and after kissing Liesel goodbye, I tell her that we’ll be back by evening.


We ride to our old spot. This time the weather is hot and humid, it is not nearly as comfortable but we enjoy the ride. The lunch isn’t as good either. I remind the guys that last time their mother had made thick sliced roast beef sandwiches, while they have made some kind of deli sandwiches of salami and no cheese and we have potato chips instead of fruit and soda and no lemonade. And the coup do grace, is that there is not a cookie or other sweet in sight!

They both agree that their mother is a better lunch maker but they were unrepentant. “Get with it Dad.” Falk says once we finish eating. “You have that ‘I have something to tell you’ look on your face.”

How’s that for getting to know me? These boys are sharp. I’ve always been told that I’m not that easy to get to know but these two guys have me down pat. I think blood will tell every time.

“I guess I had better get to it then. This is not something that I want to tell you, or that I am proud of. But you need to know.”

“What is it? You and mom decide that you don’t want to be married? You have a brain tumor and it’s inoperable?” They were kidding to help break the sudden tension.

“No, it’s nothing like either of those. Your mother and I are quite happy. We won’t be getting a divorce. But you remember Karin, the woman with whom I was living when your mother came for me? Well, she’s pregnant. The child, when it’s born will be your brother or sister.”

Johannes spoke first as he looked off, not making eye contact. “And how many other brothers and sisters do we have?”

“No more. Just that one and it’s not here yet. We had not decided to have children together but I think Karin thought that I’d marry her for sure if we had one. So she made the choice.”

Falk spoke next. “Yeah Dad, girls will do that. You should have known better and made sure that it didn’t happen.”

There’s nothing like having a youngster preaching at one. “I know that now but I had always been able to trust her. There was no reason for her to feel threatened, as I said, your mother was not yet even on the scene. Anyway, that’s all I want you to know. We didn’t want to spring it on you after it arrives.”

“Does mom know?”

“Of course she knows. I wouldn’t keep such a thing from her. That is why we went to London, to take care of some business when Karin pretended to try to commit suicide.”

“Ah she was serious then, at least serious about getting you to marry her. Did mom know this when she married you?”

I feel that I have to be honest. “She did not know, but I did. Karin told me and I didn’t come running so she upped the ante by taking pills. By then your mom and I had had the ceremony. I love your mother.”

That seemed to satisfy them. They weren’t at all put off that I had known but had gone ahead and said vows with Liesel. They started talking about the times that we had had while on tour. “You know Dad, some of those girls could see that we look like you and they’d call us over and ask us if we knew you and we’d say yeah, and they’d get our autograph too.”

“I’m hoping that’s all you got from them?”

“Yeah” Johannes answered, “It was hard to turn them down but I know how we could get the whole company in trouble so yeah, we stayed away from the fans.”

“You know Dad that when the fan club got word that you had sons, almost grown, they all would ask to see us. Sometimes after you and mom and the other guys had gone back to the hotel we’d still be out there posing for pictures and stuff. Even some of the guys in the crew who didn’t know us would pose too.”


“Well your mother helped me write the letter to the fan club. We thought it only fair that they hear it from us, so we told them just about everything, especially the part about us being old sweethearts. They really seemed to appreciate the honesty. We think that’s why there weren’t the same kind of comments about Liesel that some of the fans had about other wives. I think maybe it’s ok with the fans because we are all getting older and they want us to have some happiness out of life too.

“Hey dad, are we going to sing again like we did before?”

“Why not?” And that’s what we did. We came to the conclusion that if we keep this up, we would be ready to cut a CD in about – thirty years or so.

A few days later Liesel sits us all down in the game room, she interrupts our pool game but that is all right with me, Johannes is winning. She starts by saying that she has some news that we’ll all want to hear.

“Your father and I will be having a baby in February.”

You could have heard a pin drop. Two pair of eyes, so like mine turn in my direction. I can’t tell if they were thinking, ‘you said that mom knew, or dad, this is really stupid, or way to go dad.’

“Are you pregnant mom?" Falk asked. I can see that he wants to make sure that Liesel isn’t repeating what they have learned from me and just calling Karin’s baby ours etc.

“Yes Falk. I am pregnant and yes Falk, I know about the other baby, and yes guys I am very happy about this. Your father and I had decided, before we married that we wanted at least one child and neither of us are getting younger so this is the time for it to happen.”

“Well”, Johannes replies, “perhaps I’ll have to come home with some news of my own and Falk will too. The more the merrier.”


I can’t tell if he is being sarcastic or joking. At any rate it definitely is not funny. I was getting ready to tell him so when Liesel said “Do it buddy and I’ll give you a fat lip. I didn’t put all of this effort into getting you poised to go to one of the best school in the country for you to throw it away to babysit and babysit you will. If you make a baby, you are darn sure going to take care of it.”

We don’t discuss babies any more after that. We spend the next month as a family with the boys just doing what families do before they return to school.

And then Liesel and I have the following six and a half months together before I have to return to record and to tour doing what a husband and wife with no children do.

We go home to Switzerland for Christmas and the New Year’s days. The boys went with us and they really like it, getting to know their first, second and third cousins, Buhler’s all. They ski and I even allow them to go to a few clubs. Thank Gott that I don’t have to restrict them from drinking beer. They seem to be level headed enough to hang out without over doing it.

They meet girls, just as we hope they might and they begin to hint to both Liesel and I that it would be nice if we could move here. They keep mentioning it to their mom and praising the schools to me. I know what they are about and so does Liesel.

Late in the night we have a talk about it and decide that we will have a look around for a potential property here and perhaps not one property. I should say we will look for possible properties to get an idea of future potential.

There is nothing that Liesel would like better than living in or near Willisau. It doesn’t matter to me. A distance of up to a hundred miles is doable for me.

Mami is thrilled to have us here. We are careful not to mention we are considering coming home for good. We do talk to her about Karin’s baby and bless mami; anything remotely related to me, she loves. She tells me to make sure that when we meet Karin’s little one to send her pictures and if possible, allow her to get to know it too.

And so, after a couple of weeks at home, we set out back to the states. Liesel is getting far enough along in her pregnancy until she shouldn’t fly anymore and we want to get her home to her doctor and settled in time for the birth of our little girl next month.

Yes. We found out that most likely we are to have a daughter. Of course, the ultrasound results are not 100% accurate, especially when predicting the birth of a little girl. It could just be that the camera failed to pick up certain boy parts, if you get my drift.

That is why we don’t stop in the UK while we are on that side of the world. Karin seems to be doing ok. Our only dealings with her are through our attorney. My little girl with Karen (named Frances, my mother’s name and the name that Liesel and I had decided upon for our little girl) was born two weeks ago, on December 15th to be exact.

Because we were traveling, on our way to Switzerland, we didn’t get the word until late. Liesel tried to get me to stop off and allow her and the boys to continue to the States alone but I know that I will be back in the UK in a couple of weeks. That is soon enough for me.

I leave for Kuala Lumpur for a January 16 2007 performance that kicks off the tour, knowing that I am leaving Liesel alone in the US to carry on the greater burden of our family. Our due date is Feb 15th. I am getting the distinct feeling that that day won’t arrive a day too soon for my wife. She says that she has done it once without me and she can do it again.

Sure enough, I am in Melbourne on 16 Feb so far away when I get the call that our little girl Antonia, as we agreed to name her once Frances was taken, has been born. Liesel sounds very tired, it’s a day earlier in the states and she is just out of the delivery room. She is happy and so am I but I will be back on the American continent on the 19th of March although Monterrey Mexico is still a world away from her.

I finally get to meet my daughter Antonia or Toni as we call her on April 9th in Toronto, when Liesel flies up to meet me there. It is a wonderful reunion for us. I have missed Liesel terribly. We are overjoyed to be together and I am thrilled to see pretty little Miss Toni who looks like her mami with her blond hair and blue eyes. If I am thrilled to see them both, I am overjoyed that Liesel has brought along a mature babysitter knowing that we will want to spend some quality time alone as she tells me.

Liesel is going to stay with me for a little over a month as we wind our way through Canada and on to London around the middle of May where she is flying back to the states and leaving me to end the tour two months later in July. She doesn’t know it but I am going to try to convince her to stay with me until the end of the tour. It makes all the difference in the world having her and the baby here with me.

Also, not to thumb my nose at it, we get to do some serious loving together, getting closer again, this time, careful not to start another little one.

We are going to be in London briefly in May. Finally at Liesel’s urgings, she and I plan to go and visit my little Frances. She and her mother are living in my old flat in Chelsea, it is in a safe part of town, the attorney has delivered the 2 m dollars to the bank of Karin’s choice and I have been faithful in sending child support payments monthly for the upkeep of my little girl.

Still, somehow I have a nagging feeling that I have let her down. What is a father to do? Here I am running around all over the world, barely able to see my wife. How am I going to resolve my feelings for my other daughter, that I must admit are composed of one fourth guilt, one fourth regret, one fourth resentment and perhaps one fourth love.

CHAPTER 34

(Abandoned)

Late in the evening on May 16th Liesel, Antonia, Mrs. Monroe and the rest of the Il Divo company arrive in London and get checked into our rooms. Liesel and I resolve to get out early in the morning and pay Karin a visit, and finally to meet our little Frances.

The first hint that we have that something is amiss is when the apartment is empty. It should not be empty. Karen had asked to use my furniture and that was fine with me. The whole thing is empty; my antique teak pieces are gone too.

This should not be happening. The attorney has mailed my checks to her regularly and none of them have been returned. Liesel and I look at each other and neither of us has an answer.

I place a call in to the attorney and verify that she is still cashing my checks. He checks at the post and finds that there is a forwarding address but it is a post office box number. Liesel and I see no alternative but to hire a detective to find where Karin has gone. Now that I am here, I want to make sure that everything is well with them.

I have an evening off on May 24th so on the 23rd right after the show we all head off from Birmingham back to London to our hotel by train a distance of about 120 miles. There we find that the detective has faxed a report to us.

We learn that he has not found Karin but her daughter approximately four months old is in the environs of London, he gives an address. That is where we head.

In our rented car, Liesel, Antonia and I head out and find the address that is not too far from my old apartment. I am encouraged when I see that the home is well kept and in good order outside. I use the knocker on the door and after a short wait a woman that I can only describe as portly and having frosty pale blue eyes answers.

“Yes?”

“Good day Ma’am, I am looking for a baby that I have been told is in your care. Her mother is Karen Cain.”

“And what do you want with her? Why are you here?”

“I am the child’s father. I travel quite a lot and I would see her while I am in town.”

“Karen has told me nothing of you, nor has she said to expect you to pay a visit. I’m afraid that unless you can produce some proof that you are related, I cannot allow you to see her.”

As Liesel stands there at the entrance, Antonia begins to squirm in her mother’s arms.

“May we come in and sit? This one is getting heavy.” Liesel asks with just the right amount of deference.

“I guess that couldn’t hurt. The woman steps back and we enter and all take seats on the well appointed sofa and chair. The lounge is well kept and clean. The wood floor is highly polished and the flowered sofa and chair are of a style that many older English women prefer. It is a pleasant room.


I have now found the paper that I was mailed to me after DNA test done at the birth by my attorney so I show it to the woman who has yet to introduce herself.

“My name is Urs Buhler ma’am. This paper attests to the fact the Frances is my child.”

“Well, yes. It says that Frances is your child but Karen has said that this child is Francis Cain. She’s never mentioned any Buhler to me.”

Liesel is giving me a telling look and I wonder what she is saying to me without any words. She touches her purse and I get the distinct feeling that she is telling me to offer this woman cash.

I raise my eyebrows and give a little nod towards her purse and she smiles and nods back.

“What should I call you ma’am?”

“Oh sorry. My name is Mrs. Montague. I’m forgetting my manners.”

While I try to smooth this touchy woman’s feelings, I manage to show her the very tip of a fifty pound note. Her eyes go immediately to the money and she smiles.

“Perhaps I can let you see the gel for just a minute Mr. Buhler. After all you are her father.”

She reaches for the money and I let it slip into her hand.

“I’ll go in and get her ready.” Mrs. Montague leaves the room presumably she wants us to wait in the lounge but Liesel practically shoves Antonia into my arms and quickly follows the woman out of the room.

The next thing that I hear is Liesel’s voice calling “Urs, come here please.”

With Antonia in my arms I hurry back to see what is going on and I am almost lost in the maze of rooms. I have to call out to Liesel to get my bearings and I find her, in a tiny dank room at the back of the house, dark, the only window almost boarded shut with only one shaft of sunlight to shine through and there in a cradle is a tiny baby, smaller than Antonia.

This cannot be. Frances is four months old yet she is smaller than a two month old? And the smell of that room, like sour milk and who knows what else. I watch while Liesel pulls the bottle away from the baby’s face. She has milk everywhere. In her matted hair, in her eyes, very little of it has reached her mouth but yet she is struggling valiantly I think to get a little nourishment.

A rage such as I have never felt before starts and quickly builds until I know that I can beat a woman. My mother had always taught us boys that women are to be protected but this thing is not a woman. To allow a helpless baby lie in filth, starving just because she is too lazy to hold a bottle to its mouth?

I don’t know where I’ll find her but I head out the door back into the house proper, she’ll not get away. Liesel is shouting at me. I hear her through the roar in my head. She is holding me, reminding me that I still hold my other precious daughter in my arms.

“Urs, don’t. We will take care of this in the right way." And she calls for the woman to bring soap and water so that she can clean Frances up.

That monster who calls herself Mrs. Montague is a changed woman now that she has been found out.

“Please,” she whines, I told Miss. Cain that I was too old for this responsibility but she insisted. I’ve done the best that I can but you know yourself that young babies are difficult.” She looks at Liesel, hoping that because she has a young baby she will understand.
There is no meeting of the minds, Liesel stares the woman down and Mrs. Montague slinks away to get the requested water.

At least the logical part of my brain is still working.

“No Liesel. Leave her as she is.”

Liesel looks at me as if I have lost my mind but I have come to the understanding that we must have proof of this child’s neglect and she needs to be seen by a doctor. I give Antonia to her mother and I gather my little one up, dirty blankets and empty but sour milk bottle and all and we all tramp out to the car.

We leave even as Mrs. Montague almost skips after us in spite of her self-reported advanced age, still being obsequious and apologetic.

We ignore the woman.

Liesel climbs into the back seat, puts Antonia, who is just beginning to get fussy, in her car seat and holds out her arms for Frances. As I drive off I make a phone call to find the phone number of the Il Divo physician. When I get him he tells me to take Frances to the emergency room of the hospital and he will have a pediatrician meet us there.

When I look back in the rear view mirror, Liesel is holding Frances closely in her arms and my daughter is nursing at her step mother’s breast. Danke Gott that women are loving creatures. I pray in my heart that Liesel will stand with me in the fight to get my child.

Me, I don’t feel loving at all. I need to fight somebody.

CHAPTER 35

(Rejection and Acceptance)

Ah thank goodness! Little Frances will ultimately be all right.
The emergency room pediatrician said that she is suffering from dehydration, malnutrition and a Failure to Thrive. He explained to us that ‘Failure to Thrive’ is a clinical diagnosis that covers a broad spectrum of conditions that cause the child to be dramatically smaller or shorter than children of the same age and sex.

We knew that Frances was small, smaller even than our little Toni. He explained that the small almost wizened look could be caused by the lack of nourishment but also by emotional deprivation as a result of parental withdrawal, rejection, or hostility. My heart is breaking for this little one who has gotten off to such a rough start in life.

They ended up admitting her to the hospital for observation. We gladly turn over to them all the information that the detectives have found as they searched for Karin and we are happy to give them Mrs. Montague’s address. Child Protection assures us that they will be on the case.

Urs does not have a performance tonight so after we drop Toni off with Mrs. Monroe, we rush back to the hospital just in time to see them bring Frances to her room. I notice that she is clean, her little hair slicked to her head but she is crying her eyes out. I am sure that she is wondering just what has happened to her. After God knows how long in that dark smelly room, and now in the brightness of the sunlight, I’m positive that this baby is an emotional wreck.

There is a rocker near her bed so after just a few minutes I take her from her bed and sit with her. I hope that the slowly rocking motion will soothe her and that she’ll sleep.

Instead she stares up at me with those too old eyes as if trying to ask “Are you going to hurt me?” I feel the tears gathering not only for what she has gone through but for myself too.

There is a strong selfish streak in me that I did not know that I possessed. I know that Urs will not leave this little defenseless one alone in the world; I would not love a man who could be so callous. But I am torn. I do not want another baby. There I have admitted it. I have a two month old!


Even as that thought enters my head something comes over me, a kind of soothing for me that I probably need it as much as this baby here. The feelings that I am having are saying to me ‘you did it once when you took care of Johannes and Falk, and you can do it again with Frances and Toni. You only have to open your heart.'

Urs watches me closely. I know what he wants to know but he is not sure how to ask me. If I won’t do it I believe that he would leave Il Divo to take care of his child. If I died today, he would make sure that our Toni was well cared for. I know that he will do it for Frances. But, I know that he does not want to leave his group. Still he cannot ask me to saddle myself with his love child while he is off fulfilling his dreams.

But I will not be alone in the doing of it. At least I will not be as alone as I was in the days when the twins were small. Not as alone as we were in the days of Aunt Trudy trading off work days so that one of us could be with them. I would have ample help.


We could hire a nanny for each girl. I could see them for hours daily and still not have the total care of them. Why am I sniveling? I have it better than I ever have had it in my life. Can I not give some of the love that I have received back to this child?

All of these thoughts are going through my head as I rock her and she watches me with her four month old eyes, so much more alert than my two month old’s eyes. So finally I look into her face and smile. She doesn’t quite know how to respond to that but her eyes widen, yes, she sees me.

I talk baby talk to her. That too is a new experience for her but I can feel her little chest move as she experiments with making a sound that is not a cry.

And so I encourage her to say it and finally I hear it a tiny little squeak of joy. And so, I kiss her cheek and look over her head to my husband and nod. I have a new little daughter.


Life intrudes on the joy of getting to know Frances. I have to return to the hotel to feed Toni, spend some time with her and reassure her that yes, she does still have a mother. I even manage to grab a half hour nap before Urs calls me.

Frances is not talking well to the formula, they think that possibly the breast milk will be easier for her delicate stomach to digest.

Urs picks me up and I can hear Frances pitiful but amazingly loud voice as soon as we get off the elevator on her floor. Is it my imagination or do the nurses look towards me with relief? When I walk in the room I can see why.

This little girl has bonded with me and me alone. When she sees me she stops crying and gets the brightest look of hope on her face. It is evident that she knows that I am coming to take her up into my arms.

Of course it makes me feel like a queen but then I remind myself that she’s been so starved for a mother that she’d take to anybody that paid her the slightest attention. But now, she’s seen me and she wants to eat. I watch in amazement as she, after only one feeding knows right where the supply is located and she manages to root around until I sit and give her a good meal.

“Oh stop looking so grateful” I say to Urs. “We’ll be back to our normal selves in a few days. It seems like this little one likes her mami, don’t you Frances?” She likes to hear baby talk too cause she almost gives me a smile, hard to see but there as she pauses to study me with those pretty blue eyes.

“Urs, where did she get blue eyes? Karin’s are green and yours are certainly not blue.”

He comes over to take a look as if looking at them will give him some new information. “I don’t know sweetheart, maybe some long lost relative. She’s going to look amazing like you when she gets to her normal weight I think.”

Just then the doctor comes in to tell us that her lab work is back and for the most part it’s normal, no lasting damage has been done and, most importantly, her head circumference is average for her age which is a big relief. At least her brain’s growth hasn’t been stunted.

“Well how would you two like to take your little girl home?”

He’s so cheerful I wonder if he’s forgotten that we just met her too, but then he proves that he remembers.

“Mr. Buhler, the legal steps have been taken that allow you to take custody of your daughter on a temporary basis. You will most likely want to pursue more permanent arrangements later. Also, the social service department will need to meet with you before you leave, it’s just a formality to insure that you are financially able to assume responsibility for her and if not, a small amount of assistance can be provided.”

Neither Urs nor I say a word. I am very grateful that finances are the least of our worries.

Frances falls asleep and I place her back in her crib. No use holding her while she sleeps. Urs comes over and takes me in his arms. “How my baby holding up, are you feeling like this is overwhelming?”

I know that he probably feels that way. “We’ll be ok Buhler. Once we get settled, - “

“But what is this going to do for you being with me for the rest of the tour?”

It is the end of May now. The 23rd to be exact and the tour ends on July 2nd. I had intended to stay another couple of weeks, until the first or second week in June.

“I think we all can stay. I’ve got Mrs. Monroe; perhaps she can be induced to help us out with two instead of one. Frances won’t take up any more room. We can get portable cribs for both of them and not have to worry every hotel about finding two of them for us. We can get one of those large perambulators, like in the old days and put both of them in there for walks, no one will know that there are two of them and later when we reveal it, who knows, maybe I had twins again.

"We’ll think of something until you get the adoption straightened out."

The social services matron walked in with what I can only call a ‘staunch’ walk in her gray leather oxford shoes. I am sure that these comfortable shoes are necessary what with all the walking she must do in a day but please, must she wear such serviceable shoes? She is still a young woman, a little older than Urs perhaps nearing forty but young still.

“Mr. and Mrs. Buhler, I am Patricia Cummings, I trust that you were informed that I would be stopping by to chat a bit before we release Frances Cain to you?”

We both nod dutifully. I must admit that these social worker types all manage to have a bit of a condescending air about them, as if they in their wisdom are going to judge if you measure up, and after all, I suppose that is their job. I want to tell her to go shove it but for the baby’s sake I know that Urs and I have to take the scrutiny.

”My role here today is to assess your readiness to be parents to little Frances both financially and emotionally.”

Urs interrupts before she can continue. “Do you know, Ms. Cummings, that I am the child’s natural father? I don’t understand why my wife and I must have our suitability determined at all.”

“It is purely procedural Mr. Buhler. Little Frances was found in poor circumstances, now I understand that you and your wife had nothing to do with that but now that she has been rescued, we would be remiss to allow her to fall through the cracks. It is the perfect time to assure that she is set on the right track in life.”

“And if we don’t prove suitable? What then Mrs. Cummings?”

Chapter 36

(Passing the Test)

“Now Mr. Buhler, don’t get ahead of yourself. In most circumstances we try to keep the child with relatives. No matter your situation we will provide help if you need it, we won’t leave you to struggle alone.”

I look at Urs out of the side of my eye and in his jeans, rumpled shirt and battered jacket that he insists on wearing even though it’s not at all cold, I suppose I can see how the Social Worker thinks that he is a refugee. Come to think of it, I don’t look too tidy either. It has been hectic this day.

The social worker takes out a form that is several pages long and leans back officiously to start her intake sheet.
“Mr. Buhler, where do you reside?”, then she seems to reconsider that he might not understand the word reside. “What is your address please?”

“My home address is with my wife.” He provides the address and ends, “in New York City.”

“Ah – New York. Well that won’t hinder the investigation. How many children do you have?”

I answer this time as she is looking in my direction. “We have three others; twin sons and a daughter, just two months old.”

“Well that will work provided you have at least three bedrooms. You must separate the boys from the girls. The girls can share a room as long as they are not sleeping in the bedroom with you and your husband.”

“Our sons are no longer living in the household. They are away at college.”

“College?” And she writes several sentences on her report. I’m not concerned though. “So you can assure me that you have at least two bedrooms in your apartment.”

“Yes. We do have at least two bedrooms. It’s not an apartment. We own our own home.”

“Mrs. Buhler, this is looking better and better. Now, as for income, do you work outside the home Mrs. Buhler?”

Urs is enjoying this so he answers for me. “No ma’am, she is fortunate to be able to work at home. She has her office located there.”

“What kind of work do you do Mrs. Buhler?”

“I am chief stockholder of Buhler Consortium, formerly the Clarence Newman Consortium.”

Of course she had heard of the company. It was like asking if one was familiar with Harrods. “Not the multi-million dollar consortium.”

“Yes, that one. But I believe it is multi-billion and will remain so if I have anything to say about it.”

Mrs. Cummings drew a line through from one corner of the questioner to the bottom effectively slashing the need for more questioning on that subject. She turned the page.

“Mr. Buhler, I suppose you don’t have to worry about working, or do you help your wife in her business?”

“Neither. I am a singer Mrs. Cummings. Have you heard of the group Il Divo yet?”
“Not yet. But it doesn’t really matter does it? You have effectively proved that financially you are more than capable of taking care of Frances. Emotional capability has yet to be determined. Most of my questions are for Mrs. Buhler since she will be the child’s mother.

“Mrs. Buhler. Please tell me what you have done to prepare yourself to take on another woman’s child, one with whom you might have felt some jealousy or animosity, not that you have but it is reasonable to suppose that you might.”

I do not try to sugar coat our situation. “Mr. Buhler and I have not been married long, just about a year. You see our sons were born when we were quite young and we recently found each other again.”

I take a deep breath, I’m not fond of telling my innermost feelings to this woman, yet, I can understand that they might be worried about the wicked stepmother syndrome.

“I never developed a deep attachment to Mr. Buhler’s activities, especially during the time that we were not together. As Frances is older than my daughter, her mother and I were never truly in conflict or competition with each other.

"Frances needs a mother and I have bonded with her and am prepared to be her mother. I did cry a bit. Having two babies at the same time is not easy, remember that I had twins when I was but sixteen. But, I had far fewer resources then and was a lot more immature. I did it then. I am sure that we can do this now.”

Mrs. Cummings smiles at me unreservedly for the first time and closed her book, sliding the form in between the pages. She stood. “I will write my report and submit it soon. Thank you both for being so candid with me. I believe that Frances is a very lucky little lady. Good day to you both.”

Mrs. Cummings left us to ourselves while she went to the nurses’ station to write her final report.

PATRICIA CUMMINGS AT THE NURSES’ STATION


I walked out of their room, surprised that such a power couple as clearly they are; would be so – unassuming. It’s gratifying to see a case that I can be hopeful about. There are so many losers and drug abusers, drunks and other social misfits in the world today and I seem to run into all of them.

I find that I am even humming a little tune and, adding to my good luck, there are seats. I can get comfortable at the nurses’ station while I write up my summary.

Let’s see. Frances Cain, four month old female, abandoned by mother, Karin Cain, found living with Florice Montague AKA Flossie Montag, malnourished, and suffering from FTT.
I continue to write my report but then I remember something.

“Have any of you ladies ever heard of a group called El Diva or something like that?”

“It’s not Diva Pat, its Il Divo.” One of the nurses answers.
“So you’ve heard of them then?”

“I’ve heard of them too”. One of the physicians answers from her perch on the other side of the counter. “

“So they are singers? I seem to remember someone saying that they sing.” I throw out, just to keep the conversation going. I know very well that Mr. Buhler just said that he as a singer in the group.

“Oh yes, they are very good," answers Nancy, the housekeeper for evening shift. Her job is to antiseptically wash the bed down when a patient goes home, transfers to another part of the hospital, or in too many cases, dies. “It doesn’t hurt that they are all four beautiful men,” she adds, with a sly smile because she has to be very near retirement age.

“Oh Nancy, what do you know about beautiful young men; you sneaky thing you. I didn’t even know that you noticed such things.”

“Well, I ain’t dead yet and that’s a fact. Everybody knows it’s not what’s interested in you, its’ what’s you’re interested in that counts.”

“Nope Nance, you’ve got it backwards” Doc said as she closed the chart that she had been writing in and stood to continue her rounds. “It’s not who you’re interested in, the question is, are they interested in you.”

“Well makes me no never mind. I’m a –“

I tuned them out as they got into a discussion of which particular singer was their favorites. Some were ambulance sirens or something like that while another said she is an Uber, whatever that is, one even said that she was cute, and so on they continued. I knew that I had to do something and quickly too. If these women knew that one of their Divi’s or Divo’s were in the house – well I hate to think of how the Buhler couple could sue us for breach of confidentiality.

I finish my notes but I decide not to give access to the chart to the staff. Although the patient’s name is Frances Cain, I am sure that her father’s name is mentioned in my notes. Rather than reread all that I have written, I reach for an envelope and write CONFIDENTAL across it in large bold letters and seal it. In the nurse s notes I make a note that this case is confidential and that access to it will only be granted to persons who have a legitimate need to know by me- the social worker on the case, or by the Hospital Administrator.

Careful to take the confidential folder with me, I leave the nurses’ station and head back to the Buhler couple’s room. I enter and close the door behind me.

“Well Mr. and Mrs. Buhler, just because I had never heard of your singing group does not mean that those out there haven’t. Since Frances’ discharge orders have been written, and I was the last consult on the case, why don’t you gather her up now and just slip out the door down the hall to your left. Her nurse will wonder what has happened, they usually need to get a wheelchair and wheel her out to your car but I think we can dispense with that formality if you promise not to fall with her and injure her.”

They seem surprised at the suddenness of it all but they do exactly as I request.

Mrs. Buhler touches my arm and whispers ‘Thank you’ on her way out. As they leave I know that I have this foolish grin on my face and the last thing I say to Mr. Buhler is 'where can I see you perform'? He tells me to go to the internet site and there’s a schedule there. He gives me a backwards wave and they are out the door.

They are such a nice couple, so unpretentious.

Chapter 37

(I Can Handle It)

I stand at the hospital entryway while Urs runs ahead to retrieve the car for us. We don’t have a car seat for Frances but we take a chance, knowing that had a nurse checked us out of the hospital, it would have been absolutely necessary for us to either purchase one from the hospital or to have brought one with us before we could leave with her.

I send up a silent prayer that just this one time, let us get back to the hotel intact and I’d send Urs out on the morrow to get what we need.

I call ahead and let Mrs. Monroe know that we are on our way and will be there in a few minutes.

“Do you need me to get anything together for you Mrs. Buhler”, she asks.

I can’t think of anything. We have enough diapers that we can use from Toni’s stash. Frances is so tiny that there won’t be a size problem yet. Frances has her hospital gown on so we can make it through the night with that and use Toni’s clothing if necessary.

“Thank you Mrs. Monroe, we will be fine. I’ll have both girls stay with us tonight. Let you get a good night‘s rest, who knows how things will shake out in the coming days. We might have to take turns.”

That statement proved to be prophetic. I have exactly two weeks left to travel with Urs and I had hoped to spend a good deal of time being with him; after all, this little bit had to last us for about a month. Not long in actuality, but quite long when you are longing to be with one’s loved one.

In just two days time I am feeling like my body is being slowly drained and taken completely away from me. I had not been aware that babies must reach a certain weight before it is physiologically possible for them to sleep throughout the night; something that the pediatrician at the hospital told me. Here I had been hoping that they would sleep and at this point they were waking up at all times, differing times I might add, of the night.

Now the boys Falk and Johannes had been robust babies. Very early on, about Frances' age they started sleeping a good six hours every night. I was able to rest. But Frances, being underweight, and Toni only two months old, both of them were always hungry and ready to nurse. I have never been so sick of hearing Waaa Waaa in my life.

And, as I might have anticipated, Urs needed his share of me too. I felt that no sooner had my head touched the pillow but there he was, ready for lovemaking. He knew that this would have to last him for the coming month, so he was trying, I suppose, to build up his reserves so to speak.

I recalled that I had mentioned to Mrs. Monroe that we might have to take turns. Now I actually wished that we could but alas, she had no milk and being well into her middle age, I’m not sure that she would have welcomed my husband into her bed. Just the thought of those two together set me off in peals of laughter and kept me going for another day.

But, that burst of humor doesn’t last. I wonder how I am to survive the hours, days, weeks and months until these two are weaned. Why is it so difficult this time when it had been easy with the twins?

I have come to realize the major difference is that although I love my husband dearly and can now admit that I have longed to be with him, back then I had only the twins to take care of. There had been no demanding husband and no matter how kind or tender he is with me, the requirement that I oblige him is still there. I think it is the idea that my body is not my own any more that weighs on me more than the actuality.

This has been building for a while so I wait until he doesn’t have a show to do, and he is at home with me. Tonight I leave him in the lounge, shower, nurse the girls and go straight to bed without even saying I am going or good night or anything. That in itself is unusual because when he’s not having a show, he usually helps me get the girls settled down in their cribs.

Even though we know they’ll only sleep about three hours at most, we want to instill the habit in them of going to sleep when they are in bed.

Anyway I do all of the things that we usually do together including going to bed, this time alone. Somehow I feel like I’m spoiling for a fight. I just hope he wakes me up when he joins me so that I can bring it to him.

He notices that I am gone long before I manage to fall asleep. In fact, I know that I would have been angry if he hadn’t noticed. This is one night that that guy cannot win with me.

I feel it when he walks into the darkened bedroom. He hesitates; I think he is trying to determine if I am asleep or not. I take long slow breaths but they must not be a good imitation of my sound when I’m sleeping because he places his knee on the bed and asks me the wrong thing.

“Are you all right Liesel?”

“Oh why wouldn’t I be all right?” I ask.

He places his hand on my shoulder just because he likes the contact and I recoil from him as if he has touched me with a hot poker.

He walks over and flips a light on. I’m sure it’s so that he can see me and the fight is on. Poor guy doesn’t know what hit him. I don’t know why I am acting this way. I just know that I am mad at the world and right now he’s the best representative of the world that I have in my sights.

“How can you ask me if I am all right?” I demand. "I haven’t had more than four straight hours of sleep in the past two days. And you sit out there, watching TV, listening to music, or whatever you’re doing just like everything is the same.

"You don’t have jugs as big as water pitchers, you don’t have anyone crying and looking to you for anything, all you have to do is go to your little concert, dressed to the nines and then you come home and reach for me. I want to be left the h*ll alone!”

I think he’s gotten the message when he goes over and flips the light off. Good, he can go straight to the devil as far as I care and I fluff my pillow back in place and slam my head down on it to show my frustration. But he surprises me and comes back and sits with his back at the headboard and pulls me into his arms.

Of course I don’t come easily. I get in a couple of good blows, but he doesn’t let me go until I allow him to subdue me. Then the tears start. I can’t seem to stop crying. I realize that I am acting like a kid but I can’t seem to stop.

He doesn’t try to get me to stop he just rubs my back while I clutch at him as if he is some savior and loathe myself for my weakness. I’ve always been so strong. I have business projects that I run flawlessly, well, almost flawlessly. I am strong and capable. Why am I allowing a thing like living in a hotel, moving every day, nursing two babies get me down? That should be a piece of cake shouldn’t it? Here it is, not even a week has passed and I have caved in to the pressure.

Poor Baby Frances.. I knew that trash Karin was no good and she would be this kind of a Mother :evil:

I am glad Liesel is caring for Frances now and she and Urs will give the baby the love and family she needs..

More soon Yvette


Laura

CHAPTER 38

(I can’t Handle It)

What a dummy I am. Liesel goes gung ho until she runs out of steam and I just let it happen.

She is always so capable I forget that she used to do this when we were children, she’d display an enormous amount of confidence and then she’d over do it.

Like the time with that boy in our first year. She pushed him to his limit and I had to step in and save her from him by stomping his butt. What kind of boy was he anyway who would fight with a girl? Wrestle, well that’s one thing but fight, nah no way.

Liesel is finally asleep but I know that the girls will be waking up before too long so I had better get my a** in gear and figure out how we’re going to handle this.

One thing I know, I can’t breast feed them for her but I think I remember one of my sisters storing some of it up for later so that she could have a little rest. But how did she get it out? I wonder if Liesel knows. I realize that I can’t wake her up to ask her if she knows how to store her milk for later.

I decide that Mrs. Monroe might know. I know that she had adult children; perhaps she once knew and hasn’t forgotten. So I ease myself out of our suite, careful not to disturb my wife and go across the hall and gently tap on Mrs. Monroe’s door.

“Is anything wrong Mr. Buhler? Do the little ones need me?”

“They’re fine Mrs. Monroe. It’s my wife. I’m afraid that she’s worn out from not getting a good night’s sleep. I’m thinking that if I could store some of her milk, I could feed them tonight from a bottle and perhaps give them over into your care tomorrow night so that she can get some rest.”

“That’s a good Idea Mr. Buhler. Why didn’t I think of that? She just kept assuring me that she is fine, and I didn’t question it one bit. I should have ask-“

“Yes, but Mrs. Monroe, how does she get it out and into a bottle? Is it something that we can do ourselves?”

“Well bless my soul, yes, she can do it. But she’ll have to have bottles, no wait; I think I have a few in the bag that we’ve never used. We intended to use them for water but then we found out that nursing babies don’t need extra water under normal circumstances. Wait right here.”

I hear her bustling around in her bedroom and after a few minutes she comes back with four large baby bottles. That brings up other questions; don’t I need to sterilize them for such young babies?


Efficient Mrs. Monroe calls down to the house restaurant and asks them to pick the bottles up, sterilize them and return them pronto.

“I hope you have a good tip for them Mr. Buhler," she laughs but I see she is just kidding, she pulls a generous tip out of her purse and I vow to be doubly generous with her with her salary.

“Now here’s what you and your wife do, if she doesn’t already know.

"She might want to use a warm wet towel and just lay it on her chest first. Makes the milk come easier and relaxes her too.

"She should position her hand on her breast, with the thumb above and fingers underneath, about an inch to an inch-and-a-half behind the nipple. If her breast were a clock, her thumb would be at 12 o'clock and her fingers at 6 o'clock. Don't let her cup her breast in her hand. Instead, her thumb and fingers should be directly across the nipple from each other."


Mrs. Monroe then told showed me, using the nipple on the bottle exactly how Liesel and I should go about the technique. She says that it is not exactly a medical procedure when I call it that but I disagree. It seems quite delicate to me and at least as difficult as open heart surgery.


"Should I come over and show her Mr. Buhler, I don’t know that you can tell her – “

“I understand what you are saying Mrs. Monroe. Continue please. “


“If you insist Mr. Buhler. Now you’ll find that when you hand-express, milk sprays out in all directions. Since you want to save the milk, you'll need something in which to collect it. Some mothers manage to aim the nipple directly into a baby bottle. But if this is her first try, I doubt that she can do that.


“Try a container with a wider mouth, here, I have a coffee cup, I’ll send it down to be sterilized too. As the cup fills up, transfer the milk to each bottle. I would say about one bottle for each girl should be enough for all night and well into tomorrow. She should be able to sleep as late as she wants.”


Forty five minutes later Mrs. Monroe comes across the hall with the sterilized bottles and cup. She offers to stay just in case Liesel and I need help or she could be on hand if one of the girls awakens before we finish.


I go in to awaken my wife. She is sleeping so peacefully and is so confused when I shake her awake that I feel sorry that I have been so blind to her situation. I have the warm towel ready and I explain what we are going to do.


“If you wake up now sweetheart, you’ll be able to sleep for the rest of the night. I’ll make sure that the girls get their feedings.”


It takes us a while to get going but eventually we get the hang of it. After we finish we don’t have quite two bottles full, but this is what they will have to make do with.


When I go out to Mrs. Monroe I feel like a miner who has struck gold. I tell her that we have some store bought formula that we can mix up for my daughter and we can give all of the expressed milk to the other one since she needs it more.


That night was one of the longest in my life. I can see why my Liesel was exhausted.


Then I got the bright idea of waking one of them up right after feeding the first one. It was sort of like putting them on the same schedule. Liesel has been letting them rule the roost so to speak but I have to let them know that I am in charge. This change worked out so well that I got a full four hours sleep between midnight and sunrise.



That morning when Liesel awakes, the girls were clean and dry. She has only to feed them and then I deliver them to Mrs. Monroe for a couple of hours so Liesel can enjoy her spa experience.


I have an idea she’ll enjoy that.


The hotel’s advertisement had touted their treatment as being good for healing the body and the spirit.


Our Spa’s healing traditions take a holistic approach of treating the body, mind and spirit as one, tackling the root cause of the problem and viewing the body as capable of renewing and healing itself.



I had looked over the menu and there were too many selections for me to decide, Aroma Therapy 60 minutes, Hawaiian, Deep Tissue and Swedish massage, foot reflexology, scalp massage.

I made the decision to purchase the aroma, the Hawaiian, scalp and foot reflexology but instead of the advertised sixty minutes for each one, I cut it down to two hours total. I thought that that would be Liesel’s upper limit.


Liesel is surprised and seems pleased. When she is happy I am also.
Although I don’t know exactly how to answer her when she thanks me for last night the expressing milk and so forth but asks me why I just didn’t buy a pump. I guess Mrs. Monroe doesn’t know about modern things as I’ll bet she’s a grandmother.

When the hotel staff arrive I leave our room to allow them a bit of privacy. Instead I go in search of the guys and the postings to find out exactly what time our sound check is scheduled for today.


Since Liesel and I have made ourselves scarce for the last day few days except for time on stage and the ubiquitous sound check, they are all curious as to what is going on.


By now all of them know about the baby that Karen gave birth to back in December. I had mentioned it to them but as we were under the impression that Karen would be caring for our daughter, we, the fellows that is, hadn’t had a lot to talk about on that subject.


So they were surprised when I told them that I now had two baby girls both of whom were with Liesel in the hotel. They were amazed.


“Gesus man, a year ago you were single with no children and in a year you now have four. Remind me not to drink after you.” David had said.


Carlos is envious perhaps because he wants children, Seb has children, and loves it, and David has none. He’s a big kid himself and has a bit of growing up to do. But then he’s the youngest of the four of us he has plenty of time.



After a bit I go up to check on my wife and she had just finished up her treatment. She is glowing. She is so relaxed and so sexy that I want to invite her to bed but no, she needs her rest. I suggest that we go out to lunch before the sound check and we go down to the hotel lounge and have a nice meal.


She tells me that she has to go back up to the room and collect her babies.


“Mrs. Monroe is going to relieve me tonight after I express the milk but with a pump this time and then I’ll take over while we travel. We decided that we’d take turns. She’ll take one night and day and the same for me. That way neither of us becomes too worn out.”


“Shall I hire another woman to help you two out? Maybe that will be a good idea until the girls start sleeping all night.”




We decide that on the run as we live our lives, we’ll tough it out. It is very difficult to find good help who is willing to travel on the spur of the moment
.

Unfortunately we have only one more day of togetherness when she gets the word, delivered through Falk that her Aunt Trudy, her mother some would say, has passed away the night before.

CHAPTER 39

(Knight of the Round Table)

Thank goodness Urs, my sweetheart, my knight, came to my rescue. I thought I could do it all. I was wrong.

We were on our way to enjoying our last week together when I got word of Aunt Trudy’s death. That news took me back to a place that I had hoped never to visit again to a time of nostalgia and uncertainty but there had been hope too. At that time my life was in front of me. It was a weird combination that only the very young can have.

The next day the girls and Mrs. Monroe and I leave the UK to fly to Chicago.

Pope is making the arrangements for the funeral but he is old and wants my help. Urs has two months left before his break so he has to stay behind and carry on.

We try to tell each other that two months isn’t that long but I know that there will be plenty of lonely nights before July 3rd when he is free and can fly to me.

The funeral is small with just a few friends and Pope. Mrs. Monroe doesn’t attend. She stays at the flat with the girls while I go. Aunt Trudy had been well the day before. She developed a pain in her stomach and took a home remedy, a little baking soda in warm water hoping that the pain would go away but it had been her heart.

Perhaps if she had gone in to the hospital she’d be alive now but I don’t go there. It’s over now and I didn’t even get to tell her goodbye.

We decide to put her flat up for sale. When I purchased it I had it placed in my name, I wanted her to have a home no matter if she and Pope stayed together or not. Now, I feel obligated to let him stay on, he was her husband but he tells me that he wants to move to a warmer climate. He has a brother in Florida that he wants to move near.

He and I cut a deal. I’ll sell the Chicago flat and I’ll purchase him a property in Florida but I retain it in my name. If I don’t do this, and Pope dies before I, his relatives will inherit his home and they aren’t putting forth one penny towards his upkeep. I think it only fair that the property revert to me after his death.

The day after the funeral and burial, the four of us, the girls, Mrs. Monroe and I, fly to New York. Finally, after months on the road, we are home again.

I miss Urs but we are talking everyday on the phone, and now that I am home we can begin instant messaging again.

The first message that we exchange was only a couple of hours after we got home. I hooked up my laptop and sent out a feeler to see if he might just be on.

As it turned out he is off tonight and has decided to log on just in case I was back in New York.

Weasel says: Hey there? Are you there?

I almost gave up, thinking that he wasn’t on but after what I imagine was a scramble he answers.
Gorgeous George says: Hey there yourself. How are you doing? How are the girls? I miss you.

Weasel says: Oh honey, I miss you too. Two months is too long. How are the shows going?

Gorgeous George says: Same as always. I’m ready for this tour to end. I think we are going to demand a nice long rest after this. And speaking of resting be sure to let Mrs. Monroe get up with the girls every other night. I can’t have my baby wearing herself too thin.

Weasel says: No danger of that my wrestler. I’ve learned my lesson. The funeral was Ok.

Gorgeous George says: Sorry, I forgot to ask. I just assumed that it went well since you were doing the organizing. Did you put the Chicago flat up for sale like you planned?

Weasel says: You bet I did. Pope is moving to Florida and when he finds something, he’ll let me know and I’ll get it for him. BTW, I want to sell this house and move back home.

Gorgeous George says: Back home to Switzerland? I thought you wanted to stay in the states until the boys got out of school.

Weasel Says: I should. I know I should but they’re in their third year and they are pretty much self- sufficient. It’s just that back there I’ll have your folk, all of your relatives to be family to the girls. It’s lonely here in New York; I don’t have anyone in the states now. There’s really no reason for me to stay. The boys can fly to Switzerland if they want to see me. And Falk is making noises about coming to Switzerland too and going to the conservatory where you went to school.

Gorgeous George says: I want you happy Liesel. I can find you wherever you may go. Tell Falk to call me and I’ll see how serious he is. If he wants my help to get in, I’ll be so happy to do that. Just imagine what this means. One of our boys will probably become stationed in Switzerland and we will be able to see him and his children grow up there.

Weasel says: Johannes wants to talk to you too. Before you ask, I don’t know what he wants.

Gorgeous George says: Oh, it’s probably some female problem then. He sees me as some kind of ex-Lothario I think. He credits me with experience that I don’t have.

Weasel says: You have enough Buhler. But steer him in the right way please. Tell him to abstain.

Gorgeous George says: That isn’t gonna happen. Not at nineteen and he lives alone, you’re dreaming my sweet. Where are the girls, where is Mrs. Monroe?

Weasel says: Ah – she’s just getting ready to take them over to the park. They really love getting out in the fresh air and they sleep better when they’ve been out too. They’re both growing like weeds and we’re taking your advice, they’re both on the same schedule now too.

Gorgeous George says: Quick, phone me as soon as they leave, call me from the bedroom.

Just that quickly he’s gone. Why does he want me to call from the bedroom, after they’re gone? Surely he’s not thinking about phone sex. The only thing I know about that subject is how to spell it. I couldn’t have done it with Clarence any way, in his later years he was too hard of hearing. I have to smile at that thought. Clarence, the one who had his medications lined up on the nightstand in his room.

Just in case this is what my young husband has in mind I go to the internet and pull up an article, it isn’t very helpful but it does say that I don’t have to be like one of those operators where the guys call in for ten dollars, the most helpful thing that article says is be yourself, don’t enlarge ones vocabulary to include naughty words if you’re not comfortable with and make sure that you are excited yourself. If you’re cold, it’s hard to talk hot.

With that in mind, I run in to take a quick shower, just as if he were here. I’m out just in time to send Mrs. Monroe and the girls on their way.

I go into our bedroom pull some blinds closed, since it is the middle of the day here. Let’s see if it is 4 here, it’s only 9 pm in London; he’s on a night off tonight.

Just for kicks I put on a nightie that’s a favorite of mine. If this is not what he has in mind, he’ll never have to know.

He picks up the phone on the first ring. “So, are they gone?” When I hear his voice, I am sure what he has in mind. I know him very well.

“Yes.” I’m afraid that he knows me well too. I’m convinced that he can detect a breathy quality in my voice that usually not there. I’m such a no-nonsense person. If I weren’t nursing, I’d have had a glass of wine to relax me a bit.

“So what are you wearing?”

“I’m wearing jeans and knee pads ‘cause I’m cleaning the kitchen floor. Just kidding Urs.” I decide to jump in with both feet. If phone sex is not what he wants, he’ll have to change his mind and quickly too because I’m ready.

“Well sweet, since you asked, do you remember the black see-through set with the blue ribbing at the top? Well, that’s what I’m wearing, but Urs, I don’t have the bottoms on.”

I listen to his throaty laugh and know I made the right choice when I determined the nature of this conversation.

“Good girl, and why do you have your bottoms off?” I swear his voice has lowered an octave.

“I have them off because I need to rub a bit of body lotion, you know the vanilla one? I need to just rub a bit on my tummy and – perhaps on my inner thighs and perhaps – Do you like that fragrance? Can you smell it?”

“I do smell it. Your body is warm, I can tell. Where else did you say you were going to put it?”

I had hoped that he would take the lead but I guess in the scheme of things, it’s usually the female who does the talking. I have no idea but that seems reasonable. I mean do men lead erotic conversations or do they follow? I’m getting off track so I have to snap my analytical brain off and just go with the flow. So I answer him and when I do, I’m surprised that I’m no longer feeling self conscious.

“Actually, I thought I’d put just a drop, no more than one on my – clit but perhaps I shouldn’t because then I’d have to rub it in wouldn’t I?”

“I think you should do just that. Do it now and tell me when you are rubbing it is. I want to hear how it feels.”

“It’s on and oh, I can’t talk. It feels so good.” And that’s the honest truth because knowing that I’m slower in the sack than he, I’ve already gotten myself half-way there before I pick up the phone.

We titillate each other with both our conversation and our actions for long moments while both of our temperatures rise like fire.

I do have a small technical question, I hate to break the fantasy but I ask him,

“What do I do with the phone when I come?

He’s almost there too, I can tell.

“Leave it on the pillow so that I can hear you.” The act of breathing has become a struggle for him.

Now normally I am not a person who makes a lot of noise. I tend to go into myself instead of emoting to the world, but for this little exercise, I guess I’ll have to be very noisy. I hear his voice so I tune out what I’m feeling and tune in to him.

“Put your finger inside.” He tells me.

“Too small.” I reply

“Two then.” He demands.

That’s still much too small. At this point I want to be stuffed with – well suffice it to say that that is the last conscious thought that I have for a minute or so as I go over the top. Just the thought of him plunging very forcefully into my body with his much more than two fingered instrument was so good. Finally I pick up the phone. I’m a little embarrassed because I’ve been very vocal. But I also feel freer somehow.

I hear his voice now, much more calm; we’re both in the afterglow together. “That was amazing.” he sighs.

“Did you?” I ask.

“How could I not? You are so sensual.”

“I enjoyed it too.” I admit. And it’s true. I feel closer to him now. We’ve shared something that we had not before. I hear him yawn and know that he has the usual after sex need to snooze a bit.

“So you’re off to the land of nod?”

“I guess so. What about you?”

“Me? I’m going to open the blinds, put on some jeans and try to look perky when Mrs. Monroe and the girls walk in. The boys are coming by later to meet Little Miss Frances too, and to renew their acquaintance with Antonia. I’m sure they’ll eat up the kitchen. We’re having spaghetti.”

“Liesel. Thank you.”

“Thank you gorgeous.”

“I’ll IM you in the morning around eight, will you be up then? We’re travelling on from Cardiff to London; we’ll be there for a couple of nights. I should be able to get you right before our sound check.”

We hang up and I feel so good. Even Mrs. Monroe notices my glow when she returns with her happy little charges.

“Gee Mrs. B. you look so alive today. What’s up?”

“Nothing’s up Mrs. Monroe. I’m just looking forward to seeing my sons for the first time in months, that’s all.”

Mrs. Monroe takes the girls into their room and put them down. After that fresh air they are ready for their naps. When she comes back she walks over to sit on the sofa.

“I hate to bring this up Mrs. B. but it’s been bothering me. Himself, your husband said something that’s been disturbing me for a few days now so I think you should know about it.”

CHAPTER 40

(Mrs. Monroe is Worried)

For the life of me I can’t fathom what Mrs. Monroe can be talking about. The best way to find out is to allow her to speak. I take a deep breath and wait, hoping it’s not something that I don’t want to hear.

“Last week while we were still back in the UK, and Mr. B. was scurrying around trying to get you some relief from feeding the babies and getting too little rest, well, I’m sure he didn’t mean it but he said to me on the night that he was waking up to feed them, he said:

“I have some formula that I can give to my daughter; I’ll give the breast milk to the other one since she needs it more.”


I wait, surely I have missed something. “He said give the formula to my daughter and give the breast milk to my other daughter, she needs it more? What’s wrong with that?”

“He didn’t call Frances his daughter Mrs. B. When he called her the ‘other one’ it didn’t sound like you just said it. It sounded like he thinks of Toni as his daughter and Frances as not his daughter.”

My first impulse is to belittle Mrs. Monroe’s observations but decide that she needs to know that I will give it more thought because it is possible that right now, Urs does feel that way. So I answer her as honestly as I can.

“I’m sure you know Mrs. Monroe that generally speaking, men don’t fall in love with children like we women do. They should, but just because they father a child doesn’t mean that they will fall in love with it. Am I right?”

“It’s too bad, but you are right. So what can we do?”

“I have observed that men fall in love with the mothers of the children, and through that mother, they come to love the child.

"I know back when I was a child, we had a man in our neighborhood; when he and his wife divorced he left her with four children. He married a woman who had three. Do you know that he managed to make it to those three children’s ceremonies and graduations when he couldn’t find the time to be at his own blood’s affairs? Mrs. Blount, the ex wife thought that was terrible and it was but he had bonded with his new woman and sort of forgot about the old.”

“That man should have been horse whipped.” Mrs. Monroe was righteous in her condemnation of Mr. Blount.

“Yes, I agree with you. However, because my husband loves me, he will grow to love Frances as much as he does Antonia. There will come a day when he’ll have to think hard to remember that I am not her birth-mother. In less than two weeks I love her as if she is my own; he will come to that point too.


"It’s because he’s not breast feeding her every day and listening to her cries and receiving her little smiles. Once she grows up more and calls him daddy and runs to him for protection or brings his slippers he’ll change. You’ll see.”

“I think you’re right Mrs. B. How did you get to be so wise so young?"

I think Mrs. Monroe is Bull S***ing me but I am willing to smile and accept the complement graciously.

I have quite a bit to do before Johannes and Falk arrive. It’s getting late so I call the financial advisors and get them on the trail of putting this house up for sale too. In their opinion real estate is going to bust in the not too distant future, that too many risky loans are being granted. Del Farrow tells me that this is just the right time to get rid of this pricy home.


I verify that the furniture and the boat go with it and he thinks that I can get between six and eight million for the property, maybe more since it is on the Hudson River.


Before we sign off, I also ask him to find properties in Switzerland that Urs and I can look at, and that we’ll probably be available to start around the middle of July.

That important call made, putting it in their hands means I am free to leave this New York home or to stay as I choose. I decide that I can get Urs' advice on the subject when he IM’s me in the morning.
***

Falk and Johannes arrive together.

They both look exceptionally handsome. I realize that they are men now. It’s true that they are young, but they are no longer boys. There is some invisible line that has been crossed and I suspect that women have a lot to do with the crossing of that line. I don’t mean just sex because having sex doesn’t make a boy a man, but it is the whole man/woman relationship. It is the interactions that my boys are having with their women that are changing them.

I suspect they will still take our advice; especially their father’s whom they consider worldlier than their mami. But I too have some influence with them, but the relationship is coming full circle. Before too many months have passed, they will be almost on an equal footing with Urs and me.

It is very funny when I go in and bring out Frances and Antonia. Frances at five months is taking much more notice of what is going on around her and she looks at these new men right away. Frances is a little flirt. She looks and then ducks her head but only after she has given both guys her own special version of the winky blink.


“God mom, she looks just like you but she acts like dad does when he’s on stage. I think she’s a born tease.” Johannes speaks as he is taking her in his arms. Frances promptly uses her little feet to push herself up his chest so that her head is even with her face. She looks him in the eyes and gives him a big wet kiss on the cheek. He promptly kisses her back.

“She’s got your eyes mom.” He says he then turns to Antonia, still in my arms and says “Let’s see the other one.”

He then looks at me amazed as he sees that they are very nearly the same size and look enough alike to be twins.

“That is the ‘other’ one that you’re holding. She is two months older. This one here is Antonia the one that I gave birth to.”

Both guys decide to tease me. "Are you sure that you didn’t have both of them?” Falk laughs.

Johannes says “Dad’s girlfriend must have looked a lot like you mom.”

“Don’t ask me. I don’t understand it either. Karen’s a bit shorter than I, she has blond hair or course, but her eyes are green. How she and your father had a blue eyed child I’ll never know. But this baby is a part of our family now. Dad and I are adopting her since someone who will remain nameless abandoned her."

I have found out that my sons aren’t the only ones who think they look alike. They look so much alike until when I visit the fan site I find that they think there has been a reporting error.

At the time of Antonia’s birth it had been duly reported that Urs and I had a girl. Now the fans think that someone has neglected to tell them that we had two girls. They thought it only natural since that is what had happened before with Johannes and Falk.



I know that one day Urs and I will have to decide just what to say. What we say will depend entirely upon how much we decided to tell Frances. One mind wants us to just let it lay. I’d love to keep the lie to ourselves and allow Frances to grow up unquestioning that she is my child. On the other hand, truth has a way of revealing itself. What if Karin shows up when Frances is ten, or eighteen? It would be devastating for her to find out that I have lied to her all of these years.

There is also the possibility of a half truth. Tell Frances and Antonia but tell no one else. We don’t owe it to the world to reveal our private lives.

Whatever the case, I don’t have to make that decision today. I set the boys to making the salad and the garlic bread and I get the spaghetti ready while Mrs. Monroe watches the girls move around on a makeshift pallet in the family room.

After dinner we play cards, Mrs. Monroe is quite competitive and she and Falk whip Johannes and me and figuratively send us to our rooms.

Before the boys leave I pull them aside to let them know that their father is waiting to hear what they want to say to him. I look at Johannes significantly hoping that he’ll tell me what he wants to talk to Urs about but he just ignores my nosiness.


That next morning when Urs and I IM each other we are all business just like we had not been playing ‘fingers’ the night before.
I start by telling him the girls’ reaction to their brothers; that takes quite a while since typing is slower than talking.

I bring him up-to-date on the house and let him know that we can start looking in Switzerland when he gets his break in July.

“But” I say, “I need to know how close you want to be to Willisau Urs? Do you want to be as far south as Geneva or would Luzerne be better or perhaps just nearby but in the countryside?”

He knows that he doesn’t want to be as far down as Geneva or up as far as Zurich. Bern or Luzerne are both fine. He tells me that we need to be not too far from an airport, yet not too close either. Perhaps if the realtor can find a place in the country not too far from our home, that would be best so that the children can grow up in close proximity to their relatives.

That suits me fine. But still it is good to have his ok on this move.

Before we sign off he asks me when I am going to “phone” him again.

I tell him that I’ll surprise him. I tell him I’ll wait until he is on stage and he can really put on a ’finger’ performance.

He tells me that if I don’t call him soon enough, he’ll just have to call me.

Later that same day he signals that he is on the laptop. I rush over to get him before he decides I’m not available.

Gorgeous George says: Johannes called me today. Guess what he wants?

Weasel says: Of course I have no idea; I hope that it is not about a woman. Nineteen for a young man is too young to think about marriage.

Gorgeous George says: He has an opportunity to move to Switzerland and work on the Hadron Collider. The Hadron Collider is only the world’s largest and highest energy particle accelerator complex. It lies underneath the Franco-Swiss border between the Jura Mountains in the Alps near Geneva.

Weasel says: What effect will this have on his schooling? Will he still graduate?”

Gorgeous George says: “It will be the best thing that can happen to him. Two thirds of the world’s brightest scientists are working with this thing; many of them are from his school, MIT. He will make excellent contacts and he can get his degree and probably continue working there on a paid basis after he graduates. He’s all excited, talking about getting his PhD in Particle Physics.”

Weasel says: And best of all for you Herr Buhler, it will bring your other son home to Switzerland.

Gorgeous George says: But of course. Of course if it wasn’t good for him I’d not advise him to do it no matter how close it placed him to us.

Wesel says: So you think he’s going to do it?

Gorgeous George says: Ja I think so. When his semester ends in two weeks, he will probably not take the summer off he says. If he hears that he is accepted, he wants to come over and spend the summer getting acclimated, working a bit and really get going in the fall. It’s good, I think that he speaks and reads all three of the predominant languages too. I told him not to leave that out on his application.

Weasel says: Yes, that’s important, the reading part. Many people will say that they speak a language but too often they are only fluent in the verbal skills, to be able to read and write not only colloquial but technical language is very valuable.

Weasel says: BTW I am thinking of staying here in NY up until two weeks before your break and then flying to Switzerland to stay with your mother for two weeks. Do you think that two weeks in her house will be too long? Will the girls get on her nerves?”

Gorgeous George says: I’ll ask her and see. I have a feeling that it will be fine with her.

Since it is about 8 pm my time, I know that it is around 1 am his time. He tells me he is off to bed and that he’ll IM me on the morrow.

Early the next day I receive a call from Frances Buhler herself. I know that Urs has probably just finished talking with her. I expect that she has called to reassure me that two weeks is not too long to spend under her roof.

In fact, it doesn’t take long for me to realize that she is urging me to come sooner, to come now and I am not prepared to deal with her debating skills that rival a candidate seeking office.

She has four points that she wants to make and she asks me to be silent until she can get them all out. She says that she doesn’t want to forget anything but I suspect that she wants to rely on their cumulative effect.

First of all she tells me. “Do you know that I will never have this opportunity in my life again to have my granddaughters live under my roof? What a wonderful opportunity it will be for them to get to know me well. If they come to know me while they are tiny, as they are now, and you and Urs keep them near me, they will never forget who I am and how much I love them.

“Secondly, the same goes for you daughter-in-law. This is a time for you and me to bond, to come to know each other as women in a way that we can’t do once Urs comes home. He will monopolize your time and your thoughts. There will not be much left for just the two of us.

“Thirdly the boys, Johannes and Falk if they come here will come to know their relatives too. In the two months until Urs comes, they can come to know your home as well as you and Urs do.”

And then Frances threw in the coup de grace.

“Switzerland is much closer to where Urs will be for the next six weeks. Rotterdam is less than 400 miles from here, Antwerp little more than that. Germany is closer still. It is conceivable that you will be able to jump on a plane one day, spend the evening with him and come home the next day. Your babies can make it overnight with me.

“Of course”, she ended. “If you have your heart set on staying in New York until the second week in June then I will be fine with that, but I do hope that you will reconsider and come now.”

In the end that was what did it for me. The idea that I would be considerably closer to my husband was too tempting to pass up. So I promise her that I will start packing tomorrow and the girls and I and Mrs. Monroe would be there by the end of the week.

“Yes bring your nanny. She will be very much needed so that you and I can go shopping and do the things that my daughters used to do with me before they married and their husband and children started taking up all of their time.”

I try to pack everything that has a bit of history to it. I bought along Aunt Trudy’s old photo book; some of the shots had been made back in Switzerland when she was growing up. Some of them were of me when I first came to the states. There are even pictures of Falk and Johannes’ growing up years, priceless, all the way from infants to crawlers to walkers to school days.

I also have kept one item of clothing from when each of them were new babies. These I bring. Other than those few mementos, and a few clothing, we pack lightly. I want to keep the cribs that Pope made those years ago so I pack them up and send them ahead, along with a few of the girls favorite toys.

I also pack Urs' socks that he gave to me that night on the hillside.

When the plane rises high in the sky on that morning when I leave New York for my true home, I know that I will be back. I am now a world traveler. But I hope never again to come to these shores in the condition that I came the first time, with uncertainty as to my future. I have been so fortunate that there was an Aunt Trudy to catch me or I would have stayed the ignorant naïve girl that I was and I would never have been reachable by the now worldly man that I married.

CHAPTER 41

(Home Sweet Home)

Frances and Arne Buhler are there to meet us in Luzerne just as promised. I don’t know how it came up but I found out that they had been separated though not divorced for several years. In fact they had broken up just about the time that I left for the states.

Later when I venture to ask Frances what happened to their marriage; she had said that Arne had gotten the middle-aged wanderlust. He had waited until he had fathered five children, reached his late forties; and then decided that he needed to explore his sexuality with other women.

She had never stopped loving him. It had been the tragedy of her life but one wouldn’t know it by her actions. She was cheerful and really a lot of fun. Now Arne was her husband in every way but one. He was her friend and protector. I think she still has hopes that one day he will tire of roaming and come back to her.

He delivers us to Frances home, and I try to remember what it looked like to my teen aged eyes. I conclude that it is definitely larger.

Unlike folk in the cities, rural people still manage to spend a lifetime in one home even though the appearance of that home may change over time.

This home had been renovated, another wing added and a second floor was put on top of it all. The left wing addition had been cleverly built to exactly match the old right side of the home so that it was a mirror image of the original and looked as if it had been built that way since the beginning. The stone exterior had even been aged to match the original. Above it all, was the second story that spanned the width of the downstairs.

Frances had been right in declaring that she had plenty of room.

Once inside I found that she planned for the girls, Mrs. Monroe and I to take over the upstairs suite. The upstairs consisted of four bedrooms, each with its own en suite bath, and a lounge. Frances said that a woman who has five children must have room in her home for her whole family, especially at holidays.

We spend the afternoon getting settled. I choose the largest bedroom, anticipating that Urs and I will share this room until we purchase our home. I set aside the bedroom next to ours for the girls and reserve the one on the far western end of the addition for Mrs. Monroe. She and I both decide that when she is with the children for the night, she can rest in their room.

I have a long talk with Frances and Mrs. Monroe, whose name I have come to learn is Gail. I call both of these women to my aid because I think that I am ready to stop nursing both of my girls. I know that it is a little early, especially for Antonia but I feel that I must keep them together and at four months and six months, I have been tied to them long enough. Frankly, I want to spend a weekend with my husband and I see no way to do this unless they are weaned.

The first thing that I learn is that it is much easier to wean a baby who is less than three months old. Any older than that, the child has become more and more attached to breast feeding and less receptive to the bottle. So with this in mind, I go to the internet and pull up an excellent article on the subject.

Right away I learn the absolute upper limit recommended is that the nursing stop before the child is not only old enough to grab for it but also to gab for it. Meaning, if the child is old enough to ask, it should have been weaned before that time. I know some mother’s will disagree with this but I am able to move on as this is certainly not the case for me.

The author recommends that the task be undertaken slowly, dropping one feeding and substituting a bottle every three or four days so that it takes two weeks for the entire process. I am to drop the least preferred feedings first which for these two girls, means that the morning and the bedtime feedings will be the last to go.

I find out that integrating a bottle feeding into their regular feedings is a good thing. They have grown used to the bottle somewhat. Even so, in spite of being used to the bottle, they are not used to the taste of formula and both of them refused to take the bottle feeding at first. I try having my mother-in-law offer it to them as well as Mrs. Monroe ah – Gail but their success rate is no greater than mine.

I am so grateful to both of these ladies; they support me and help me be patient and calm. And the three of us grownups continue to work with the little ones until finally, both babies just give in. It seemed they have resisted for as long as they can. The string that had tied me to them is loosened.

Of course I don’t leave my daughters bereft. I substitute more play time as recommended as well as a new toy now and then to keep their mind off what they are probably feeling they are missing.

I also have to learn to take care of myself. Using ice to reduce engorgement, enduring the emotional woes that come with the feelings of separation from my daughters, these were things that I haven’t anticipated but once all this is accomplished, it is a wonderfully liberating experience. I have reclaimed my own body.

But the body that I reclaim is not the body that I had before. Even though both Frances and Gail assure me that my husband won’t notice that my breasts are a little ‘loose’, I have my doubts. Once I give it some thought I realize that what Urs notices and what he doesn’t is not my main concern.

I know. I notice.

I have always been a bit of a fan of ‘YOUTUBE’ and I like to watch Il Divo perform their tunes but I no longer watch the men perform. I watch the women in the audience. It seems as if most of them are full breasted and they had no compunction about showing off what they have. These are the views that my Urs sees night after night. Pancake breasts are not en vogue.

Even so, despite my diminished boobs, now that I am free, I go ahead and plan a weekend with Urs. He seems delighted and asks me why wait until a weekend. He tells me to come now.

I realize that there is no reason why I must wait. I can go to him on Tuesday, stay Tuesday night and Wednesday night and return Thursday morning. I call to tell him I’ll be there and he makes the arrangements.

I can’t tell you how good he looks to me when he arrives to pick me up at the airport. There is a little person inside me jumping up and down; I want to run to him, wrap my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist and cling to him like a little monkey while he kisses my face. But I do none of these things. I don’t want to see that scene published all over the internet.

Instead I smile and imagine that I do what I want to do while he gives me that special smile, I know he has his own hidden thoughts too.

He takes the handle to my small roll along case and we are off. We reach the car in just about five minutes and still, we are cautious. Urs gets behind the wheel and I do not cuddle closer, it is all a part of the mutual game that we play as ‘friends’. He drives only a few blocks, just enough to clear the airport when he pulls over and takes me into his arms. Ah – I am home.

“Are you hungry love?” he asks me.

“Yes.”

“Back to the hotel or to a restaurant?”

“To the hotel, most definitely and then to a restaurant.

Two hours later we emerge, satisfied for now and ready for breakfast. I can’t seem to stop smiling, and neither can he.

“So how was your trip? How are you and my mother getting along in the same house?”

“All of it is good Urs. She has been a tremendous help with the girls, between having Gail and your mom, I now have time to just enjoy them. Frances, your mom, is getting to know them you know. They love her already. Little Frances reaches for her whenever she comes into the room. Your mother just beams.”

“You’re not jealous are you? Does she spend more time with Frances than Toni?”

“She definitely does not. Frances is older and more responsive to people that’s all. Toni will catch up. She gets lots of love from her oma too. Oma sees her as the baby so she makes sure that she gets more than her fair share.

“Did you find anything interesting in the American newspaper?” He asks me.

“What?”

“The newspaper that you had me find for you.”

I have forgotten already, when you lie it’s difficult to remember. See, when Urs and I crawled out of bed, I created a diversion. Earlier I had worn my bra to bed. He hadn’t much cared, he had been much too eager to question why, I supposed that he thought it had something to do with being a nursing mother.

Anyway, not only had I worn the bra, I had worn a ‘lift’. Frances had told me about it after I had complained about my newly flat breasts.

Well, she and I had gone out and purchased an insert that is placed inside the bra but beneath the breasts for the express purpose of giving sagging boobs a bit of cleavage.

The disguise works. My husband doesn’t notice a thing. But when it comes time to shower, that is another matter. I am forced to come up with something to get him out of the room so that I can shower alone. Voila, the need for an American newspaper.

By the time he made it back with one, I had finished showering and was dressed, my fabricated need for a paper completely forgotten.

Now, as we sit in a restaurant near the hotel he has brought it back to mind.

I think that this is the time to tell you I am not old. At thirty-five I am still quite young. To give an example, Rene Zellwager is thirty nine, Jennifer Anniston is also thirty nine; so a woman who watches what she eats, exercises, keeps her mind active is still quite competitive if I must say so.

With this in mind, I now think it is time for me to be completely honest with my husband.

“There is nothing in the newspaper that I need to see. Forget about that. I’ve been thinking. I want to get a breast augmentation. I’ve given it some thought and this is what I want to do.”

He sits there, I’m sure he’s wondering where this is coming from but he smiles and I can see his eyes taking in my form, really looking, for the first time today.

“Actually no. I don’t recommend it Liesel.”

I am stunned! Did he just say ‘no’ to me and leave no room for discussion? That is absolutely the wrong thing to say to a woman who has been her own boss for the last twenty years. I mean, who does he think he is?

I manage to sweeten my voice. “I understand perfectly Urs my love. If you don’t recommend it, then I don’t think you should do it do you?” This I say so sweetly that it takes him a moment to get the essence of what I have said. He finally hears the zinger.

After he throws his head back in laughter he gives me ‘the look’ that says you got me. “Of course it is your body wife, but I think I should have a say in what you do with it don’t you?” He butters his bread and I try to digest the restriction that he is trying to put off on me. Does he have rights to a say in what I do with my body?

Perhaps he does but I am not through standing up for my rights. “I think we should discuss why I think I need it don’t you? If you are going to say ‘no’ to me, then you should at least know what you are doing to me, that you are condemning me to eternal low self esteem."


“You? Low self esteem? Liesel I’ve known you since you were a baby, and you’ve never had a problem with that believe me. It is more likely that women who have that done don’t do it to bolster up their self esteem, they do it to catch the eyes of a lot of men.”


There it is; the real reason for his objection. “Do you honestly think that I am interested in having men look at me? Do you really believe that Urs?”

“What else am I to believe Liesel? Look at you. You look as complete up there as you ever have.”


I wonder what he’d think if he could see me without the lift and the bra? Right then I decide that he will have to see me as I see me. Perhaps he will come around to my point of view. But first, we are going to meet up with the guys for the sound check before we go back to the hotel.

Urs and I travel to tonight’s venue, only a few blocks away in the rented car. Once there, we find Sebastien, Carlos and David already there. David is the only one who looks openly as we exit the car, the others look too but not quite as blatantly since they hardly know me at all.

Urs walks me over to them, his hand firm at my back. I take a quick glance over my left shoulder and see that he is smiling.

“No wonder you kept her under such tight wraps when she was with us before. How are you Mrs. Buhler?”

They are respectful and kind but they all have such naughty boy looks in their eyes that I know that only because I am the wife of one of them have I escaped much more thorough scrutiny. Of course I am sure that they have seen me from afar but then I had made myself scarce. Certainly I had not attended the public events, except for the concerts.

“How are Falk and Johannes, Mrs. Buhler?”

I see that the Divos are still bad boys trying to masquerade as good guys. “Call me Elizabeth or Liesel why don’t you? Falk and Johannes are fine. Both are holding up the Buhler tradition I’m afraid.”

“Hey! That sounds suspicious to me.” Urs jokes, “Are you saying that they are going to church every Sunday, being kind to their mother, and doing good deeds? That’s what she means guys; that is the Buhler tradition.”

“I can’t get over it ma’am” Carlos interjected. “How someone as young as you and as beautiful can be those guys’ mother. And Urs says that you have a couple of little ones too?” Bless Carlos. He is the sweetest man.

“Yes.” I don’t know what Urs has said to Carlos and Seb about Frances so I keep my answers short. “I am learning that girls are completely different from boys. My daughters are big flirts. They will love you Mr. Marin. You’ll have to fight to keep little clutching hands from getting to your curls.”

We laugh and keep up the banter for a few more minutes until Urs decides he will lead me over to a seat. There he sits with me, explaining who each crew member is telling me whether or not the boys have met him or her or not. It is still another thirty minutes before they are ready to get their sound check going and a whole hour before they finish. After that we are free to hang out until time for the show.

Once he’s free, he suggests that we go to the room and I determine that I will stop hiding and show him my breasts and let him decide if my desire to have augmentation is legitimate or not. And I want him to never again wonder whether I want it because I need it or if I belong to that class of women whom he has characterized as just trying to attract men.


We enter our room and I point him towards the sofa but I don’t pause. I go straight into the bedroom and strip. I remove everything; the lift, the bra, leaving only my panties of course. I throw my blue silk robe over my nudeness and walk out into the suite and then when I am sure I have his full attention I snatch the robe open and bare my body to him.

I expect him to cringe at the sight of my diminished pulchritude but instead he gets this look that lets me know that his testosterone is rising and he’s getting ready to get it on with me. I act quickly because like most men, he can have a one track mind. “Snap out of it Buhler! I want you to take a look at these.” And I point to said objects.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? They’re not full, they no longer have a nice curve at the top; they just aren’t what I want them to be. That’s what’s wrong. Look, you can see for yourself. This is why I want to get them enlarged as soon as I can after I go home. I don’t have to have your approval but I want it. I don’t want you to think that I’m interested in other men that’s all.”

He can see that I am serious so he pats the sofa next to him and invites me over to sit. He has a solemn look on his face and I know that at last he is taking me seriously.

“So, you think that you are not attractive enough as you are? To me it’s not about being beautiful. I love you. I want you to be healthy. What if those things make you ill? What about that?”

“Ill? How? People do it every day. It’s no big deal Urs.”

“It can become a big deal. What if you can’t get them checked every year. Can you still do that? What about sensation there. I know you Liesel, you aren’t going to be very happy when I touch you and you don’t feel a damn thing.”

He has some valid points. I don’t want to lose any of the pleasure that I receive through them. But I do know that the tests, mammograms they are called, can go on.

“I’ll take my chances with the sensation. I do know that this procedure doesn’t keep one from having the check; it does not increase the chance of cancer, or keep the X-Ray from being read. I read that there is always a 5 to 10% area that is never seen. The augmentation does not increase that area or decrease it. So, it is a non-factor as far as I am concerned.”


“Do it then Liesel if you must. But please don’t get those very large very obvious things that make a fellow think of nothing but T & A when he looks, be a bit conservative if you please.”

“Oh darling, I knew that you’d understand. I promise they will not be noticeable. I will just return to what I was before the children.”

That settled, we can now move forward. With less than two hours until show time I ask him what he wants to do. I am not surprised when he stands and pulls me up from the sofa and points me in the direction of the bedroom.

CHAPTER 42

(Loose and Not Loving It)
By now we have become perfect together in the conduct of our bedroom antics. We have become psychic. I know what he wants before he does and the same is true of him about me. But this time it is different. When one is super conscious of being the possessor of ‘flapping’ breasts, it poses quite a limitation in all movement. It also becomes an item of conscious distraction.

Instead of going inward and just enjoying myself, I find that I have a film clip running in my head that is relaying a preview of what I must look like especially if I dare take the female on top position. That arrangement, at this point in my life, is just not an option.

I work out. Everything on me is firm but these – and no amount of exercise will change that. I mean I never thought I was vain before and I have not anticipated the humiliation that I feel. My heretofore almost perfect body has let me down.

Still, he is kissing me and it feels good. He is truly a lovely man, and quite appealing. No wet sloppy kisses, just a firm tongue that leisurely explores my lower lip and waits for me to entice him in.


I am beginning to melt already. And he is more than ready. I love his penis. It is long and large and able to take on a life of its own. I reach for him but he stills my hand. He is in danger of getting ahead of himself.

With his palm he urges me to mount him. Up until now I have preferred this position because it allows me a good deal of control. I can control the speed, the cadence and most of all the depth.

He gives me another tap to urge me up but still I resist. Instead I make myself comfortable lying at his side, our mouths still joined, my arms thrown casually around his neck to hold him near.

“What’s wrong Liesel? You’re not going to let a little thing like modesty about your breasts keep you from involving yourself are you?”

I don’t answer. Instead I urge him to take over.

He is as silent as I on the subject. We kiss for what seems like forever and I feel his hand cup my breast and pinch the nipple. This always sends me into frenzy and tonight is no different. They might be diminished in size but they are still wonderfully sensitive.

He leaves the bed and as he leaves he takes hold of each of my ankles with his hands, he pulls me to the edge of the bed, he nips my panties with his teeth pulls and I feel them slowly moving south revealing my body to him as it is uncovered inch by inch.

My natural instinct is to close my splayed legs, but he has wedged himself between them and I wonder how I look to him in his eyes. I think he reads my mind because he murmurs “You are pretty all over Liesel, you look good enough to eat. Do you mind?”

He doesn’t wait for my consent but goes ahead and slides my wet clit into his mouth and I scream a primal scream and I know that I am going to come with his mouth on me. And I would have if he hadn’t stopped.

“Do you like this Liesel?”

“It’s different.” I manage to get out. My breath is still coming in short pants. I want to urge him to continue but I don’t say it. Instead I lift my hips.

“This is just one of many things that men and woman do together.” He resumes his laving of my body but this time he raises my legs and plants my feet on the bed on either side of his shoulders. I am completely exposed to him. I lie back, raise my arms above my head and close my eyes. My only desire is to have him pleasure me in a way that he has never done before.

I have found that if I completely relax and leave my inhibitions behind, even the interdiction that tells me not to make too much noise, I can quickly ascend to a place that is sublime. I manage to scream and squirm my way through it and land panting still flat on my back on our bed.

He raises himself up from his position beside the bed and he is smiling. He kisses me deeply on my mouth and I come to know myself in a way that I will never know but through him. It’s like fresh seawater. Not unpleasant, but distinctive.

He is as ready as he has ever been and I nod when he looks to me to see if I am ready to continue.

I am boneless as he begins to stroke me but I feel a renewal of my spark when he puts his back into it. He feels me clench him from inside and that spurs him on. He rolls my nipple between his thumb and index finger and I pull him to me. We are skin to skin. How warm and wonderful the feeling.

I bury my face in his neck and take a deep breath. He smells clean and male; the shadow of his beard rasps my face and then my chest as he flexes his body to reach my breasts first one and then the other with his mouth.

He raises himself to his knees and in doing so, takes my unresisting legs with him. My body is no longer under my control and I love it. I go completely limp and allow him to move me as he wills.

I am aware of my gasps of pleasure and I no longer care who hears me. My legs go straight to his shoulders and he pulls me to him for one last thrust that reaches my soul and I plummet over the edge.

For the second time in less than fifteen minutes I leave my body behind while I soar to the heavens while his hips push into me and I hear him groan as he grows larger still and then collapses on me and encloses me in a damp cocoon; sweat is dripping from both our bodies.

Unable to get enough air I push him aside and he willingly rolls to his back. We both lie there in the afterglow, breathless and smiling.

Once I catch my breath I ask him the question that has suddenly occurred to me. “If that was one of the things that men and women do together, in the year that we’ve been married, why are we just now doing it?”

“We needed to do something to stop you from spectatoring you know,” he continued when he saw my eyebrow rise in confusion at his made-up word, "you know, watching yourself wondering if you look ok. You have never before been so caught up in how your body looks; we needed to do something to get your mind off yourself. Did it work?”

“Yes. You got my attention. But that still doesn’t explain why this was the first time. Clarence and I never did that.”

Urs frowns a bit, I’m sure that he doesn‘t want to hear about what Clarence and I did, especially now.

“We really haven’t had that much time together Liesel. Our wedding night was our first time together. One generally doesn’t go all out into everything on the first time. Then, you were pregnant, and there are some things that one doesn’t do to a pregnant lady, and then you had the girls and were nursing them, there are some things that one doesn’t do with a mom. That’s all. This is the first time you’ve been all mine.”

“You have me separated into the me that’s the mom and the me that’s the woman?”

“No, you’re the woman all of the time but when they’re around I have to have a certain amount of modesty and respect, I have to share you with them. Now on this trip, I don’t have to share you. You are not my kid’s mother, you are my woman.”

He looks at his watch; it must be less than an hour before show time. He kisses me on my mouth and gently bites my ear as he slides out of bed. He stands there looking at me. He is wearing only desire and a smile.

“We’re out of time Urs” I say this looking at his significant erection that’s back.

“After the show then? I now have a reason for wanting the show to hurry and end.”

“Since you put it that way, I think I’ll stay right here and relax and wait for you.”

I don’t know where he gets the energy. My legs have a bit of a residual tremor, and I can seriously use the rest. Making love only seems to give him more energy after he gets that first little two minute snooze out of the way.

And so it goes. Too soon it is time for me to go home, and back to being a mom. I hold back my tears at the airport. He will be home in less than three weeks for God’s sake. That should be a piece of cake but it doesn’t work that way. The more I’m with him the more I want to be with him.

I recover on the short plane ride home. I have to get to work on my augmentation. I have two surgeons in mind and it only remains to choose one and then schedule it. I pull their credentials out of my bag and study them. By the time I land I have made up my mind.

**

I am a new woman. I love my new look. The stitches underneath are barely visible and as time goes on they will become invisible. They are amazing. They stand out perfectly and they don’t have that baseball-like curve as they rise up from my chest, neither are they too large, although they are large enough. And most important, they feel normal. Not too hard, not too soft. Even if I have to have them removed as I age, I won’t ever regret that I had the procedure done.

I have to spend the coming week taking it easy. I can’t drive until I can turn comfortably, I cannot lift either of the girls as they are both growing like weeds but Frances and Gail will plop them on my lap for snuggles and kisses. They are both becoming quite loving and full of smiles. I love to hear them chuckle. Frances has a way of looking at me quite solemn and then she’ll start to chortle while Toni has more of a gurgle. She’ll reach out for my nose (I think she really wants to touch my smile and misses) I am blessed.

Finally the day arrives. Urs is coming home! It is July and quite warm so I wear a halter top and shorts that show off my new chest and my tanned legs. I bundle the girls into their car seats in the back, grab a few toys and a bottle for each and we are off to the airport.

Years ago when I was in college, psych 101 if I remember it correctly, a study was conducted to determine at what age babies started to notice physical beauty in adults. They began by showing them pictures of adults, some that grown-ups would assess as good looking and some that grown-ups would assess as plain.

The study group was babies from two weeks up to twelve months in age.

They then flashed pictures of beautiful people and plain people, in no particular order and as the babies looked, the experimenters measured how much the babies pupils dilated. A dilated pupil indicated that the infant was pleased with what it saw.

The scientists conducting the experiment were surprised to find that as early as three weeks of age, the infants had developed the same sense of beauty as grown-ups.

Not satisfied to determine this astounding information based on pictures alone, they them tested infants using real people and found the same results. The boy babies were particularly fascinated with the sight of beautiful women and equally turned off by the plain ones. The attraction to beauty of the opposite sex was no different in the girls either. The baby girls loved to see handsome men.

It seemed that very early on, babies of both sexes know attractive when they see it.

I am reminded of this study when Urs approaches our car. We agreed that I would not come inside because the girls would be with me. So I had prepped them, just as I had all along saying “Poppa will be home soon” and so forth. Now this meant nothing to them, not really. They’d smile because they’d learned that this was something to be happy about but I am sure that they have forgotten him.

When I see him searching out our car in the parking lot, I cut the air off and lower the window to wave and get his attention and I call out to him.

Up until this point, both Frances and Toni have been quiet in their car seats, playing with toys; they are so much easier to keep still than the boys had been. I look back to tell them that Papa is here and I see that as he approaches the car they both have a strange look on their faces and they keep their eyes on him.

They do not react in any way as they had when they first met Johannes and Falk. I suppose that they recognized their brothers’ youth, babies seem to recognize children even thought the boys are almost grown, at least in size.

In this case, they seem to have accepted that Urs is an adult but a fascinating one because they watch him as closely as a criminal watches a policeman. But instead of flirting with him as they had done with the boys, when he got to the car close enough for them to see that he could see them, they could not have been more in sync if they had planned it; both girls look off in the opposite direction.

Then I see that even though they both look off, they are keeping him in their peripheral vision. What is up with these girls?

Then he is at my window. He busses me on my lips and I slide over so that he can take over the wheel. Before he does that he goes to the back door of the four door vehicle.

“Are these the same two little babies that I left Liesel? They have grown so much, it is amazing. Look at Frances, she looks like a little pumpkin and Toni, she’s just as big." {The girls continue to assiduously ignore him.}

He slides onto the back seat near their car seats and lifts Toni out and then Frances, he places one on each of his knees. I know that this is where the rubber will hit the road. They’ll most likely start bawling and reaching for me.

Knock me over with a feather; they do nothing of the sort. Frances reaches up and pulls his lip and Toni grins. When he proceeds to smother them with facie kisses it seems that I am not the only one who enjoys receiving his attentions. While the girls giggle, I know that they are falling in love for the first time in their lives.

CHAPTER 43

(Meeting the Mother-In-Law)

Liesel looks wonderful. Healthy, tan and happy. Of course I notice her chest right away. I look over and give her a ‘look’ so that she knows that I’ve noticed. I am so relieved that she hasn’t done the porn star 'come over here and f**k me' look that sometimes comes with double or triple D’s. No, they’re nice, full but conservative. I can live with that. It wasn’t necessary to me, but evidently it was to her for her happiness. I do want my Liesel to be happy.

There is something that she and probably a lot of women don’t understand. Sure, any man worth the name likes breasts, but we also like natural. They represent to us so much more than just how far they poke out into the world to be seen. Of course we’ll look if they are out there but it’s an instinct, nothing more. Most of us don’t feel pride when men’s head turn at the sight of our women, not if it’s something so one sided as that.


I feel pride in Liesel because she presents an awe inspiring picture. She is the total package. She’s well proportioned and she’s attracted to me. That’s enough. I don’t need for her to attract other guys.

I haven’t told Liesel yet but Il Divo will have a long hiatus. The guys and I all agree that this last tour has been grueling and we need a rest. None of us can afford to put off our lives for another round. We need to be with our families, make our women happy and get our private lives together.


I hope she’s pleased that I will have at least a whole year of nothing but minor commitments from my job and a whole lot of time to spend with her and the children. I am looking forward to that.

When I tell her this she puts her arm around me for a quick hug, a little awkward not only because I’m driving but she’s still getting used to her new chest. She doesn’t quite accurately judge how close she can come without a painful jolt. I gather that we’ll have to be really careful with them for a while. I hope that it’s not too long.

“That’s really good Urs. We have so many things to do. I don’t know where we should start first.”

‘Oh? We have lots to do?’ “What do we have to do Liesel?” ‘Other than jump in bed’ my mind adds although because the girls are in the car I don’t say it aloud. Who knows what they understand.

Liesel starts to tell me her list and I just listen, loving just being able to hear the sound of her voice.

“First, we need to visit my mom. And then we need to go and find a flat or house for Johannes near that thing he is going to be working on. And then we have to see the houses that the real estate agent has picked for us to look at.”

“Wait a minute. You haven’t been to visit your mother yet? You’ve only been home for just about a whole month.”

“Urs, I couldn’t visit her. We have to decide what we are going to tell everyone about Frances and before we decide what we tell the folk, we have to decide what we are going to tell Frances. We can’t tell everyone that Karin is her birth mother and not tell Frances. I can just see her at sixteen finding out because someone’s grandmother tells a grandson that I’m not her birth mother and the whole school finding out the same time she does. I don’t want that to happen.”

“God no. Who knows?”

“Just your mother; and the boys know too, of course. But they can keep it, they’re old enough. But then there’s the question of the adoption. What her birth certificate says and all of that. “

“The adoption papers will show that you and I are her parents and will give her true age. I’m beginning to think Liesel, that your hope is that we can say they are twins? I don’t know that we can do that. They will always have two different birth dates.”

I want what’s best for both of them. I agree with Liesel that it would be better if they could slip into obscurity too. Perhaps there is a way but we will have to think it over carefully before we make a final decision. For now, Liesel wants us to tell everyone that both of them are hers and in order for that to have happened, they must be twins.

I am glad to see the sights of my little town. Switzerland is so beautiful from its medieval villages to its broad woods to its mountains. There is not another country on earth such as it.


Later that same week, after getting settled in upstairs at my mami’s home we take the short trek over to visit Liesel’s mother. Even though she lives right here in Willisau, I don’t remember seeing her more than once or perhaps twice.

You may wonder how this could be so when I have known Liesel for most of my life. I have known my Liesel in the way that children know their school mates. Our families are not close. They are not that close in distance nor are they close in association.

Willisau is the name of both a town and a district. Willisau Town is located in the Stadt (district) of Willisau in the Canton of Luzerne in the country of Switzerland. Is that clear as mud?


There are several other nearby towns, mostly tiny that are also located in Willisau district. Towns like, Alberswil, Ettiswil, Gettnau, Grosswangen, Hergiswil bei, Willisau ( already mentioned) , Luthern, Menznau, Ufhusen, Zell and others still. It is in Ettiswil that Liesel lived. Tiny in population not large enough for its own schools, its citizens came by bus when it was too cold to walk into the town proper of Willisau.

The distance to her mother’s home is about 4 Km and we cover it is a little over five minutes.

Liesel’s mother is as I remember her. Now she’s in her mid 50’s, a striking woman who has yet to concede to age. She’s blond as is Liesel, and slim and she has a personality that while different from my wife’s I can see some of her spunk in Liesel.

“So Urs. It is good to finally get to meet you. You’d better be glad that I didn’t know who you were all those years ago, I was one angry woman. And you were just a boy too.”

I don’t know how to answer that, so I keep quiet. Elise is hardly the motherly type. She barely notices the girls except to note, “Every time you dip in those waters Liesel you come out with two. I’d say you’d better stay away from them then. But then maybe it’s you Urs. You certainly look capable enough.” This was said with a big avid grin that I ignore.

“Please mother. Leave my husband alone. He’s not used to you. She just likes to put a person off that’s all Urs. Ignore her remarks.”

Elise in turn ignores her daughter. “So you are moving your family back home eh Urs? What part are you settling in? Near here?”

This I understand so I answer her readily enough. “We haven’t yet decided Mrs. Ebbe. Should I call you Ebbe?” She nods and I continue. “ Perhaps near here, perhaps near Lake Geneva, did Liesel tell you that Johannes is coming over to work at the Collider down there?”

“Yes. She told me. I’ll bet you both are quite proud of him.”

“That we are. And Falk will be arriving soon too. It’s just what we’ve hoped for. All of the family back home. We are thinking of buying small properties for each of them, as you know, not being citizens, they’d have to go by the rules for ‘person’s abroad’ which are much more stringent than for us. So, we’ll get it done and they can pay us back.”

“Ah, I see. About the money that you send to me Liesel, if you don’t have it I think I can make it without it. But since my last husband saw fit to leave, it sure does come in handy.”

“Oh mami, we can keep sending you a bit, can’t we Urs? My husband makes good money.”

I smile and try to look benevolent knowing that Liesel doesn’t want her mother to know that she too has a great deal for fear that her mother will hound her. “Yes, Mrs. Ebbe. Your daughter is proud to be able to help, please don’t take that joy away from her.”

Elise Ebbe relaxes after that. And so does Liesel and I until Elise asks me if I know any eligible men that might be interested in a nice woman.

“What are you looking for Mrs. Ebbe?” I ask, as I rack my brain for any eligible man in her age category. My father is still single but I don’t dare recommend him, my mother would hate me forever.

“Actually, someone about like you would do nicely.”

I hear what she says but it doesn’t connect; that is until I almost choke on my cool drink. Liesel is looking at me with a look that says don’t you dare laugh. And I don’t. This is the least mother-in-lawly type that I ever would have expected.

We didn’t stay too long after that, Liesel saying that we really have to run. She dutifully takes each girl over to get a kiss from their oma, and oma returns the kiss gingerly. And we are out of the door.

Liesel’s only remark once we are back in the car is “See, now you know why we couldn’t get along all those years ago. She saw me as competing for her men and nothing has changed now except that she now wants my man.”

Since we are up that way I suggest that we ride up to the lake not too far from here. She agrees and when we get there we take the girls and just walk around the lake.


I realize that my poor wife has suffered some trauma from her very un-motherly mother. I pull her close: “Liesel, don’t feel bad, I’ll be your mother, I will never betray you. I love you.”

Her eyes are bright with unshed tears but she manages to smile. “I love you too Urs.”

When we get home I go up to our room to start the girl’s bath and Liesel stays in the kitchen talking to my mami. More than ever I can see that my mother has become Liesel’s mother too.

Mrs. Monroe comes in to see if I want her to bathe the girls but I tell her no, I want to do it. I am getting to know each of them better day by day and they are getting used to me too.

I do ask Mrs. Monroe to be prepared to be with the girls tomorrow. Liesel and I are going to drive to Geneva just to take a look around and to get an idea of the price of properties there. It will be a good outing for the two of us and a bit too long a day for the girls.

Their baths taken care of I bring my daughters down for a bite to eat before they get ready for bed for the night. Both Liesel and Mami tell me that I’ve gotten it backwards, “Food and then bath Urs; that is unless you want them sleeping in spinach.”

As it is, we manage to get them fed without too much of it going on their bodies, and a lot of wiping their mouths. Toni doesn’t like carrots so she takes her tongue and spews them out even if I try to cover them with applesauce. And Frances refuses to eat unless I play airplane with her. You know, pretend that an airplane is coming in for landing towards her face and she has to open up the hangar.

Finally they are fed, faces washed, teeth brushed and put to bed. Then Liesel, Mami and I can sit and relax and talk before the two of us go up to our room.

That night we lay in the darkness, unclothed, cuddled together we plan our future; that is as much as the future can be planned. This is my favorite time of the day when Liesel and I are alone in our own private heaven.

Tomorrow we’ll travel down to Geneva to scout out a place for Johannes, a week later he will arrive and start his work/school project, two weeks after that Falk will come and get settled in at the conservatory, then all of us will be established on the same continent, in the same country.

We talk about Frances' adoption papers that arrived today that changes her formal name from Frances Cain to Annalisa Frances Buhler {Liesel thinks Frances is fine for my mother but a little dated for her daughter} I know that Annalisa and Antonia the twin “A” names will promote the idea in people’s minds that they are twins.

Elise, Liesel’s mother had accepted it without us having to lie. She had taken a look at the girls and made the connection. Twins they are.

Both of us decide that we will forge new birth dates for Frances & Toni when we register their births with the Swiss authorities. We decide to change both girls’ birthdates to something that splits the difference between their true ages. Frances born in December, Toni born in February, they will both become January 15th 2007 babies. Tonight due to our machinations the former seven month old Frances and five month old Toni become six months old.

Of course this could all backfire, in fact we expect it to but at the time we make these plans, we are just buying time until Frances ne Annalisa is old enough to be told the truth. After that, depending upon her wishes, it can all be unraveled.

There was one more unexpected event that made the pieces of the puzzle come together even easier. But it was an occurrence that most would categorize as tragedy.

CHAPTER 44

(A Short Trip)

But more about the tragedy later.


The next morning is sunny and bright. We get up early; kiss the girls and Mami goodbye and head south to Geneva.

The distance from our home is about 250 km and will only take about two and a half hours to drive. We head north on 2/Leuenplatz before getting on the ramp towards Bern/Basel/Zurich. We pass through Bern. Liesel sees it for the first time.

Since she left so early in her life, I realize that there is much of our beautiful country that she has not seen. We promise each other that we will take many road trips such as this in the year that I have my freedom.

We leave Bern and before long we merge onto A2 for about 160 km before finally turning onto A1 for another half hour. Finally we reach the Rue de Chantepoulet and then off to enter the city proper.

All along the way we sing and tell each other funny stories.

Liesel tells me a story about an old man who buys a very new and powerful car. As he drives out of the dealer’s lot he begins to feel his oats so he accelerates his car to 70. That isn’t fast enough for him so he increases his speed to 80, then 90 to 120. Soon the polizei is behind him, flashing his lights and the old man sighs and pulls over knowing that he will have to pay a fine.

The officer walks up to the old man’s car slowly. He is tired, has had a long day and is due to get off work in just a few minutes. He says to the old man, “If you can come up with an excuse for your speeding that I haven’t heard before I’ll let you go without writing this ticket.”

The old man thought for a minute and then he said “My wife left me twenty years ago for an officer such as yourself; I thought you were him bringing her back.”

The officer sent the old man on his way. He did not have to pay the fine.
I laugh dutifully. We are in very good spirits as we continue merrily on our way.

We buy coffee to sip and eat some of mami’s delicious raisin cinnamon buns that we brought along for the trip.

We decide to get down to business first and then if we have some time, do a bit of sightseeing.

We have with us a copy of Johannes “Guide to Coming to CERN for MIT students” with us. On it is a list of certain apartments that are near the bus line to the facility. We concentrate on those first, knowing that although he will probably purchase a car later, initially he’ll have to use public transportation.

We find a reasonably priced apartment for rent which is in good shape. We had originally thought that we’d have to buy a small property for him but nothing in Geneva is small, at least not in price. It will be better if he rents until he can afford to purchase his own. Although we can afford it, we don’t want to spoil him by making things too easy for him.

The building is near the bus line and it looks good to us both inside and out. So we sign on the dotted line and pay six months of his rent.



His mami is looking out for him so she suggests that we stock the refrigerator for him sans milk. The rest will last until he arrives.


That taken care of we have the rest of the day to ourselves. We go to lunch at a place that I have frequented before although the company was not as good as my wife’s but I won’t mention that. It is Au Vieux Carouge at 27 Rue Jacques-Dalphin.

The owners Jacky and Maryda come over when we enter. They are known for their hospitality. They give us very good recommendations and the fondue is as excellent as I have always found it to be.

After that, our tummies full, we head to another place that I know Liesel will love. It is called Arlecchino’s and it is has the best ice cream. This ice cream has real flavor, I mean you can smell it and tell what flavor it is. It is near the lake; Lake Geneva that is and we each get a cone and sit by the lake and make the ducks jealous. They keep eying our treat but not knowing if ice cream is good for ducks is the only reason we don’t share with them.
Tired and just a bit sleepy we now head towards home. If not for the girls we’d stay the night but I know they are waiting for us, probably watching the door for their mami and papa to enter.

As you can imagine, it does not go exactly as we had planned it. We walk in the door smiling at the thought of seeing our little darlings after a whole ten hours away from them and they are there all right, but they are hardly pining away for lack of seeing us. They are sitting on a blanket playing with their toys and both Antonia and Annalisa look up, notice us and then go back to what they are doing. What a letdown. Liesel says that they are punishing us for leaving them home.

At any rate, they cannot sustain their feigned nonchalance and soon both girls come crawling to us. Yes Antonia too is moving around on her own but not quite as fast as Annalisa.

Finally the day of Johannes coming arrives. The plan is that he will fly directly into Geneva, go to his apartment and call us when he is settled in. He followed the plan pretty closely, he went to his apartment and then he went to CERN to check in first. He later said that he needed to make sure that he had everything that he needed in order to get registered before he called and told us that everything was all right.

By the time he calls us, two to three hours late, Liesel is frantic, wondering if something has happened to one of her babies. I tell her that since there has been no report of a plane crashing, her baby is now on the ground and knowing young men, and he’ll call before too long.

He has registered with no problem. He has his passport, and since he plans on being here long term, he’d had to get visas {both Swiss and French, this being only temporary until he gets his citizenship} He had needed to show his invitation letter, a necessary document. He had needed to show proof of enrollment and health insurance, listed his emergency contacts, get an additional set of passport photos, why we don’t know. Additionally he had found the cafeteria, UBS bank, the auditorium and the location of where he is to report tomorrow.

“And son, do you know what you’ll be doing?” I had asked him mainly to find out if he thought he could handle it.

“Here pops, let me read some of the spec to you and he proceeded to put me to sleep.

“The In2P3/CNRS Computing Centre (CC-IN2P3) is a national facility which provides storage and computing services for scientific research needs, mainly in the fields of nuclear, high-energy and astro-particle physics. More than 40 international scientific experiments regularly use its services.
The selected candidate (me Pops) for this full-time work/scholarship project will join a project within the Developments team. He/she is expected to effectively contribute to the development and deployment of an advanced platform for collecting, organizing, correlating and reporting on information extracted from multiple independent data sources. “

“Yes Johannes, now I understand perfectly what you will be doing; sounds as if you will not only have to learn your job but to expand your knowledge by using outside sources."
We talk for a little bit more and then I put Liesel on the line, then mami and finally Anna and Toni have to say a word in their own language.”

Finally he comes back to me. “It will probably be a few weeks before I make it up to see you guys, at first I’ll be spending my weekends getting up to speed. Is that all right pops?”

“Yes. That is fine with me if it is fine with your mother. We want you to succeed. Do you need anything?”

“No. Thank you guys for stocking my pantry and refrigerator. Mom knows what I like. And dad, I really like my apartment. For a couple of old folk you did a good job.”

“Did you see Falk before you left?”

“Well, yes. He’s having a bit of trouble breaking away from his lady, but I’ll let him tell you about that.”

“What’s up? Perhaps I should call him today.”

“Not today dad. He’ll know that I outed him. Wait a few days. He is ok; there’s nothing to worry about, at least nothing that can’t be fixed.”

I ignore Johannes advice and call Falk anyway. I know that if he gets angry with his twin he will soon get over it. I need to know that he’s not in any trouble that he can’t get out of.

“So Falk, this is your father.” I say to him when I finally catch up with him. “What is going on in your life?”

“Oh man, Johannes and his big mouth he told you didn’t he?”

“He didn’t tell, he asked me to ask you. Now I am asking what is wrong in your life he said that you were having trouble breaking away from some girl.”

“Not some girl. He knows that. You know her dad. It’s Luci. She’s having my baby and she doesn’t want me to leave her."

“Of course she doesn’t. When is it due and what about your schooling?”

“I guess that is all off now. I can’t come to Switzerland and leave her here in the states alone can I?”

I wasn’t about to touch that. Of course he could leave. That wasn’t the point. In my world a man doesn’t run out on a woman that he has fooled around with for as long as Falk has Luci and then duck out. But it’s not up to me to force him to stay. He has to come to that conclusion on his own.

“Dad, have you told mom?”

“No, I haven’t said anything to your mother. She’d worry. But in spite of that you’ll have to tell her yourself.”

“I don’t want to tell her. She’s going to be so disappointed in me.”

“Nevertheless, you must. You are going to be a man in a little over a year. Now is a good time for you to practice being that man. You can’t let your mother find out from me or from Johannes or worse from Luci. I’ll give you twenty-four hours to call her and tell her or I will.”

“What should I say?”

“You say whatever your truth is son. Spend the next day thinking about what you want to do – what you really want and then when you tell your mother, tell her what you want the solution to be.”

“It’s too late for an abortion. She waited until it was too late to tell me. She thought I might want her to have one but I’d never do that.”

“That’s good to hear. Do you love Luci?”

“Yes. But she says that I am too young to get married. She worries that I’ll feel that I missed out on something down the line.”

“That is what you might feel son, only you can answer that. It would be a pity if you did like my father and left your wife after you have a bunch of children with her.”

“But that could happen anyway. Men who don’t marry young go off and leave their wives too.”

“That’s true. I know this. Only you can decide if you want to marry Luci. You don’t have to do it now, you can do it later, but you do have to take care of your child. That means that in addition to just going to school, you will have to get a job. Your mother and I can afford to support all three of you but we won’t because it is not our responsibility. It is yours.”
“But if I get a job, will you and mom help me go to school if I pay you back once I graduate?”

“Of course we’ll help you. You won’t have to pay us back any more than you would have had to if this hadn’t happened. But I think you should encourage Luci to finish her schooling too.”

“We’ll talk about it and let you and mom know by tomorrow around this time.”

“Yes. Talk to your mother. She’ll tell me what you decide to do. “

It is almost more than I can keep to myself. Both Liesel and Mami know that something is wrong with me. I feel sad that Falk, so young, has potentially cut off a long period of bachelorhood, that he would surely enjoy but then again, perhaps he wouldn’t.

Liesel has said that he is the sensitive one. Perhaps his heart is more tender than mine or his brother’s. If he decides to get married at – no – twenty is too young – but if he does, we will just have to support him in it.

To hide my feelings I get Liesel interested in a completely different subject during our nightly bedtime talk.